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(Ponyville) Flim Flam Super-Speedy Elixir 6k (Open to all)


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(OOC: since most of the threads the con ponies have been invited into are dying and one is waiting on chapter 1 to end before they can join, we have decided to grab the unicorns by the horns and start an original thread for the unicorns you love to hate)

It was a nice pleasant Saturday morning in Ponyville Park, with Snails and other foals watching a Daring Do puppet show near the Pavilion.

Everypony was relaxing from the recent excitement of the end of this years Iron Pony and chatting about the events.

Suddenly a strange chuffing, boinging and wheezing sound came from the street.

Everypony knew the train tracks were the other way so it could not be that, so what?...

A fire engine red technomagere' steampunk wagon that was all too familiar to the citizens of Ponyville came chuffing into the park and wheezed to a stop next to the pavilion on the opposite side of the trees from the Daring Do show.

Panels added to the side suddenly sprung open like Trixie's Wagon, into the shape of a sellers booth, with little flags emblazoned with the Flim-Flam Brothers logo waving on the corners.

The cream colored unicorn Flam took a deep breath as he looked out into the busy park. His comb floated over in a green nimbus and gave his red and white mane one last combing. "Well Flam, given that we werent' rode out of town on a rail or even hurt by the citizenry during the Iron Pony last week. I have to say the odds are good we can come back and profit handsomely this time."

For a moment his lips took on an infatuated quiver, thinking of the kiss a month before, honestly bestowed by a certain orange Earth pony. Perhaps they could bury the hatchet this time, -and hopefully not in his head...

Snapping back to awareness with a start, Flim grinned at his brother "I'm ready Dear Brother Flam, Are you? In 3..2..1 Aaaand Dance!"

Their latest theme song blared from a record player in their booth while Flim jumped out and began dancing.

"Lookee what we got here Brother of mine,

Ponies just sitting and frittering away their time!"

Flim zipped on over to a pony dozing in the shade and lifted up her chin, tisk-ing critically.

"Are they tired? Just worn out? Even lacking get up and go?

Perhaps they havent' heard we got something NEW to show!"

"Something to wake you up, give you Go, Go, Go!

Something Sweet! something you'll think is a treat!

Something we promise you want to know!"

As he danced, he pointed to each skeptical pony nearby in the park.

"What is this product? What is this miracle we will show?

Come closer friend, Come closer still. We promise this time is not a shill.

It's not a con! It's not a sugar pill! Want to feel energized and not ill?"

He danced back to stand beside a magically powered drink cooler and winked before singing the finish.



Super Speedy,


Six Thousaaaaanddddd!"

With that, he tapped his cane on the lid, which sprang open, revealing glass soda-type bottles in a variety of flavors.

"Yes, WE, the AMAZING World Famous Flim Flam Brothers,

have scoured Equestra to bring YOU, yes YOU!

The finest, fastest, zippiest, get-goingest, Unbelievable Energy Drink, Nonpareil!"

Who among you wants to be the Lucky first customer for the measly price of just... Two Bits?"

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Apple Fritter trotted down the streets of Ponyville, and saw something unnatural parked in Ponyville Park. She walked over to it, and saw two ponies she had swore she'd seen before, but she couldn't place her hoof on when and where. She heard them say a bunch of gobbledygook, and then something about an energy drink. She thought about picking up some to help her with late night farm tending. She raised her hoof, and trotted up to the front of the crowd. "All right, yer little energy drink... Can ya'll prove it works? If ya can do that, ah'll consider coughin' up th' two bits ya'll er askin' fer for that." Apple Fritter bargained. She wanted to make sure she was getting her money's worth.

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The cream colored unicorn twin watched his brother's sales pitch and began to follow his lead as he sang and danced:

"Has your 'get up and go' already 'got up and went?',

Has your last bit of energy benn already spent?

Would you like a boost of power one hundred percent?

Then you need some Super Speedy Elixar!"

Suddenly, Flam stopped singing when he heard Apple Fritter's question.

"My dear young filly, rest assured, that this Elixar is good and pure!

And my brother and I will prove our claim!

Just watch THIS and be amazed!"

Flam spotted an elderly stallion with glasses on in the crowd and galloped up to him.


"My dear friend, you are in luck, have some of this, won't cost you a buck,

We'll show these ponies what we mean, when Flim and Flam make an drink so CLEAN!!!!"

Before he can object, Flam opens Mr Waddle's mouth and pours half a bottle of the elixar into it., The face of the elderly stallion suddenly turns red in color as he gallops off so fast he spins Flam around like a top before the unicorn twin falls to the ground with eyes spinning.

"There you see? Our Elixar works! Now will you buy some, my dear mare?"

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"Hmm... Ah'm not fully convinced, but it seems ta work.... Cuz ah me not bein' able ta decide... ah'll give ya 1 bit." Apple Fritter said. She wanted to have more energy, but that stallion seemed to be in a bit of pain as he drank the elixir. But, whether that was due to old age, she couldn't tell.

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Flim dramatically shaded his eyes with his hoof as he watched the elderly Earth pony speed away.

"Excelsior! Watch that elderly chap fly! Come one, Come all! Give our energy drink a try!"

Inwardly, he felt a pang that the old pony got a freebie, but if it drew in the rubes it was worth it.

The first customer of the day, who looked familiar somehow. ...Perhaps it was the apple related Cutie Mark?... stunned Flim when she actually offered to pay less. - One Bit?!

After a very brief moment with a nonplussed look on his face, he put his trademark smile back on and graciously pulled a bottle from the cooler for her.

After all, a little more generosity can only help their case with the citizens of Ponyville, right? and if this fine filly was in fact related to AppleJack, that can only help on that front as well.

"All right you lucky lady, one Bit for you! Just tell everypony how well it works out for you and we shall be deliriously happy."

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"Sounds like a deal, ah guess." Apple Fritter said, placing one bit on the table and taking her energy drink, she took one quick swig of it, and promptly spit it out. She wiped at her tongue with her hooves, and threw the remaining bottle of energy drink flat on the ground. "That drink tastes like dirt!" She bellowed. In reality, it tasted more like sandpaper mixed with applesauce with just a hint of dirt, but she didn't want to be long-winded. "Ah wouldn't drink this if ah was dyin' ah thirst in th' desert!" She yelled, snatching back up her bit.

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"Of course you'll be satisfied, ma'am!" Flam neighed. "As for the flavor, it's an acquired taste! The more you drink it, the more you'll LOVE it! The more you love it, the more you'll want!"

Meanwhile, hovering above them was a lime green Pegasus stallion:


Professor Clyde Krashkop looked on in shock as Flam forced his friend Mr Waddle to drink the elixir and then gallop off.

"Ach uneemal! I must follow him!" the Professor shouted as he zoomed downward to follow him. When the Professor had caught up with the swift elderly stallion almost a mile away, Mr Waddle tried to spit it out.

"YUCK!" Mr Waddle shouted, "I've tasted better drinks during last year's Prune Festival!"

"Are you alright, mein friend?" the hovering Professor asked.

"Yes I am, Clyde. Just had to find a place to spit that dreadful drink outta my mouth. Why did ya think I ran so fast to get some privacy?"

"So DATS vhy you ran so fast! Und dose two conceited unicorns call dere concoction an energy drink! You still have dat bottle Flam gave you?"

"Yes, I was about to dump it too.:"

"Vait! May I have it? I vant to take it to mein lab und see vhat is in it."

"Be my guest," Mr Waddle said, handing the still airborne Professor the boittle. Professor Krashkop quickly put it in his saddlebag.

"Danka, herr Vaddle! I vill return vhen I analyze dis liquid in mein lab!" the gray maned Pegasus said before flying off.

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"Ah don't care how much of an 'acquired taste' it is! It tastes awful!" Apple Fritter fumed. Then she remembered who these to stallions were. Applejack had told her about them. She couldn't remember what their names were, but she knew they were con-stallions who tried to run Applejack out of Sweet Apple Acres! She decided to get revenge on them for Applejack, and got an idea. "Ah got an idea. If'n it's such an 'acquired taste', why don't ya'll 'acquire' it for us?" Apple Fritter said, taking two bottles of energy drink, opening them, and splashing them in both of the twins' faces.

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Why is it I keep coming back to this town? Honestly...

Harrington Sleuth wandered around Ponyville, here yet again on his travels. He had been all over Greater Equestria as of lately and was just about ready to settle in somewhere. Maybe at a hay and stay in town. In the next town if there wasn't one in Ponyville. He walked with his head down a little as he made his way through the city. A brightly-lit, machine-laden wagon caught his attention as he looked at the few ponies gathered around it and the two proprietors. He recalled one of them, the one without the mustache, had competed in the Iron Pony competition a while back after he was in that event. He went up to them to see what all the hubbub was about. He listened to their song and dance as they pitched what they were doing in town.

Elixirs, huh...hmm...I wonder if there would be one that might let me pick up on any emergency in Equestria...my notability and fame would spread throughout the land...maybe enough for an invitation to enlist as a Royal Detective!!

The P.I. Pegasus hopped in line with a broad smile on his face and checked his saddle bag to see how many bits he had since the proprietors, who appeared to be brothers, might not surrender the good stuff cheap. But with the Pegasus that flew off in front of him, he was now at the head of the line of one for the SSE6K and looked up at Flim and Flam.

"Good day, sirs. I am Harrington Sleuth, private investigator, and...I am very much interested to see what this thing can do. Could it, even...allow me to sense any emergency in Equestria in need of my services?" he asked with an eager smile.

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Apple Fritter looked over at the pony asking about the elixir, and started to warn him about this. "Ah wouldn't bother with 'em if ah was you. Their 'magical elixir' tastes like dirt." Apple Fritter warned, glaring at the two brothers. "Don't even work either. Ah tried it, and ah felt th' same as ah did before." She said.

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Flam whinnied in surprise as the mare spit out the drink, then had them try it the hard way..

He tried not to wince at the taste. "Brother Flam, it appears I forgot to turn the quality control on again... Oh dear madam, please forgive us. Here is your Bit back and let me see if I can find the batch we made last night. Now that is a fine batch if I must say so myself "

He reached into the back of the cooler and hoofed her a bottle of a different color. "Please let the Apple family know how sorry we are about... last time we were here in business."

Flim turned to the next pony in line and hoped he could find enough of the good bottles, with just a hint of a sweet blue flower they found.

Apparently the newer bottles had more blue flower and grit.

"Good morning dear sir, Just a momentary bobble with QC there... We cannot make any claims of Extra-sensory Perception, mostly due to the Equestrian Board of Health, but it should make you extra alert and speedy. Would you like a taste test first?"

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Harrington turned around to look at Apple Fritter as she advised him against trusting the FlimFlam Brothers.

"Well...maybe it has some kind delayed effect? It could just take time. Honestly, this is out of curiosity more than anything. Not much to lose...if it doesn't work, then that's that. If it does...I could come that much closer to attaining my dream..."

He looked back at Flim when he spoke.

"Ah...I understand. But I would like to try it just to see. Any little enhancement would certainly be welcome."

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Apple Fritter angrily took the drink, and took a small sip of it. To her surprise, it wasn't necessarily good, but it wasn't bad either. She drank some more and threw a bit right into Flim's face. "This is better, but ah still ain't payin' 2 bits, so that's all yer gettin'." Apple Fritter said, sitting down next to the twins' machine and drinking the rest of her drink.

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Cloudchaser wore a somewhat tired smile as she flew over Ponyville. It had been a long night of keeping the weather in line and she hadn't gotten to sleep yet. Rather than sleep immediately, she had opted to instead look for Flitter of one of her other friends to hang out with, but thus far she had had little luck in finding anypony. Instead, she just looked down at the town, searching for something vaguely interesting or exciting to get her attention.

That's when saw them. They definitely stuck out. There were two of them and they were unicorns and they were wearing stripes and funny hats. Chaser had to giggle looking at them. Better yet, they were dancing and singing and putting on a show as they seemed to be handing out something for ponies to drink. She had heard about ponies similar to this showing up at Sweet Apple Acres not too long ago, but had slept in and missed all of that. She wasn't sure, but this looked like it might be the same guys. The pale blue pegasus mare was nothing if not curious.

Swooping down, the pegasus landed on her hooves near where the two were set up. They were currently serving a mare who didn't look too pleased and a stallion who looked curious about what they were peddling. She trotted toward them casually, a grin on her face.

"Ooh, what's all this?" she asked in a buoyant voice, still all smiles as she faced the two whimsical sales stallions. "What you guys selling? Is it tasty?"

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Carrot Top was making her rounds through Ponyville, conversing with the ponies as she passed by. It was then that she was a very familiar looking red machine that looked like a train engine.She remembered that this machine and the familiar ponies who operated it, were in Ponyville before selling cider. The two were quite convicing, had they not made bad products. She remember how her cider was filled with leaves when she tried it. Now it seemed that they weree at it again, selling something to make ponies faster and more energetic.

"Oh, it's you two again! Alright, what are you selling this time?"

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(ooc): Ok, looks like Flam is VERY behind here. Going to pick it up at the moment when Apple Fritter forced Flam to drink the elixir through to the most recent post. Please bare with me.

(bic): Before Flam could react, Apple Fritter splashed a good amount of the elixir into the unicorn's wide open mouth. The foul taste made him want to spit it out immediately, but because of the crowd staring at him, Flam swallowed it while forcing a smile on his face.

"Tastes.... delightful.... nothing wrong with it.... at all...."

Flam had to restrain his reflexes to keep from throwing up, making him unable to respond when Harrington Sleuth introduced himself and asked questions. The mustached unicorn twin could only nod when his brother asked him about quality control but he did manage to point to the newer made bottles. Nor could he respond to Apple Fritter's comments about the elixir being not worth two bits. When two more mares came and asked about what they were selling, Flam had shake off the ill effects of the bad tasting elixir in order to do his traditional sales pitch.

"Hello you lovely ladies, we have quite the deal for you!

It Flim and Flam and we're back again with something new!

A fine tasting elixir, that's made with natural things

And will give you energy for whatever life brings........"

Flam began to dance around, flipping his straw hat as he sang.

"This is an opportunity, right here in this community!

He's Flim, I'm Flam, we're the world famous Flim Flam brothers!

Traveling salesponies non parell!"

After finishing his sales pitch, Flam reached for two of the GOOD bottles to present to Cloudchaser and Carrot Top.

"As an introduction special, you beautiful mares, one bottle for two bits, or two for four bits!"

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(ooc): Ok, looks like Flam is VERY behind here. Going to pick it up at the moment when Apple Fritter forced Flam to drink the elixir through to the most recent post. Please bare with me.

(bic): Before Flam could react, Apple Fritter splashed a good amount of the elixir into the unicorn's wide open mouth. The foul taste made him want to spit it out immediately, but because of the crowd staring at him, Flam swallowed it while forcing a smile on his face.

"Tastes.... delightful.... nothing wrong with it.... at all...."

"Yeah, that's what ah thought." Apple Fritter said, noticing the fact that the mustachioed stallion looked as if he wanted to throw up. "Well, ah'm done wit' this, so ah'll be goin', maybe tell mah cousin Applejack ya'll are back in town." Apple Fritter said, giving one last glare to Flim and Flam before running off.

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Cloudchaser chuckled as the stallion started to sing about his elixir. These guys were crazy. She loved it. The product sounded like a steal too. An elixer that gives you extra energy? Awesome, she could always use that. Working nights tended to make her rather tired and lazy some times, after all. A good energy boost was just what she needed, especially if the stuff tasted great like the stallion claimed.

She gave a nod and smiled to the salespony. "So this stuff will give me more energy?" she started, head tilted. "'Cause I could really go for that kinda thing."

Pulling a couple of bits out of her saddlebag, she tossed them toward the stallion. "I'd love to try a bottle."

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(OOC: I will be starting an OOC thread on this to discuss what the side effects might be and when they might start. I dont plan on any happening on the first page, just a long enough delay before they find themselves surrounded by an angry herd and possibly under the effects too.)

Flim wiped his face off with a towel and tossed it behind the counter, then looked at Cloudchaser, as well as the other curious ponies .

"What we are selling this fine morning is Energy Drink! Caffinated goodness! Herbal pick-me-ups! And Carbonated sweetness! All in one convenient sized bottle! It will make you so fast you'll think you have wings! If you are a pegasus, you'll feel full of magical unicorn energy! Speed like greased lightning! Stamina like that big red fella in this town! Energy to staty awake instead of falling asleep if you have a long shift at work. What have you got to lose but a couple bits? It will even inprove the sheen on your coat for attracting a special somepony, or impressing one you have"

At this point, Apple Fritter said she would be telling Applejack they were back in town, and his lips got that odd smiling quiver again. He suddenly hoped it would not include a good look at the bottoms of her back hooves...

He slammed the last of the taste test bottle down his gullet hoping for more immedate effects on said sheen and managed to keep it down.

Flim then turned to Harrington and got of the good bottles out "Here, since some ponies seem to be casting doubts on our product, Please give this a sip. If you like it, its yours for half off, and tell everypony how good it is. What do you say?"

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A bit of a commotion in town caught Kaskazini Nyota's attention, something down near the park. Curious as ever the zebra decided to take a closer look...after all, he had some shore leave from the Freedom Wings, and wanted to experience as much as he could while he was here in Ponyville, for his first ever visit to the town. If there was something exciting going on in the park, he wanted to see what it was.

Who knows, maybe he could ply his own trade?

That idea quickly faded when he saw just what it was he was looking at. Kaskazini spotted two unicorns, brothers by the looks of them (darn near identical twins, if it wasn't for the one's rather impressive moustache), attempting to sell off...some sort of energy drink? By the time he'd arrived things weren't looking up for the duo. A line had formed, yes, but one of the mares who'd tried their product did not seem very impressed with it, and gave the group a glare before running off in a huff. All of this highly amused Kas, who was not used to being here. Typically, he was on the other side of the booth, selling his faux-mystical zebra "charms" and "talismans" (which he carried in a dark cloth bag around his neck, resting against his side. You never know when opportunity would knock!) to ponies in the cities around Equestria. "Oh, dis looks like it's go'an ta be good," the zebra commented to nopony in particular with a wide grin. He might try the energy drink, at some point. For now, he was content to watch how these two stallions tried to pitch it. He had to admit they were very energetic, which seemed to help with winning the attention of those in the crowd, but obviously at least one mare wasn't impressed with the product.

He wondered if it even worked.

"How much ya sellin' dis for? Jus' trotted on by, see?" He hadn't caught the price properly during the moustached one's song. If the price was right, he'd give it a go. If not, he'd have a good time yanking their chain about it, trying to haggle it down. A sort of travelling salesman tete-a-tete, as it were. Heck, if it had half the potency they claimed, it should be flying off their shelf. Was it a poor product, or just too early to tell?

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Carrot Top listened to the two sales ponies give their pitch. This was different from the cider that they offered before. They were promising things like stength, speed, energy, and other things. Carrot wondered how they did this, but chalked it up to unicorn magic. She never understood unicorn magic being an earth pony and it wasn't like she needed to understand it. She was comfortable with whst she knew in her life as a carrot farmer. Still, a little help might do her good...

Her decision was split as one pony left swearing that the drink tasted bad while the other almost throwing her two bits at the Flim Flam brothers.

"Well, I guess I can try one," she said to the two unicorns pulling out two bits from her saddlebag, "i could always use the strength and energy."

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Flam saw that his brother was taking care of Carrot Top so he immediately rushed over to assist the newcomer who happened to be a zebra.

"I love that question, kind sir! Right to the point, straight to the heart of the matter! Our energy giving all natural elixir sells for two bits a bottle, and four bits for two bottles, well worth the price, how many bottles would you like?"

Meanwhile, at Professor Krashkop's lab, the lime green elderly Pegasus was examining a drop of the Brother's elixir through his large hoofmade microscope. The 'drop' had been run through a tableful of glass tubes, beakers and other chemical analyzing equipment.

"Vhen I opened dee bottle, mein nose caught a viff of a strange ingredient. I have managed to use heat to separate many of dee base component of de... VHAT'S DIS???? IT CANNOT BE!!!! DOSE TWO DUMBKOFF VOULD NEVER... BUT DIS TEST IS TRUE! How could day use someting like dat und.... MR VADDLE! I MUST FIND HIM AT VONCE!"

The frantic Professor rushed outside of his cottage and immediately took flight back towards the center of Ponyville.

"MR VADDLE! MR VADDLE! VHERE ARE YOU?" the gray maned Pegasus shouted repeatedly as he flew over street after street searching for him. "I must find him before it is too late!"

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"What we are selling this fine morning is Energy Drink! Caffinated goodness! Herbal pick-me-ups! And Carbonated sweetness! All in one convenient sized bottle! It will make you so fast you'll think you have wings! If you are a pegasus, you'll feel full of magical unicorn energy! Speed like greased lightning! Stamina like that big red fella in this town! Energy to staty awake instead of falling asleep if you have a long shift at work. What have you got to lose but a couple bits? It will even inprove the sheen on your coat for attracting a special somepony, or impressing one you have"

Cloudchaser grinned. This was just sounding even better. Wow. Could one drink do all that. Give her unicorn magic, make her fast as lightning, increase her stamina, give her energy and make her coat shiny. Wow, this stuff had to be the best ever. She was excited now. She reached further into her saddlebag and pulled out her bit purse.

"Forget a bottle, if this stuff can do all that, I want a whole box!" Cloudchaser said eagerly, eyes wide. "If I had a speed boost, I might be as fast as Dash! I could really use the stamina and energy too."

"In fact, I want to try one right now! Give me a bottle," she said excitedly as she forked over her two bits.

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The moustached one trotted over to sell Kaskazini the bottle he'd inquired about. The zebra wore an amused little smile while the pony told him the price, and reiterated the use of this drink, to give him energy. Interesting. And at two bits, well...it was always worth a try. He typically sold his own trinkets at a bit or two apiece, so it was no real loss for him.

Didn't mean he wasn't going to mess with the poor salespony. It was just his nature, after all.

"Well, I be a salespony meself. Well, not a pony, but ya get me drift, yeah?" Kas took hold of the bottle and examined it with an (un)knowing eye. He had no clue what was in it, to be fair, or what could even go in.

"An' dis supposed ta make me bounce off de walls with energy? Ya should know we zebra types, we good at brews o' dis type. What ya put inta this? I might know de ingredients, an' if it's worth me time ta buy more'n a single bottle, seen?" he asked with a grin. He was going to buy one ANYWAYS just to try it, but he could have some fun. He had a distinct feeling the salespony either didn't full know or wouldn't say exactly.

Not that Kaskazini knew the first thing about this stuff. He knew what kind of plants made for good tea, and that was the extent of his horticultural knowledge.

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"Umm...hello? Aren't you going to take my order, sirs?" Harrington had apparently been brushed aside as a few mares started showing up. They were probably trying to appease them first before they came back around to give him something for the bits he was paying. Though he was ready to leave any minute now.

No wonder these two chaps have a bad reputation in this town...can't even bother them for a simple elixir...

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