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Trilobite

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Posts posted by Trilobite

  1. Hey everyone.

    I'm going to be away from internet access for a while starting tomorrow. I'll plan to be back by February--I'll let y'all know. I'll give Emerath (I hope you're feeling better!) about 24 hours to post whatever he wants, then I'll move us to a wrap-up for this section.

    This was originally planned as an adventure in three parts of about the same length as this one. My big question is; do y'all want to move on to Part 2: The Valley after this? I'm happy either way, as it's been a blast playing with y'all.

    I wish all of you the best, and be excellent to each other!

  2. Hey there! Friendly neighborhood RP helper here.

    Glad Tidings is not only a great name, but a cool character! I think there's a lot of potential for adventure and fun with a travelling cheermeister--also a very cool term. Her history is nicely succinct and ties in well with her motivation and cutie mark. Very well done!

    I look forward to seeing her develop and I'll be here if you need any help or questions. I'll also try to find some places where I can make suggestions that might be helpful. Take care!

  3. A pair of Iceguard stood at rigid attention outside the door to the catacombs, stoic and unmoving. Nearby, Commanger Gale and one of her lieutenants discussed something, the two gesturing at points on a map and ocassionally asking a question of Scribe Bartleby, who stood nearby.

    Commander Gale turned her head to the door, eyes narrowing. At her raised claw, four more Iceguard swept into the room, aiming crossbows at the door. Gale herself stood in the center of the group, barring the way with her body, claws ready.

    The door rattled, opening slowly...

  4. The beast had shrunk down to a tiny black spot, flickering and insubstantial. It was more gray now than black, and its eyes a soft pink rather than a blazing red. As pocket change approached, it fell further and further back, now the size of a hoof, now a candle flame, now a matchhead. Finally, with one last awful shriek, it detached from the armor and whisked away into a crack in the stone.

  5. Hey there!

    Papyrus looks good to me. I like the name for one thing--it's a little different but still seems to fit nicely with the feel of the show. Her motivations tie in very nicely with her cutie mark story, and her flaws (naivete, school troubles and super nervoius about big gatherings) are subtle, realistic, and overall add to the depth of character.

    Her skill at writing fits well with her background and cutie mark story as well, and you didn't try to make Papyrus Equestria's most famous novelist or the greatest thing since ink was put to paper. I really like this character.

    Since you asked for some constructive criticism, I've tried to find a few suggestions for how you could improve, but overall I think this application shows you have the idea of writing applications and know this character well. My only suggestion would be to write more. Not on this application, which I feel has just the right amount of information, but in general, and do plenty of reading to see how various authors describe their characters. Then, challenge yourself to describing characters in different styles, and also to writing up characters you just plain wouldn't like while trying to understand their motivations. Those are very general suggestions regarding characters in general, if you feel you'd like to improve that aspect of your writing; I don't think any of that needs to be applied here.

    Looks good to me! I'd say mark it [READY] and I'll pass it on to the Wise Council for approval!

  6. The shaodow curled back in on itself, tendrils whipping away from the trio as though scalded. It shrieked, and turned its furious gaze toward the pony who dared to advance on it.

    A blast of cold struck Ember Spark, past flesh and straight into bone. Words came with it, but they seemed fainter, less coherent than before.

    ...talentless dirtpony...no real magic, just machines...studying others' talents to make up for not having one your own...

    The words faded, then came back twice as loud, with a harsh buzzing sound that blurred into a second dialogue aimed at Pocket Change.

    ...drifter...lost in the past...you'd be nopony without your family's money...

    Despite the renewed fervor of the shadow's attacks, it continued to shrink, drawing back from the group, clinging desperately to the armor.

  7. There was a sound like a thousand dentist's drills and the ennui retreated with an almost physical sensation of withdrawal. The Shapeless Terror shrank, swirling down into an intensely dark cloud that gripped the armor with its tendrils, pulsing as though it were drawing something from the artifact.

    Its eyes, squeezed down to slits against the light, focused on Emerath, and everyone could feel the waves of cold power flowing out of it and crashing against the unicorn.

    You're not like other unicorns and you never will be...always in the background...no one would have you on stage...alone even among others...unwanted...tolerated only because you are useful...your special talent is just something anypony could do if they cared to pay attention...

    Everyone could hear the thoughts, coming through in distorted mixtures of their own voice and that of Emerath, but Emerath, as the focus of the attack, felt these things as though they were his own thoughts, as though they came from deep in his own heart.

  8. No problem, Emerath--especially since you let us know! That and taking the chance to post when you can are the main things. :D

    Love the variety y'all put into your posts, and thanks for stepping up to a somewhat unusual roleplaying challenge! I like to throw the occasional curveball like that in, but only for the sake of doing something interesting, and only sometimes. Thanks for indulging me and writing such fun stuff with it.

    Now our ponies have something a little more pressing to contend with...

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