The things that go on inside a restaurant hostess's mind, I.e. a typical shift.
"Why didnt you call ahead."
"No, I CANT seat you there!"
"When are you leaving I need this table."
"Are you seriously telling me you need a table meant for 6 people when there is only 2 of you?!"
"Stop seating yourself you are confusing everybody!"
"Why didnt you call ahead???"
"Its not my fault your table went to somebody else. I texted you twice saying your table was ready. You chose to take your sweet time getting back!"
"You've been here for 2 hours its time to leave"
"Unless you wanna be served by a ghost you're not being sat in the closed section."
"PLEASE go to the bar! PLEEEEEEEEASE"
"CALL AHEAD OR ELSE I WILL BEAT YOU AND ALL 20 OF YOU"
"I JUST CLEANED A TABLE SO IT WOULD BE READY FOR YOU WHAT YOU MEAN YOU WANNA SIT ELSEWHERE"
"No if I seat you there Im double seating and the server will have my head on a pike for doubleseating in her section"
"YOU'VE BEEN AT THIS TABLE FOR 4 HOURS WHEN ARE YOU LEAVING"
"You are not the only party of 12 who decided not to call ahead on a Saturday night. Now either wait 4 hours for a table or leave."
"EXCUSE YOU WHO SAID YOU COULD SIT THERE DID I TELL YOU YOU COULD SIT THERE?!"
"Im so hungry... I wonder if there's any dead food in the back to pick at..."
"Asking me about your 1 HOUR WAIT TIME will not make your 1 HOUR WAIT TIME go any faster now vanish from my host stand."
"Im sorry you're upset that you and your party of 10 have to wait 2 hours for a table. There are 3 large parties ahead of you and two of them didnt call ahead just like you didnt call ahead, and there's no server who isnt already swamped that can serve you without being a miserable wreck all night. You are free to leave us your number so we can call you at a later time when a table actually is ready. And if you arrive within 10 minutes, we can seat you instead of giving your table to someone else. Until then, GET OUT MY FACE."
"If you wanna camp do it in the woods not in the restaurant! LEAVE NOW OR GET THE HOSE"