Pony_Sage

Sweet Symphony had been busying himself with sweeping up the shop and tidying things, as was his nature, while Maple made the pancakes that the mare who had walked in ordered. There was always something to sweep up or straighten and every little bit made the old ramshackle place look all the more like a real establishment where somepony could get some good food.

“I hope you like your meal Miss. Is there anything else that you need?” He posed the question to the white mare with the pancakes. After all one step in the road to getting customers to come back and refer friends is diligent service. An odd rather voice added to the commotion, it vaguely sounded familiar to Sweet but he couldn't place his hoof on it so he kept on straightening and helping the customers.

“By Jove! Symphony! How are you old bean?”

Sweet's attention was now drawn to this stallion, “Twotone? Is that you, you old curmudgeon? I thought that you were above establishments such as ours.” Sweet said with a sarcastic smirk as he gave a good hoofshake to the stallion. While doing so he got a good look at what exactly Twotone was doing here. “And manual labor none the less. My my my, how the mighty have fallen.” He said with a pause at the end before the two of them began to laugh together.

Apparently these two stallions knew each other previously most likely due to Sweet's extensive conducting and piano playing career, and they seemed to be rather good friends. “I see that you have met Maple my wife. It is so good to see you Tone, how are the foals?”

Wiping a small tear from the corner of his eye with the crook of his ankle, still winding down from laughing, Twotone replied, “Ah they grow up so fast, one day they are struggling to lift up a pencil with their magic, or just barely hovering above the ground. And the next they are helping you move the furniture and soaring through the skies of Equestria.”

Just as Twotone finished his sentiment a cough interrupted the pair of stallions, "Ummm... Excuse me, sir. Do you want a hoof with those? They look heavy." It was the white pegasus that had been looking pensively out of the bay window before.

“Well Miss, you seem to be right there are more than a few of those crates and if I'm not mistaken one of them is a rather old and out of tune upright piano. As a general rule I would say that you are a customer and that you would not need to help, but with all those boxes I'll take any helping hooves that I can get. Pleased to meet you Miss, I am Sweet Symphony. And thank you for offering to help, I am sure that we can come to an arrangement afterward.” Soon after Sweet and Twtone lazily trotted back towards the cart and began to root through the boxes of instruments to figure out what order they should be taken into the firebarn. Hopefully these would make the grand opening even grander!

His ear flopping over Monty smiled widely again, 'Oh this mare is fun, I like her! Hopefully we can strike some sort of accord, having a good supplier of fishing equipment in town is always a plus. Sometimes it can be difficult to get your hooves on a good rod.' He thought as he nodded along to what the mare was pseudo-singing.

“I'm afraid that I can't keep up with you musically, my repertoire is limited to old sea shanties and marching tunes. And I can only rhyme for so long before my tongue gets tied. Although your manner of speaking is most intriguing! Is there a story behind it!? I do love stories.” Monty asked, being his usual nosy self.

Trotting about the shop to better take in the inventory he asked a few more questions, “So you've only been here a week. Why did you decide to come to Hoofington? Do you have knowledge in the fishing arts?” The question was punctuated with a goofy and exaggerated karate bow, at the end of which he almost fell over.

“Sorry about that! Sometimes I can be a bit clumsy.” He appologized with a chuckle as he walked over to the mare again so that she could answer his questions and he could give her his full attention.

"Myself, I came here more than a few years ago and set up shop rather quickly. Having worked on airships for many moons I figured that a salvage and supply shop would be a perfect fit, and Hoofington seemed to be a great hub to set up. Although looking back, I suppose Stalliongrad would have been better. But then I would not have the wonderful beaches and great weather! Even though this old town can get boring at times I like it well enough, there is always fun to be had if one knows only where to look." Monty soliloquized punctuated with a wink.

"Oh but here I am rambling on about myself, I am sorry about that. Sometimes I forget my manners." Monty hoped that the mare would forgive his absent mindedness.

Monty poked his head further in the door, both the warmth of the hearth and the unusual smell of the so called 'pizza' lured Monty slowly further into the cozy shop. Hearing what the shop owner had said but not particularly listening the door finally shut behind Monty. He peered around the shop and took in the sights, some framed pictures of what looked to be a far away land and quaint little tables dotted the restaurant.

“Pleased to meet'cha! Monty's the name, salvage's the game. Anything you need I can get, for a price of course.” The stripey menace happily trotted towards the yellow pony and with deft flick of his hoof slapped a business card down on the counter. A goofy grin came across his face and his right ear flopped down.

“Now I have to ask, what exactly is a pea-zah and is that why is smells so wonderful in here? I do have to say that the smell is exactly why I stopped in your lovely little shop.” Monty's amber eyes looking inquisitively towards the chef as his nose continued to sniff the air.

'Lema? What a rather relaxed captain this Strumovik is. I guess it is the years of being an air sailor.'

Edelweiss chuckled lightly at his remark before, with a smile on her muzzle, began to reply.

“Pleased to meet you Letchik, I am called Edelweiss by friends and family. You captain the airship over there, yes?” She asked pointing a hoof towards the Artorius. “That is a fine ship you have there. Out of the many ships I have seen, I do not remember one quite as unique as yours. Did you make it yourself?” Just as she uttered the question she noticed the clip clop of hooves on the steel pier.

'Proklyatie, Curses, why did I not hear her before? I should have noticed that VSS Patrolmare from at least 1/2 the dock away. Heavy steel shod hooves does not a stealthy approach make. And wonder why they are always asking me to join the ranks for recon purposes. Maybe if they didn't fit their hooves with party clappers they might be better at recon.' Edelweiss grimaced as she studied the mare. It was not that she had anything in particular to hold against this mare, but the VSS as a whole slightly irritated her at times. While their services were invaluable and definitely needed, sometimes their methods did not jive with her own ideals, not to mention their constant requests for her to join them.

For example their recruits were taught wilderness survival yes, but the were taught to fight and battle the will of nature. That is even how this city came to be, the buildings defiant monoliths built to honor the achievements of pony and griffin kind. Edelweiss favored more of a naturalistic outlook on life and the environment. She did not battle nature to survive in the wilderness, she used nature to her advantage. Tents were unwieldy and cumbersome, snow caves only needed to be dug out to be used, for that matter hollow trees were always a wonderful retreat from snowy conditions. Fire starters and matches were not needed to cook rations, there were enough plants to eat everywhere around which did not need to be cooked and ways to start fires for warmth were endless as the ever expanding snow scape, if one knew where to look.

Edelweiss stoically stood next to Strumovik her face that of complete control and practiced forbearance as the patrolmare approached. Inwardly giggling at the verbal jab from her new compatriot Edelweiss shifted uncomfortably on her hooves. The change in the wind opened up some some fissures in the cloud cover, the Sun peeking through.

Sweet smiled at the mare as she took her seat and Maple placed a menu in front of her. "Well, there you go. Now my name is Sweet Symphony so don't feel bashful and just call out to me or Maple over there when you find something to your liking on the menu." He chirped. This was Sweet's favorite time of year after all, not even the bills could get him down. He just loved all the cheer and good will, not to mention the candies! Especially since the open area of the barn had just been finished as the work stallion informed them, and the racks in the basement were the next on the list. This grand opening celebration bash festival would surely be a wonderful experience!

“Sweetie? ... Can we open our Hearth Warming gift early? After all, Obo should be arriving with those old instruments soon!” The coffee creme colored mare asked as Sweet made his way behind the counter to pour a glass of water for the menu reading mare. As he opened the spigot to pour the water her replied, "I don't see why not. Just remember to leave something to open in the evening, we wouldn't want to spoil all the fun now would we?" With the finish of his sentiment in a dry tone, he levitated the glass over to the counter. Slicing a lemon into wedges he stuck one on the corner of the glass and happily trotted over to the table where the alabaster mare with the red mane sat.

"Here you go Miss, have you found something that you like on the menu?" He asked setting the water down on the table. "That goes for you as well Miss." He called over to the pegasus sitting at the window seat.

The fog was thick enough to cut with a butter knife against which the resounding mournful wail of the distant light house's fog horn was battling. About once a minute or so the low and sombre tone would rip through the fog and echo down the streets of town. Hopefully the residents were not too perturbed by this interruption into their mornings however do to the essential nature of the fog horn it had to be sounded to keep the ships from smashing against the rocks. It's resounding bellow had awoken at least one resident of Hoofington, the stripy menace that was Monty the zebra. He may have been a deep sleeper but if there was one thing that would always awake him from his slumber it was the sound of little Rivet's fog horn. For some reason the sound was just right to worm its way into his ear and not let him sleep any further. So on this early morning the stripy menace stalked the cobbled streets of Hoofington, looking for something to do at this Celestia forsaken hour.

An odd smell wafted on the air towards where Monty was strolling. Singing at this hour would be highly frown upon and most likely get shoes thrown at Monty so he opted to stay quiet today. This odd smell hit him square in the face, it was starchy like bread but a tad more spicy smelling, something new. After being a cook for quite some time Monty had smelled many dishes but this one smelled unique to him. Following his nose Monty found himself drawn to a quaint little two story building, where it seemed the smell was emanating from. Looking at the sign no bells were rung in his head, this place must have been new. Pressing his nose up against the front glass window he looked inside, it seemed vaguely open. Monty poked his head in the front door and let out a call into the seemingly half open restaurant

"HellooooOOOOOOooooooooOOOOOooo?!" Monty did hope that he was not disturbing any pony but that smell was just wonderful, waiting on the threshold until called he took another deep whiff.

At the act of swing the fly rod about his head, the shop keeping mare acted precisely as Monty had suspected. She had come over to help him and gently prod him into acting more civilized, this was a good thing in Monty's book. It showed responsibility and commitment to ones profession, which was an important trait for a business pony to have, especially if Monty wanted to do business with them in the future. However the manner in which this mare gave her polite suggestions intrigued Monty to no end. She had actually sung to the goofy Zebra, albeit in an off key and shaky voice, which was quite similar to how own carefree off key sining of earlier.

Monty quickly placed the fly rod back into its holder and looked back at the mare. A look of intrigue painted upon his muzzle he smiled widely before speaking,

"I am terribly sorry Miss, my intention was not to make a mess. Rather I heard of your fine shop, and thought that I should make a quick stop." His voice somewhat melodic but more that of a poet than a singer. He was by no means mocking the mare, but rather found it increasingly interesting that she sang her first words at him rather than speaking. He was just replying in kind and having some fun with her.

"Pardon me, where are my manners. I am Monty! The owner and proprietor of Monty's Surplus. Remember if you need it, I can get it! For a price of course." With his smile still beaming and his ear flopped over he managed to produce a business card out of seemingly nowhere, which he offered to the mare.

"You seem to be new in town, I am sure that I would have remembered a mare as unique as yourself. Let me be the first to welcome you to this humble little town." Monty continued to speak with a slight bow. "How long have you been here and are you liking it so far?"

Monty genuinely found this mare to be intriguing, he always liked unique ponies, they usually made much better contacts for later use. Gazing around the shop to take in all the wares that they had to offer he spotted a nice little bamboo fixed line pole in the corner. That had been his tertiary purpose for visiting the quaint little shop, and they had just what he was looking for. Quickly making a mental note of it he returned his gaze to the purple mare.

One moment Mad-River had been minding his own business just floating down the river trying to find some exotic aquatic plant, not a care in the world plaguing his mind. The next moment he was being hauled out of his aquatic wonderland and up into the air on something dry. He flailed for a moment trying to get away from the perceived danger then he decided that it would be prudent to stop moving all together and play possum. Hopefully the intruding force would let him get away with minor harassment. His mind however was not as quiet as his body became, it was racing a mile a minute trying to figure out if this was the 'THEM' from the 'DARKNESS' and if it was, did he have any way to combat 'THEM'. All of his plants were in his saddle bags on the shore and in the middle of a river there would be very few other plants to combat the 'DARKNESS'.

His mind was halted however when he was flipped on his back and the presence before him was not 'THEM', but rather a concerned looking stripy earth pony, from Mad-River's assessment. After all he had never seen a Zebra before, he did lead such a sheltered life. Come to think of it, the only other visitor he ever had was a cute, albeit mischievous, little peryton. This stripy earth pony seemed unique however, she had a tattered cloak and most importantly a pointy hat. Mad-River stayed as still as he possibly could as she leaned over him and asked if he was okay. On her breath was the syrupy sweet smell of some sort of smoke, as she spoke the smell brushed against his nostrils. Next however was the most frightening part of the entire ordeal. A rather large silvery snake leaned over his face, just as the pony was doing, and hissed at him. At this juncture Mad-River decided that it would be a good idea to try to get away. He had taken in a mouthful of water just before he was dragged on board the raft, he suddenly squirted it out of his mouth towards the snake and then flailed his hooves in an attempt to right himself and take his leave of the situation. Unfortunately he did not realize that he was on a boat and merely managed to shake the little raft and roll over onto his stomach. After which he promptly tucked his legs underneath his body and opened his eyes very widely at the mare and the snake. His bottom lip quivered and his pupils dilated to what seemed to be the size of diner plates.

"YOU are not THEM from the DARKNESS, have they sent YOU to find ME. Are THEY YOU? Did THEY change YOU from LIGHT to DARK." The words poured out of his mouth as an almost incoherent stream Upon the last sentence he motioned to the mare's stripes with a hoof but then quickly withdrew it. "The plants of the water, they have much to offer. The things with claws, the things the bite, it gave me quite a fright. Plants hold the LIGHT, and help with the DARKNESS if THEY changed YOU." He continued for a moment before abruptly stopping and continuing to intently stare at the mare, shivering slightly.

The Sun was just cresting over the horizon when the stripy menace that was known as Monty was humming to himself as he exited the stairway door next to his shop. Today however was not a day that he would open the shop, at least this early in the morning. No, he had other plans for today. His jaunty step fell in time with his out of key singing,

"While in the merry break of day from me home I started,

Left the mares of Roam so sad and broken hearted,

Saluted father dear, kissed me darling mother,

Drank a pint of beer, me grief and tears to smother,

Then off to reap the corn, leave where I was born,

Cut a stout black thorn to banish ghosts and goblins;

Bought a pair of rattling o'er the bogs

And fright'ning all the dogs on the rocky road to Ponyville."

His unshod hooves clopped the rhythm as his, unique, voice carried to the surrounding areas. It was not so early as to have his singing annoying the sleeping ponies, but it was early enough for it to bother them as they ate their breakfasts. He happily trotted onward towards his destination, one of the newer shops in town. There were more than a bunch of new shops cropping up in his hometown and he would have not been a diligent townsfolk if he did not go and greet at least some of them. He remembered back to when he first introduced himself to the odd little Light-House keeping mare Rivet. At the time she was not terrified of him, but still rather sheepish. It took a few months but after a while she had warmed up to him and his unique ways and now she was one of his best customers.

"One, two, three four, five,

Hunt the Hare and turn her down the rocky road

all the way to Dublin, Whack follol de rah !"

He continued to sing as he trotted along. Turning a few corners and coming closer to the main docks, rather than his own private one that he used for deliveries, he started to hear the hustle and bustle of the sailor ponies as they loaded and unloaded their cargo. He turned another corner as his intended target came into view, the 'Hook, Line, and Sinker', a new shop in town. His visit had two other purposes of course, first he wanted to scout out the competition! Since his shop supplied pretty much anything that a Pony or Griffin could ever want or need, he was always on the look out for other stores that had wares, because if they had it he would most likely not need to carry that particular item, or have to drop his prices, which was not something that he liked to do. On a more friendly note however he also wanted to purchase a fishing kit, even though he could probably get one in for himself he always found it better to purchase items from other stores when he could. That way he would always make contacts around and be able to call in favors!

His amber eyes fell upon the building and the open sign hanging in its window, twas a nice wooden structure with a certain rustic charm. He pushed the door aside and entered head held high, his height that of a proud Zebra, standing at least a head above most stallions of ponykind. With a smile on his muzzle he began to peruse the store's wares. He also used this time to catch a glimpse of the mare that seemed to be the shopkeeper, her colours rather pronounced. 'Purple and green, not something you usually see around these parts, at least it will make her easier to remember! Sometimes all these sailor ponies look the same to me.' He thought as he picked up a fly rod and began to wave it around his head as though he might break something. While he was a goofy git on most occasions, he also usually had a plan and this action fell firmly within the plan heading.

Rivet pricked her ears up at the speech, 'This Maximilian fellow must be important for Snowfall to read his letter aloud to the assembly.' She thought. She twirled the toothpick in her second faintly glowing drink as she listened intently, the ticking of her hair clip kept her left ear occupied but with her other she listened to every word of the proposal. Rivet scrunched up her nose after taking a sip of her drink, thinking about what the letter was trying to get across.

'Well that was rather vague,' She pondered, 'Something about 'A link from Stalliongrad to Rockwington.' Couldn't he have been a touch more specific with this? I mean, I rarely ever leave my light-house,' She flashed back to the stallion rifling thought her things and shuddered yet again, ' Why would this interest me?' Punctuating the thought with a sip of her drink. 'Well, I suppose I won't be visiting that meeting, sounds out of my range, but best to mull it over for a while before deciding fully. I really want to visit the Ostrov District and see those new airframes that I have been hearing about. Supposedly they shaved about six berkovets, which if I am not mistaken is somewhere near one tonne, give or take. I don't know why Stalliongrad airframes have to use these odd measurements, makes working with them a little bit of a pain. Alas, some of the best frames are Stallian made though.' Rivet had drifted off into her own little world of thought, permeated by calculations and numbers, strange equations and gears. Sometimes she was hopeless, especially at social gatherings.

That morning when Sweet Symphony had rolled out of bed he hoped with all his might that the shop would be more busy today than the last few days. After getting a glass of water and settling down behind a wobbly oak desk in the upstairs office of the Jam and Cream. As he started to do comb over the bills and statements the table lurched to one side, causing his pen to streak across the paper he was signing. With a soft sigh and a puff from his lips, to blow a lock of hair out of his face, he bent down to take a look at the problem. The old firebarn had its charm and beauty, but it also had its problems, none of which could not be fixed with a little elbow grease. Upon inspection he noticed that one of the legs of the table was shorter than the others, causing it to rock from side to side. Sweet deftly levitated over an envelope and folded it in half a few times. Wedging it underneath the shorter leg he stood up again and tested the table.

“Much better.” he mumbled to himself as the table did not shift when he pressed his weight down upon it.

He sat back down and continued to look over the bills, paying them when he could. Tedium was not always a bad thing, it affords one time to think about the grand picture, time to get things straight. Sweet was lost in thought when his wife's voice broke into his little world.

“Sweetie . . . I am going to open up.” Resonated up the stairs of the now less ramshackle barn and into the office. It took him a moment to register that he was being spoken to, lost in thought as he was.

“Yes dear, just be sure to put the signs out and make sure that the workers do not try to sneak off with some ice-cream again.” He answered loudly enough to be heard.

Looking back down at the bills he scowled for a moment, he had opened this shop to get away from the politics and bureaucracy of his last life, but somehow it always managed to find him. Paying the last few bills he marked down the damage in the ledger. They were behind, but surprisingly enough, not that far behind. One or two very good days of sales would be able to put them back into the black right quick. Hopefully the new celebration that Scoops had come up with would bring in the pony folk from all of Canterlot.

Sweet stacked the pills into the paid bin and tidied up the desk. Once everything was all squared away and neat he decided to trot down to the barn proper and take a look at what was going on. Hoof beats could be heard as he clip clopped down the stairs into the barn's main room. This was to be the restaurant side of the business, but was still under a bit on construction. At least one worker had shown up today and was hammering away at something up in the rafters. Before going into the Ice-Cream shop he surveyed the grand room. It was a sight to behold, and to think that a few months prior he and his lovely wife had almost fallen through the floor. Now it was wonderful old stock rough hewn pitch pine, which gave the entire room a rustic home like feel.

A new voice chimed in just as Sweet was going to open the door into the shop.

“Hello?” it called out in a rather timid tone.

Sweet took the opportunity to stride into the shop with a light smile on his face and greet the customer, or rather customers he thought as he noticed the Pegasus sitting by the window. He looked over to his wife behind the counter and gave her a warm smile before taking his apron and tying it behind his neck.

In a melodic yet practiced tone he spoke to the newcomers, “Welcome to the Jam and Cream! Please excuse our appearance at the moment, we are undergoing some renovations. Please take a seat anywhere you like, and feel free to give a hollar if you need anything. Would you like a menu, or a glass of water?”

This was a service industry after all and Sweet was here to serve these ponies some home made food and hospitality.

Hay there again, there are only two minor things that I see. In her back story you mention her parents' death is attributed to a car crash, this is most likely an oversight, but there are no cars in Equestria, it is okay if you leave it vague as to how they died. Having that they passed on in an accident of some sort would be enough to get the point across. Also, young male ponies, after the foal stage, are called colts, just to let you know!

~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

"Assessed!" Thus spake the Sage.

"Assessed!" Thus spake the Sage.

"Assessed!" Thus spake the Sage.

For a little filly, she seems pretty well expanded upon, it can be hard because of her young age I understand. The only thing that I would suggest is that you think on what her cutie-mark might be when it comes in! Other than that;

"Assessed!" Thus spake the Sage.

Hay there again! This application looks pretty well done and thought out, aside from a few minor usage and spelling mistakes that another read through would catch. One final thing, you do not mention the exact moment when he received his cutie-mark, I assume that it is when he saw the comet and the like, but just be sure to pop that in there! Remember to switch him from [WIP] to [Final] when you are satisfied with him!

~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

Hay there, you seem to have the starts of an interesting pony here, however there could be some more added to him. First off, if you take a look at his colour scheme you will notice that he is awfully grey, the cutie-mark as well. Now there is nothing bad about this, however the cutie-mark should stand out upon its background at least a little. Also, how did he earn it? I think you may have missed a section in the middle of the story there when the editor freaked out on you. Why did his mother name him Iron Heart, it seems like an interesting name but it is never addressed. Why did he want one of his mother's shackles? Also there is a topic that should be addressed, there is not much criminal activity in the 'Mane' RP, if there was some it would be minor infractions and usually done for a non malicious reason. So Iron Heart's mother being locked up for so long for such a crime just does not fit the spirit of the 'Mane' RP. Maybe there could be another story behind it that gets the same point across. When you add simple things like this to the application what it serves to do is add depth and dimension to your character, which makes them more fun for you to play and others to interact with.

I am sure that if you address these points your application will be right on track to being accepted.

~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

"Assessed!" Thus spake the Sage.

Hay there, just wanted to stop by and lend a helping hoof. I do like this character, and she seems as though she would fit in rather well. There are some topics that I would like to touch on with you however. First off being her cutie-mark story. While it is perfectly fine for her to have the equivalent of a metal detector spell except applied to ruins, it is a little too off the wall to have her be able to read an ancient language with no prior training in the skill at all. Languages take a very long time to master, even if you are exceptionally skilled, it would make her more reasonable if that chunk were removed. Jumping down to the spells, having a spell that gives her wings is again, very powerful. If you remember it was very taxing for even Twilight Sparkle to cast a spell that gave Rarity a pair of butterfly wings. Twilight Sparkle of course being an Alpha Class unicorn according to the UMAT. Usually OC unicorns are of the Gama or below classification, now mind you this is not a bad thing. Most of my Unicorn characters are actually Delta or below and they play perfectly well. I am not saying that she can not be good at her special talent, rather that the majority of her spells and abilities should be linked to it, and for you to use Twilight Sparkle as the top of the line model. Also you might want to expound a little on her relationship with her parents, just a little fluff to give her some more character.

Other than that, she is looking rather well put together!

~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

Hay there, just wanted to stop by and lend my two cents. You have the beginnings of a very fun character here. The only thing that jumps out to me at the moment is her name and her cutie-mark, while yes it seems that the names of the show are largely self fulfilling prophecies, having a Pony named Asteroid with an asteroid cutie-mark is a little too redundant. Now when naming a pony, try to think in the mind set of a pony naming a foal, yes it sounds odd but it does help. Since there is a distinct difference between an asteroid and a comet, might I suggest changing her name to something along the lines of Comet Streak, Comet Tail, Blazing Comet, something along those lines. And maybe then the cutie-mark could be a comet with a coma and a tail present to represent her speed. It is more or less the name of Asteroid that does not seem very pony like to me. Also you might want to expound upon her relationship with her friend, why the family took her in, and maybe some other simple background information. One last thing, you are going to want to bump her age up to Filly or Young Mare if you want her to have her cutie-mark, it would just fit better. I would also like to inform you that if she does attain her dreams of becoming a Wonderbolt in some way, you can have her and play her as a Wonderbolt, but I would assume that a responsibility such as that would come much later in her life.

~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

Hay there, just wanted to stop by and lend a helping hoof. I do have to say that you have an interesting character shaping up! First I would like to point out that the flying team is named the 'Wonderbolts' not the 'Wondercolts' namely because there are females in their ranks! Also, you are allowed to play a 'Wonderbolt' if you wish, just to let you know. On to the meat of the application now. I have to ask, does this character have a split personality or what is known as Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) ? If indeed he does, I am going to have to ask you to change that, it is a little too real world and a tad dark for the 'Mane' RP ideals that are in place here. If he does not have DID, then you might want to rewrite his personality a tad, because he comes off as though he has DID. You have a good simple cuite-mark story, and some aspects of his personality, which when the kinks are worked out I am sure will be fine. There seems to be a little missing however. I would like to know more about his back story in general. His relationship with his parents maybe, or some background on how he became a weather pony. Also him preforming an act such as the 'Thundercolt' that you outline is a copy of the Sonic Rainboom is a little too much. Since we use cast members as the top of the line ideal, having an OC that could compete with the prowess of Rainbow Dash seems a tad over the top.

I am sure that if you take these ideas into consideration that Thunderflash here will soon be lighting up the skies of Equestria!

~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

Hay again. While you did put some of the changes into affect that I suggested, I still don't see much in the way of a cutie-mark story.

What was she doing as a weather patrol pony when she got it? Was she making or breaking up a storm? Maybe she was whipping up ans especially pretty cloud formation! Which could be linked to her special talent of weather manipulation. Adding something along those lines to the application will give other ponies a better insight into what your character has accomplished and what they strive for.

Now I know that sometimes coming up with this can be difficult, but since the cutie-mark is so very important to the character, seeing it developed a little bit more would be great! Just a little tidbit on what she was actually doing when she received it would be great!

~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

Hay there, I just wanted to throw my two bits in for you. As to the visions of the past or the future, unfortunately there is no chronomancy what so ever in the 'Mane' RP, but this would be perfectly allowed in crossovers. I would also tend to shy away from calling her a shepherd of good and evil, there are too many implications with that phrasing that would arise. Also I would like to make sure that her cutie-mark is static, as in, the sand shown does not actually flow through the cutie-mark.

Now onto some more interesting topics. I think that you have a fine start of an application here, but there are areas that you could expound upon. I would really like to know more about her as an individual! How did she get her cutie-mark? Since it is a very important piece of a pony and represents their realization of thier place in the world along with there special talent there should at least be a small blurb about how she earned it. Also, what exactly does she do? There seem to be vague references to her acting as almost as a park ranger would, ensuring that the area under her control is balanced with flora and fauna. Is there anything else that she does? Does she have any aspirations, hopes or dreams for her future? Why did she take up the mantle of protector of the area that she surveys?

Again, this is a very interesting character and with some fine tuning and tweaks I am sure that she can find a home in Equestria!

~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

Eyes fell upon Edelweiss as she sipped her tea, she felt them bore into her , along with the presence of a rather muscular stallion. She heard his hoof beats stop behind her, 'Is this another KOG recruiter trying to get me to join again?' she pondered. If there was one thing that all her training in tracking quarry and finding lost ponies in the woods afforded her, it was a keen situational awareness. This presence did not seem intent to cause her harm or harass her in any form, but rather just watch her, like a crow trying to figure out how to get food our from a tight space.

Then the hoof beats continued, past Edelweiss and off to the end of the steel pier. This pier was one of the first built in Stalliongrad and as such it was one of the more bulky and re-enforced, Odin Pristan', as it was called in the old tongue of Stallian or Wharf One in common tongue was the usual mooring place of rather large and cantankerous airships and as such was of high priority for Edelweiss to keep clear of fowl.

The presence that was intrigued by her seemed to be linked with the new ship that had just docked. The stark contrast between the smaller faster ship and the usual fare that they had at Odin Pristan' interested her, maybe this pony would be someone with whom she could speak. Edelweiss deliberately chewed on her carrots darting a quick, hopefully unnoticeable glance over to the new addition to the pier.

She was correct in her assessment of the stallion, he was a fine specimen of an airship crew member. 'Or rather a captain.' She mentally corrected herself upon spotting his insignia. His ruddy red coat seemed to be offset by distinct white fetlocks. These of course were not as impressive as his golden and white pinion feathers. The colour scheme of this pony seemed to echo the city of Stalliondrad its self.

The wind changed direction in favor of Edelweiss. Out of the corner of her eye she saw a flash of something shiny and then a strong whiff of something pungent. 'Ah the smell of good old Stallianoya fire-water.' Edelweiss mused to herself. The smell was unlike any other pony alcohol that she had ever had the care to investigate. There was a sharp edge to it that only could come from premium Stalliondradian ingredients. Her ears twitched to catch the mumbled old tongue coming from the other pony. From what she made out, “Nadezhnyi.” was at least one of the words of not the only one. At least this pony was a native. There was a fierce pride in Stalliondrad about being a native, even if Edelweiss' parents were immigrants, she had still been born and raised here.

Finishing her lunch Edelweiss let curiosity get the better of her, a rare occurrence. She packed up her lunch box and put it back into her kit on the dock. After which she proceed to stalk over towards the stallion, being sure to disguise her hoof beats by stepping in piles of the fallen snow. She was rather diminutive compared to this stallion and preferred to at least have the element of surprise if he turned out to be one of the less desirable, 'Sky Pirates', that seemed to be making a resurgence in recent days.

Stopping just short of a few feet from the stallion she watched his motions closely, discerning what she could from them. Then, breaking from her natural course of actions quite largely, she softly spoke. Her voice cascaded into the surrounding area, there was something unique about it, a frequency that seemed to convey great strength of character.

“Double cold pressed, if I am not mistaken … kapitan.” Her accent was not that of a traditional full blooded Stalliongradian, which sometimes was the brunt of jokes, but rather had a unique under tone to it. It seemed to be from another language completely still guttural but more abrupt and deeper, as though Stallian was not her native tongue, but learned early enough in her life to deeply effect the accent that preceded it.

She stood there with a discerning look upon her face as the wind carried her mane in a new direction. She awaited the captain's reply, if he felt like giving one to her. Sometimes boredom can get the best of even the most quiet individuals.