I Wish...
I wish I still cared for my best friend. She doesn't care about me anymore as far as I know. But why do even care still when I said it was over? I don't even know anymore. She was one of the people I loved the most, even more than my family. (<- It's because I never hang out with them nor do they also.)
I remember one of our arguments she stated that I never push her to be her best. I never did to be honest... Maybe I did.... If I did, I would force her. (But I never replied why I didn't push her.) Today, one of her "friends" (My best friend said this girl of hers says the reason why she hangs around with her is because of her roommate is there. Um. Sure! Like she doesn't care about you at all, but she does, and you like her better than me!!) was talking about how my best friend never talks good about her mum. I guess this is what she means by pushing her to the right person? I feel replaced/sent to the bottom of her list. All I have done was make her smile and be by her side. Was that not enough?
Today is our last day of school. Last night, I was rumbling through all my notes and letters from others just to file them and keep them. Most of them was from her. Some notes said "Your hugs make everything better" and "Never forget that I love you." How was I too stupid to forget? How did we forget? I don't know, anxiety?
This recent fight was started like this: I thought things were going okay. I have given her a little more space than like a few months ago where I hang out in her room like all the time. But I notice that she wasn't talking to me when I asked her on a "frate"/friend date, was glaring at me, and giving more attention to others than me. Then on Google+ she began, "You're not really sad, you have my ex to talk to all the time!"
Look, I be friends with whoever. I have the right to have friends with anyone! But she didn't like it when her friends be friends with her ex's. She gets jealous ((She should know by this point how I feel when she hangs around with her other friends. )). Okay, I should respect her by not being friends with him, but on a campus with 200+ kids alone in the middle of wheat fields will be hard to ignore someone!
...Boys (or girls) shouldn't corrupt a friendship....
I'm not sure if I should actually let go. I thought I did, but I guess not. I don't know anything anymore.
I feel like I'm dumping my problems on everyone... am I really? I am terribly sorry if I do.
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