Earth Pony Master Mustang [Final]

[MasterMustang]

"Master Mustang"

(Pic curtious of BrainedBySaucepans)

*Song that embodies Mustang*

Roleplay Type: World of Equestria, Equestria Crossover RP

Name: Brew "Mustang" Highkick, Master

Sex: Male

Age: Older Colt/Young Stallion

Species: Earth Pony

Eye colour: Amber

Coat colour: Light Tan

Mane/Tail/Markings colour & Style: Jet Black, mane in ponytail, tail and mane straight, sharp-edged, and layered. Has a thin chin-strap beard with a light 5 ol'clock shadow.

Physique: Medium height with a very athletic build. Little buff but very tone.

Cutie Mark: A ying-yang symbol with a soft blue aura. Symbolizes balance and spiritual/mental strength.

(Pic by BBS)

Origin/Residence: Born in Fillydelphia, whereabouts unknown for about 10 years, currently lives in the outskirts of Filly.

Occupation: Runs a martial arts dojang out of his home. He also watches over (and trains) orphan ponies from time to time.

Motivation: He wants to learn everything about martial arts as well as the world around him and pass this knowledge down to his students. He also feels the need to help and protect everypony.

Likes: Martial arts, his students, history, training, music, a good cup of tea, and having fun.

Dislikes: Violence, conflict, arrogance, superiority complexes, evildoers, and floaties in his tea

Character Summary:

(Music to amplify the story.)

Brew "Mustang" Highkick was born in Fillydelphia. His earth pony father, Ironflank, was a renown boxer in the Canterlot Boxing League; he was especially known for his ability to take a punch and keep pushing on. His boxing career ended in 25 wins and 6 losses. His father was a very noble pony; he would give at least 25% of his winnings to various charities. Ironflank trained, fought out of, and lived in Fillydelphia. One day a mare of stunning beauty stops him in the street claiming to be his biggest fan. Ironflank was used to greeting fans but this mare made his big heart skip a beat. Her name was Tea-na, an earth pony as well with some unicorn blood in her. Teana ran a fresh produce market in Fillydelphia that got decent business. Her specialty was selling teas. That day with a heavy blush, Teana asked Ironflank if he would like to come try some of her fresh and exotic teas, no-charge. Ironflank, with a slight blush himself, accepted the young mare's proposal. The rest is history. Together they had Brew Highkick. The story behind his name is that when he was born his parents were at a lost to what they should name him so they waited. As a baby he refused to drink any baby-formula until one day his mother experimented with some simple green tea; the young colt took to drink instantly with a smile. That same day while his father was training in his gym in the back of the house, little Brew Highkick snuck out of his crib and sought out his father. The little colt found his father in his gym. When he saw his father hitting a bag, Highkick tried the same but fell on his back and began to cry. Ironflank, surprised, came to the aid of his child only to be knocked senseless when the foal's flailing rear hooves struck his father in the chin. Ironhooves chuckled "wow that was a strong kick;" his foal giggled in response. The rest is history until Brew Highkick was a middle aged colt.

In his early life he heard stories of strong and swift stallions and mares who's hooves were as powerful as the strongest steel. They would battle each other in amazing bouts of extravagant and exotic techniques to determine who's the strongest or to settle a fierce vendetta. He wanted to be strong too. He would occasionally find some of his friends being picked on by larger arrogant ponies. Brew would run to help only to be beaten up pretty bad. He wanted to protect his friends and teach those “meanies” a lesson. The colt knows that it is these "martial arts" are his calling but he needs to find them first. Brew confronts his father about this one spring afternoon during his cardio-workout. His father did not protest this although when he told his mother she feared for the safety of her child. She tried to stop her son as she felt that he was too young, fearing for his saftey; Ironflank prevented her from doing so.

"Let him go hun... you saw it in his eyes didn't you? He has that spark, that drive to make himself into a stronger pony. If we were to stop him now he would only sneak out when we least expect it. What is in his heart is not here. It is not our place to deny him his destiny. Besides, he is his my son too after all; he's tough and I know he will come back even stronger than his pops!" said Ironflank with a determined smile patting his son’s head. Teana was crushed but she too sensed the potential in her child; Ironflank was right. Never would she want her son to settle for less than the best; she preached to him all the time about that when it came to teas. With great reluctance, she let him go…

For a couple years his journey proved fruitless in his travels until he comes across a very old looking village at the base of the mountains north of Las Pegasus inside the Everfree forest. In the village’s center flew flag of strange symbols. So far this place seems normal but everypony here are wearing these strange white gowns, each with a different colour belt. Highkick gravitates towards a large temple in the center of the village. In front of the temple was a large grassy courtyard were several ponies were conducting these strange but familiar moves. It hits Brew, this is the kind of place he was looking for! Those stories he heard were true! He took in the courtyard with great awe as a very old stallion, who goes by the name Grandmaster Ki Bon Sul (Basic Technique) approached him. "Welcome young one, I can sense your presence here has a far larger purpose than you know. Come, come... your destiny awaits" the old pony says in a very forgien accent. Brew Highkick felt a spark ignite deep in his heart. His journey to become a martial artist begins.

Brew Highkick’s training was very tough, both mental and physical. His training would incorporate fierce morning workouts and technique drills. Sparring was the worst. Rarely did they ever wear protective gear. Brew frequently experienced cuts, bruises, and even a broken bone once. He pushed on though just like he knew his father would. Evening would be the time for mental training, such as focus drills and social-skills. These he excelled at quickly because of his personality. He learned how to read and write very well here. Being a small part unicorn helped very well here as magic and chi are very close to each other. He got along very well with all of his peers and was very well respected.

Brew matured very quickly for his age and slowly started to detest the violence of the physical aspect of martial arts. He knew their importance but still… he wondered why we need to fight. He knew of so many alternatives to fighting; his master taught him many of them. During his sparring sessions Brew became very defensive and only struck his opponent if he could not evade or block. Grandmaster Ki Bon Sul observed Brew’s behavior and became somewhat disappointed but Brew didn’t notice as his master always kept a kind smile.

Finally the day came for his black belt test. He was very nervous but anyone would be as Grandmaster Ki Bon Sul was very strict in his grading. He would never pass someone unless he truly felt they were ready. The humble Brew Highkick passed every test leading to his final trial… each final trial of the black belt test was unique to the student. Grandmaster Ki Bon Sul stood before him…

“Young Brew… your final trial is me. You must defeat me in combat.” said the Grandmaster. He had a usually stern look in his eye.

“But master, I don’t wish to fight you. Is there some other test I can pass for you, sir?” Brew pleaded. He respected his master too highly to even think to strike him.

“If you will not fight…” Ki Bon Sul motioned a group of ponies over to the ring. “… then I will fight him and I will not hold back.” It was Quick Silver, a young student that Brew was mentoring. He was still a white belt and very fragile.

“NO MASTER!!! Please, he is not ready!” Brew pleaded.

“Fight me and spare your friend or watch him suffer. Those are your only options.” Grandmaster Ki Bon Sul barked.

Brew sighed and looked at his master with remorse. “Then you leave me no choice, master… I have to protect my student!” Brew yelled as he took his sparring stance. His master smirked and then charged.

Brew fought very defensively. He still did not want to even attempt to harm his master. He continuously blocked most of his masters techniques before one of his master’s hooves sent him flying across the ring in great pain. Grandmaster Ki Bon Sul looked at Brew very harshly “If you don’t defeat me then I will exile him.”

“What? No! Master, you can’t!”

“Then defeat me Brew, this is your test. You know these test are designed to push your limits. Now rise.”

Brew looked at his master with new found determination. “Very well, but I will do this my way...” He says with great heroic resolve in his voice.

His master smirked, “Very good Brew… now come, your final trial awaits.”

They both rushed into combat, punches and kicks flying. Brew’s speed was extraordinary like if he was moving with the wind itself. His stances and blocks became far stronger and harder than any mountain stone; however Brew yields his strength in every strike to avoid hurting his master until he finds and opening. He quickly maneuvers around to Ki Bon Sul’s back and struck a pressure point. Suddenly but painlessly his master collapsed. Similtaniously Brew’s body burst into a bright light right before he collapsed as well from exhaustion but something changed…

Brew woke up in the nurses office with his master looking down on him. “Ah, you are awake, and right on time too.” His master said with a smile. He appeared to not have a scratch on him.

“Master are you ok? Is Quick Silver alright? What transpired?” Brew asked hastily.

Ki Bon Sul stroked his long fumanchu beard “What happened, you ask?” His master then turns to him and gives him a pat on his shoulder. “You passed Brew.” He says with a goofy old smile.

“I… I… pass?” Brew is in shock. “How? Did I hurt you sir? 1000 pardons, sir.” Brew begins to bow many times until his master stops him.

“Don’t worry Brew. You did exactly what I was expecting you too. You only knocked me unconscious a harmless pressure point. No pain, no injury. Just lights out!” His master laughed. Ki Bon Sul checked Brew out of the infirmary and led him to the temple courtyard. All of his peers were sitting in the grass facing the temple steps. “Come Brew, I have something for you.” Ki Bon Sul says as he lead him to the top of the steps at the temple entrance. They stand across from each other. Brew felt his heart glowing. He knew what’s happening. “Charriut!!! (Attention)” His master commands. Brew stands sharply and focused but they are still smiling. “Dorrah!!! (Turn)” Brew turned around and untied is old red-stripe belt and folded it neatly. He then turned to face his master. He handed his worn belt to his master with a bow; in return his master reveals a long black belt. Brew was so excited his heart nearly skipped a beat. He accepted his belt with a bow and hastily turned to put it on and turned again. “Kungneh.” Orders his master as they both bow in great respect. Every pony cheered but Ki Bon Sul wasn’t finished…

“You got something else from this test too.” Grandmaster Ki Bon Sul started. “Remember the moment when you defeated me? Look…” Ki Bon Sul points to Brew’s flank. The once blank flank now contained a full cutie-mark. Brew jumped for joy. It was the happiest moment of his life however… his master still wasn’t finished…

“With such great portrayal of strength, spirit, courage, and honor, I shall bestow upon you the nickname Mustang as you brew reflect everything the legendary Mustang Monks stood for: Honor, knowledge, strength, and most of all the well being of their fellow pony.” Ki Bon Sul brought great joy to Brew’s heart. A few tears slipped past Brew’s guard. His master looks at him with a wide silly smile. “Now go boy! Take the day off to celebrate! You more than deserve. Make sure to stop by tonight for tea.”

Brew bows with a great smile then hoof-pumps. “You can count on it master!”

Several years later... Brew “Mustang” Highkick returns to Fillydelphia with a uniform as white as snow, a belt as black as night, and the cutie-mark he longed for. In response to his return, his father took a long break from boxing and his mother closed down her whole market for a month so that the family could celebrate together.

Thus the saga of Master Brew "Mustang" Highkick.

Personality:

Master Mustang is a very humble, modest, and kind pony because of his experiences and training. He excelled in all area's of martial arts but his true mastery was in the spiritual and mental concepts. He believes a true pony of the martial arts is a seeker of knowledge and a protector of those who can't protect themselves thus in his training he recieved the nickname "Mustang." The Mustangs, as his old master explained, were an ancient clan of ponies who were, in essence, monk guardians or paladins. They seeked the knowledge of the past in order to improve the future of their brethren as well as protect fellow ponies from evildoers who would seek to cause them harm. However, most seem them as nothing more as an old stallion’s legend. Brew highly disagrees.

Master Mustang loves to share everything with his fellow ponies, especially the most precious of things, time as well as his tea.

He is usually very cool and collected, never losing his temper but like everypony he has moments of weakness. He believes we must accept out limitations and work around them to further our growth and this is where his love of music comes in; Master Mustang purges his excess emotions through music.

Early on in his life Brew grew to detest violence even as a last resort. He does not like to fight but he rather compromise with his opponent but if the need arises and there no other option, he will resort to his mighty skills. However, at times the Master will use his skills to make a point, especially with arrogant and self-centered ponies in an attempt to humble them.

The Master sees himself as much as a student as he is a teacher. He realizes that there is an infinite amount of knowledge to be learned and an infinite number of potential ponies to share such knowledge with.

Brew is very quick to help in any situation because of that fateful day of his black-belt test. Helping a fellow pony is worth far more than anything we can imagine, even one’s life.

Master Mustang takes in orphan ponies from time to time to shelter. He may be strong but anypony knows that loosing a parent, if not both still causes pain. He seeks to remedy this pain and heal these poor ponies.

Master Mustang is very mature for his age but don't mistake him as being "mister serious" because he frequently lets out the little foal inside him. He is still a colt after all.

Sometimes when he is around beautiful mares he gets nervous and chokes up. Mares tend to be his weak spot as he never had a marefriend before.

[BrainedBySaucepans]

Greetings again, Master Mustang. Love the application, but there's a couple of small points I think need revising before you submit it for evaluations.¹

First off, you may be asked to remove the references to your OC's age in years. From what I gather, since there hasn't been any official word on how fast ponies age, the admins have asked people to keep it vague.²

Secondly, you may have to change your cutie mark; there's a general rule saying all text, even in images, has to be in English. I believe this is to stop people slipping foreign obscenities under the radar.³

Other than that, looks pretty good to me. Good luck!

--------

1 Not that I have any relevant experience, this is all stuff I've gathered from skimming the sticky posts at the top of this sub-forum.

2 For example, instead of teenager, use colt.

3 I know this through personal experience; my avatar was taken down for having ancient Greek text.

[IceStorm]

I would recommend removing the number for his age, and replace the numbers in the history with vague representations of time, ex, a few months a few years, something like that. We don't know how long the average pony in Equestria lives, so we don't know what any of the ages would actually be.

As far as most of everything else, I can't really see anything wrong with it. This is well written out, and thought out. Also, you might be asked to change the location as well. I don't know if the Ponyville Housing Crisis is still in effect or not.

[MasterMustang]

Well technically he is doesn't live within Ponyville but on the outskirts, in my perspective, slightly father away than Sweet Apple Acres. Is that acceptable?

For the cutie-mark, I chosen these Korean characters because I wanted something simple but exotic. Also I had trouble trying to form a traditional cutie-mark. If I could validate the cutie-mark for you would it become acceptable or will it have to be changed?

[RarityDash]

Hello there

As I said in the other thread, you should really mark your thread as final when you want anyone to look at it. WIP is for threads that are still unfinished and not ready to receive any kind of judgment. Since you clearly are looking for your app to be reviewed with how you are asking about what is acceptable and what isn't, and since it is my job as part of the RP Helper team to tell you just that, I think I will step in now anyway.

The app has a lot going for it, but it is not without a few problems. To start, you have listed for RP Type both Free-For-All and World of Equestria. Our Free For All RP does not require or expect character applications, and allows pretty much everything. World of Equestria does, however has much stricter guidelines. For the sake of this app critique, I will be looking at it in regards to what needs to be changed for inclusion in the World of Equestria/Mane RP. If you at any pony feel like you would rather have this pony playable only in our Free For All or Crossover sections, change the RP Type to crossovers. Do note however that you will need a Mane RP approved application before you can actually access to crossover RP section.

Moving on, there is the years thing which has already been mentioned. We don't know how time passes for ponies, so we tend to not like for references to passing years to be included in the character details at all. There's no reason for you to be specific with ages at any point. Be relative. Instead of saying when he was this age or that, say when he was still a foal, or when he became a colt or something similar. References to actual years, and especially numbers of years are not allowed.

Then there is the issue of location. I advise you to take a look at our list of approved World of Equestria Locations. We do not currently allow places not on our approved map to be referenced in apps. Coltrea is not an approved location. And while proposing lore for new locations has been a possibility in the past, at the current time we're not accepting new lore. For this app, we cannot allow any references to Coltrea.

Beyond that, as others here have said, there is the Ponyville issue. We do not like to accept new characters living in an around Ponyville. Everyone wants to live there, and it gets old. Our RP is the "World of Equestria" RP and we call it that for good reason. It's about an expanded world of RP environments beyond just Ponyville. For the sake of the RP, Ponyville is just another town. We strongly urge you to have your pony live somewhere else.

And yeah, the cutie mark may also be an issue. I don't believe foreign characters are accepted for the mane RP.

Now, to get into the character details of the app, there are a few more issues I see. For one, why are his parents okay with him venturing off on his own while still a young foal? This honestly doesn't seem very reasonable to me. Somepony so young isn't ready to face the world all alone and I don't think parents would be so lax with their child. Maybe if he was an older colt at the time, I can see it, but at the sort of age you're talking about, it seems kind of silly for him to be allowed off on his own.

Actually, his age period kind of makes the story difficult to swallow. In RP, you generally want to avoid overpowered characters. You don't want your character to be too good at everything, or other players might roll their eyes when they see him and be discouraged to RP with you. Balance is always important. This characters isn't even a stallion yet and he's a master of martial arts who even teaches others? That really seems a little much to me.

Also, you don't really tell us his cutie mark story. You say he went off looking for his mark, and then he returned with it, but what happened in the actual instant? It's important to include that specific moment of realization for the character within the app.

I'm kind of tentative when it comes to this clan of warrior monks mentioned. Normally, that's the sort of thing that would definitely require lore to be included anywhere, but if it's some kind of ancient, obscure thing that won't ever really have any bearing on the lore of ours that is accepted, it might be okay. With all this talk of warrior monks and paladins though, I feel I should remind you that the World of Equestria RP does not typically focus on fighting and battles. The majority of RPs will be more of a social nature.

Finally, you don't really tell us much in the way of character flaws. Most of the personality details seem like positive things. As I said before, balance is always key, and that goes not just for how powerful your character is but the personality too. You don't want a character with no faults, or only with faults so small they hardly count for anything.

All that said, I still hope to see this app approved. Good luck with the process.

[MasterMustang]

Thanks for the help. The cutie mark will be my biggest challange. Know anyone who can help?

[RarityDash]

Okay, gave it another look, and it has certainly has gotten a little closer.

The issue with the cutie mark comes down to two things as I see it. One, it's too complicated: we try to steer users away from rather complex images for cutie marks that might be hard to render. Characters that have to appear exactly one way or their meaning changes, are just a little much for what is supposed to be a simple representative image. Secondly, for all intents and purposes, it's text. It's in another language, sure, but this is practically the same as a pony just having words on their flank for a cutie mark. The mark should be a symbolic image that represents something meaningful about the pony. And unfortunately, no, I don't know anyone in particular who could help you come up with a mark easily (kinda wish I did; it's one of the hardest parts for me when designing ponies... ). I'd suggest just thinking of some sort of visual to represent his talent; I don't know much about taekwondo, but perhaps they are some associated symbols (but not written characters) associated with it? Or maybe you could have it be a belt, or even some kind of representation of a pony shape kicking. I don't know. There should be something that should be able to represent his talent without spelling it out directly, as it were.

Looking at the rest of the app, I'm still seeing the references to long periods of time passing "for about 10 years", "until Brew Highkick was 7 years old", "10 years later". You'll still likely need to change that to more non-specific terms, since as was said, we don't know how time passes for ponies and if it's the same. You could say that years have passed, I suppose, but we'd rather not have numbers there.

I'm still not sure about the early history part, the but quote from his father does make it a little better. It still seems really young for a pony to be going off all on their own unsupervised, especially when their venturing so far. That part might look better to me when the specific numbers are removed though; I don't know. What I'm starting not to like is the line about Celestia though; doesn't really feel right to me for an app to say Celestia doesn't know something (as I see it, Celestia can know what she wants to know ). Also, I'm still a little unsure about a whole ancient city, even if it's not named. I'd say something more small scale, like a remote temple or just a single wandering master would be more likely to pass than saying there's this whole entire city out there somewhere.

And then there's still the balancing issue. The app paints a rather glowing picture of the character. That might be hard to hear, but what I'm getting reading from the app is that Brew is a prodigal martial artist who has already mastered his art by the time he's an adult, as well as a modest, kind, wise, generous, calm, collected, peace loving, mature yet still suitably fun at times pony who even looks after and teaches the poor orphans. All together, it strikes me as just much too perfect. Doesn't he have any faults, failings, flaws or fears? Compared to a well rounded character, a picture of perfection just isn't as interesting. Rarity is kind, generous and talented, but she's also petty and vain at times or too caught up on small details to realize the greater picture; that's what makes her such a great character. Same goes for the others: Dash is frequently smug and insensitive, Fluttershy is timid and lacks confidence in herself, Twilight is socially awkward and prone to excessive worry, etc. They're great characters and a lot of why is because they're balanced and believable, with obvious faults to go along with the good points of their character. As he is currently, that seems to be somewhat lacking with Brew in that regard here at the moment.

[MasterMustang]

I see... ok, I am gonna work on the story a little more insted of the cutie mark. Sorry for the trouble. I was far more used to those non-restrictive RPs year ago. This is proving to be a challange.

[RarityDash]

I see... ok, I am gonna work on the story a little more insted of the cutie mark. Sorry for the trouble. I was far more used to those non-restrictive RPs year ago. This is proving to be a challange.

It's no trouble at all. I'm here on the RP team doing this because I want to be.

I know something like our World of Equestria RP can be kind of hard to adjust to; we really do strive to give the RP a similar feel to the show itself, which does entail being rather cautious with exactly what we allow into the world. Do keep in mind, however, that Canterlot.com also offers Free For All and Crossovers RP sections for those who are looking for a less restricted RP experience (although Crossovers, as I said, does still require at least one WoE RP character approved before you can access it).

Good luck.

[RarityDash]

it's been a while now. Any progress on this app?

[MasterMustang]

I am waiting on a Cutie-Mark rendering from BrainedBySaucepans. I also been working a lot lately. I will be actively working on it this weekend. The story is still giving me problems with WoE compatability but I am slowly working out the kinks. Length of his story is not a concern correct?

Actually I am gunna take a look at it now. Thx for keeping tabs on me. ^^

[RarityDash]

I am waiting on a Cutie-Mark rendering from BrainedBySaucepans. I also been working a lot lately. I will be actively working on it this weekend. The story is still giving me problems with WoE compatability but I am slowly working out the kinks. Length of his story is not a concern correct?

Actually I am gunna take a look at it now. Thx for keeping tabs on me. ^^

Aright. Sounds cool. Good luck with it all.

As for length, it isn't an issue. It doesn't matter how long or short an app is so long, only that it contains all the neccesary details and everything remains appropiate.

[BrainedBySaucepans]

Will get that cutie mark finalised for you right now. I already have the basics, so it should only be 5-10 minutes work; I really should have had it finished by now...

EDIT: Since I couldn't get the file to you directly, I'll put it here. Let me know if you want anything changed.

[MasterMustang]

Will get that cutie mark finalised for you right now. I already have the basics, so it should only be 5-10 minutes work; I really should have had it finished by now...

EDIT: Since I couldn't get the file to you directly, I'll put it here. Let me know if you want anything changed.

PERFECT!!!

[MasterMustang]

There, this app should be way better now. ^^

[RarityDash]

Hmm, you're getting there. It's almost to the point where I'm ready to have another Senior RP Helper look at it.

I think the new cutie mark is fine. I'm not entirely sure. We don't generally like religious symbology, and while yin and yang may certainly be connected to Taoism, the concept represented definitely extends beyond that into many fields of East Asian thought. Plus, we've allowed similar imagery as a cutie mark before. I'd give it you, but I can't guarantee the other Senior RP helpers will allow it.

What I don't like is the mentions of and use of chi and related abilities. One thing we're definitely not prepared to allow is special abilities or spiritual concepts unlike anything we've ever seen in FIM. We've never seen an earth pony tap into any sort of spiritual force and create visible energy or any sort. It's just not something we'd allow.

There are also still a few spots where you mention specific numbers of years passing. I still suggest removing all these instances.

[MasterMustang]

Cool, almost there then. Thx ^^

[MasterMustang]

There, any better?

[RarityDash]

You still mention chi here: "Grandmaster Ki Bon Sul even taught him how to use and manifest his chi to perform special techniques or amplify his basic ones. Being a small part unicorn helped very well here as magic and chi are very close to each other." That's gonna have to go.

Also, there's one more thing I meant to mention earlier but forgot. At the end, you mention him crushing on Rainbow Dash. Hate to say it, but it was previously deemed that even one sided crushes violate our no pre-existing relationships with cast characters rule. If you encounter Dash in the Rp, having him fall for her then is more than okay, but having him start with a crush isn't something we can allow.

[MasterMustang]

Oh sorry, I missed that part. Hold on...

There. Is that better? ^^

[MasterMustang]

Is this any better Phil? ^^

[RarityDash]

I think so.

Someone else is going to have to look it over now though. Depending on what they say whenever they do, I may have more things you'll need to change.

[MasterMustang]

I'm ready! *GAME FACE*

[Armony]

[MasterMustang]

SUCCESS!!!