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So... hm. I have never really talked about this. I guess this is just such an accepting community, I thought perhaps I would.

I have very low self esteem. Painfully low. And depression so bad, that sometimes I don't even want to get out of bed. Sometimes... I don't even want to wake up.

Now, there are a million reasons for this. Being bullied, may relationship with my parents, my relatuonship with my on-and-off boyfriend, religious issues, my disorders.

The reason I feel so... angry with myself about this is because I always tell people not to let things like that hurt them or hold them back. I am a hypocrite.

A few years ago I had a friend with scars on her arm. She showed me the release that comes from cutting. I would use a safety pin and make scratches on my arms. But I never whent further, and eventually quit.

Then... three months ago, I was losing it. A downward spiral, no way out. So... I picked up a pretty green knife and sliced open my arms. I was disgusted afterwards, and I only felt worse, but at the time...

It felt so good.

This was finnaly something I had control over. Finnaly a way for release, something that was all mine.

Soon my arms were covered in scars and scabs. People started to notice. I started to lie.

Finnaly it was the darkest moment I have ever had. The final precipice. I was losing it. So I called White Bird.

A guy talked to me. He told me this wasnt the only option. He told me how I can stop, and many other things. He helped me realize I needed help.

So... soon I will be seeing my new therapist. She combines healing with art. And she has a dog too.

I am not doing this for pity or attention. I guess I am just saying... there is hope. I want people to know your not alone. There is another path.

Hang in there!

(btw, this is NOT my art. I don't know who the artist is, but if you do, I will put theur name on it)



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Also dear little sister here's one of my rare bits of wisdom

amidst the darkness that is smothering this world, there is always a single ray of hope, what is important is that you NEVER give up on that hope, for if you do, you will fall into the endless pit of darkness and despair...

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