earth pony Chesster Pierce [Ready]

[starsteemer]

Name: Chesster Pierce 
Gender: Male
Age: Stallion
Species: Crystal Pony
Eye colour: Amber

Character colour: The Coat is a very creme off-white color, with brown at the tip of the ears and a bubble gradient from hoof to elbow/knee consisting of a light red, shaded red, brown red to brown at the hoof. Chesster has two short scars across the muzzle and one on his left ear, all of them earned in training sessions with swordplay. He has a longer scar on his left side, extending from his shoulder blade to his hip, and forked slightly in the middle. This scar is from when he first joined the guards and got into an accident while sparring without armor. 

Mane/Tail/Other: The mane is an ombre of a neutral red to dark red at the hair tips, and is light and fluffy. The mane is about shoulder length, and partially covers his upper back. His tail is the same way, and is similar to a cow's tail. He also has a short goatee, the same color as his mane and tail. 

Physique: Chester is a tall, muscular stallion without the stocky build of most distinguished stallions, and measures to about 5 foot. Though what he lacks in a broad barrel body he makes up for with his athletic, slim physique, good for sprinting and low endurance activites.

Residence: In the canon universe, he lives in a secluded manor in Whitetail woods. In the Sombra undefeated universe, he lives in the Crystal Empire.

Occupation: Originally, he was a royal guardspony, and due to his talent for strategy and tactical decisions(and blackmail) Became captain of the guard. After Sombra's (second) defeat, he fled the empire and built a manor in Whitetail Woods. As a hobby he goes to chess competitions, sword fighting duels, and jousting matches. If he needs the money he does mercenary work, particularly jobs of a sketchy nature no other respectable pony would take. 

Cutie Mark: His cutie mark is a chess knight and a pawn in four alternating squares of black and white, the chess pieces representing his propensity for strategy, careful decision making and tactical decisions. He also happens to be really good at chess, checkers, and most card or logic games. 

Chesster earned his cutiemark after being challenged by the smartest kid in school to a chess competition. Chesster was the self-proclaimed smartest colt in the crystal empire, but his bragging was not without substance. Because of Chesster's self taught studies on strategies and battle tactics, he was able to win the competition and earn his cutie mark. For most young ponies it is a defining moment, but for Chesster it only proved what he already knew. 

Unique Traits: Chesster learned how to battle in heavy armor and fight with a sword, overcoming the challenges being an earth pony posed for sword duels. To make up for his lack of magic and to confuse his foes, he has a helmet with a sharp, fake unicorn horn on it, for fooling attackers into thinking he's more skilled in magic instead of other areas (such as strength) and as use as an extra sword, his helmet horn can be used in a sudden thrust or to parry a blow, or act like a spear while charging an opponent. 

History: Chesster is from the Crystal empire, from a family of poor grain farmers. He had a large family and was often forgotten about, and when he wasn't forgotten he was picked on relentlessly by his older siblings, of which all 6 of them were colts, who valued strength and brute force over all else. Chesster had no sisters, and no younger siblings. As his family was poor and didn't often have much to eat, it was always a showdown between his siblings, and often the strongest won the most to eat. Chesster was the weakest out of his brothers, so the winner was never him. Chesster became sick and tired of going to bed hungry, and so one by one he blackmailed, sabotaged and extorted his siblings until he got what he wanted. His brothers hated him for it, and so they conspired against their smarter younger brother whenever possible. 

Chesster's family pressured him to stay in the family business of farming wheat, but Chesster rebelled, escaping his family's wrath within the sanctuary of the library. There he poured all his energy into learning about wars, strategies, tactics, history, fighting, and other related pursuits, setting his sights on one day becoming the commander of an army. He desperately wanted to prove that his intellect would win more battles than strength, as well as show everypony that he could be mighty in the pen and the sword, and thus unstoppable. Of course, commanders are not made from weak little colts, so Chesster became extremely motivated to train and practice hard to reach his goals. He hated his living condition, hated his family for inhibiting his goals, and knew he deserved more, was destined for more. 

Chesster imposed a strict exercise regimen on himself, and when he wasn't training he was studying in the library. He often skipped school, as he was self-taught enough to surpass the school's speed and capacity for teaching him. Because of Chesster's tunnel vision towards his goals, he didnt have time for friends and pushed away anypony who tried. Despite being too young to join the guards, Chesster watched them during their own training sessions, modelling his own routine after theirs. He convinced a few of the guards to teach him to swordfight, as well as other dangerous skills. He was a fast learner, and always hungry for more. Chesster grew up into a strapping young stallion with his training keeping him athletic and fit, and his love of strategy and new challenges keeping his wits sharp. 

When Chesster finally joined the guards, he couldn't be more pleased. By taking initiative and utilizing his skills, Chesster gradually rose in rank. But he was still not satisfied, still desired more. He had his eyes on captain of the royal guard, and by orchestrating a little 'accident' for the captain at that time, rose to take his place. Chesster used his position for personal gain, and through unethical (and probably illegal) methods he amassed more money than his family had ever dreamed of. His family begged him for help, claiming blood ties, but bitterness reigned supreme in Chesster's heart and he happily refused. And yet, he still wanted more. He wanted to lead an army, to prove his superiority, but Princess Amore was a kind and loving princess, and would not go to war nor allow Chesster to do as he pleased unchecked. He resented the princess and thought of her as soft and weak, but he did not speak out, biding his time. 

 

When King Sombra rose to power, Chesster saw his chance at rising above, recognizing Sombra as powerful and worthy of rule. Chesster wasted no time in swearing his allegiance and loyalty to the new King, and went on to prove it. Chesster demonstrated his loyalty by helping to enslave or imprison the crystal ponies, crushing any rebellions and silencing those who spoke out against him, as well as keeping the rest of the guard in line and following Sombra's orders. Chesster took his duties very seriously, taking every opportunity to prove his loyalty, through any means. Chesster came to enjoy enforcing Sombra's rule, for the thrill of power until it becomes clear to the crystal ponies that he enjoys what he does, and is not being forced with magic or blackmailed with imprisoned friends and family. Chesster was fully supportive of Sombra's dictatorship, even until the end.

 

When Sombra was defeated and the Crystal Empire fell to Sombra's curse, Chesster was no different. 1000 years later, and Chesster had his memories blocked like the rest of the crystal ponies, and assumed it to be a failsafe Sombra put in place to keep his secrets hidden, which made sense to him, so he patiently waited for Sombra's anticipated victory. When Sombra was defeated by the crystal heart, Chesster left the Crystal Empire, fearing repercussions for his role in enslaving the crystal ponies. Chesster quietly and discreetly left the empire with a handful of his most loyal guardsponies and a sum of his ill-gotten fortune, having a decently sized manor built in Wotton Tail Woods. Chesster spends his time preparing for King Sombra's eventual return, sending out search parties to find any trace of the King of Monsters. Though he knows the chances of his king returning are slim, Sombra is the only chance Chesster has to return to power once more. 

Character Personality: Chesster is clever and devious, always using underhoofed, dirty and sneaky tactics to win. He's very proud, has a strong sense of loyalty and tends to be selfish. He doesn't care who he has to defeat to rise to the top. He has no pity for the weak, since he believes if he could escape his weaker self, so too can everypony else, but they simply don't want to.  He cares most about himself, but on occasion can be selfless for personal gain, or as an investment. When Chesster wants to be, he can be quite suave and charming, usually coming up with clever and flirtatious compliments to mares or superiors he's kissing up to for favors.

 

Chesster can sometimes have a large ego, and though he has a hard time taking criticism, he appreciates how it makes him better. He's very prideful of what he does and a cold, quiet anger takes him when his skills are called into question. Chesster puts on a cool and collected exterior, preferring to appear mysterious. He acts cold, but deep down he really wishes somepony would make him feel something more than a lust for battle and power, however his cold, logical and calculating nature can put ponies off. Chesster also doesn't recognize most of his flaws. His redeeming qualities would likely be his extreme loyalty, He's very loyal to his king and his guards, and wasn't loyal to the original ruler of the Crystal Empire because he secretly believed she was too weak to rule. When needed, Chesster is willing to set aside his pride if it benefits him in some way later on.Chesster loves to pass on his skills, and teaching others is a weakness of his. 

 

Chesster likes fine dining, sparring with his loyal guards, and winning. Chesster dislikes other ponies acting like they're better than him, hot weather, and ponies telling him to get a haircut. He can be somewhat vain about his long hair, however impractical it is for battle. To remedy this, he gets somepony else to put it in a bun or ponytail. He likes strategy games and riddles. He has regal, lavish taste, a penchant for the finer things in life, and believes he deserves nothing less. His sense of style is modest but expensive, and he prefers dark tones or shades, particularly mahogany, iron gray, and red velvet. He likes dark brown and red, and may be biased due to his coat colors.

Character Summary: Chesster is an ambitious crystal pony with a skill for strategy, originally a captain of the crystal empire's royal guard under king sombra, and since his defeat he has retired to a manor in Whitetail Woods, awaiting King Sombra's hopeful return. While waiting for his king, Chesster sometimes leaves his manor in disguise, to participate in chess competitions, or other such competitions requiring a level of intelligence, sometimes jousting. Whether he wins or not, Chesster evaluates his tactics and plans for better ones next time, growing and learning however he can.

 

He also prefers to be called by his last name Pierce, as he believes the name Chesster isn't nearly as intimidating enough. He greatly prefers Lord Pierce and Commander Pierce. 

Chesster thought of the crystal fair as a distraction and preferred to focus on his studies and training, secretly though he envied the fun that other ponies had and wanted to go, but his reasoning was that he had nopony to go with him so there was no point. 

 

 

[Bellosh]

Thank you for your interest in WoE. However, we have to rule against letting crystal ponies become immortal for a thousand years due to Sombra's curse. According to show canon, crystal ponies were utterly forgotten by Equestrian society for a thousand years after the Curse. Having immortal crystal ponies running around alive and well runs counter to that canon fact. Therefore, your OC will have to be trapped in the Crystal Empire like all its other citizens.

 

I will provide additional feedback once the recommended change is made to your app. ^_^

[starsteemer]

Thank you for the feedback! i was unsure about the immortal thing anyways, and i've thought of a workaround that may or may not work? 

Okay so With Sombra's curse, the crystal empire and all of it's inhabitants disapear as well. I have only two issues with this that may be fixed. issue one, memories. The crystal ponies memories were blocked from fear or the curse, so they wouldn't be able to assist in any way with defeating sombra. But what about those loyal to sombra? in the show, no sign of sombra loyalists exists, so it's clear that if they did exist, they were well hidden, and for that purpose probably hidden so they couldn't be used by the 'enemy' and/or so they could help sombra retake the empire when it was time. So... perhaps his loyalists retained their memories and worked behind the scenes to assist Sombra, and once sombra was defeated for a second time, it would make sense for his followers to leave the empire, at least some of them, in search of their master or to simply keep themselves safe from equestrian justice.

my second issue is crystal ponies living outside the empire, if crystal ponies were to be forgotten entirely then all trace of them would have vanished, including households. this is only an issue cause i want Chesster to keep his manor, which could have disapeared with the rest of the crystal pony's legacy and reappeared, like the crystal empire intact. If this is too big of a problem though i can see another workaround, with chesster just.. rebuilding his house

thank you so much for your time in helping me refine my oc, it's very appreciated!

[starsteemer]

I went ahead and fixed the issues, and honestly i didn't even need a workaround, i feel like this way he's more round and interesting as a character anyways. i made some minor alterations to wording and phrasing, and changed some of his history and added to his personality. i eagerly await any more advice you can give for helping me make my character the best they can be!

[Bellosh]

Okie dokie, time for additional feedback!

• Paragraphs should always have a break in between them. When there's no blank spaces to separate paragraphs, it doesn't look pretty. Having the skill to make your text look good goes a long way to convince other WoE players that they'd like to play with your OCs. PS: if a paragraph seems a bit large, it might be a good idea to break it in half to make it more attractive to read.
• Remove the reference to Luna in the Physique field; describing characters without needing to reference a canon pony's attributes is a good RPing practice to follow.
• Give your app another good hard look-through to spot any spelling and grammar errors. I noticed a couple spots where words weren't properly capitalized and other things along those lines. Writing proficiently is a vital skill to have in WoE roleplay... along with making your paragraphs aesthetically pleasing as I mentioned previously.

Aside from those issues, the rest of the app looks pretty good. Lemme know when you've completed the requested edits.

[starsteemer]

Alright, i went ahead and edited my app to the best of my abilities, i looked through it carefully and fixed any capitilization and grammar errors, i added breaks between paragraphs and removed the reference to Luna! There is a chance i've missed something or perhaps spaced something awkwardly, i tried moving some sentences around to make more sense within the paragraph (in the personality section, i seperated his personality bits from what he likes and dislikes) I feel as if i did good in fixing the mistakes, if there's anything i missed simply point it out to me! thank you so much for reviewing my app, and i hope i'm ready soon!

[Bellosh]

Actually, it appears like only one paragraph break was added between your first and second History paragraphs. Everything else below looks all clumped up like before. Anywho, just keep those formatting guidelines in mind when you RP. Aside from that, have fun!