Try to show, not tell. It makes the bio more interesting and easier to read. Also, it needs to be paragraphed. Fluffing out the bio wouldn't hurt too. I also recommend changing her name- Vanessa is not pony-like. Try: Triple Scoop, Vanilla Swirl, Caramel Twist. Other than that, it's an OK bio. I'm looking forwards to seeing it when it's done! ^_^ [EDIT] It's a lot better now ^_^