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Looking for love in all the wrong places. [ENDED]


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Glow cringed a little when Monty nudged her. She didn't want him getting too close. Nor did she want to hear whatever punchline could be associated with his little joke. She was sure it was as awful as his fashion sense.

"Well, a pony, even a unicorn as talented as me has to do SOMETHING for a living when faced with nothing but appalling scripts. So I have trained these little guys", She flashed her horn, and the insects on her dress flashed in response, "to fill the streetlights in Ponyville. The ponies there used the CAPTURE them every night. Have you ever heard anything so primitive in your life? "

She was, however starting to warm up to their company. At least they were good enough to ask questions, instead of avoiding her like many of the ponies in her town. They were common, it was true, but it was better than standing here alone.

Suddenly BlindJester excused herself and flew away after a wayward hat. For a brief moment Glow looked up, and saw a pair of green eyes with the most fabulous mustache in all of Equestria looking back at her, but it didn't fully register.

She continued, "Oh but for special occasions I...I....ay ay aye!" she stammered, looking back at the pony with the mustache.

Only two types of ponies could pull off that look. Bank robbers, and oil tycoons, and he sure didn't look like a bank robber. All of a sudden the night was looking up for the materialistic pony. "Why hello there, stranger," she practically purred.

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Hank chased after his hat before he suddenly came up short in front of the quick-talking filly who had chatting away at Glow, fairly gushing. Why, back home, ponies only did that if it was someone famous, and she certainly didn't look anything like anyone he'd ever heard of in Appleoosa. Well, not that the Sheriff had ever talked about anyway. But she had his hat in her mouth now, and he pointed at his head with his hoof. "Er, that'd be mine, missy, and I'd be obliged to yuh if I could have it back now?" though reaching for it would result in a somewhat embarassing moment, chivalry and propriety were never really his strong points. So as he took it from her, his mustache came close enough to tickle her nose. "Ah, right kindly thank you fer catchin' my hat, they're so hard to find when they get blowin' away like that."

Planting his hat firmly back on his head with a hoof, he tossed Jessy a somewhat cocky grin and wink. Why, if she'd been a dancer at Miss Sterling's, she'd bring in a pretty bitty, what with them long and luscious legs...he shook his head a moment, and told himself to behave. "Thank yuh kindly again, I didn't catch your name. But we'll hafta hook up later, ahm lookin' fer some vittles and that posh buffet had nothin' a feller could eat! But where's that...Oh, there she is!" he gave her a hoof-salute as he nudged and pushed his way back towards Glow before he lost his chance to find something edible nearby.

His face fairly fell as he realized that she wasn't a food pony at all. Just a large swarm of fireflies. And those weren't even possibly edible. Not to mention so darned hard to catch even for lamps for those night heists! The rather loud Zebra nearby appeared to be in the midst of telling a joke, though from the sound of it, it was probably a bad one. But he perked his ears anyway, a new joke could go down well at the 'ol watering hole back home if it was good enough! His eyes widened as he noticed how well Glow controlled the fireflies in her proximity. He'd thought they were just randomly collecting here, but she seemed to have a talent for manipulating the little glowbugs.

But her reaction made him tilt his head. Whut? What was she stammering about? Did, oh. He looked down his nose at his mustache, and wiggled it a bit proudly as she spoke to him. "Why, hello there, missy." except as he spoke, his mustache flipped and bounced from side to side, as if was where the voice was coming from. It certainly seemed to draw attention to itself, splaying and whirling with each word he said. Certainly a lively soup-strainer, if anypony ever saw one! And was it getting bigger? It was hard to say, the monstrous thing wouldn't stay still long enough to tell. "Ahm no stranger t'you, miss, my name's Handlebar Hank." he took his hat from his head and held it to his chest. "And it's a right pleasure t'meetcha." Food be darned, if he was going to starve, at least he was going to do it with style.

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Monty's horrible punchline got lost in the commotion of Jessy bolting off to catch a run away hat. After which a pony with a lip ferret that could only be described as gargantuan, who seemed to be eying Glow's dress, sauntered over. He seemed disappointed as he came closer and inspected the dress. Glow seemed rather taken by this pony for some reason. Monty watched and listened as he quietly slipped over to stand next to Jessy. He softly chuckled at Glow's sultry purr. 'My isn't she pouring on the charm. Maybe if I had a lip-ferret like his I would have gotten such a warm introduction.' he thinks to himself. He scratches his upper lip with a hoof, knowing that Zebras could not grow muzzle hair.

'That was awful kind of you Miss Jester, do you mind if I call you Jessy? But how in the wide world did you catch his hat, let alone know that it flew off?' Monty asked Jess quietly not wanting to interrupt the cougar stalking her prey.

Monty wanted to introduce himself to the new pony properly but watching Glow and Hank interact was far more entertaining. He intently watched the pair trying to think up ways either to make the situation even more fun or introduce himself to the fly caught in Glow's web.

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BlindJester smiled in Monty's direction "Well I'll answer the first question first it's quite alright if you called me Jessy I actually prefer it to Miss Jester makes me feel old." She posed for a moment as if to prove her youngness "Why I look no older than a filly don't you think."

Jessy thought for another moment her muzzle wrinkled in deep thought before answering not quite sure how to answer his other question "As for how I knew about the hat its just after years of being blind you sorta pick up things" flicking her ears to show what she meant and then looked in Glow's direction "Seems as if Miss Glow has made quite the friend huh"

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"Why it IS a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Mr. Handlebar. This is the Lady BlindJester, an ingenue-comedienne" she nodded her head towards to mare," And this ...ahem...gentleman is Lord Montague of the Zebra Plains", she gestured towards Monty, hissing under her breath so that only the zebra could hear "At least SOMEPONY here knows how to treat a lady, I suggest you take notes, stripes."

"I am, of course, Glow" The vain unicorn remarked, causing her insect companions to swirl aorund her for effect. "THE Glow. You may have seen me in Saddlesore Follies", she casually mentioned, the play was known to go over well in southern towns. "I do of course agree that the cuisine here is substandard to sophisticates such as we***."

"Now tell me", she said, batting her eyes, "what brings an enterprising gentleman such as yourself to an event as common as the Gala? Surely not to hob-nob with the likes of these characters. Or perhaps you were aware that Miss BlindJester moonlights as a waitress and thought she could be of assistance? Hmmm? " She chuckled, visions of being the mistress of a palatial southern estate dancing in her mind. Surely this mustachio-ed wonder would be stricken by her charms immediately.

*** Scotchie here, Grammatical incorrectness that sounds fancier for the lulz.

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Hank put his hat back atop his head and smiled. Or seemed to, his mustache lifted from end to end and pointed straight up. "Pleasure t'meetcha Miss BlindJester, and thanks fer the rescue of the hat. I lose so many of them. A whut?" he scratched his head at Glow's discription. "A injun comedian? Oh, I guess you mean a joker! We got afew of them back home too, some aren't so funny but some of them are a right riot act. And holy smokes, a zebra? Y'don't say! Ain't see none of you fellers back in Appleoosa, 'course it's so hot there I'm sure them stripes would smoke right off yer hide! Pleasure t'meetcha, Monty."

And as Glow's fireflies danced around her, lighting up and showing off her figure even in the somewhat dim light of the Lover's Bridge, he still realized he hadn't gotten a very good look at her. As he did, he realized that she wasn't exactly quite the full size of the rest of the ponies around. In fact, she was downright -tiny-. But she sure didn't -act- like a filly! Oh, beans, was she a filly? Last time he got to know a filly, she'd turned out to be a farmer's daughter, and she was chasing him off with a pitchfork for stealing their carrots out of the carrot patch and she wasn't much smaller than this here lady! His experience with little ponies wasn't too good and Glow seemed about as little as they came! Well, maybe she'd be more reasonable.

Well, she wasn't chasing him with a pitchfork this time, though a bead of sweat began to roll down the back of his neck. "Er, Ah don't get t'watch many of them moving pictures, what with being busy all the time and all, trains to catch, people t'visit an' all that. But I'm sure y'got a good point there, and mebbe I'll catch one next time ah get a chance." but as she mentioned food again, his stomach rumbled, and he gave a sheepish grin. "Ah-heh. They had some kind of cake and these little squiggly things in a bowl I'd never seen before, as well as something that looked like a cream puff but smelled like cheese. Ah was lookin' fer some real food, like an apple fritter or maybe some good 'ol grilled apple."

"Ah, I was on th' train and felt like it'd be a good idear to come, since everypony was makin' their way here. I don't do much hob-nobbin' back home, usually out workin' the plains or relaxin' in m'cell when it's too hot." his mustache turned up on a corner. "'Course, th'Sherriff and I got to be good friends, so we keep it civil, so I s'pose you could say we got an understanding. A waitress, y'say?" he turned to look at BlindJester again, though he'd had no idea what a blind pony would actually look like, he noticed something wasn't quite right with her eyes. "Back home, Miss Sterling's got a right nice place with some pretty dancing ponies and a few waitresses that run yer drinks around, shore nice to stop in there. Mebbe y'could pay her a visit sometime too if yer ever lookin for work."

His stomach growled again and he raised his head to look around. "Listen, Miss Glow, I don't s'pose you would know where to find some real cuisine, ah didn't get a chance to eat nothin' on the train and I'm powerful hongry." then suddenly an idea struck up in his mind, maybe if he showed up with someone who knew what she was looking at, his chances of finding something real would go up. And she sounded like one of them pantywaists around town that always acted like they knew more than he did, and sometimes they tended to be right smart. He offered his hoof, "Wouldya do me the pleasure of bein' my escort, Miss Glow?"

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Monty whistled and playfully clicked his tongue at Jessy when she struck a pose. As Glow leered and hissed at him he could not help but chuckle, this pint sized mare was just so ornery it was entertaining. 'Oh that name will never do.' Monty thought to himself as Glow introduced him. He winked at Jessy, a gesture that was lost on the mare, as he shouldered closer to Glow and Hank.

"Ah I think THE GLOW here has had a little too much moonlight tonight, The name is Lord Montgomery the Striped of the Grass Runners Tribe on the Zebra Plain-lands.' He said in the most mockingly high brow voice that he could muster as he extended a hoof with a business card in to to shake.

That was not his real name, just some made up over the top fanciful elaboration crafted for the singular purpose of making Glow despise him. He smirked playfully at Glow with a sly wink. Monty heard the now named Hank's stomach grumble at the mention of food.

'Yes it seems Zebras are a rare breed around these parts. As for your heat though, the Zebra Homelands are not all that temperate and I can say from experience that Appleoosa comes as close as any pony-lands offer to the temperature of the Homeland.' Monty offered with a smile.

'I could go for a drink myself, hows about we take this cavalcade inside to find some tasty snacks and the like?' He asked all three of the ponies with a grand smile that made his ear flop over.

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Jessy bowed her head in Hank's general direction as he thanked her "It was no problem really, losing a hat is very inconvenient especially at a party you tend to lose your head over it" she laughed at her joke even though it's terrible "Hm a nice restaurant with dancing you say? Sounds a lot more fun then just walkin' around and delivering food and taking orders. Although how would she feel about having a blind pony as a waitress? if she doesn't mind a bit then put in a good word for me so I can have a good influence when I decide to go for the job" she pouted slightly at Glow for her comment 'I hope I don't look like I'm a waitress. . . .' she thought to herself as Jessy always trusted her friends to make her look nice even though she can't see and has always thought of herself as a pretty mare even if she can't see for herself 'Well I guess I can never get rid of my waitress demeanor' Jessy has spent more time as a waitress than a comedian so she wasn't as funny as she'd like to be since she couldn't practice as much.

"Oh and please call me Jessy everypony I only use my full name during a act and a drink coupled with something good to eat would be great. I could eat a whole tree I'm so hungry!"

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Glow put her hoof around Hank's. "It would be my pleasure, good sir."

In her daydream about the palatial ranch that was going to be her future home, she missed the less-than-subtle hints that maybe, just maybe this pony with the ebony horseshoe cookie duster wasn't as "high-falutin' " as she thought he was at first glance.

"I think mayhaps we could do with a little apéritif before we settle on a main course"

. she added, winking at Hank, "I do believe I spotted an area where cocktails were being served around the buffet. We will see what kind of "vittles" we can "scrounge up" there.", trying her best to speak Hank's language.

She glanced at Monty and BlindJester. "Are you two coming??

CONTINUED IN: Looking for Love in all the wrong places, Pt 2: The WRECKONING

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