18 replies to this topic

[EightStar]

Suppose it wouldn't hurt to try my hand at this again.

Roleplay Type: I'm not interested in crossover.  World of Equestria.
Name: Pickpear
Gender: Female
Age: Barely a mare.
Species: Unicorn
Eye Color: Rose
Coat Color: Pear-Green
Mane/Tail/Markings Color & Style: Chestnut Brown and self cut, looks a little messy.
Physique: Smaller than the average pony.
Cutie Mark: An oaken crosier with a bow on it.
Origin/Residence: Originally from the areas surrounding Fillydelphia, migrated towards Ponyville, but ended up becomming nomad.
Occupation: Artifact Appraisal and Acquisition.
Motivation: Her special somepony.
Likes: The color orange... and intelligent conversation.
Dislikes: Overly forward and braizen ponies.  She tends to avoid them.
Character Summary: Pickpear was born a runt. Her body and her horn were both smaller than average. Though it was her horn that was most made fun of. She shied away from large groups and activities with others for a long time. She was such a doormat that even her parents walked all over her, making her do literally everything around the house when at home. Her cutie mark came from her skill as a shephard, possibly the only thing that really kept her at ease. However, her parents saw no leading qualities in her, and forbade her from leading the sheep anymore, keeping her tied down with other mundane tasks. She finally ran away from home, escaping with nothing but her saddlebags and a destination; Ponyville, where she had heard everyone was so nice.
Along the way, she ran into a stranger. After a little convincing, she gave up her quest to Ponyville and went on a journey with him, where he built up her self-confidence and taught her how to enter places and "acquire" old artifacts. She has, since then, developed strong feelings for that special somepony, and treasures anything she still has from him. She's very deticated to her new skills and talents in picking locks and disabling countermeasures for just her kind.  However, now her wandering has become a hunt to track down that special somepony once again, and the artifacts are all a means of acquiring the bits to do it with.
Because of her earlier background, she's still a very reserved and quiet pony, but she has a certain point where she becomes assertive, due to her natural talent.  Her actual talent makes her a good at understanding somepony's capabilities, and how they can work with others to accomplish a task.  Because of this, she'd make a great leader, but because of her developed shy nature from her background, she never attempts to take the role she was destined for.  Perhaps one day she'll be able to knock down the mental barriers blocking her way and bloom into her true potential.

Edited by EightStar, 12 July 2012 - 08:09 PM.

[MyLittlePonyTales]

It's Fillydelphia.

[EightStar]

Ah!  Silly me.  I do keep forgetting to check that image I made.  Once I do that and get the proper eye color I can finalize it.

EDIT:  Rose!  Good thing I checked.

Edited by EightStar, 22 June 2012 - 09:07 PM.

[brianblackberry]

I would strongly suggest altering her cutie mark as it sounds like her special talent and skills lie in lock-picking and disabling of traps and other similar devices, which more easily allow her to explore the various mysterious places of the world for various treasures and trinkets.  That is actually a pretty interesting ability and amateur wanderer/adventurer is a pretty good plot hook, especially since she comes off as shy and lacks confidence.  Given that her ability as a Sheppard isn't really explored and subsequently dismissed, it would sound like this wasn't her special talent or ability at all as she doesn't seem interested in shepherding nor express any sort of charismatic leadership abilities.

[MyLittlePonyTales]

How is this Application coming along?

[EightStar]

Ah, it really is her special talent, but due to her background, it's something she's never been able to pursue.  She trained into being good at picking locks and such, but that's just motivation in achieving her goal.

[Davroth]

Maybe it would help if you could go into a little more detail as to how she acquired her cutie mark. That moment usually is kind of defining for that pony.

If you want to keep the shepherd aspect intact, which seems to be the case, maybe you could have her retain some aspect of shepherding in her current life. Say, she could have taken the shepherding dog from her fillyhood with her when she ran from home. Or maybe she's just talented to work with animals, and have that factor in how she lives now. It shouldn't be a problem to keep that if it's explored more.

RIght now, it comes off a little like a side note, and it's a little unclear why it's there in the first place.

I hope that helps.

[EightStar]

She is good with animals, actually.  A note I've missed, perhaps, but her primary aspect is leadership... but she's been afraid to revisit her abilities just yet.  A psychological means.  Something I want to play through, you see...

[Davroth]

I think you should reflect that more in the actual application. It's touched on, clearly, but it's also obvious that you have more in mind for this character then we can see in the application.

And I completely understand the notion that there is more to a character then what is written in the application, but for this character to be properly evaluated, I think you'll have to give the staff a little more.

[EightStar]

From suggestions to change the situation of my character to the changing of my application... perhaps I'd rather hear that from the staff themselves?  It is my character, after all.  As long as they can see that she properly falls within the guidelines, I don't see the issue.  More playing, and less scrutiny after all.

Only reason I'm back here is because MyLittlePonyTales asked me to give Canterlot another chance.

[Davroth]

I did no such thing. I merely tried to point out possibilities to expand. Or rather, clarify what you already planned, to make it more transparent for the staff, and others.

Sorry if my help isn't welcome. Good luck with your application anyway.

[MyLittlePonyTales]

EightStar, on 02 July 2012 - 11:41 AM, said:

From suggestions to change the situation of my character to the changing of my application... perhaps I'd rather hear that from the staff themselves?  It is my character, after all.  As long as they can see that she properly falls within the guidelines, I don't see the issue.  More playing, and less scrutiny after all.

Only reason I'm back here is because MyLittlePonyTales asked me to give Canterlot another chance.

Woo!

Apologies for the wait time. We've had some staff leave kinda recently and are working to hirer more any day now!

[EightStar]

Hehe, no worries.  So what do you think of it?

[brianblackberry]

EightStar, on 02 July 2012 - 11:41 AM, said:

From suggestions to change the situation of my character to the changing of my application... perhaps I'd rather hear that from the staff themselves?  It is my character, after all.  As long as they can see that she properly falls within the guidelines, I don't see the issue.  More playing, and less scrutiny after all.

Only reason I'm back here is because MyLittlePonyTales asked me to give Canterlot another chance.

Well I would mention in the application what you already said in the comments, that she has the potential for leadership (represented for her cutie mark), indeed this is her talent, but she hasn't been able to overcome the mental hurdles yet to allow her potential to blossom, and that's it.  Any details beyond that or how she would attempt to accomplish this would be done in RP based on the stories you want to tell and the direction you want to take with her.

[EightStar]

That's what I was saying in the last paragraph.  *Shrugs.*

I'll clarify it, then.

[brianblackberry]

Looks set to me; I'll add it to the list for the final stamp.

[EightStar]

*Pushes his glasses down for dramatic effect.*

Cool~

[Armony]

Quote

she's still a very reserved and quiet person

This isn't anything that'll hold the app back, but you may want to consider changing that last word to pony.

She definitely looks like an interesting character, and I hope she has lots of great adventures in Equestria!

[EightStar]

Ahh, thank you.  Usually I catch that.  I also missed a somepony, but I caught it there.