I'm back.

You're going to die.

I guarantee it.

If you attempt this, you must print and sign this waiver:

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Cannibal Pizza Damages Waiver

With the signing of this totally legal waiver I hereby exonerate the instructing party (Imagination of Canterlot.com and the account's actual owner) from all liability and fault for any damages to person, family, friends or property, including but not limited to scorched grills, destroyed toilets, ruptured stomachs or death from delicious.

Attempts at legal action will result in the agreed confiscation of all money on my person, the contents of my pantry, my firstborn and my soul. Imagination has every right to deny awards for damages be they emotional, physical or spiritual. By signing this I acknowledge Imagination as the one true holder of the Nega Baked bad, and is therefore beyond reproach and is dastardly handsome.

Under threat of perjury and being called lame, I sign,

X

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I don't have a lot of money anyway, so suing would be useless.

BACK TO BUSINESS

I know you missed me. I missed you all too. And you know what? I'm not even waiting until Saturday. I can't. It's too much.

I was going to save this. I really was. But since I've been gone so long and haven't given you fine folks a good helping of cardiac troubles, you've forced my hand.

The Cannibal Pizza!

Now, I constructed this monster not too long ago during a cookout. We were at the beach, and there was a general store not far away. We had a few alcoholic beverages (which I certainly do not recommend) and decided to play God. This is what happened.

What you'll need:

-A LOT of pizza crust stuff (we used Pillsbury)

-Cheese! (Any will do. Will describe what I used)

-Pizza toppings of your choice (Lots of em! Seriously, you're gonna want to break the bank)

First, you need your bottom layer. Yes, I said bottom layer. We'll wait for you to change your pants and get back before we continue.

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... you good? Alright.

This will be what I call the 'calzone' layer. I used mozzarella and pepper-jack cheese and spinach. Close that off with another pizza crust and close it off. Make a calzone. A calzone the size of a pizza. Mind you, I did this with a charcoal grill. Mistakes are bound to be made if you are not experienced. This is alright. I don't blame you. Yes I do

Once that's done, you're going to move on to the stuffed crust. We don't have time to wait again, relax.

Take enough pizza crust that you'll be able to make a tube that can wrap around the outside of this calzone. Stuff it with what you like. Personally, I used Cabot sharp cheddar cheese. I was experimenting, leave me alone. Now, what you're going to want to do with this is again, make a tube to wrap around the calzone, but make sure not to close it all the way! Let the outside of the calzone be touching the cheese inside so it'll fuse to it. It might not hold together as well as it would if you just rolled some of the original dough, but that's fine. This is a monster, it's bound to fall apart. Call it artistic license and shut up.

I love you.

Once that's done you grill this again. "But Magi, what if I burn the calzone layer?!"

Do I have to think of everything?! Okay, fine, no, it's okay. You can put several pieces of tin foil under the calzone layer to keep it from being directly exposed to the fire if you're using a grill like I did (MAKE SURE THE FOIL IS SHINY SIDE UP SO IT DOESN'T STICK). If you can, try to expose the crust though. Figure it out, I'm not your dad.

Once that's done, you should have what looks like a stupid-looking crusted calzone. Fix it.

For the sauce thing on top, you can use anything. Tomato sauce is boring, but if you're boring, go for it.

I used some kind of white creamy stuff. Might have been Alfredo. Ranch, blue cheese, or Caesar will work too. Or BBQ sauce or buffalo. You're making it, not me. You do you brohamski.

When you goT your sauce, add your toppings. Yes, toppings come next. I put sausage, bacon and red pepper on mine. Then cook it. I know this is difficult because you have a stupid-looking calzone under all this plus foil (if you took my advice). SO. If you can, try to bake it. Not too long, just long enough for the cheese to melt. Yes, you put more cheese on it. Before the toppings preferably.

I should've mentioned that before? You signed the waiver, you have no say. We're in this together!

When it's done, try to eat it.

Unless it eats you.

Analysis:

I'm dead and writing this from beyond. That's how spectacular this is. Not only will this annihilate you with deliciousness, but it'll just as quickly revive you into the pizzaworld. That's like the netherworld, only you can eat pizza. It's awesome and I've never been happier.

If you accidentally burn the bottom layer, no worries. Scrape off the black and you get a bit of added crunch!