Mourning.

Many years ago, a close friend of mine was struck by a car when she was leaving the supermarket, and hospitalized in critical condition. We were young, and had been fighting over a crush- I wasn't honestly interested outside of being friends with said crush, but was jealous that I was becoming a third wheel. When I'd heard the news that she'd been in an accident, I didn't know how serious it was, and blurted out something in spite about her "just dying". It was a terrible thing to say, and I've always regretted it since the moment it came out of my mouth. I'm still shocked that I ever said it, and terribly disappointed every time I remember it came from me. She passed away the next morning, and I've never been able to shake the feeling that her passing was because of my heartlessness.

I understand what it feels like to face that feeling of responsibility, that somehow you could have done something different to stop it from happening; but the truth is, you simply cant know what will make a difference, and what choices to make- and because of that you will never be responsible for what happened entirely out of your control.

I miss my friend dearly- my heart goes out to you in your time of grieving, I can only imagine you feel the way I did, and its heartbreaking. However, even after she left my life, she continued to influence me, and still does. What I said was mortifying and horrifying to me; and because of that it taught me the value of a wiser, more cautious temperament. To value the things I have, even when angry or upset, or in pain; it taught me about appreciation and compassion.

In this way, I feel like even though her life ended, there was a place in me that she continued to live on, and I grew into a much better, and wiser person, for having her and the lessons the experience taught me, in my heart.

My heart goes out to you during such a difficult time; but even in loss, there is room for new growth. I hope your memories and experiences of your friend grow and fill that space in your heart with something beautiful- and that they remain a part of your life as a strength; or as you put it "a guardian angel".

Many years ago, a close friend of mine was struck by a car when she was leaving the supermarket, and hospitalized in critical condition. We were young, and had been fighting over a crush- I wasn't honestly interested outside of being friends with said crush, but was jealous that I was becoming a third wheel. When I'd heard the news that she'd been in an accident, I didn't know how serious it was, and blurted out something in spite about her "just dying". It was a terrible thing to say, and I've always regretted it since the moment it came out of my mouth. I'm still shocked that I ever said it, and terribly disappointed every time I remember it came from me. She passed away the next morning, and I've never been able to shake the feeling that her passing was because of my heartlessness.I understand what it feels like to face that feeling of responsibility, that somehow you could have done something different to stop it from happening; but the truth is, you simply cant know what will make a difference, and what choices to make- and because of that you will never be responsible for what happened entirely out of your control.I miss my friend dearly- my heart goes out to you in your time of grieving, I can only imagine you feel the way I did, and its heartbreaking. However, even after she left my life, she continued to influence me, and still does. What I said was mortifying and horrifying to me; and because of that it taught me the value of a wiser, more cautious temperament. To value the things I have, even when angry or upset, or in pain; it taught me about appreciation and compassion.In this way, I feel like even though her life ended, there was a place in me that she continued to live on, and I grew into a much better, and wiser person, for having her and the lessons the experience taught me, in my heart.My heart goes out to you during such a difficult time; but even in loss, there is room for new growth. I hope your memories and experiences of your friend grow and fill that space in your heart with something beautiful- and that they remain a part of your life as a strength; or as you put it "a guardian angel".

Thank you hon. This has been the best piece of advice I have gotten thus far. Many people keep telling me how to feel...saying I shouldn't feel responsible. How can I not be? I was actually invited to the party that night but for some reason I didn't want to see guys there who...well...had been stalking me. But on the other hand, I felt depressed the whole night not even knowing it happened.

On monday he was declared missing and they found his body over a guardrail on tuesday afternoon. A vehicle had hit him so hard that he died instantly.

I went on the searches on Monday and we found nothing...I showed up on Tuesday to continue but no one was there. That's when I knew something either really good or bad happened. Unfortunately, that's when my whole life went into complete shock. The kid who I grew up with had died. I mean, I went to a very small school. I knew everyone and stayed there till sophomore year. Freshman year he and I talked a lot during class and all that...we laughed and he was just a cool guy. Recently before his accident we had started to hang out more with his girlfriend and things seemed pretty good...until now. I don't know how I just can't feel responsible. I shouldn't feel this way, but I do. And thank you for understanding that.

I know its not much coming from a total stranger, but I hope you can find some way to make a difference, even if its not in the way you might wish you could.