Three Strings (WoodWind) [Final]Unicorn
Posted 06 June 2012 - 03:01 AM
Name: Three Strings (Nickname: WoodWind)
Eye Color: Lavender
Coat Color: Light blue
Mane/Tail/Markings Color & Style: Light green
Physique: A scholarly, prim, slim, but not exactly athletic build.
Cutie Mark: A Flute
Occupation:Musician (specializes in Flutes)
Motivation: He is motivated to bring happiness to others through calming flute music. He also has a small desire to rebel against his family. due to their insistence on playing string instruments
Likes: (optional) Flutes and other similar instruments/woodwinds; classical music, some modern music.
Dislikes: (optional) Loud metal music or loud techno; uptight musicians.
Character Summary: Family: His family comes from a long line of string musicians - from violinists, to guitarists, to other string instruments - who tend to stick to traditions. So, when he wanted to be a flutist after hearing a great flutist play his best piece, his family forbade it. He took up the flute anyway, saving his money and buying his own flute, then teaching himself to play it. When he began to play it all the time at home, his family begrudgingly admitted that he was good at it.
Cutie mark story: When Three Strings was younger, rebelled against his family by going to the local park and playing calming flute or jaunty tunes, occasionally getting some bits. One day at this park, he saw an arguing couple and played a calming song, soothing their anger.
Flaws: Other than his family issues, Three Strings also loves luxury due to some ritzy gigs he plays, but has the musician's curse of being dirt poor. So, when he talks fancy, he sounds like a snob or a poser to some.
Personality: He prefers calm music, telling of his personality: he is a calm pony with a jovial personality, and at times he tries and sometimes fails to be a charmer. He also dreams to be a great flutist for the Canterlot orchestra, or at least become famous amongst Canterlot nobles.
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Posted 10 June 2012 - 06:45 PM
Let's see if I can help pick a couple of points for you to expand upon so you can perhaps help flesh him out a little more!
Perhaps here you could highlight perhaps how he got started on the flute - where did he first hear it, and when did he realise it was something he wanted to play?
Why did his parents feel so obligated to stop him from playing the flute, and how was it that he rebelled?
Here, there's potential to highlight what he dreams/hopes to achieve in the future, and how he may try and achieve these aims!
Of course, if you can think of anything else to expand upon, go right ahead and give it a try - I look forward to seeing your progress!
Posted 12 June 2012 - 03:32 PM
Here is the major part of your application with corrections marked in red:
Motivation: he is motivated to bring happiness to others through Calming flute Music.[,] and a small disire[desire] to rebel against his family.
Likes: (optional) like[Likes] flutes and other instruments like them, classical music and some modern music too.
Dislikes: (optional)loud[Loud] metal music or loud techno, uptight musicians.
Character Summary: Family: his family comes from a long line of String Musicians from Violinists, to guitarists, to other string instruments who tend to stick to traditions[;] so when he wanted to be a Flutist [flutist – not a proper noun, so no capitalization] after hearing a great flutist play his best piece his family forbid it[forbade it,] but he did it anyway[. He – New sentence start] he rebelled by saving his money and buying his own flute and teaching himself to play[. He – New sentence start] he started to play all the time at his house and his family begrudgingly said[admitted] he was good at it.
Cutie mark story: when[When] Three Strings was younger he was rebelling[would rebel] against his family by going to the local park and playing occasionally getting some bits too[; he would occasionally receive some bits as well.] but he saw [One day he saw] an arguing couple and he played a calming song and[that] soothed their anger.
Flaws:other[Other] than the family issues he also has a love of luxury[luxurious things] due to some ritzy gigs he plays[plays at,] but[but he] has the musicians[musican’s] curse of being dirt poor.[; - semicolon instead of period] so when he talks fancy he sounds like a snob or a poser to some.
Personality: he[He] prefers calm music[,] which kind of tell his personality he[personally- He] is a calm pony with a jovial personality and at times try's to be a charmer too[,] but it sometimes doesn't work. he[He] also dreams to be[about being] a great Flutist[flutist] for the Canterlot orchestra[,] or at least be famous amongst Canterlot nobles.
Again I would strongly recommend a friend to proofread or use a spelling/grammar checker for your application. There is nothing wrong with asking for help here; I do myself.
Posted 14 June 2012 - 12:47 AM