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Looking for love in all the wrong places Pt 2: ENDED!


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Continued from: Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

Hoof-in-hoof they entered the buffet area. They were an unlikely pair: A tiny turquoise unicorn ex star of the stage in an overdone but stunning-for-a generation-ago sequinned dress (and surrounded by fireflies) and a chestnut no-account would-be train robber with a handlebar mustache that had a personality of its own. If it weren't for the fact that Glow had mistaken Handlebar Hank for some kind of oil tycoon, perhaps they would all still be standing on the lover's bridge playing the subtle psychological warfare with each other that had been going on for a little while now.

The party was rounded out by Monty, a zebra with a sly sense of humor, and atrocious taste in fashion as well as jokes; and BlindJester, a friendly pegasus comedian whose jokes aren't restricted to the stage.

Glow turned to all her newfound party chums, who she would undoubtedly immediately forget once she had a few drinks in her and could turn her attention to the stranger with the soup strainer what she was convinced would whisk her away to a live of pampering. She fluffed out her dark mane a little bit, made sure the fireflies were back in their appointed posts on her dress, and asked the group "Now, who would like a cocktail?"

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Hank followed, well was lead by really, Glow into the buffet area. Again. Where he'd just been not barely twenty minutes before and had very nearly been a disaster. He tried his best not to look at the cake where it remained, though his mustache wiggled in anticipation of perhaps another dip in the frosting. But he still didn't see anything worth eating on the table! Little gobs of strangely colored things on a stick, whipped whatevers, twisted what-the-heck-are-those, that he very nearly missed the huge bowl of salad fixing. His eyes lit up and his stomach growled again. "Oh, hey, look, they got a salad out now, that I recognize!" but he watched it wistfully as he was lead away towards a table. After all, they were going to be civilized at this thing even if it killed him. He still hadn't any idea what he was going to do, or how he was going to get home.

He saw no harm in her thinking he was...whatever she thought he was, after all in the morning they'd probably be on opposite sides of Equestria and safely out of each other's mane. Or so he thought, after all! Rough 'n Tough Handlebar Hank wasn't going to get tied down by nopony! Still, she was kinda cute, even if she was tiny. "Ah dunno about no cocktail, Miss Glow, but I could sure go for something hard and quick, if they know how to make a Slammer." a slammer was much like a shot, though it was a bit bigger. Comprised of some hard liquor and any variety of fruit base, designed to be chugged or slammed down quickly.

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He stood next to Jessy for a moment not knowing what to do, after all she was blind. He figured that telling her they were walking towards the buffet would be a good option.

'Jess, Glow and Hank are going to the buffet. If you would like I could lead the way.' Monty offered the mare before slowly walking towards the buffet.

He heard Glow mention something about cocktails. Monty licked his lips thinking about what he would order. He looked about the room, he had been here before but had spent most of that time underneath a table. He wondered about the little foal and if she was alright. The decorations were stupendous and the food looked just as tasty as it had before. It finally dawned on him what he would order.

'Can I get a 'Swamp Water', I haven't had one of those in years!' Monty called after Glow. He wondered if anypony here knew what a 'Swamp Water' was and chuckled to himself about it. He just loved being cantankerous and ordering things that were not typical pony fare. Swamp Water was his favorite drink by far, it was a mix of wheat grass juice, green Chartreuse, and just a hint of lime.

[[ OOC: I know that the official recipe for Swamp Water is not what I have mentioned, but I just had to pony-ify that drink ^^ ]]

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Jessy heard the ponies go in a direction of what smelled like the buffet she decided to tag along for a while she stretched out her wings having them brush across the striped stallion's back glad that he offered to give her a bit of assistance "That's that would be great if you could lead the way" smiling as she was led to the Gala's buffet everything smelled delicious and it seemed that it was still as lively as every other part of the castle. BlindJester wondered how much of the palace she'd actually be able to explorer but decided to think about that later on.

"Yum some salad would with a cocktail would be great right now" she commented when Jessy heard Hank say something about salad and Glow ask about if everypony wanted some cocktails.

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Glow lead the party to an empty table nearer to the buffet itself, after overhearing Jessy mention that a salad sounded good. Self-centered, yes, but she was not heartless and she was becoming rather fond of her newfound companions, even if they were rubes. She did not however, have the courtesy to ask BlindJester what she would like to drink. She was far too absorbed in showing the mustachio-ed wonder that she meant business. She's heard that the southern stallions liked their ladies to be feisty and hale, and if that meant matching him shot for shot for the rest of the evening, then so be it.

Turning, she walked to the small bar that had been set up in the corner and pushed her way through the crowd of ponies already leaning up against it. She had to get her firefly friends to flash to get the bartenders attention, a small dark unicorn was easily lost among the revelers.

"Garçon, would you kindly have them bring a round of.... erm... "Shooters?" to the table over there by the buffet, as well as a "Swampwater" for the stripey gentleman who has no fashion sense. There's a good chap" she added, throwing down a rather large tip. She had come to the conclusion that she could be as condescending as she wanted to the waitstaff as long as she tipped them well.

She walked back to the table and within a few minutes their drinks arrived and were placed in front of each of them.

"Thank you, now toddle off and set up another round, you", she said offhand, placing another few bits rather pointedly in the apron pocket of the rather put-upon looking waitress, "And keep 'em coming"

She thought smugly to herself, "The best way to avoid looking like a golddigger is to pay for the evening myself"

She held her drink aloft and purred "To new friends!", looking rather pointedly at Hank.

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The mustache wobbled back and forth as Hank took his seat, attempting to at least appear one of the other guests. He still wasn't too sure about Glow, but he was never one to turn down the ladies (Such as they were! Even if he was a frequent guest to Miss Sterling's and all the pretty dancing ponies!) and Glow certainly seemed interested enough in him that he felt she was worthwhile of time. Even if she was short, she was still a lady. And appeared to be a feisty one at that, from what he'd been gathering from the conversation. At least, appeared to be. One never could tell with them showbiz type! He'd keep an eye on her to see how much was an act and how much was real. He bet he could drink her under the table, and if not, he'd certainly try!

Though he had no idea about what zebras drank. He'd never heard of a Swampwater, but then his bartending skills were limited to whiskey sours and the occasional slammer. But if this Glow though she was going to drink him down, she had another thing coming! Bring 'em on! "Slammer!" he called over to her, as he heard her mention a 'Shooter' though he had no idea if they were any different...maybe that was a good idea to try! "On second thought, bring that too!"

When she returned with their drinks, Hank eyed the concoctions in their stylish glasses, but much of the contents seemed to be about the same. He clinked his glass to Glow's and then to Monty and BlindJester's, "To friends!" he replied and pounded down his first shot. It raced through him like liquid fire, sending a massive shiver through his body. "Whoo-HAH!" he whooped at the sudden surge of alcohol-induced euphoria, they sure did know how to make 'em strong here! That didn't taste like any slammer he'd ever had before, but it was good all the same! Though on an empty stomach, it started to tingle a little too early, but darned if he was going to let that showbiz filly show him up!

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Monty lead Jess to the table and helped her with her chair before taking his own seat. He surveyed the table and chuckled at the strange assortment yet again. He tried to fill the idle silence before their drinks arrived with a riddle.

'How are a jeweler and a jailer alike?' He asked trying to stump his new found friends.

Before he could get an answer the drinks landed on the table with a thud. Monty eagerly took his odd drink, still rather surprised that the bar-ponies knew what he was ordering. As Hank offered his salutations with a clink of his glass Monty added,

'To the shadows that dance upon the plains! May they jump and whirl forever!'

Monty took his shot before beginning to suckle on his pea-soup green drink. He was accustomed to drinking on an empty stomach but that didn't stop the alcohol from effecting him. His stomach grumbled a bit as he motioned a waitress over and ordered a plate of fried onion grass.

'So have you thought about my riddle enough to come up with an answer?' Monty asked the menagerie.

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BlindJester took a tentative sip of her drink as it was put in front of her. Deeming the drink is good enough she took another sip as she heard Glow make a toast to everyponies new friendship with one another Jessy lifted her glass and said "To new friends!" she cheered clinking glasses with them. "No I don't know. So how IS a jeweler and a jailer alike?" she questioned turning her clouded gaze towards Monty's general direction finishing off the rest of her drink.

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Glow rolled her eyes as she asked the bartender for another round of Slammers. Monty was trying to make what she was assuming would be a joke that, if he'd had any sense, he would be embarassed making.

'How are a jeweler and a jailer alike?

"How indeed", Glow said, sarcastically.

Jessy was of course playing along. Now, she was one that Glow couldn't quite figure out. Was she just playing dumb and pliable, or was this all one big setup for some epic joke? Either way, they were dorks, but they we pretty amusing, she found herself admitting. Or maybe it was the Shooters...er...slammers. Anyway, she'd invite them to the wedding. The room was starting to spin a bit.

She said fuzzily, after downing her last drink "Another round, dear waitress!"

She grinned slyly at Hank, while she was waiting for Monty's inevitably lame punchline "So, tall, dark and Handsome. What do you do for a living?"

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Hank pounded back another and yet another of the shots, having not tasted such fine Slammers as he found here. The bar back home could certainly learn a few things about how to make 'em here! But much to his chagrin, they also had a more profound effect. And for a pony who thought he could hold his liquor, his grasp on reality sure was slipping awful fast. The room seemed to wobble a bit, and he looked square at Monty for a moment before pointing his hoof at Blind Jester. "Sir, " he said to the comedian pony. "Ah knew a jeweller and a jailer once. They wuz the same guy, uh.." he glanced into his glass before holding it out to the nearby waiter pony, dropping it accidentally on the table. "Yer...yer...oh heck, whut?" he scratched his head, nearly losing his hat for a moment. "Oh! Yuh, Ah think ah heard that one before! Isn't that the one about the chicken gettin' mistook fer a tossed salad in a blanket, or mebbe a ceramic porpoise?" he blinked lopsidedly a moment before peering at Glow.

When Glow turned her gaze to him, he puffed up a bit, his mustache wiggling from side to side. "Ah do...ah...uh..." he thought about this a moment before peering at the glass in front of him. "Whar'd y'come from, little feller? Y'look mighty tasty..." and with a quick chuck of his head, he downed the Slammer in another quick gulp. "Hooah!" he exclaimed. "Rob trains 'n things." he replied inadvertently, while looking around blearily and giggling a moment. "Ah snitched these clothes from th' sheriff who wuz s'posed t'show here, but the jokle's on him, 'cuz I got his clothes! Somewhar thar's a nekkid sharifff p...paruh...uh, starkers, if y'know whut I mean..." suddenly he lapsed into a fit of the giggles.

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Monty sipped on his 'Swamp Water' as the other ponies interacted. He almost lost it when he realized that Hank was a train robber and a thief. 'Well that trumps my joke by a mile.' He grumbled to himself.

'Well a Jailer watches cells and a Jeweler sells watches. . . Bah dum tisch!' Monty chuckled out. It was not the most entertaining joke but he liked the corny puns. He smiled at Glow and Hank as they got smashed together.

He leaned over and whispered into Jessy's ear.'This should get, interesting.'

He chuckled and leaned back into his seat. 'So Hank, your rob trains and steal from the Sherrif. It sounds like you lead a rather interesting life. I am sure that Glow would LOVE to hear all about it!' Monty added before waving the waitress over to get a bottle of their best whiskey and two cups. He poured both Glow and Hank a shot and would keep them coming as long as they were sitting up. A devious smile came across his muzzle. This was going to be a fun night.

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Glow smiled dazzlingly at Monty's comment. "Oh I would!"

"Oh Hanky, you are just so heelarious!", she gushed. "How clever of you to pretend you are a train robber. If you want, I can be your damsel in distress! You can", giggle, " tie me to the train tracks if you want, as long as you promise to rescue me." A cascade of foal-ish laughter cascaded from her, while fireflies circled the table bathing it in a flattering, but everchanging light.

But nopony else was laughing with her. Frantically, she looked around trying to cover her disappointment. Out of the corner of her eye she caught some burly-looking castle guards were looking their way, a nude and very angry Sheriff in tow, with the remains of ropes still tied around his fetlocks. They were definitely gunning for Handlebar Hank. Suddenly all the inconsistencies of the evening made sense. Hank's lack of knowledge of the h'orderves and fine cuisine served at the gala, his manner of speech...the slang he used, his insistence on the common drink known as a slammer when fine vintages of wine were available.

"You mean, you really ARE a two-bit, no-account TRAIN ROBBER?", the turquoise unicorn hissed through a clenched jaw, leaning over the table and getting in Hank's face, his moustache almost touching her muzzle. "Now we're accessories to your crimes, not to mention you LIED to me by pretending to be an Oil Tycoon. NOT TO MENTION I WASTED MY TIME ALL EVENING GRACING YOU WITH MY PRESENCE WHEN I COULD HAVE MET MY MISTER RIGHT!!!. Glow got shriller and shriller as she got more and more hysterical, breathing loudly and rapidly. "not to mention that you LIED TO ME about being a a gentleman oil Tycoon..." , she harped yet again. She used her unicorn magic to throw a half-finished drink into Hank's face.

Monty put a hoof out to try to calm her down. Everypony in the buffet area was now staring at their table, and the guards were advancing much more quickly. "I believe you mentioned "Lying to you about being an oil tycoon" already, Glow.". He couldn't help but chuckle.**

"SHUT UP YOU! YOU! YOU! Ill-mannered STRIPEY NIGHTMARE of a lout! All of you HAVE WASTED MY PRECIOUS TIME AND RUINED MY NIGHT!", her screams cut off, as the guards put a yoke over her and Hank's heads to lead them to the dungeons... "I'll get you for this HandleBar Hank, if it's the last thing I do! The scandal, the fabulous Glow, star of the stage, arrested like a common criminal. Oh my reputation... what have you done to my reputation. Oh my reputation... what have you done to my reputation!" Oh my reputation... what have you done to my reputation!" Oh my reputation... what have you done to my reputation! OH MY REPUTATION, YOU HORRIBLE LYING BUFFOOON YOU HAVE RUINED MY REPUTATION!!!!!!!!!!!!

Her litany continued as she exited the buffet, her yelling could be heard by everypony present for awhile, down the hall, down the main stairs, through the throne room until it was silenced by the thud of the heavy oak door to the dungeon's entryway closing.

**okayed by Pony_Sage

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As Glow started to yell BlindJester flinched at how shrill and loud her voice was her ears started to ring from the volume. Jessy always had sensitive ears when she developed them better as a young foal she felt as if she might go deaf at this rate. In desperation the young mare put her hooves up to her ears pressing against them so the yelling was down to a loud mumble and shut her eyes tight 'Ah much better. . . ' she thought to herself looking opening her eyes Jessy was surprised to hear HandleBar Hank and Glow being taken away, she turned towards Monty and said "Well I guess the party's over we should get going the gala is almost over anyway. So what do ya say?" Jessy got down from the stool and headed for the exit or where she thought was the exit not really wondering if Monty followed her not she was just tired and was ready to head home.

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Monty watched in a combination of utter interest and hilarity as the guards soon approached the now shrieking Glow. He had guessed that spending time with her would be interesting but never this interesting! He made a futile attempt to quiet her down before the guards crashed down upon her.

"I believe you mentioned 'Lying to you about being an oil tycoon' already, Glow." Monty chuckled and shrugged.

'At least is isn't me this time.' He said with an outright laugh. There had been more than a few times he was thrown in the drunk tank to sleep one off.

As Jessy hopped from her bar stool with a comment towards the Gala ending Monty quickly followed after her. He trotted up next to her and started to steer her a little towards the right. Her current course would have taken her right into the center of the ice sculpture instead of the exit. He made idle conversation with her as they walked but was particularly interested in how she was going to get home that evening.

It had been a fun night for Monty and he was glad that he had come. He met new ponies and had gotten the name of his shop out there at least. He knew that the Princess was sure to at least look at his card and that was a major accomplishment for Monty! He was getting tired though and really needed to head back to Hoofington and look after his shop. He had an order coming in bright and early the next morning, Clyde would sure be upset if he didn't get his … 'Items' … on time. Monty let out a little chuckle at the thought of an angry Clyde.

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Hank hiccuped as he slammed down another shot, and giggled at Glow. "Why, Miss Glow, I dunno if ah could tie you t'anything, ah usually spend more time undoin' things, if y'know whut I mean, I...ah...uh.." his eyes suddenly started going wonky and he wobbled in his chair. He tried to follow the fireflies as they circled about, his head starting to spin along with it. "Ah feel kinda funny. Them fahrflies of yers sure are pretty." though he wasn't giggling with her as Glow realized her little joke had gone flat. Almost quite the contrary, he seemed to be giggling at himself. He fluffed his mustache with a hoof, then at least one of his eyes widened at the sight of the sheriff and the guards making their way towards the table. "Ah. Uh. Ah should prolly..."

And suddenly Glow exploded at him from across the table. His confusion only mounted more as the alcohol in his system muddled everything up and made things spin, coupled with the angry flashing of the fireflies served to nearly overload his addled brain. "But but...But Ah...Miss Glow ah..." he couldn't even get a word in edgewise with her hysterical reaction. She practically screamed in his face with her words, though her volume was barely above a hiss until she started to raise her volume as the guards drew closer. An oil tycoon? He didn't 'member mentioning being an oil tycoon...did he? The night was starting to go by awful fast, way to fast for him, and he tried to struggle to his feet. "Now, see here, Miss Flow...err, Glow, ah...ahm uh...aw shucks." he stumbled into one of the guards who put a yoke around him and shrank back from the baleful stare of the sheriff who'd caught him, one pony in another pony's clothes.

And this wasn't even the sheriff of Appleoosa! Well, this hadn't gone well at all! And what was she blathering about, an oil tycoon? What was oil? What was a tycoon? Where was his drink? What was the deal with these guards and where were they going? So many possibilities, many of them unrelated, raced through his pickled brain as the guards bodily picked him up and carried him off, along with the unfortunate Miss Glow. Poor Monty and Jessie were left behind at the table with several empty glasses, quite a few horrified stares, and one hell of a story to tell their grandchildren.

Of course, as they were both being dragged off, Hank was subjected to the full volume of Glow's screams, his protests ineffective to anything she had to say, and the guards were never known for their sense of humor. Suddenly, with the thud of the heavy oak doors, Hank and Glow's little show came to a close.

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