It has potential, and though it's a little over dramatic for my taste, it could be what you were going for. Still, I'm not sure leading with that scene would be the best way of presenting the story, if you're going for a narrative rather than just a character backstory. This even seems like the sort of thing that might be better as an event that's flashed back to, or that's talked about, thought about, and implied rather than outright shown. Of course, that's a stylistic choice, so there's no wrong answer, just answers that are easier to present well than others. In any case, everyone starts out crappy at writing. The only ways to get better are to read more and (most importantly) write more. So don't stop writing; I'm looking forward to seeing the finished version of this, when you're done. Also, "I gave birth to you!", isn't that generally something that could only be said by a mother? The way I've seen that phrase used, it's the mother that gives birth to someone, not the father.