Unicorn Feather Kinesis [Final]

[Armony]

Name: Feather Kinesis

Sex: Female

Age: Mare

Species: Unicorn

Coat Color: Dark Orange

(#CD6600)

Mane/Tail/Markings Color & Style: Keeps her mane and tail cut short so they don't get in the way.

(#C00000)

Eye Color: Dark Goldenrod

(#B8860B)

Cutie Mark: A steel anvil with a white feather on it

Physique: Slightly taller and more muscular than average

Origin: Stalliongrad

Roleplay Type: Mane RP

Occupation: Construction work

Motivation: Securing a safer Equestria, one well-built structure at a time

Likes: Building things, steel, playing cards, card castles, travel, snow, winter, sour food

Dislikes: Destroying or dismantling things, laziness, low quality work, rain, summer, spicy food

Character Summary:

Feather Kinesis was born an only-child to a poor family of miners living in Stalliongrad. Her parents both being the hard-working sort, she learned early on in life the value of a long, hard day of work, and followed their example by putting her utmost effort into both her schooling and household chores. Even though they often struggled with expenses, and ended up neglecting maintenance on their old, shoddy house, they lived fairly happily throughout her foalhood. One thing that bothered her parents was the seeming lack of magic coming from their unicorn child; she never even displayed any outbursts of unintentional magic, as unicorn foals often do. When her classmates learned of this, she was often teased about it at school, with some foals going so far as to suggest that she was an adopted earth pony, and had been given a fake horn to convince her otherwise. Her parents tried and tried to get her to show any signs of some sort of magical talent, but each attempt ended only in frustration.

One day, during a particularly bad snow storm, Feather had noticed that the house was creaking rather violently and some of the walls were beginning to sway with the wind. She and her parents all realized that the house was going to collapse if the continuous stress kept up, and they needed to get outside to safety, quickly. Her parents sent her outside and instructed her to take shelter with the closest neighbor that would open their door to her, and that they would come find her after the storm was over. Meanwhile, her parents planned to retrieve valuables such as photographs, family heirlooms, and their scarce bits of money and food. About halfway over to their neighbor's house, Feather heard the cracking and splintering of wood, and looked in horror as several studs near the door began to crack and cave in. If they were to fall, the only exit from the house would be blocked off, and her parents would be trapped inside the crumbling building. With that night's attempted magic lesson in telekinesis still mostly fresh in her mind, she did that only thing she could think of. She reached out and grabbed hold of the cracking studs, and closed her eyes and hoped with every ounce of her being that, just this once, a spell of hers would work.

Even as she could feel magical power coursing through her body, Feather could also feel her consciousness slowly ebbing away. She thought she saw her parents galloping from the house, but she wasn't sure of anything that was happening before she blacked out. The next thing she knew, she awoke in the neighbor's house with her worried parents looking over her. In the end, their house had collapsed, but the young filly had managed to buy just enough time for her parents to escape unscathed. She couldn't help but feel happy in spite of the enormous loss thrust upon her already poor family; she had gotten some magic to work and saved her parents' lives in the process. And, to top it all off, once her parents were certain that she was okay, they showed her that she had earned her cutie mark; placing her among the first in her class to do so, and ending the largest part of the bullying she had been enduring. Using her newfound talent for telekinesis, an ability that allowed her to move objects much heavier than most other unicorns could, she assisted in the reconstruction of her home, ensuring that it was built sturdily enough that it would never be blown over again. Afterward, having found that she enjoyed building things and seeing the finished product come out of her thoughts, she decided that she would start her own construction service, and provide the same kind of secure homes to ponies all across Equestria.

Feather can seem cold and uncaring to those who have just met her, and especially to those who have only recently begun working with her. However, once one gets to know her, she really is a kind, caring, and understanding pony who places high value on hard, quality work. She does tend to have a short temper when it comes to laziness, since she still believes that to be the primary cause of her home collapsing in that terrible snowstorm from when she was a filly, and will stand for nopony making excuses for not putting their best effort into their work. When she has spare time, Feather loves to play various card games, or, failing to find an opponent, build castles out of her cards. She also still occasionally struggles with even the simplest of magic that falls outside the range of her special talent for telekinesis, but she's learned to accept what talent she's been given, and merely shows her completed constructions when her lack of ability comes into question.

Edited March 3, 2012 by Armony
Various fixes

[Bramble Rose]

According to the rules on these boards - while infant unicorns often have bursts of instinctive magic - that goes away after the first couple months. Then the foal is left magicless until they get rather a bit older, after which they slowly work their way with quite a bit of difficulty through telekinetically affecting very small objects, or making their horn glow - usually around the time they are receiving their cutie mark.

Therefore, she wouldn't be out of place in her classes for not having magic - none of the other little unicorn foals would have magic, either! Especially if Feather Kinesis was the first to get her cutie mark.

Also - lifting up an object as large as a house would be difficult enough for a fully grown unicorn. Twilight Sparkle, who is the most magically potent unicorn of the age, had to seriously push to her very limits in order to lift something that big. For a foal to do that with her very first effort is unlikely...

And finally - unicorn telekinesis usually ends if they pass out.

I don't mean to be a spoilsport, but ...

Your cutie mark story doesn't need to be a grand, heroic moment. In fact, for most ponies, it's not. It's a moment when your pony understands something about themselves, gets to know themselves for who they really are. Admittedly, it often is a important moment in their foalhood, too - something very happy. But what I'm not sure about your cutie mark and its story is - what does it tell us about your character? What does it mean to her, about her personality?

And you say she has a special sort of telekinesis... what makes it so special?

Your character seems a neat character, don't get me wrong. I love the idea of a hardworking construction unicorn, and I do *not* want to discourage this character from existing. I just also want to help make sure your history and character fit into the world around her.

[brianblackberry]

Reading over this more closely there are two areas of concern I hope you won't mind clarifying.

It was mentioned that her classmates made fun of her for never displaying magic in the past, but she was also one of the first to get her cutie mark in the class once she found her calling. Most unicorn foals cannot do magic, at least up until the time they get their cutie marks or start maturing into filly/colthood outside of the uncontrolled bursts they could as babies (like the Cake foals). If it is specified that perhaps they learned she never had magic instances back as a baby and they still make fun of her at school age, it would clarify some discrepancies.

My other concern is the moment she got her cutie mark. Holding a house together is quite the achievement even for an adult unicorn. Even Twilight suffered visible strain holding up an Ursa Minor and a silo top at the same time as an adult (and it has been stated she is exceptionally gifted). I understand the idea of having that uncontrolled burst because of situation temporarily boosting her powers but I feel the scope of her magic at that time could be toned down while still achieving the same result (such as stopping a support beam from collapsing on them, or another dangerous objecdt that could prevent them from escaping).

Her telekinesis is emphasized as being special, which is fine, I am hoping to see that written out in some detail. Perhaps it allows very fine control, or for her to lift heavier objects than most unicorns, or even both.

These are just thoughts I had reading over the app for a second time that I missed and that the mods may feel need attention.

[Armony]

According to the rules on these boards - while infant unicorns often have bursts of instinctive magic - that goes away after the first couple months. Then the foal is left magicless until they get rather a bit older, after which they slowly work their way with quite a bit of difficulty through telekinetically affecting very small objects, or making their horn glow - usually around the time they are receiving their cutie mark.

Therefore, she wouldn't be out of place in her classes for not having magic - none of the other little unicorn foals would have magic, either! Especially if Feather Kinesis was the first to get her cutie mark.

It was mentioned that her classmates made fun of her for never displaying magic in the past, but she was also one of the first to get her cutie mark in the class once she found her calling. Most unicorn foals cannot do magic, at least up until the time they get their cutie marks or start maturing into filly/colthood outside of the uncontrolled bursts they could as babies (like the Cake foals). If it is specified that perhaps they learned she never had magic instances back as a baby and they still make fun of her at school age, it would clarify some discrepancies.

I've done some rearranging and rewording in the first paragraph that should take care of this.

And you say she has a special sort of telekinesis... what makes it so special?

Her telekinesis is emphasized as being special, which is fine, I am hoping to see that written out in some detail. Perhaps it allows very fine control, or for her to lift heavier objects than most unicorns, or even both.

Added this phrase to clarify:

Using her newfound talent for telekinesis, an ability that allowed her to move objects much heavier than most other unicorns could, she assisted in the reconstruction of her home, ensuring that it was built sturdily enough that it would never be blown over again.

Also - lifting up an object as large as a house would be difficult enough for a fully grown unicorn. Twilight Sparkle, who is the most magically potent unicorn of the age, had to seriously push to her very limits in order to lift something that big. For a foal to do that with her very first effort is unlikely...

My other concern is the moment she got her cutie mark. Holding a house together is quite the achievement even for an adult unicorn. Even Twilight suffered visible strain holding up an Ursa Minor and a silo top at the same time as an adult (and it has been stated she is exceptionally gifted). I understand the idea of having that uncontrolled burst because of situation temporarily boosting her powers but I feel the scope of her magic at that time could be toned down while still achieving the same result (such as stopping a support beam from collapsing on them, or another dangerous objecdt that could prevent them from escaping).

Changed this up from "entire house" to "several studs"... studs as in wooden beams that keep walls from falling over, of course.

And finally - unicorn telekinesis usually ends if they pass out.

I hadn't intended an interpretation of immediately fainting, just that she doesn't remember the events immediately preceding her loss of consciousness, which is quite a common occurrence, from my understanding. I added a bit in to try to clarify what was going on there.

[brianblackberry]

Looking good!

For Great Justice!

[Bramble Rose]

That is a lot clearer and tidier. As I said, I really like the basic idea of this character, and I'm glad these could be worked out!

[Skye]