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On 3/4/2017 at 4:53 PM, PatchworkPsycho said:

I have come to spread the word of the Lord, He who turns the sun on at day, He who fills the clouds with rain in the morn, He who slew the heathenish dinosaurs who disobeyed His whims, and He who creates earthquakes with his mighty stomp, Tyrannosaurus Christ!

 

Actually that's all I got.

 

raptor_jesus_by_dangermousedavs.jpg

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So I've come up with a handy-dandy chart documenting boob-dangerous objects and their danger level (more *s = more dangerous). This metric is based on personal experience.

 

Oven doors: *****

Baking racks: ******

Boxes (while carrying): ****

Ferrets: ******

Molten chocolate: *****

Bags of Sugar: *****

Husbands: *******

Thorny plants/branches: *******

Door frames: *************************************************

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Number of stars are just how dangerous the object is and how often it might get my boob. 

 

I have an amazing tolerance for pain and suffering. Example, a few nights ago I accidentally cut my leg open without knowing it, and I was leaving a handy little trail of blood all over the bakery floor. I looked down and thought it was red icing, and I was like "Huh? I didn't use any red icing tonight..."

 

Oh yeah soooo, here's where I work. It's really that dark! Uhhm, that's my sock! Yup!

 

sk8A3fW.jpg

 

On the far right (blurry orange patch) is my oven, Grendel. I've done some calculations and I've figured you can fit at least 10 bodies inside him!

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15 hours ago, PatchworkPsycho said:

I need someone to make one of those for men, so I know what to avoid.

Naturally, I'm not talking about the chest area, down south.


Dogs jumping up at you: * * * * * * *
Table corners: * * * * * * * * * *
Fences: * * * *
Sitting down: * * * *
Dropping something while sitting down: * * * * *
Stray football: * * * * * * * *
Women:

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