Lost by one, found by another (Private, Dusty)

[Blueblood]

Halvard wondered if Calder actually had a chance to look at himself after his hour at the bathhouse.  Sure, he didn't look at his potential peak, for sure, but he looked worlds better than he did when the blue bull first found him.

 

Kublai, for his part, was possibly indulging in the sort of flattery that keeps the customers coming back, at least in half.  Maybe he could spot potential, maybe he couldn't.  In any case, he passed off the self-deprecation as a joke, answering, "Oh, it's very much a fun city if you go hunting for it, but alas, a waiter's salary does not support a life of luxury.  I can only party on my tips."

 

Halvard, for his part, took the hint and laid a generous one upon the table.  "There you go.  And now, I think we're off!"

[Dusty]

Calder looked at the bits being put down and let out a grunt before looking back at the pony. “Sadly I can not tip, but I hope the size of my friends makes up for it. Being new here I have no amount of coin to my name. So he is spotting me for now. But do well when I do and I promises to tip like him.” He says with a smirk, having a good waiter on his hoof is nice he’d hope. Well the pony was… lacking from the first go, being so busy he hoped the pony will make up for it later. The stud had the looks but the skills are needed as well. Even if they come only for coin and nothing more, he was under not false pretenses that the pony liked him as more than a nice income. But such views were the bread and butter for Calder and how he thinked most behaved.

 

Calder chuckles, things were starting to feel more normal now. Shame he knew it’s a shot lived moment when they got 'home' and he had to open up. He told the bull he will. “Well we must take are leave, if you see me here don’t be a stranger” He says with soft bow of his head before heading to the door well trying to his best to look big and strong. Head up tall and chest puffed up some like a bull trying in impress a cow, a show rather heavily hampered by his runt size. At least around other of his kin.

[Blueblood]

Seeing Calder exhibit so many of the behaviors in a young bull was encouraging, in it's way, for Halvard.  Restoration to a kind of normalcy was always the aim for him, but there yet remained so much to clear off first before a new life could be built.  So much to let into the cleansing light of the sun...

That sun was setting as the pair walked home, talking idly as the lamps came out to light the streets when the stars came out.  Serious words would wait until they were home, with the door barred against intrusion and interruption.  That done, Halvard stoked the fire, and took a seat by it.  "Well now, Calder... we're as private as we're ever going to be.  You said that there was more about your past you wanted to share."

[Dusty]

Well Calder did enjoy the walk home, taking in the views all the way. It may be some time before being in a city was boring to him. But when they got home he knew he had a word to keep. He was already regretting offering to open up more. It was a moment of open weakness and he felt horrible and now it was going to be pushed all the more open. He took a seat next to Halvard, being careful not to fall on his flank. “Every day I am more use to three legs but at the same time, I miss four even more.” He says looking at the fire, gathering himself. “Where to start? Maybe my home… Dad. Ya, that sounds good.”

 

“My father, Carr. He was…” The Calder flicks his ears, he felt uneasy speaking about Carr even with the bull so far away. “He hated me. He hated me the moment I took my first breath and he made that clear as ice on a clam lake. I was a runt and that upset him. He even blamed my mother for it. I don’t think he loved one of his cows or ship mates. I think he saw all of us as disposable and worthless. He even sold my mother I think. I don’t remember seeing her much longer after I got off her milk. Maybe she ran away. Wish she took me with her if she did. He took no part in helping me, he never gave me food and often saw me as nothing more than a fun toy to toss about with his mates… nothing like being having a dozen big bulls taking turns seeing how far they can toss you off the ship. As I got older he got worse around me, even if I did nothing he’d happily kick me or sling me about with his antlers. The crew liked to join in this. Some winters the frozen sea looked far to welcoming to me.”  The young bull was shaking as he spoke, his words shakeing some. “Than he found out… about… About how I feel to other bulls and how I did not care for cows. That was the worst day of them all”

[Blueblood]

Halvard wished he could say that he was surprised by anything of what Calder had said.  He'd known full well that whatever the young bull had gone through had to have been bad, and hearing precisely what kind of bad it was... He had to look away, just so Calder wouldn't think his hardening expression had anything to do with him.  "I have never quite understood," The blue bull spoke softly, "Why cruelty is indulged in so often.  We live so marginally that wastefulness is fatal, but to keep   He said,you around just to delight in your pain-!"

The shelves shook with the impact of Halvard's hoof upon the floor.  "It won't stand!" He stated definitively.  "If I had my way we'd sweep clans and chieftains like him out of the waters entirely.  I might get it one day, too, but until then..."  He looked back at Calder, in the young bull's face.  "Nothing like that will happen to you in Clan Breen, or under my auspices, should you decide to not officially join."

[Dusty]

Calder almost jumped out of his skin as Halvard slammed his hoof on the floor, a few cuss words leaving the young bulls muzzle from the shock as he looked at Halvard and watched as the bull spoke. He just blinked when it was done, he did not know what to say. He was at a loss for words one to many times this day but he never… had something like. It was new, scary and confusing as to what to do. So he just scoots closer and hugs Halvard, it felt weird hugging a bull… let alone feeling like that bull cared for him at all.

 

Not knowing what to say back, he keeps speaking about his life. “After that… He was even worse to me. I went out of my way to not be around him as if I got to close… Well, it made the old days look nice. I… took it out on slaves. It was bad, I know it was but I did. I had to vent somehow and a chained up pony with no way to do a thing is… easy. One slave had me do it to him every time, never let me lash out at others. No matter how mad I was he asked for me to take it out on him. He talked to me, told me he did not hate me. Felt bad for me. We… He became my one friend. His name was One Eye, not his real name but he never spoke that. Just the name the other slaves gave him.” Calder rubs the side of his face on the blue bull, not even thinking about if he will get the color on him as his tears wet the fur. “He was the only friend I ever had in my life. He did so much for me. I can read thanks to him… math as well. Why I can speak to the locals as good as I do. He saw something in me I never did. Goodness. Hope. nothing good can ever be born from Carr but be blived I was. I try not to think about him now. I know whatever Carr pland for him it will forever be worse then ware I am now."

[Blueblood]

As naturally as a father, a real, loving father, Halvard put his hoof around Calder to hug him back.  The story continued and, as warned, it got worse.  He could only hold the young bull as the relived tragedy played itself out in Calder's head, before replying in a low voice once he had finished, "One-Eye was right.  I would take his testimony any day above Carr's."  *Or yours, on a bad day.*  He thought to himself, not speaking it aloud as it would hardly improve the poor bull's opinion of himself.

 

What else was there to say, though?  The blue bull thought about it for a minute before speaking again.  "I will say this, young one.  I have traveled far, and met many caribou, ponies, and others.  Altogether, I found those like One-Eye to be the rule, and those like Carr to be a rare exception.  And I would include you under the rule."

[Dusty]

Calder wanted to say more but he felt as if his muzzle was failing to work as he clings to Halvard. The act alone of being hugged back was overwhelming for the young bull, that act of kindness was so rare only one other living thing has done it. Add in what Halvard was saying and it left Calder with only one thing to do. Hug hard as he can. And that is all he did for what felt like very long time to him before he can force his muzzle to make sounds and speak. “Thank you.” Was all he got out at first, but soon he followed it up. “Maybe… Maybe the gods are smiling on me now. Maybe you are just better than them. I don’t know. But thank you… For believing in me.” He wanted to give more of his story but he felt drained and worn out and most of all he just wanted to enjoy feeling cared for.

[Blueblood]

"You're welcome."  Was Halvard's only verbal reply.  He wanted to say more, to say that he had much to thank Calder for in turn.  His mate Sigrun had an adopted son of her own, and the bull had to confess to a kind of envy of that relationship.  He and Limi got along well, of course, but it wasn't the same.  But, perhaps this was not the best time to be saying that sort of thing.  Calder needed time to separate himself from his old father before he could really come to grips with having a new one.  The possibility, though, the promise; that warmed his heart.

 

He kept hugging Calder until the younger bull's grip relaxed.  "Come on, then, I think it's time we were abed now.  Been a long day, and we've more ahead of us."  The bedding arrangements were fairly simple, Halvard being used to rather spartan accommodations on the road.  He laid out a pallet of clean cloth and straw for Calder, taking some care to arrange his own as well.  There wasn't much difference between the two, in terms of comfort.

[Dusty]

It took Calder a while to finly loosen up the hug, he felt embarrassed by how emotional he’s been around Halvard. But it was more Halvard's fault than himself. That bull was just to nice and caring. It was fully and utterly ‘un- caribou’ to the way he was raised to think caribou must act. Yet it was just what he needed as he was never good at being the caribou he beaten into being. He wanted to be more like the caribou Halvard was. The thought alone was startling as he never felt that way before, not to other caribou. Looking up to one and wanting to in some way be like them was such change it was bewildering for Calder. Much of this has been. Stressing. Hard. A ride like no other that he’s stuck on. He was as much grateful as angry and upset. But here he was being hugged by somebull that cared. CARED! Something so simple, so basic yet so weird. Well this was not the first time it showed up in his head this was the loudest it has been. Halvard did care. Halvard really did not want to use Calder, explote him or earn something. Halvard did it as it was good thing to do. Goodness for the sake of just being good.

 

Carr will have laughed at such a thing. Called it weak. Called it a front to the gods. The old ways. Maybe the old ways needed to be that. Old and forgotten. If other bulls can change and become something new maybe Halvard had a pont. Maybe Calder can become something better. Maybe One Eye did see something good after all. For the sake of his first real friend… And his new one he had to try.

 

By the time Halvard spoke Calder’s tears have yet to stop. But sleep sounded good. He gently nodded his head and spoke in a weak tone, his words messy from the amount of crying he’s been doing. “Y-ya… sleep. Sleep sounds good.” He gets up to walk to the room Halvard gave to him before looking over at the blue bull. “I… This… This is going to sound like a calf but… Can we share a room? At least for this night. I…” He looked away in embarrassment. “I don’t want to be alone. Not this night. I don’t want to be all alone for at least one night. I sound like such a calf. I’m sorry. I’m just going to go sleep. Never mind” He choked out before walking past the door frame in to his room.

[Blueblood]

The request did take Halvard by surprise, but he could well understand why Calder would desire it.  It had been an emotionally taxing day.  Just one night...

 

But with a bit of an adjustment.  "I'll stay with you, in your room.  Nightmares attack the lonely."  And with such dark memories dredged up, they were all too likely to circle the house like harpies, seeking to hound poor Calder right into the hooves of Hel.  Well, not if the blue bull had anything to say about it!  

 

He laid out a bit more straw, enough for the two of them, and laid down.  To those used to northern lands, the house was warm enough to need no blanked.

[Dusty]

Calder was shocked Halvard was willing alow such a calf like thing. But deep down he was very thankful, shameful as it was he wanted to just be around somebull. At least for now. So he muttered this thanks gently as he watched the bed made bigger for two and lays down next to Halvard and scoots up close. Well some may have the room to make a joke about him sleeping with a bull and Calder was well aware of it he did not care. He did not see it that way but a small part of him did see it as… something he never had. A caring father helping thare calf sleep easy. It made him happy. Relaxed. As Calder snuggles in to Halvard he fell asleep fast and easily as dreams took him. And for the first time in many years, the dreams were good and hopeful. Just maybe he found the thing he needed most. Just maybe. The possibility was all he needed to sleep good that night.