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Shining Emerald [ready]


ScarletNote

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Name: Shining Emerald (or just Emerald)

Gender: Female

Age: Young Mare

Species: Unicorn.

Eye colour: Purple-ish

Character colour: Green

Mane/Tail/Other: White-ish gray Mane and Tail

Physique: Emerald is a green-coloured pony with white-ish mane and tail, big purple eyes,she is also somewhat smaller and thinner than the average unicorn

Residence: Hoofenheim

Occupation: Currently she is an apprentice for a forge master, she also has a small booth on the local marked where she sells jewelry

Cutie Mark: Emerald's mark is a quartet of red rubies on a trapezoid pattern

Unique Traits: she is a really skilled gem cutter, also being extremely good at charming said jewels

History: Emerald's parents are actually unknown, she always lived with adoptive parents, her father being a unicorn traveling magician, and her mother a singer, she used to live with them and their son, always traveling all over Equestria, she was said tp have been taken in after they found her alone on the streets as a little foal, hiding from several bugs that were nearby, through her childhood, Emerald had several incidents with random magic outbursts, which, along with the fact that she was never for too long on a city, led her to become a really shy pony.

After a while, Emerald found that, for her, it was easier to control her magic through gems, soon starting to practice on channeling magic through gems, and eventually charming them.

Then, it happened, although she knew she was talented at it, she only realized it was her big talent when, one day she was walking with her brother, just as usual when being with their parents on the mountains, all it took was a small step in a not so solid rock, although she managed to get on to a more solid ground, her brother didn't, but alas, the mountain had a large amount of quartz, large enough that she could use magic to pull a quartz platform and stop her brother's fall, she only noticed that she had earned her mark when she returned home with her brother, her mother noticing four red rubies on her flank... just let's say that ''being excited'' is an understatement

For a while after that she lived with her parents and her brother, travelling all over Equestria and sometimes beyond, however she found herself wishing more, what had been the most exciting lifestyle was becoming dull, so she left, leaving a note behind that explained why, arriving at Hoofenheim to learn, first Gem cutting, which she mastered with relative ease, following that she started looking for someone to teach her metal working, after looking hard, she eventually found a rather mysterious pony who was looking for an apprentice, after having to convince him, by choosing a piece of gold of good quality from the market to begin, she started her apprenticeship, on which she still is

Character Personality: at first sight, Emerald is a rather shy pony, it is somewhat hard for her to make friends, although it is easier than when she arrived at Hoofenheim as back then she would barely speak to anypony, she is also rather sweet and forgiving, but has a good memory. when she gains more trust she becomes much more outgoing, she also loves learning new things, and, despite her usually calm and shy personality, she loves adventures, she is also afraid of the dark, as in, really afraid, because of some early childhood memories she hates most bugs, although she can't really tell why, some people around her, mostly her forge master find her quite odd, altough she can't tell why

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I have some things i can say to help you with this, a fair bit actually but don't be unnerved, this is a cool char :)

Little disclaimer, i am no RPH aka Role Play Helper here, just a friendly user here to help out a new friend :)

1. With the age part, although 'Young' is alright you should be more specific. Is she a young Filly? A young Adult Mare?

2. Hoofenheim? Is that even a city/on the map? If it is, ignore this and im pretty sure this si wrong as im yet to familiarize myself with the map of equestria made for this site lol :P

3. Whats her special talent? Ik you say she is a good jemcutter in the unique traits, but iv known that area for more things that make the pony stand out then the special talent.

4. Your going to need to slip a Cutie Mark story into this.

5. The history will need to be extended a fair it, at the moment its a bit short.

6. Same goes with the summary, it will need to be expanded a bit.

7. Small suggestion, make the char summary and char personality the same part. Like i said, suggestion but it works both ways.

And although not critical, here and their there are grammar stuff but nothing major.

And thats all i can say to help for now. Good luck :) This char already has potential and i think that once finished she will fit in great here :) Good luck :D

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Disclaimer: I am not an RP Helper (either), so none of what I say is official judgement but rather friendly criticism and advice.

I want to clarify and elaborate on a couple things RDD said.

First, I checked the list of locations in the Lore Archive and Hoofenheim is on there, so you should be good to go on that front.

As RDD mentioned, you don't need both a character summary and a character personality section. They basically perform the same function, just with a slightly different characterization (as I understand it, character personality would just include internal traits of a character and how they react to things, while character summary would make reference to more external things such as reputation, though they're kind vague concepts either way). I would pick whichever of the two you prefer, and merge the other one into that.

RDD also mentioned that you'll need to expand on the history and summary/personality secion. This is true, and I thought it could use a bit of elaboration.

My rule of thumb for history is at least 3-4 paragraphs, each of which focusing on one major influence to the character's development. You can have more if you find more things about the character that need to be brought up. You'd be hard pressed to make an acceptable character with less than that.

Some questions to think about, in case you wanted some help getting started: How did Emerald's adoptive parents come to take her in? What opinions did she have of them as a foal? What made her want to leave her family? Did she have a falling out with them, and if so did they ever reconcile? If it wasn't a falling out, what caused her decision to leave? What attracts her to jewel crafting? How did she come to be an apprentice, was the forgemaster looking for an apprentice or did Emerald have to convince that pony to give her an apprenticeship? Have any of her shyness, her forgiving nature, or her love of adventure or learning been either particularly harmful or helpful to her in the past?

Not all of these questions have to be answered, these are just the areas that seem like they would benefit the most from being fleshed out, and thus would be good places to expand the character.

Also as a small note: character apps should either be labeled [wip] or [ready] to tell the actual RP Helpers whether it isn't or is ready for official review, respectively. In this case I think it was pretty clear, so not a big issue, but just something to keep in mind for next time.

I hope this helps.

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I you need to expand on the cutie mark story a bit. One sentence isn't really enough for what is supposed to be a life-defining moment for the character.

Aside from that I tentatively think this is ready to go, although I've noticed that you added one or two more things to the personality section that are never referenced in the history. It's not really a problem, but if you're at any point looking over the character for things to add, either how she ended up like that or times in her life where they heavily came into play would probably be good to add.

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Good job Derp :)

And good job to you as well ScarletNote, this App has come a long way :)

One thign i could say to maybe help this, though its not really a big deal. Have the Cutie mark story and the History as seperate sections, and then you might need to expand both the history and the CM story, once thats done this is pretty much done until a RPH approves it :)

Again, Congradulations on your first OC here in Canterlot Chronicles :)

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Hi there!

Once again, I want to thank RDD and DerpRavener for giving great advice on this app! Both were 'spot on' in their accessments, and I can see you listened to their wise council!

I believe there's enough here to move this app to the next level of the approval process!

Good work!

:D:D:D

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