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Burn[Final]


PIJIN
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RP Type: World of Equestria RP

Name: Royal Goodall, also known as Burn

Sex: Male

Age: Colt

Species: Pegasus

Eye color: While normally wearing white rimmed glasses with green lenses (which have a strange heart beat line going through them), his eyes are a vibrant red color. They have only been seen by a few ponies.

Coat color: His coat is a standard orange with a sort of “overgrown” look to it and stick up in many spots.

Mane/Tail/Markings Color & Style: He has a long, frizzled red mane and that goes equally for his tail. His body is clean, no scars or markings.

Physique: He's rather skinnier than most colts his age, which makes him agile and quick on his hooves. He's not much for over-bearing physical activities though.

Cutie Mark: His cutie mark is a simple stylized spray can with a white outline around it. The spray can is colored red and has a strange red marking on the canister.

Origin/Residence: Burn hails from the urbanized business powerhouse known as Manehatten. Once he ran away he began living in an abandoned garage on the shady side of Manehatten.

Occupation: Before he left home he was a student and one of the most prestigious schools to be founded in Manehatten. Now he's working part time at an apple stall located in Manehatten's Market District.

Motivation: Like a few young ponies, Burn felt trapped by the upper-class status he was forced to up hold to keep his parents happy. He eventually ran away and now explores his “creative side” through less scrupulous activities, mainly creating trouble with his roller skating gang, The Luna's.

Likes: Looking at/spraying graffiti, music, dancing, skating, hanging out with his gang.

Dislikes: Uptight social elite, following rules, being forced to do things.

Character Summary:(Just to clarify, Burn's name is a graffiti term which means To beat the competition with your style. Also refers to a really good piece, as in one that "burns".)

Position in The Luna's: While not designated to just one pony, Burn is certainly the best at tagging up turf around Manehatten and is usually the one to cover rival tags or spread new ones because of his ability to make beautiful and intricate pieces in a timely manner.

History- Burn is a colt living in Manehatten and is the founder of the skating street gang (called punkies), called “The Luna's”. Even early before that, he used to be a model well-to-do foal. He was forced by his parents to act as a Manehatten socialite would. He soon ran away from home because of their oppressive nature.

Parents- Burn's parents are the typical up-tight type. On top of that, they are of the highest standard elite and tried to force this way of living onto poor Burn. After he ran away, they acted as if nothing happened, realizing that they needed to let him live his own life and make his own decisions as to what he wanted to be. They still make efforts to contact him, although he hasn't, and still care for him.

Cutie Mark Story- Its quite a simple story actually! Before Burn ran away and begins while in the middle of being molded to be one of the Manehatten elite. On the way home from school, he decided to take a short cut through an alley way which he was usually told was forbidden by his parents. As he trekked through the alley he noticed various graffiti works strew throughout it. This sparked his interest in the art form and also his growing rebellious nature. He soon tried his own graffiti art (in the same alley way) and realized how talented he was at it, thus gaining his cutie mark.

Flaws- While not possessing many personality flaws he does have some physical flaws. Because of his physique, he doesn't have a lot of power and can't do many muscle related activities. Rather mean when it comes to rival gangs, and even his team mates to a degree. Has trouble apologizing for things he's done.

Personality- Best described as, "A colt who'll blow your mind with his sliver tongue." He's able to get his point across across to any pony he meets whether with diplomatic talk or a quick tongue lashing. (And trust me, he prefers the latter.) Burn is a rebel, and this is evident even to his team members. He is recognized as mischievous soul who wears a rectangular, almost creepy grin that has become nearly an iconic representation of his twisted inner workings.

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Hey there, artist formerly known as Ibleedawesome. :)

I like what you have here so far, but I feel like the application is a little on the short side. I think it would profit from some expanding. As a suggestion: Maybe you could expand on how Burn lives now? I mean, if he ran away from home, he needs to make ends meet somehow. Also, it seems kinda weird if Burn was his birth name, considering that it's supposed to be slang. It sounds more like a nickname to me.

And then there is this: "A colt who'll blow your mind with his sliver tounge"

I was waiting for that to be explained in the application, but it never happened. What is up with that? XD

Tell me what you think.

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Heh, "formally known as" makes me seem all professional like. :blush:

I've made a few changes, especially around the quoted description that was located near his name [now in the personality section] as well as other miscellaneous additions.

Gee, I hadn't thought that about that. Also added a real name with "Burn" as his nickname.

As for "A colt who'll blow your mind with his sliver tongue" I added that to Burn's personality section and decided to focus it around that quote.

Thanks for the help! I feel like this is one of my more rushed apps. I was looking at it myself, and thought it could use some work, but I wasn't sure where. :)

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Hey, don't worry. That's what we are here for, to help get the best out of your application. :)

Anyway, I'm not sure I quite grasp the idea of that quote. Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't a "sliver tongue" a metaphor for someone who's exceedingly good at talking to people, in a diplomat kind of sense? Maybe there's another meaning to it that I don't know of, but that was my first association.

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I'm not sure about your definition, but I meant silver-tongue as the definition expressing yourself readily, clearly, effectively. Our definitions actually seem quite the same, but just in case I added a little of both of them into the personality section to explain the quote.

Hows this: "Best described as, "A colt who'll blow your mind with his sliver tongue." He's able to get his point across across to any pony he meets whether with diplomatic talk or a quick tongue lashing. (And trust me, he prefers the latter.)"

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