Nasty

* still continues to be deaded

.... *still deaded

Mmm, kinky. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU- *deaded

KISS ME, BOTH OF YOU!

KISS ME, YOU FOOL!

YES YOU WILL!!!!111111111!z11!!!11!!11ONE!!111

KISS ME, YOU FOOL!

10:51 now. And yes, Canada.

That's the spirit, boi. On an unrelated note, my post count is quite low considering I've been here since October... I should be here more often.

10:04 over here.

At least 68. No, joking. I had assumed you were between 14-16.

... I love you.

Cheer up brah! It's 2012 over there. A whole new year, with brand new adventures Everyone's here fo you.

I'm actually not 47, so please do not feel frightened

Conor laddie, do not feel glum, for this 47 year old man loves you very much. As does everyone else, too. So, continue to write your story, I will continue to help. That's what I've decided to do, really. help people who need help with their stories rather than pathetically bump mine. So keep your lovely chin up and tell dem bois dey r liek dum n'stuff

Be sure to PM me once you are finished. I might be leaving in, like, now, but hopefully I'll get a chance to read it soon. As far as proof reading your own work goes, I'm horrible at it. Like, I'm horrible at it. I cannot find my own mistakes.

That's awesome. Like, awesome. Like, damn. Like damn. My pictures are just oodles upon oodles of insanity. Come to think of it, my writing other than The Brony is as well.

I like your pictures :3 And the reality is all writers, artists, and sadists can do is state their opinion. There is no right or wrong here, because every author differs. As far as I'm concerned, there's no real "Writer Book 4 Dem Writers" that states how you should describe things. Now, I'm probably going to finish doing a project I should have done in school and not cheat my way out of and go write "Writer Book 4 Dem Writers." May I see some of your writing to get a better understanding of your opinion? I get what you mean, but I'd like to see it in action.

Everything feels nice when you slather yourself with cow blood.

SO LATE IN THE DISCUSSION Nasty thinks when it comes to descriptions, you must describe what you think is important, if that makes sense. So, for example, if you're walking down a path in the woods, say "the forest was pretty dark, but the sun's rays were shining through the branches. It looked almost as though the trees were hugging." Done. The reader already has memories or thoughts about what a forest is, so they bring everything else inside. However, if you're describing something original, something that the reader won't automatically be able to think of, a lot of descriptions are important, like some dude's castle-- if he's insane. Have clowns everywhere on the walls. Mention the dead mice he happily leaves on the floor. MENTION THE CHICKEN THAT IS HUNG FROM ITS LEG, BLEEDING AND SUCCUMBING TO A HORRIBLE DEATH THAT WOULD BRING AN UNDYING SADISTIC PLEASURE FOR-- You get it.

Alright, I fixed up the story a bit. The story is good, but the grammar is a problem. I know you may find this part tough, but I know you can do it Even if you end up with mistakes, I don't give a damn because you tried your best, end eventually, you'll be pwning everyone with grammar and become a Grammar Nazi I'd like to inform you of repeated mistakes. Basically, the real meat of your mistakes came from dialogue. The dialogue was great, I liked the relations between the two siblings. But, here's some rules: When it comes to quotations, the ending of your sentences (meaning '.', '?'. '!'.) have to be inside of them. Example: George sighed, “Jesse, just please stop being mean.” You should start a new paragraph whenever someone new speaks as well. Also, when someone speaks, the first letter should be capitalized, but if they speak again in the same sentence, have it like this: “George, I see something weird,” Jake said, “and it keeps on coming at us!” Also, whenever you end your dialogue, you should have a comma after it (inside the quotation mark) to make it flow. Example: “Josef, I see your pet skunk,” Tray said. I made a lot of changes to your wording which you may have been wondering about. Like, for instance: “She grasps the frying pan she was cleaning and quickly lifts it high into the air.” You were telling the story as though it were just happening, like “Bob punches the monster.” It sounds better if everything were past tense, because that's what the story is. “Bob punched the monster,” or in your case, “She grabbed the frying pan and quickly lifted it into the air.” Commas are your friend! When you're writing the story, or when you're writing someone's dialogue, read it aloud. You may feel that there should be a small break in their speech or in the way the story is telling things. For example: “Um, Josef, what is that?” If there weren't any commas, it would look and sound like this: “Um Josef what is that?” Another example: “Hamish continued to walk, but he still grew tired.” Keep working on these key problems and your spelling, and your story will continue to be great. I read Chapter 1 as well, but I decided to let you fix it up. It will serve as an exercise, so to speak, for you to train yourself. Using the advice I gave you, try and fix up Chapter 1 as best as you can. If you have any problems, PM me. I'm not always on, but I usually am on at least once a day at around the same time. So, if you need any further help or if you have any questions, just ask I'm looking forward to your next chapter

"H-hush now….q-q-quiet now…it's time…t-to lay your sleepy head…" D: Is this story supposed to have dark humor?

Thank you muchly. I'm thinking of making a fanfic and not a story about a derptastic and careless brony. But, I'm not sure if I should go GrimDark (actual, real GrimDark, not mindless violence) or go with something else. Trying to make up a pony I can actually have fun with as well, so the ponygen is good for inspiration. I just hope our writing section gets better. Not saying it's bad, but there's tons of stories with little or no replies. I'd like to see people really trying to help, although when it comes to writing, it's very time consuming to really sit down, read, and review. Right now I'm helping a chap named PrinceHeru, trying to edit his story's grammar. Good story, the grammar is a little bad, but he seems willing for my help, so that's what counts.

Parlez vous francais?

Don't worry, I'm happy to help. I'll put in brackets. Writing requires help from others. You'll notice I finished making my story and it has little to no replies other than me pathetically bumping it ^_^