Rym (Ready)

[CanvasMayHogany]

Name: Rym Charmer

Gender: Female

Age: young mare

Species: Zebra

Eye Colour: green

Mane/tail/other: her mane and tail are both short and spiky and held in a ponytail by a large golden bead. they are purple with red at the tips

Physique: like any other zebra

Residence: Manehatten

Occupation: Charm charmer

Cutiemark: A red,purple and green bead that is shaped like a cat's head. She got this when she made her first working charm

Unique Traits: Her stripes are silver and red instead of black and she had dots in random places on her body. She was born this way.

History: Rym was born in Unyasi. When Rym was a young filly she was nameless. Her parents didnt know what to name her and just called her 'girl'. As Rym became a filly and went to school she was made fun of because of her name, stripes and dots. When she asked her mother why she didnt have a name, she only said that they didnt know what to call her. One day her teacher taught them of a place called Equestria. Rym was fascinated and thought about what it would be like to make potions and things for the ponies who lived there. That night when she returned home she went to her room and made a potion. She didnt want to drink the foul smelling liquid so she settled with dipping a pendant in it. She made this pendant into a necklace and gave it to her mother. It turned her mother green and she instantly threw it out. Rym was saddened by her mothers distrust and hatred that came after that. Eventually she moved to Manehatten and named herself Rym. On the first day of being there she went to a potions shop and bought a lot of books to help her. When she went back to the hotel room she currently lived she made a necklace and a potion.The pendant came out cat shaped and black, quickly becoming Ryms very first successful pendant. When she took it off her cutiemark had appeared. And to this day Rym charms pendants and is constantly experimenting.

Character summary/personality: Rym is very shy due to her fellow peers picking on her. She is very serious when it comes to charms and jewelry but also kind and upbeat. Shes always apt to try new things and writes down anything she learns. When she makes friends shes loyal, and doesnt keep many secrets. However she is also very sensitive and cries easily.

[RainbowFoxxy]

Hi! I would be happy to assist you with this app! I see lots of potential here but also some things that need attention.

First, applications for characters should not include relation to pre existing cast characters. As such your references to Zecora wouldn't work. Mostly this is because whoever plays that cast member would then be boxed into playing the role you describe in your app. I think this is the biggest change you will need to make to have this become an accepted CC character.

Second, Africa is not a playable location in CC. Take a look at the list of accepted playable locations to pick where your character is from. I will suggest Unyasi, the land where zebras usually come from in MLP FiM.

Last, give your app a read through for spelling and grammar errors as there a quite a few. I'm quite willing to assist in pointing these out if you would like my help:)

Let's work on this some more and eventually you will have a zebra ready to go for senior role play helper approval! :D

[RainbowFoxxy]

I can see you've been working on this please post here when you are ready for me to review it again. It's looking good!

[CanvasMayHogany]

alright. I fixed the ones that i caught but if you see any please let me know

[RainbowFoxxy]

Ok, this is looking better

 

First off, you need to remove all references to Zecora. There are still two of these in the application.

 

Second, just a couple questions;

 

Her stripes are silver and red instead of black and she had dots in random places on her body

Is this something that she was born with or are they dyed that color? I just think this might be something interesting to add in.

 

Rym is very shy due to her fellow peers picking on her.

Why would she be picked on?

 

Spelling and grammar issues: 

A red, purple and green bead that is shaped like a cat's head. 

Her stripes are silver and red

Rym was fascinated

She didnt want to drink the foul 

also very sensitive and cries easily.

 

Go ahead and make these fixes and let me know when you're done. This is getting closer to approval Keep going!!

[RainbowFoxxy]

Still interested in keeping this app going? Just a few more updates and she would be ready to pass along to a SRPH!

[CanvasMayHogany]

alright that should do it. Sorry it took me awhile.

[RainbowFoxxy]

No worries! After a little more review and speaking with the SRPH on this, there's one more adjustment that needs to be made.

 

"The pendant came out cat shaped and black and turned Rym into a cat."

 

Turning a pony into a cat would be adding new lore, and apps cannot include lore building. Because of this, it would not work to have your character have a magic item that turns her into another animal. This would need to be modified to have it be acceptable for play in CC. I might suggest that her potions are able to make pendants of various designs, however the pendants can't change ponies into different animals. This is only a suggestion, you can take it or change the app some other way. I do know that this might cause a major difference in this character so if you don't want to make the change you can play her right now in the Free for All section.

 

Once you have made the change please change the title of this app to (ready) and post a reply here.

[CanvasMayHogany]

ok! i found a good way to fix it that didnt change much of the character

[RainbowFoxxy]

Ok, I think this is ready for me to send on up!

[SteelEagle]