CanvasMayHogany Posted March 19, 2015 Report Share Posted March 19, 2015 Name: Gadget Gear Gender: Female Age:Mare Species: Earth pony Eye Colour: Emerald green Character Colour: Silver Mane/tail/other: On the right side of her face her hair hangs loose and is a deep burgundy. On the left side it looks like a bunch of wires pulled into a loose bun. Her tail is also a deep burgundy but towards the end it also becomes a bun of wire looking hair. Physique: Long legs and a slender frame. Slightly taller than the normal pony Residence: Everfree forest Occupation: Builder, Inventor Cutiemark: A golden heart made of metal pieces, wires hang below and a screwdriver appears to be fixing itunique traits: She has small green slashes in seemingly random places on her body. How she got her cutie mark: After Gadget was fixed up by her uncle, she sat down in a tree and began to upgrade her appendages. The first time that she did this and was able to get working properly, her cutie mark appeared History: When Gadget was a young filly, after her parents death by fire, she was severely injured in the Everfree forest. She was infact heading to her uncles, as her mother had told her to, before pushing Gadget out of a first story window to save her from the fire inside. Her mother and fathers exits had been blocked by falling debris. Her uncle found her and being the mad scientist he is, he took her away and built new appendages for her out of iron. These appendages were made with the technology that that era had to offer, like just a steel leg that wouldnt bend and caused her to wobble. However Gagdet would eventualy tinker with these appendages and make them like bend everywhere a normal leg did and moved as though it were her actual leg.As she grew to be older her uncle learned more about children and how to deal with them. When she was finally well enough to walk around the changes were very noticable, but her uncle helped her along the way. When her uncle finally thought her ready he decided that she needed some friends. So he sent her in the direction of Ponyville, however, being a young mare at the time, she felt awkward and alone. She decided to mostly stay hidden and built a small house in the Everfree Forest. There she tinkered, and created until she finally had enough courage and skill to make her home into a store for ponies to bring their broken knickknacks and gadgets to. Character summary/personality: Gadget is a bit awkward around others and mainly stays silent. However the appendages can cause her some pain sometimes and this can make her rather rude and snappy. This causes most ponies to dislike her for her attirude when these metal appendages do cause her pain. But once she learns more about you, and trusts you she will open up a little more and allow you to get small peeps at her abilities. When you are her true friend you will find that she is very loyal, kind, and protective. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueblood Posted March 19, 2015 Report Share Posted March 19, 2015 Hello there, resident RP Helper here! Unfortunately, the tech levels in CC don't support cyborg characters; the highest we've got is steampunk, which doesn't exactly extend to the level of sophistication described here. Perhaps you might want to consider downgrading the tech a little, into a medically-supportive steam-powered contraption? There'd be no hiding it, and it probably wouldn't go so far as an artificial heart, but it would still be pretty cool, and should work for this concept! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CanvasMayHogany Posted March 19, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 19, 2015 ok thanks for telling me. ill change it immediately Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CanvasMayHogany Posted March 19, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 19, 2015 Is that better? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RainbowDaringDash Posted March 19, 2015 Report Share Posted March 19, 2015 I have to go in like, 5 minutes, so il give a short review, and il do a better one when i get home later. Little request, could you separate each section so that every separate area has a space between it? Not required, but to me sometimes it just seems neater.... Might just be me And yeah, its a bit better. Main thigns i can say with the small time i have is that i think its a little short, you need to add to the history and the Summary. Also, she needs a Cutie Mark story.I would give tips about what points you could use, but i need to run..... sigh Hate catching my bus in the morning....Well, see ya Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueblood Posted March 20, 2015 Report Share Posted March 20, 2015 Thank you, it is much easier to read now! Let's see... to begin with, I'd like to see a fuller history. How did she eventually go from a filly barely living on her own to setting up shop in Ponyville? Why did she have no one to take care of her in the meantime? Was her uncle mean, or just not sure how to raise a filly? Or was she actually grown-up when her uncle encouraged her to meet other ponies? Canterlot Chronicles is still Equestria. We allow more things than WoE, but ponies being mean to each other for no reason happens to not be one of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CanvasMayHogany Posted March 20, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 20, 2015 alright that should do it. And if its still not clear about her uncle, hes a nice guy just doesnt know how to care for fillies Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueblood Posted March 20, 2015 Report Share Posted March 20, 2015 Hm, it's pretty short, but it looks alright. About the only feedback I'd have at this point is a clarification at the beginning: Did she run into the forest while escaping her house during the fire? Just clear that up, and I'll be ready to pass it on! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CanvasMayHogany Posted March 20, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 20, 2015 alrighty! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueblood Posted March 20, 2015 Report Share Posted March 20, 2015 I think you may want to check the capitalization on the category titles, and I personally would expand the character summary a bit, but other than that, much improved! I'll pass it on for SRPH review. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteelEagle Posted March 24, 2015 Report Share Posted March 24, 2015 Hey there! I like this character. Pretty neat! Just a few things:1- Please expand on what exactly the technology and make of these new limbs are. This will help us understand in RP how to visualize your character.2- "Due to her unique abilities she always has a fear that somepony will find her out and not accept her." - explain what her abilities are that would make her think other ponies may fear her if they find out. In your app I can see nothing that would trigger this or make Gadget think it would. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CanvasMayHogany Posted March 26, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 26, 2015 Okey dokey is that better? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteelEagle Posted March 27, 2015 Report Share Posted March 27, 2015 Thank you for the clarification." These appendages were made with the technology that that era had to offer, like just a steel leg that wouldnt bend and caused her to wobble. However Gagdet would eventualy tinker with these appendages and make them more like todays technology, like a metal leg that bent everywhere a normal leg did and moved as though it were her actual leg."- What do you mean by 'today's technology' in the app? Real life technology is not allowed and it doesn't belong in the app. It is unwise to mention non-canon material or reference the 'real world' in any manner. My advice: Steampunk it."Due to her unique abilities she always has a fear that somepony will find her out and not accept her.Some of her abilities include: Running faster, jumping higher. being able to climb trees, stronger, and can tolerate a lot of physical damage."- Why would any of this amount to anypony fearing her? if anything it'd make them like her more. Beyond that, it is hard to imagine a steampunky sort of tech setting allowing her to have all of these abilities- especially the last one- without any drawbacks. My advice: Remove the listed abilities or include something wherein use of these 'notable' abilities can cause her some pain, making her a bit more rude and mean which in turn has made a few ponies dislike her because of her attitude. Change the fear from her thinking ponies won't accept her because of her abilities and more along the lines of the attitude that comes with the use of those abilities because of the pain. I'd also remove the bit about tolerating lots of physical damage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CanvasMayHogany Posted March 28, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2015 Thank you for telling me. ive edited and i hope that it suits everything better Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteelEagle Posted March 29, 2015 Report Share Posted March 29, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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