SunsetSombra

You seem to have forgotten about what this application is intended for, RP section wise - Mane or Crossover/FreeForAll.

Also, as a note - you used 'Juniper Berry' 30 or so times in this app...and as a style of writing, it can feel reptitive to read.

You don't actually need to refer to his name constantly - it's mostly assumed that once you've mentioned his name once in a paragraph, anything that pertains to the pony after can be referred to by either He or him, depending on context and use.

{ I'll show you a couple of examples so you can see what I mean. }

1: Listing Likes/Dislikes

Likes: Juniper Berry enjoys cooking - he's also an incurable romantic for the mares, and enjoys reading romance novels.

Dislikes: Nothing annoys Juniper more than arrogant colts, and ponies who put down his chivalrous nature. Wasted food winds him up fairly quickly, too

2: General paragraph references.

Juniper Berry is a hard working pony, who wants nothing more than to prove his worth as a chef to equestria as a whole - he will often spend his time looking into new and exciting cooking concepts that wow the tastebuds and that simply aren't just run of the mill ideas. He will always try to push the limits of what herbal cookery can accomplish, and will always step up to the plate if anyone challenges him to a cookoff - he loves a challenge, especially if it means showing off his skills as a self-taught herbal chef.

I hope that at least a little of what I meant was demonstrated clearly enough - it's mostly about trying for a variation of terms, and not limiting yourself to simply referring to his name continually where it isn't really needed. This isn't so much a requirement as a recommendation, as nothing can, does and will turn people off to an RP with somebody more than somebody who self-references and/or uses a repetitive choice of wording to express themselves.

I would probably say for now just to add the type of RP you wish to join, and perhaps adjust the profile so that it's not relying on the use of the words Juniper Berry where it isn't really required to be - presentation and style are a big part of applications, and I feel that this one merely needs a little rewording before getting stamped!

This is quite possibly the best thing ever devised for the fandom...good luck to Mr DeLancie, he'll need it!

Well, whilst the application looks a little short, I'll certainly say that the information given is dense enough for me to see how it goes from here!

{ Also, Phil DID get Rarity - Good on him, too!

}

Brazil found himself looking up at the devious grin of an all too familiar face...flailing when he realised who it was.

" Oh Celes-...PARADISE! " He exclaims - realising he'd then almost spoken far too loud than was good for their situation...facehoofing slightly as he watched the others catch up, and realising that the look on Martini's face was one of rather curious intrigue - but there was certainly a small fierce emotion bubbling below. He needed to clear this up quickly and settle them down before anything else undesired happened and put their entire mission in danger.

" Martini...this is going to be a little awkward to explain in, uh...these conditions! " he says, crawling out from under the female pegasus, his cheeks flushing a tad as he found himself in her heated and uncertain gaze. " This is, uh...Paradise Nut - my, uh...my daughter! "

Oh boy - this was going to complicate things far too much...and there was almost no time to go into details right now.

Brazil curses his bad luck and Paradise's rather unfortunate timing as he looks around, knowing that somewhere up ahead there were likely to be posted guards looking out for intrusions.

" Right now...I'm just going to ask you to go with me on this...once we're out of here, you can ask all you want of it - but we're really not in any position to be playing family questions and answers just yet! " he says, raising a hoof to his muzzle and hushing his voice. " I haven't seen her mom in...well...a long enough time for me to have no idea where she is - so if that's something you were worrying about, I figure you have no reason to now! "

He looks back to the hallway - dusting himself down a little...hearing the voices of the guards up ahead, which gave him pause for thought.

" Ugh - and just when I think I've settled one thing, there's something else to worry about... " the adventurer mutters to himself, now having to take careful consideration for what their next move should be and just how they would go about it.

" We need to get rid of those guards...or we're going nowhere fast! "

Robikku watches Miracle for a moment, a little dumbfounded at her outburst at the waiter - it seemed a tad odd for him to witness somepony just utterly lose it over salad dressing...and it seemed like such a silly request too.

What resteraunt was ever going to just give a single customer ALL of their dressing, really?

Still, at least she seemed to be getting along with the peryton, and that was decent enough for the pegasus, as he proceeds to take a mouthful himself...a small appreciative smile on his features as the delicious flavours and textures flooded his senses - Canterlot food may have been a tad pricey, but nopony could say that it wasn't worth every bit...especially when it was as good as this!

he glances back at Misty who was discussing her food with Miracle for a moment, giving a small chuckle.

" Growing your own? That's always good...heck, wish I had a green hoof at times. " He says, having swallowed the mouthful and washed it down with his drink. " Seriously - gotta respect when anypony... " He catches and corrected himself with a chuckle. " and AnyPeryton who has that going on - 'cause it usually makes life a little easier and a little cheaper if you're growin' your own stuff! "

He took another small mouthful of his own plateful, closing his eyes and enjoying his meal - sure, they were probably an odd sight for most of the rest of those gathered at tables already eating their meals, but that didn't really matter to him right now...as far as he was concerned, this was pretty all right!

Big Mac had gotten over the initial nostalgia shock after the declaration from Klondkike that the barn seemed to be mostly salvageable, which had helped him to reign in the quiet bubbling emotions that he himself had been a little surprised by initially...it wasn't often that he got caught up in something and reacted quite as emotionally as he had, which almost left him feeling a tad embarrassed.

Mojo's little misplaced comment at Applejack and her subsequent reply made Mac roll his eyes, distracting him now from any internalising thoughts of anything prior...he didn't care much for ponies who ticked his sister off, but since this was most likely just an accident on the part of the laid back pony, there really wasn't any point in doing anything - she seemed to be handling it herself just fine as it was.

It was about now that Klondike called out his and Mojo's name - calling for the both of them to go and tend to getting the heavy beams that were prepared.

Giving a small nod, and a small glance over in mojo's direction, the red stallion turns and heads towards where they were currently kept - he wasn't going to worry about what Mojo had done, he just wanted to focus on the task at hand...which was a more important focus for him!

Tonight, Vinyl Scratch was about an hour or two from a small gig in Fillydelphia - However, she was feeling a little antsy and restless - which was somewhat uncommon for the unicorn mare...this perhaps could be attributed to a few remaining fears from the wedding fiasco, and weren't really anything more than nerves. It had taken a while, but She'd sort of come to accept the fact that she'd been closer to any real danger than she was prepared to admit to anypony else at this point in time...and that had left an odd residual emotion.

It wasn't anything more than one of her regular club appearances, sure, but something within her had just started to think on things a little deeper about life and stuff - she had never been a shallow pony, of course, but even such momentary ponderings of bigger pictures of life and stuff had startled her more than perhaps she had thought. It was no good - She needed to distract herself somehow, and thus she dragged her thoughts towards something more pleasant that would help put her more at ease...

It had been a couple of days after receiving Ace's last reply - having received a big bundle of items and personal affects from the pegasus, Vinyl had found herself unable to really put into words just how adorable she found it..especially when coupled with what had been said in the letter itself. Ace was an endearing kinda pegasus, and Vinyl couldn't help but admire how open he had let himself be - considering he had been initially more conservative than her with showing his emotions in the time they had spent together briefly. she attributed that more to his training than him as a pony...once he had gotten onto the dance floor and had a chance to relax properly, she'd had a glimpse of the handsome, fun loving stallion that she knew lurked within.

Perhaps the best thing she could do in a situation like this was to write a small letter - she'd picked up a Trots Domino record a couple of days ago that she felt he'd like, but had left it back at the apartment. she'd enclose and send the whole shebang when she got back, but right now she just needed something to settle her nerves and to perhaps get a little of how she felt out on paper.

Rifling through the saddlebag resting beside her, the DJ mare pulls out the manuscript, inkpot and quill that she kept spare for such an occasion - unfurling the paper scroll and floating the quill...making sure that the inkpot was open and the quill was freshly dipped and ready before starting her small message.

" Dear Ace... " She jots down, scrunching her muzzle up to think about a good opening for the pegasus.

" I've found myself thinking about you lately - that care package of yours, I have to thank you so much for that...I mean, I know you don't really have a lot to yourself where you are right now, so the fact that you took the time to send off such an amount of items like that to me was both pretty unexpected and gave a very welcome feeling for me upon receiving your letter.

Currently just kinda relaxing in a small cheap hotel in Fillydelphia, about 20 minutes away from Club Hoof...a small brand of clubs all over equestria who seem to like what I do enough to ask me back each time they have a good opening. It's nice to be able to be one of the ponies in the world who can bring so many smiles to so many faces, but I started to wonder about my own smiles lately...

Which I guess is sorta weird, because I've always been a getalongy happy go-with-the-flow kinda gal. "

Vinyl pauses, taking another small moment to ponder on her point more clearly - exhaling softly before continuing.

" Suppose it's to be expected though - after all, whilst I'm not one of those old and grey mares yet, I suppose I can't help pondering just what life has in store ahead of me. It's no secret that not all of us can do what we do now forever, and I suppose I can't help thinking of just what I should be looking at for the future...I mean, maybe I'll settle down and teach music or something when things get too much. I've even thought about getting my own club eventually, but it's a pretty big ambition for a gal like myself on my own to do...but it's something many ponies have asked me now and again, and something I guess I could look into thinking about a little more when the time comes.

As to what else there is to think about in the future...well, I suppose there's always that little thing the pair of us are taking care of and nurturing now - I don't really know where this is all heading, nor do I pretend to think that it's always going to remain simple, but what I can say is that I look forward to seeing just what the future brings for us both, Ace, and to embrace whatever happens knowing that it's a path that we both chose. "

She re-reads through the letter, a small smile forming on her muzzle - for now, this seemed to be quite the adequate manifestation of her thoughts and feelings, and she found herself feeling just a little bit better for having expressed something a little clearly.

" I look forward to getting to spend some time with you soon - I believe the Gala may be coming up in a couple of months, so perhaps I should see if there's any need for a DJ this year. I had to miss the last Gala owing to being overbooked and whatever, so this year I just wanna clear up some time on my books and spend time having fun there - with you too, if that's even possible at all!

Anyhow, I think I've rambled on a little too long...but at least I think I've gotten a few things said and I hope that this little message of affection brings a little music to your day, since enclosed is a nice record I picked up a few days ago. { I think you'll like it...It'll even be signed, too! }

Take care of yourself, Ace - Fly High and do your best...for yourself, as well as for me.

I want you to know that somepony out there is thinking of you, and wishes nothing more than to give you the biggest darn hug ever!

Lots of Love and all that good mushy stuff...Your Vinyl Scratch! xXx "

She smiles slightly, wiping a small single tear from an eye as she rolls the scroll back up and places it back in her saddlebag - resolving to herself that she would package it with the promised disc when she got home, and then send it accordingly after doing so. Softly giving a sigh of contentment, she stands up on all four hooves again and proceeds to head to the door.

After all that quiet emoting, she was in the mood for some good hay fries right about now!

Hey there, I like the application so far, only there's a couple of things that sorta stick out at me about what it contains.

There's some references you're using that I feel are more just for the sake of having show references rather thanactually being meaningful contributions to the application itself, which I feel is a disservice to how good the rest of the application is - I feel they could, therefore, be reworded in a way that could represent the same things without tripping up the application itself and maintains a stronger sense of a unique identity all on it's own.

I shall demonstrate how I personally might reword them myself if this was something I was doing.

1:

Much like Applejack, Leafy tried the big cities as a younger pony, not certain he wanted to continue in his family’s line of work

Potential rewrite: 'He found himself heading into the cities, such as many a pony before him, in an attempt to determine for himself his place in life.'

2:

forming large structures much like Twilight Sparkle’s Library home

Potential rewrite: 'He has experiences of developing large popular structures, like some seen in canterlot and ponyville.'

These are just how I would rewrite these sentances to a less 'reference' centric style - I'm sure you can probably think of better though.

As for the last paragraph, referencing to the Zap Apples...I feel those are far too 'apple family' centric considering the episode was exceedingly strict on not just how they were harvested, but the time and rate they grew. Granny Smith is attributed to having discovered the method, and I feel like as they are, the zap apples are just TOO focused around an already unique set of circumstances for another pony to just replicate and also harvest EARLIER than we were told possible. In this case, I think it better off removed, as I feel there's really no essential reason for it to be there..

Other than these few niggles, I think this application could do well in the mane RP!

Big Mac wasn't a big taker of days off - in fact, he was often consistantly the hardest working apple on the farm...

Perhaps this was why he was feeling somewhat at a loose end today, given that all major farm activities were being put aside for the family reunion...leaving the usually workaholic stallion at a little bit of a loss. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy having the time off, it was just that he had gotten SO used to the idea of his normal routine that it was almost disconcerting to have absolutely nothing to do here other than keep an odd check, here or there, that things were fine and that there wasn't anything that was going to be an immediate problem later on.

with AJ resting, Apple Bloom positively beside herself with joy and Granny Smith doing Kitchen patrol, Macintosh found himself just kinda drifting around the farm, pondering just how everypony else had been - truth be told, the red stallion of the apple family loved and cherished his whole family, and certainly was curious to see just how they'd been holding up since the last time they'd met up.

Come to think of it, Mac realised...that had been something of a while ago now!

Still, after finding himself at the barn, Mac decided to just quietly check over the equipment in storage there...if only to give himself something to focus on for a while until at least somepony showed up - he just wasn't all that good at waiting around and doing nothing at all!