Burning Rage[READY]

[LunarRelic]

Name: Burning Rage or just Rage

Gender: Stallion

Age:Young Stallion

Species: Pegasus

Eyes: Bright green

Color: fire red

Mane/Other: golden yellow mane that stops about center of his back his tail is the same color as his mane but it has some Smokey gray stripes ringing around his tail. Wings are long and feathery

Special stuff: He cannot be burnt by the fire from his flight speed but only the fire he generated. If he hit say a flaming hoop or something he would be burned like any normal thing would. Let's face it if he did burn from his speed he would taste like chicken by now

Physique: a average sized Pegasus who has great muscle mass in his wings

Residence: Ponyville

Occupation: Rage is a stunt flyer and mailpony. He feels it fits his carefree style. Rage's stunts will be normally for special occasions. Rage will do express mail for ponies who want to spare the extra bits for a faster delivery.

Cutie mark: red fire flowing from a wing

Cutie mark story: Rage loved flying his whole life and he was really fast as well. At one point when he was a young colt he earned his cutie mark during a race against his friend for fun, when his friend had his wing cramp up Rage flew down to save his buddy at a really fast speed this caused him to catch fire from the velocity, at some point during his flight it appeared but he did not know until he saved his buddy and landed that he found it.

History: Rage grew up in Cloudsdale with most of his friends being in a group of smaller Pegasus that were picked on because of their less then admirable flight skills. Rage always stood up for them. It was easy given his really great flight skills. He had always had a taste for adventure and would normally fly down to Ponyville and Canterlot to see what was down there, this made him quite curious on the place. The curiosity kept brining him back. One day while flying he overheard a conversation about some dark and mysterious place known as the Everfree forest this sprked his curiosity and he could not resist going to check the place out from the skies. While he was flying over he got caught in a mist causing him to turn back so he would not get lost. Upon his return he finds out he was gone for three days and his friends were worried sick. When he goes to check in with his parents he figured they were worried sick even though they hated him because of his personality. Well he checks in with them and they could have cared less if he got lost. Rage always felt his parents were disappointed with him. So he spent most of his time out flying and doing stuff with friends.

Upon his early and mid colt years his old friends had been invited to a group Over the summer. The whole group did not bother Rage at first. But when they began ignoring Rage he became upset. This caused him to go his own way. Most days in his high school lunch room Rage would sit in the back corner. He enjoyed it since nopony bothered him there so he could sit and eat in peace. But one fateful day that same group of kids that stole his friends were up picking on the group of ponies who were popular for their writing and intelect. When Rage saw the scene unfold it made him flash back to when he first met his first group of friends it was the same situation. A group of stronger pegesi picking on the smaller group. Rage having been tired of allowing them to pick on every group in the school decided to finally step in. When he confronted the group he had done it almost the same, he flew down and told the ones who were picking on the "nerd herd" to back off. Rage did so by a large lecture. He did so well the gorup stormed out without saying a thing. the small group thanked him and he decided for the rest of his days as a Colt to hang with them and keep them out of trouble. After that High School became the normal stuff.

When he became a colt he had a growing interest on the world below he kept his flight at a good level. After he got his cutie mark he knew that stunt flying was his calling. After he became a stallion he moved to Ponyville and he does stunt flying for events and stuff. One of his favorite moves is his own variation on the Sonic Rainboom. He would pick up enough speed to catch fire and then use this wings to spin and dispel some fire in a Rainboom like ring made of fire. He could make about 4 or 5 rings before he ran out of fire. When that happened he would slow down and restart. He also has learned to dispel the fire as an offense or defense maneuver if he is in danger. Making these fire rings takes a lot of energy and leave him tired. Rage keeps them exclusive for very special events. These would be like marriage, royalty event or other large occasions. One of his favorite hobbies is to look into the unknown principles that were never solved when it came to flight.

Summery: Rage loves the feeling of flight, the freedom it gave was the best! Rage was always wanting to be recognized by other well known ponies as a great but not the best flyer since he hated a lot of attention. He can be very quick to act with a brave attitude. Rage can be short tempered at time. Also Rage can have a short attention span. His favorite thing to do when he is not flying is to talk to others and read. Some day he hopes to pull off the perfect stunt in Equestria giving him a good name for himself. Rage has always been good at finding he good in others and it made it easy to make new firends after he moved down to Ponyville.

One of his own and favorite quotes is "Live your life to the fullest is good and all but sometimes you just need to slow down. Life is not a race but an adventure worth slowing down for!"

Personality: Rage has a interesting personality. He is a very outgoing stallion who is ready to get things done as quick and as good as possible. But he is always open to slow down and live his life to the greatest extent. He can also be very closed to new ponies until he gets to know them. Sometimes when he is focusing and somepony interrupts he can lose his temper. He is not afraid to jump into something to protect someone even if does not know what he is doing or what was going on!

[DerpRavener]

DIsclaimer: I am not an RP helper, so I can't say what is or isn't allowed, and thus feel free to take what I say with a grain of salt.

With that out of the way, I have a couple comments.

First, as far as I know there's no precedent for immunity to fire among pegasi, and I have my doubts that it'll be acceptable here. Strictly speaking I don't have the authority to say that, but all the same I might start thinking of some alternate options just in case. In fact, moving that fast to being with or a sonic-rainboom-like ability in general is likely not allowed regardless, and at best would probably be tricky to keep interesting an balanced. So yes, alternatives. Perhaps some kind of signature aerial maneuver based more on technique?

Second, I think the history could stand to be fleshed out a bit. I couldn't tell you how to do it precisely, it's your character after all, but my general rule of thumb is to have at least 3-4 major events or influences that shape the character's personality, with each element given its own paragraph. You may also want to expand the summary a bit, though if you just expand the history some the rest should come naturally.

[LunarRelic]

I hope the 3D models helped with his appearance!

[Hippo]

Hello! Congrats on taking your first step towards role playing in Canterlot Chronicles. Those 3D modeled pictures are pretty spiffy. How did you make those? Your application is labeled as ready, however there are a couple things that need to be worked on before we get to the content of the application, so let's work together and try to make this character as good as it can be for our role play forum.

Please use the complete application format under CC rules and use them in the correct order. Here, I have listed things you may have missed:

Name:

Gender: (listed under age)

Age:

Species:

Eye colour:

Character colour: (only implied visually)

Mane/Tail/Other:

Physique:

Residence: (said moved to Ponyville, but it's not formatted)

Occupation:

Cutie Mark:

Unique Traits:

History:

Character Summary/Personality:

Once you have done making corrections to the format, please review the application and correct spelling and grammar errors, including punctuation that may be misplaced or missing from the sentence. Please reread it out loud if you have to in order properly communicate your ideas for this character. A good rewrite might even be a good idea, as if often will allow you to better articulate something you've already practiced writing before.

After you correct the format and fixed spelling errors and grammar mistakes, we will move on to discussion the content of your interesting character. I see a lot of potential here!

[Armony]

Would you like to keep this application open? Please let us know soon.

[LunarRelic]

Yes

[RainbowDaringDash]

i am not a official helper, but i do have a suggestion. i think you should take out the bracketed age bit. We arnt allowed to say direct age. As i said im not a official helper but i still like to help.

[Hippo]

Name: Burning Rage or just Rage

Species: pegesi

Age: Young Stallion

Gender: Stallion

The format should go in the order: Name, Gender, Age, Species. Please reorder and use pegasus, not pegasi.

Eyes: Bright green

Physique: a average sized pegesi who has great muscle mass in his wings

Resedence: Ponyville

Color: fire red

Mane: golden yellow mane that stops about center of his back his tail is the same color as his mane but it has some Smokey gray stripes ringing around his tail.

Wings: long and feathery

Cutie mark: red fire flowing from a wing

Special stuff: he cannot be burnt by the fire from his flight speed but only the fire he generated if he hit say a flaming hoop or something he would be burned like any normal thing would, because let's face it if he did burn from his speed he would taste like chicken by now!

Cutie mark story: Rage loved flying his whole life and he was really fast as well. At one point when he was a young colt he earned his cutie mark during a race against his friend for fun, when his friend had his wing cramp up Rage flew down to save his buddy at a really fast speed this caused him to catch fire from the velocity, at some point during his flight it appeared but he did not know until he saved his buddy and landed that he found it.

The format should go in the order: Eye color, Character color, Main/Tail/Other colors and style, Physique, Residence, Occupation, and then Cutie Mark. Please order these correctly. Please use capital letters to begin a sentence.

History: Rage grew up in Cloudsdale with most of his friends were in a group of pegesi that were picked on because of their less then admirable flight skills Rage always stood up for them, being such a good flyer at a young age it made it easy to do. He had always had a taste for adventure and would normally fly down to Ponyville and Canterlot to see what was down there, this made him quite curious on the place. The curiosity kept brining him back. One day while flying he overheard a conversation about some dark and mysterious place known as the Everfree forest this sprked his curiosity and he could not resist going to check the place out from the skies. While he was flying over he got caught in a mist causing him to turn back so he would not get lost. Upon his return he finds out he was gone for three days and his friends were worried sick. When he goes to check in with his parents he figured they were worried sick even though they hated him because of his personality. Well he checks in with them and they could have cared less if he got lost. Rage always hated his parents and spent most of his time out flying and doing stuff with friends.

Upon his early and mid colt years his old friends had been invited to a group over the time Rage did not see them and they fell in with the crowd there. The whole thing did not bother Rage until whoever the leader was found a way to make them hate Rage as if they had never met or known each other at all. This upset Rage deeply not only did he lose his best pals to a stuck up jerk but he was now alone in one of the worst times to be alone. Rage had issues finding a new group to settle with since most of the other groups were so closed to others. Most days in his high school lunch room Rage would sit in the back corner. He enjoyed it since nopony bothered him there so he could sit and eat in peace. But one fateful day that same group of kids that stole his friends were up picking on the group of ponies who were popular for their writing and intelect most kids called the table they always sat at "The nerd wing". When Rage saw the scene unfold it made him flash back to when he first met his first group of friends it was the same situation. A group of stronger pegesi picking on the smaller group. Rage having been tired of allowing them to pick on every group in the school decided to finally step in. When he confronted the group he had done it almost the same, he flew down and told the ones who were picking on the "nerd herd" to back off before going into his motivational speech mode and preaching about what gave them the right to do all of what they did. He did so well the gorup stormed out without saying a thing. the small group thanked him and he decided for the rest of his days as a Colt to hang with them an keep them out of toruble. Finally come graduation Rage read in a article that his old friends had been caught attempting to steal from the Royal Armory down in Canterlot. When the three that were his best of friends before everything happened asked for his help Rage denied saying "If you went and abandond me for a jerk based group after what I did for you against a simmilar group when we were fillies I see no good reason to help you after all the pain you put me through."

When he became a colt he had a growing interest on the world below he kept his flight at a good level and after he got his cutie mark he knew that stunt flying was his calling, after he became a stallion he moved to Ponyville and he does stunt flying for events and stuff. One of his favorite moves is his own variation on the Sonic Rainboom. He would pick up enough speed to catch fire and then use this wings to spin and dispel some fire in a Rainboom like ring made of fire that he could dispel up to four or five at once before he had no flames left to use and he would need to slow down and regain the high speeds again. He also has learned to dispel the fire as an offense or defense maneuver if he is in danger. using the wind force from the fire rings would just brush whatever was causing trouble aside giving Rage more room or enough time to make a turn and get out of there or whatever he felt he needed to do. One of his favorite hobbies is to look into the unknown principles that were never solved when it came to flight.

Occupation: stunt flights for events by request and he will sometimes deliver things for others who do not want to use the mailpony.

Summery: Rage loves the feeling of flight, the freedom it gave was the best! Rage was always wanting to be recognized by other well known ponies as a great but not the best flyer since he hated a lot of attention. He can be very quick to act, brave, can be short tempered or have a short attention span. His favorite thing to do when he is not flying is to talk to others and read. Some day he hopes to pull off the perfect stunt in Equestria giving him a good name for himself. Rage has always been good at finding he good in others and it made it easy to make new firends after he moved down to Ponyville.

One of his own and favorite quotes is "Live your life to the fullest is good and all but sometimes you just need to slow down. Life is not a race but an adventure worth slowing down for!"

Personality: Rage has a interesting personality. He is a very outgoing stallion who is ready to get things done as quick and as good as possible but he is always open to slow down and live his life to the greatest extent. He can also be very closed to new ponies until he gets to know them. Sometimes when he is focusing and somepony interrupts he can lose his temper. He is not afraid to jump into something to protect someone even if does not know what he is doing or what was going on!

Alright. First thing's first. His random ability to burst into flames during high speeds of flight is OK. In Canterlot Chronicles, we allows the characters more freedom to express more elemental ways of their nature, as long as it works well with the RP threads and other characters. In WoE, this would obviously not be allowed as it would be too overpowering for a character to be able to use fire that easily. So it is fine for now, but if you were ever interested in applying him in WoE, know that his burning ability would have to be toned down. Also, consider how many times such a trait a pony has would even come up in a story. As far as I know, even Rainbow Dash doesn't produce rainbows randomly all the time.

Hate. The word hate was used too many times in this application. For starters, it's a little unattractive to have hate be a part of a pony's life anyway since Equestria is mostly a very loving place for the most part. But even as it is ok to explain that there is resentment with Rage's parents, it would be really good if you could explain more as to why there is so much hate, and do it without using the word 'hate'. I hate sitting at red lights at an intersection. But if I say I hate my brother, it's not really the same kind of hate is it? Be specific.

What I have come to understand is that Burning Rage is the pony version of a Sonic OC. Is this true? If it is, I would encourage you to continue separating Rage from his hedgehog counterpart as much as you can. The more of his own self he can be, the more interesting he will be in RP. And it's unfair for other players to deal with a character who is mostly developed in another universe altogether. Crossovers are not allowed in CC, so please try to make this character new and unique as possible.

In order to proceed with accepting this application, these things (along with what I've already mentioned) must be complete:

- The application must be completed in the correct format. Please rearrange the application in the correct order. (See below for correct format)

- Expand on occupation. Describe more about how he go that job and how it has helped those around him

- The word hate must be explained where it is used

- All spelling errors and grammar mistakes must be fixed. Several times you use run-on sentences, misspellings, and incorrect usage of past or present tense.

Name:

Gender:

Age:

Species:

Eye color:

Character color:

Mane/Tail/Other:

Physique:

Residence:

Occupation:

Cutie Mark:

Unique Traits:

History:

Character Summary/Personality:

​

[LunarRelic]

What I have come to understand is that Burning Rage is the pony version of a Sonic OC. Is this true? If it is, I would encourage you to continue separating Rage from his hedgehog counterpart as much as you can. The more of his own self he can be, the more interesting he will be in RP. And it's unfair for other players to deal with a character who is mostly developed in another universe altogether. Crossovers are not allowed in CC, so please try to make this character new and unique as possible.

Although I have a Sonic OC named Rage the Hedgehog the two are completely different because it would be hard to transfer Rage into a pony with him being the Guardian of the Chaos Emeralds. That would one make a pony version of him Overpowered and two it would be brining an artifact from another dimension into Equstria so really no he is not based off a Sonic OC.

[Hippo]

Although I have a Sonic OC named Rage the Hedgehog the two are completely different because it would be hard to transfer Rage into a pony with him being the Guardian of the Chaos Emeralds. That would one make a pony version of him Overpowered and two it would be brining an artifact from another dimension into Equstria so really no he is not based off a Sonic OC.

Thanks for the clarification! Please let us know when you have updated your application.

[LunarRelic]

Okay I ran it through Microsoft Word spelling and grammar and it did not find anything. But if something still exists please tell me ASAP

[LunarRelic]

Just let me know if there are any issues

[Hippo]

Sorry for the delay.

My personal recommendation is to allow his element of fire be used and shown sparingly. The reason why Rainbow Dash's rainbow visuals are cool is because they happen at opportune times. If it happened all the time, it loses it's flavor. I like the use of his element being abused out of his short temper, it's something other characters have had. However, I'm very curious to see what kinds of things Burning would use to his advantage. Being able to burst into flames is only an interesting talent if it's genuinely used as a tool for good. Unless of course, you character is evil.

This application will now go to SRPH review. They may require changes.

[Bellosh]