Good evening all! It's me! Imagination!
Come on now, ladies, I'm in the middle of something.
Now today we have a special story. Maybe for kindof a sad reason, so brace yourselves.
This is going to be a memorial story, because we had to put my dog down today. Though I'm the sort of person that doesn't dwell on a death and rather celebrate a life. So I thought tonight would be a good night to share one of my funnier experiences with my best-friend-almost-brother Bruschi. I'll miss you, Poopie.
So one fine morning I was asleep on my lovely queen sized bed, about 10AM on a Saturday. I was dreaming the morning away and having a splendid time. But there was one creature that would not be content with my lovely dreaming!
Oh no, children!
This was a beast unlike any had seen before! Massive paws, thick fur, and taller than a man standing straight! This massive hound was out for blood! Well, no, he wasn't. He just wanted Magi to get his lazy butt outta bed! How did he do it? I'll tell you! He almost murdered me, kids! That's right! You heard it here!
First, he climbed up onto the bed. Not jumped, climbed, because he was a big burly thing and could do that! Walking on over to me, he could've carried out the old token custom of licking his master's face to awaken him. But no he had something much more sinister in mid. He SAT ON MY FACE.
Allow me to repeat.
SAT. ON. MY. FACE.
The greatest how-do-you-do at 10AM is being smothered by dog butt, let me tell you! Luckily this woke me right up and he eventually saw fit to end my torture and run off.
Yes. My dog almost killed me. But this was followed by several years of unhindered good times, friendship, and watching Criminal Minds.
But even in death my dog got the last laugh, Children.
After returning home, having said my final goodbyes, I retreated to the family den to be alone. And there in the corner, it lay. His final laugh. His parting gift. The concluding hurrah:
He pooped on the carpet.