WEATHER PONIES LOST IN THE EYE OF STORM!

WILL THE PRINCESS CRACK UNDER PRESSURE?

UNICORN GIVES BIRTH TO SEA SERPENT!

MARE IN THE MOON SET TO BRING ETERNAL NIGHT!

by Honeydew

Today, everyone is gearing up to celebrate the 1000th annual Summer Sun Celebration, which sources say will be held tomorrow in small-town nowhere Ponyville. Since members of the press are kept on the sidelines during the celebration to "avoid distracting the Princess," and since the Saddle Arabia Diplomat Incident involving noodles and angry pegasus guards has barred this journalist from a select few special functions, there will be no members of The Daily Turnip present. But fear not, dear readers, one way or another, The Daily Turnip will get the whole scoop. And this writer has it on very good, very solid facts that the scoop tomorrow will be the biggest one yet! For tomorrow, an old pony's tale will come to life.

Investigative reports written by the hard-working staff at The Daily Turnip have long held that old pony's tales either contain some truth or the whole truth. They are almost never made up. A Canterlot scholar on traditions and ancient history, requesting to remain anonymous, describes the "Mare in the Moon" tale as one of the most interesting anomalies in ancient literature. It has no known writer and was chronicled alongside important, actual historical events and observations on magical discoveries that we take for granted today. The Canterlot scholar refused to comment on what this might mean, but it's more than obvious that the "Mare in the Moon" could not possibly be just an "old pony's tale."

This 1000th annual Summer Sun Celebration is the "longest day of the thousandth year" that the tale speaks of. The tale tells us that the stars will aid in the mare's escape and that she will bring about nighttime eternal. But how could this be? What's so special about the stars tomorrow? Chip Potter, expert and former astrologist, has been charting the stars most of his life. An exclusive interview revealed that Chip Potter has concerns about the potential for disaster tomorrow. According to him, Ursine Major and Ursa Major are lining up and the results may be cataclysmic enough to result in the birth of a new star. The stars of Orion's Saddle are in perfect formation. The Three Friends Constellation has broken up. Chip Potter says this means that the magic potential of unicorns will be at an all time high tomorrow and would be perfect for giving any alicorn mares trapped in the moon a chance to escape.

Naturally, this means we should all be preparing less for the Summer Sun Celebration and more for the coming of eternal darkness and a new tyrant to oppress and subjugate us! This journalist, for one, believes there really won't be much of a difference. Regardless of whatever happens tomorrow, The Daily Turnip will continue to be at the forefront of news and printing the details the mainstream press DON'T want you to know!