Jane

I sincerely apologize for my absence this week. RL kinda got away from me. Everything looks okay to me now - I'm going to pass this right along. Again, very very sorry for the delay.

Er, essentially yes. I'm really sorry about the mixed messages you've been getting. It's just that when the app was initially posted, it wasn't terribly clear what his magic did, only that it was powered by the stars and that he could somehow control or move them. I wanted you to explain what that meant and what it did, as it seemed a lot like Luna's magic. When you modified or clarified what his magic does, it then became a little bit too clear. The technical explanation sort of distracts from everything else. Does that make sense? Also, you certainly haven't failed at anything. Like I said, this character has come a very long way from where you were when you initially posted this app to the point where we're just being nitpicky to iron out the details. Magic is hard to write about in apps because sometimes we feel that a unicorn's magic is going to be really important, but it actually isn't. I did the same thing when I was planning out my own Unicorn OC - I spent way too much time thinking about and asking about what his magic would be, when really that's of very little consequence when it comes to playing him. Think about how many times we've seen Rarity use her gem-finding spell. Yes it's there and it's great for us to understand how it works, but it's not the first thing that comes to mind when we think of Rarity because a unicorn's magic doesn't necessarily define him/her. Yes, it is huge for Twilight Sparkle, but not so much for the other unicorns we know.

Hiya! Welcome to Canterlot! I must thank you for writing a good long intro post. I love it when people go beyond "Hi I'm new, let's be friends!" That's more or less how I came to ponies. Instead of avatars, though, downloadable sims 2 content kept showing up all over the site I was active on and I had to know more about it! It's great to see that you're really excited to be a part of our community!

Usually, I go by "Jenga" or a variation therof when online (jenga218 or Jenga Jane being the most common). The Jenga comes from a game of human jenga that was played at a Church youth camp several years ago. A game of human Jenga that I failed at rather spectacularly. I think it was only a few weeks after said youth camp that I set up my very first e-mail address. Unlike most of us who had hotmail in fifth grade, I didn't choose butterfliessunshinegirl342904@hotmail.com or anything like that. I went with the newly acquired nickname "jenga" and the date I'd acquired it (Feb 18th). Also, for the record, when I tell someone my username verbally, I always say it "Jenga two-eighteen" as a result of this. Not sure if the Jane part came before or after. Yes, Jane is my middle name and in real life I do go by my first name (though lately I've started coming close to answering to 'Jane' too). And I'd never been one of those people who kept my middle name a secret either. But I didn't start using it actively online until I started actually being active on a forum site. Long story short, my account name on said site was "smo52oms" for stupid reasons and I hated it but couldn't change it. I adopted a different online persona in the form of my simself (this was a sims 2 fansite) by giving her my middle name as her first name, and my maternal grandmother's maiden name as her surname. I worked actively on that site to ensure that people called me Jane as much as possible - put the name in my avatar and my signature was 'call me Jane' for the entire time I was on that site. I got really annoyed when people still called me smo52oms. I was, and still am, happy to use Jenga, though. As I began to branch out I acquired several accounts on various sites with names like "Jenga218", "Jenga", and eventually "Jenga Jane" (the space between is done in so many different ways because where's the fun in being consistent? Jenga-Jane, Jenga_Jane, Jenga Jane, JengaJane, etc.) At one point, I got into the habit of trying to see if "Jane" was taken on any site before defaulting to a variation of Jenga, and when I went on an account-making spree in ponydom last year, I also added "Applejane" to my repertoire when I cleverly (well, I thought it was clever) realized the name was two letters off "Applejack" and was still very me. I really only use that on sites where I have multiple accounts, but one specific to ponies (Google, Youtube, there might be a livejournal floating around with that on it somewhere. ). I actually think Canterlot is the only site on which I am active where my username is simply "Jane". I really like having it that way, but at the same time it confuses people. I recently added someone on Skype and even when I answered the "who are you?" question with "I'm Jane from Canterlot" I got a response along the lines of "no, I mean what's your username." And that's how Equestria was made.

Excellent, looks great! Passing right along for final approval.

Okay, one of the senior staff members on the site has just given me the following feedback. It seems that this application is still too focussed on the technical details of his magic. Saying that he seeks out bits of meteorite and saying that he's picking up bits of the sky or pieces of stars to sell would is fine, it's cute and clever and I think it would work well in the magical world of Equestria. There's just really no need to go into details about the process behind this, to the point that we're now describing the science behind this. These are the sort of details that you might bring up in a roleplay setting, but they don't really need to be in the character's biography. Essentially, at this point, everything else is great. It's just this paragraph that needs to be reworked: Also, just for readability and formatting purposes, this can be in a separate paragraph to the rest of the information about the personality. Formatting is your friend.

Yours would involve Rarity, wouldn't it?

Alright, just a few more changes to be made here. I'm sorry if I appear to be nitpicky about your character design, but it is important to us to keep World of Equestria balanced by making sure characters are designed to compliment the roleplay environment it represents:a light-hearted, slice-of-life-flavour Friendship is Magic roleplay. Remember this is strictly business, and this has nothing to do with you personally, or with our perception of your creativity. My apologies for not catching this earlier. We no longer use the UMAT to determine a unicorn's class; sorry if you found that in the old lore forum. I think her magic is adequately described in the rest of the application, so this can simply be removed. May I suggest a rewording to make this fit better with WoE? "Like all ponies, Calliope has some fears; she is slightly claustrophobic. Futhermore, as a result of her work she is also extremely cautious around the boilers, as she knows how dangerous they could be and wouldn't want to be responsible for any accidents or mishaps." We don't want any paranoia or any serious explosions in WoE. Once again, sorry about all the changes, and thanks so much for your cooperation.

Alright, just a few more changes to be made here. I'm sorry if I appear to be nitpicky about your character design, but it is important to us to keep World of Equestria balanced by making sure characters are designed to compliment the roleplay environment it represents: slice-of-life-flavour Friendship is Magic roleplay. Remember this is strictly business, and this has nothing to do with you personally, or with our perception of your creativity. This whole scene seems a bit overpowered to me, especially for a young unicorn whose magic hasn't quite reached its full potential. Even when Rarity got a burst of magic when she earned her cutie mark, all it did was lead her to the gems - it was the explosion from the sonic rainboom that caused the rock to break open. What do you mean by a zero-degree jar? absolute zero? Centigrade zero? Farenheiht zero? Absolute zero is impossible even today; it is only a theoretical value. The latter two are more possible, but does he use his magic to make the jars cold? You can certainly have your pony's magic be related to seeking out fallen stars, but you just need to be careful about keeping this magic well-balanced with the rest of who your OC is as a character. We don't want anyone to be too overpowered (commonly shortened to "OP", not to be confused with "original post" or "original poster"). I appreciate you've come a long way on this since first posting your application, we just need to reel that magic in just a little bit more. Not only is this a bit too dark and angsty for WoE, but this also is implying that all ponies in Canterlot are snobby and stuck up, and would criticize his work needlessly. A select few are, but Fancy Pants was a true gentlecolt, and Twilight Sparkle and her school friends grew up in Canterlot and are not. In WoE, we try to avoid stereotyping ponies who live in or are from a certain area to behave in a certain way. There's enough discrimination and negative stereotyping in the real world, right? Once again, let me know when you've made these changes, and I'll give the app another look.

"Fluttershy's not a tree, Dashie!"

Well hiya! Welcome to Canterlot! How long have you been a pegasister?

Hiya! Welcome to Canterlot! I see you've met Aubrey. In the future, try not to spam with so many posts in a row - there's an edit button at the bottom of each post for a reason. Hi, how are you? - I am well, how are you? Do you like pancakes? - I definitely do! How do I get into le chat room? It won't let me - I see Armony's answered this one for you; have fun! Do the human ponies creep you out? - Not at all Why or why not? - Because they're still someone's creativity, and they're still the same characters. Do you like s? - Not really. O-O <-- Does that look like a face? (It is...) - That looks like two Os and a hyphen to me.

Welcome to our little corner of the ponynet! So glad you're looking forward to getting into some RP soon!

Looks great Lime! Your doodles are definitely getting better and better!

How did you envision us making our first posts, Ginger? Did you want something like what Zanderax posted - character find the flyer - or did you want something more explaining the character's arrival at the farm?

In Australia, you can still get Pinkie Pie in all the stores - it's Rainbow Dash who's impossible to find. Also, Twilight Sparkle and Spike? Do want very much!

[colour=#8C9AAB]The big blue dog growled at the sight of the little scrap she recognized as Griff. A waste of space so far as she was concerned, always trying to shirk his mining duties, though she had to admit he seemed pretty good at finding gems. Probably the only reason he was still around.She frowned, peering at him suspiciously. He was without a pickaxe, and there was no way a little dog like him could mine without one, so what was he doing in these tunnels by himself. For that matter, what was she doing in these tunnels by herself? They were surprisingly close to the surface of the diamond dog development. Rook didn't know for certain, as the tunnels of the Diamond Dogs were rather complicated even to those who had lived in the settlement their entire lives, and she had never been one to explore them as much as other dogs might. For all she knew, there could be anything lurking around the corner from where they were now. [colour=#FEE995]"What are you doing here?"[/colour] she asked the other dog, still keeping her ears perked in case another creature were to approach them in the tunnel. She felt it was important that she always be on her guard![/colour] ​

[colour=#B774C5]"Of course! I, too, tend to get upset when ponies are rude and speak out of turn. I completely understand your frustration,"[/colour] the Princess says, as she is reminded with a shudder of her daily meetings with her advisers. No pony in Equestria should be subject to a rabble like the one that lot puts up.[colour=#B774C5]"And chocolate fudge peanut butter blueberry smoothie? That sounds,"[/colour] well, disgusting actually, but if she's sure it's her best flavour, [colour=#B774C5]"delightful! One for everyone, if you don't mind! I'm sure that's bound to be a favourite for Pandora especially,"[/colour] she says, giving the Draqonequus a wink. ​ [colour=#7F0000]"Nooo!"[/colour] shouts Hammer Spark from where he's standing behind the Princess, already subject to the beginnings of a terrible bellyache. [colour=#7F0000]"Ah, heh, um, that is, I've already had more than enough ice cream for one afternoon, your majesty. You understand, of course,"[/colour] he recovers with a sweeping bow.​ The raiser of the sun simply laughs. [colour=#B774C5]"Of course, Sergeant Spark, I understand, completely."[/colour]​

The Princess smiles sweetly at the young Draqonequus' effort. It is more than satisfactory for now, so praise must be given where praise is due.[colour=#B774C5]"Yes,"[/colour] smiles the Princess, [colour=#B774C5]"Exactly like that."[/colour] [colour=#B774C5]"Now,"[/colour] she says, turning her attention to Chocolate Mint, [colour=#B774C5]"How are you, little one? You seem to be a little bit overwhelmed. Had a busy afternoon I take it? You must make good ice cream to attract attention from this bunch,[/colour] she gestures at the other ponies in the room. [colour=#B774C5]"Tell me, what's your very best flavour? I would certainly love to try it myself, just so I can see what all this fuss is about."[/colour] ​

With one flash of her magic, Celestia removes all the doves from the room, sending them to frolic and play in Whitetail Woods, presumably. She smiles at the young spirit of chaos, taking her offering of Strawberry ice cream. After taking a lick and smiling at the shopkeeper's acknowledgement of her status, a formality she's grown accustomed to after a thousand years on the throne, she turns back to Pandora.[colour=#B774C5]"That may be so,"[/colour] she says, and looking around the room at the ponies in the shop, Celestia almost believes her. Hoity Toity? Rainbow Dash? Poni Stark? What were they all doing here, and what had they done to make the young mare trying to run an honest business so frazzled? Surely Pandora wasn't entirely to blame. [colour=#B774C5]"And I know you're only looking to have a good time, but you really shouldn't have eaten Chocolate Mint's ice cream without paying for it, and you definitely shouldn't have brought all those birds in here,"[/colour] says the Princess gently. [colour=#B774C5]"Do apologize to the young mare now, won't you please, Pandora?"[/colour] ​

As a white feather from one of the doves landed on his nose, Hammer Spark suddenly knew what he needed to do! He dashed from the shop, ignoring his bellyache, and headed straight for Canterlot Castle where he knew he would find just the pony needed to take care of the mess at the little Ice Cream shop.Much to his relief, he didn't have to go far, because he very nearly ran headlong into just the pony he was seeking... ​ Such a beautiful sunny day in the shining capital city of Canterlot. Celestia had spent all day working on piles and piles of paperwork and legislation and quite simply, the ruler of Equestria needed a break so that she could just go for a walk through the streets of the capital city, with only a few guardsponies for company. She was enjoying the cityscape so much that she barely took notice of the large Unicorn stallion who nearly crashed into her.​ [colour=#7f0000]"Your highness! I believe chaos has returned, and is wreaking havoc on a small ice cream shop not far from here! I came to you as soon as I could!"[/colour]​ Chaos? Ice Cream? This couldn't be good. [colour=#B774C5]"Lead the way,"[/colour] she nodded to the soldier, who immediately took off at a gallop, with Celestia in pursuit.When they arrived at the sweets shop, the place was indeed in chaos. Doves filled the shop, and a young draqonaquus seemed to be delighting herself by making trouble. Celestia also recognized one of Twilight Sparkle's friends, Rainbow Dash, in the mix. To the Princess' relief, it wasn't Discord causing havoc, but a youngster she recognized as Pandora. She didn't want to rule Equestria, Celestia knew this. She was only looking to have a bit of fun. In any case, fixing the damage should be easy enough. She winked at the rather forlorn looking shopkeeper, hoping to reassure her that everything would soon be back in order. The Princess turned the entirety of her attention back to the young troublemaker. [colour=#B774C5]"PANDORA!"[/colour] Celestia said, sternly, looking around at the mess. [colour=#B774C5]"What are you doing? Explain yourself, young lady!"[/colour] ​

Wow! The little shopkeeper had a pair of lungs if nothing else. Part of him was inclined to agree with her - the shop had gotten very noisy very quickly. But shouldn't she be pleased about having good business.Hammer Spark shrugged, licking the last of the ice cream from the bowl Rainbow Dash had given him. He had eaten not only half of her sundae, but his own cone, and 27 cherries and was starting to have a bit of a stomach-ache. That wouldn't be good for training tomorrow. He was about to leave when a - a - Draqonaquus? entered the shop. Suddenly the swordspony was seized with a sense of duty! She appeared to be here to cause trouble, and the shopkeeper seemed to be quickly losing control of the situation. But despite being a Sergeant in Celestia's army, Hammer Spark well and truly had no idea how to handle the situation. And there were doves everywhere. ​

...must...not...kermitflail. Everything looks awesome! I must admit, the new cutie mark story made me giggle quite a bit! Passing this up the food chain!

[colour=#7f0000]"I, uh, er-"[/colour] his mother? Well of course she would be proud of him! She was Unicorn! He had just defended her honour! Did not the blue pegasus realize this?But then, none other than the Hoity Toity entered the shop. Rather than heading straight for the ice cream, the fashionista had the audacity to criticize Hammer Spark's cherry-stem-tying skills. [colour=#7f0000]"Well hey now,"[/colour] Hammer Spark said, beginning to defend himself [colour=#7f0000]"I think I did pretty well for a first attempt. Or a 27th as the case may be. I tied a cherry stem into a kno-"[/colour] At that moment, the Earth Pony pulled from his mouth a miniature prancing earth pony made from cherry stems. [colour=#7f0000]"I duh- What did you- How- HUH?"[/colour] Hammer Spark stammered. He was impressed. ​