Accellerant

P.S. I take back my earlier comment about the eye. Since her head is tilted upward, it would appear smaller than usual, thus it could work even more so than bringing the muzzle down by a fourth.

Why not, I'll see if I can help ya out.

First, I'd like to say how I admire you trying out for some good 'ol OC's. The process to creating an OC can be quite difficult, especially when creating one that looks good (and I say you've nailed that!) You've done a good job with the overall shape of StarFall, as well as the line work. Your composition is a classic and to the point, just the way I like it. The way you've done her hooves is quite good as well, a unique feature I personally haven't seen to much of. You've even thrown in tidbits of value here and there, helping the overall harmony of your image.

This is a good start, now lets take it a step further and see where we can improve!

What first catches my eyes is StarFall's wings. Unless part of her back story is having small wings, she needs some bigger flappers to help her get aloft! I'd say it needs to be about half the size of her head, and tall enough to be at the halfway mark of her ears. Here's a reference image to help ya out. From here, we can move onto her head. Now I'm not sure about you, but something seems.... odd about this. I can tell your going for a stoic pose, but her muzzle just looks out of place. I'd suggest trying to bring it down a fourth next time and see how it works out. I originally was about to suggest making her eye smaller, but then it'd look out of whack proportion wise. Also: You may want to look into getting a pencil with a harder lead or practice drawing lighter. I noticed that there's little tidbits of your rough still here.

Overall though, you're doing good Frost, just keep practicing! Grab reference shots if you haven't already, they help out A LOT! That's how I'm learning to draw people, so why be different for little horses?

If something I said wasn't clear, or if you want s'more help, let me know and I'll help out as much as I can.