Pony_Sage

As the sun set, shafts of light fought their way through the dense canopy that covered Soggalong Swamp, their amber rays alighting on small patches of moss and the occasional flower that would greedily sop up the offered energy. Roving bands of mosquitoes seemed to plague the land, trying desperately to suck the life out of anything that was warm blooded in that little swamp. Birds sang and frogs croaked their salutations to one another. There was a symphony to be heard somewhere in that swamp, if one had the ear for it. There was another layer to this chorus of animals as well, the insects. Crickets chirped the melody, and cicadas hummed the tune, it was indeed beautiful. At least to the ears of one brown pony that was wandering through it.

He was constantly amazed at the noises that the animals in his home swamp could produce, and how they all blended together to make a wonderful cacophony of nature. Trotting happily with his worn saddle bags at his side Mad-River was on a mission. Some glass jars clinked together with each step, only muffled by the dull sound of a leather bound tome. In one of Mad-River's many botany books he had come across a section, often neglected, about aquatic plants. This intrigued him to no end, being that he mainly worked with terrestrial and arboreal plants. There was a feeling of dread however, the fact was that he had read the book many times from cover to cover and never had come across the section on aquatic plants. This made Mad-River very uneasy, even though Mad-River kept his tomes locked away in an ice chest to prevent the DARKNESS from rewriting them, sometimes he forgot to put the tomes away. He was weary of this entry being a trap orchestrated by THEM and the DARKNESS to catch him off guard and change him. That was a risk he was willing to take if it meant learning about aquatic plants.

The jars clinked together yet again as Mad-River wiggled out of his saddlebags, he immediately turned about and rummaged through them to make sure nothing was broken. He triumphantly returned with a glass canning jar and a trowel. He slung the jar around his neck with twine and took the trowel in his mouth. The water of the stream lapped gently at the muddy bank. Despite the water's colour and, unique, smell and relative warmth Mad-River tromped happily into the water. He plunged into the middle of the stream and floated on his belly, blinking into the murky depths he tried to discern the plant shapes that he remembered from the book, occasional diving to get a better look. Thanks to a well placed broken reed, Mad-River could breathe marginally at best, but it still afforded him the ability to lay on his stomach and just float about for longer than average periods of time. To the untrained eye, he might have looked like a pony in desperate need of trouble, and he may have well been, but for other reasons than physical ones at the moment.

I am going to provisionally assess this application with the caveat that I would like you to make it clear that she was born and raised in Cloudsdale, but recently moved to Canterlot. This is not explicitly stated, but it seems to be implied in her back story. Just pop that in there and I am sure that it will make much more sense.

Rivet took the drink to her lips and downed it in one go, although that was not the accepted method for one to drink whatever faintly glowing blue liquor that she had imbibed. 'Apparently there is one advantage to that Inter-engine fermentation contraption that I thought up. This is noting compared to that sludge.' Rivet thought slapping her lips together slightly as the strange flavour of the liquid swirled down her throat. Hopefully this would be enough to take the edge off of the situation, Rivet was not one to like being in the spot light, and having just realized a few moments prior that she had been jabbering all night, she felt very self conscious and longed for her grease and grime. Thankfully the conversation had segued away from the topic of her and her inventions and over to Snowfall and the loss of her father.

Rivet was not up on all the goings on of the world around her, nor the state of most affairs that extended past her light house, let alone past the edge of Hoofington. The inner machinations of a multi-cultural corporation that was headquartered in a city so far away from her own was out of Rivet's purview. Trying not to be rude Rivet took a seat gingerly on a nearby chair and listened it, scouting the near by table for another glowing frilly drink. 'Where is that server pony, maybe I could get him to bring something stronger.' She mused to herself.

The two leaders of industry were having an interesting conversation it seemed, at least interesting enough to hold their attention away from Rivet who was pleased with this. She kept to herself through the conversation, deciding it was best to listen than interject. Obviously there were undercurrents here that she cold not comprehend so her kept her nose out of it. Her mind again drifted first to the massive ships that were most likely docked in the Ostrov district for the night, and how she could sneak on to see their engines and boilers. Then her mind drifted back to her light house in Hoofington and the stallion now occupying it. Again she imagined him rifling through her personal effects, messing up the order of her parts in their bins. The longing for that drab stallion to be out of her home kept her mind there for longer than it should have been. 'Staring off into space is not something proper ponies do now is it you silly filly. Now pay attention to the others and act more politely.' Scolding herself yet again Rivet smiled and nodded trying to keep up but looking a bit lost in the process.

"Assessed!" Thus spake the Sage.

Hay there, just a few more tweaks and this pony seems about wrapped up! I like the revisions that you have done so far, but for future reference please do not 'bump' your topic or double post in it unless you are mentioning that you have made a change to the original document. Just a hint, the human age analog is not needed, sine we don't know how ponies age, but it does not need to be taken out, just a reminder. I do have a question though, why would she get lost in a grocery store? Does she have a bas sense of direction or is she just all over the place with her mind running a mile a minute and she would forget where she is? Also, why are her old friends in Cloudsdale if she was born in Canterlot? Dose her father like her musical aptitude and help her along with her quest? Finally there are some grammatical mistakes that I am sure another read through would catch.

Once you take these questions into account and expound upon them a little bit I am sure that Harmony here will fit right into Equestria!

~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

Hay there, just wanted to stop by and lend my two bits. First things first, if that is indeed a picture of the afore mentioned Pony, the bat wings are not allowed unfortunately. There are also some grammatical mistakes that I am sure another read through would catch. Now that that is out of the way, let's get down to business. You have a good start of an application here but it needs a little tweaking here and there. First off, why would most of his life be spent outside at night. I understand that he likes it, but most younger ponies do have to go to school in the day, if he spent all night out, when would the poor guy sleep? Also, a pony's cutie-mark is a very special thing, it represents their true calling and comes at a time when they realize their place in the grand scheme of life. What does Dawn's cutie-mark represent? Now the marks don't have to be straight forward, they can take some artistic licenses but they do have to represent something. I actually do not see a large drive in this pony's personality. What does he love to do, other than spend time outside at night? Is there anything that he is especially good at? Also, how far did the rocket jettison him up into the sky? I would hope just above the clouds because otherwise he would have either suffocated or experienced explosive decompression.

I am sure that once you take these things into account, he will be a rather interesting and three dimensional character!

~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

Hay there, just wanted to stop by and lend a helping hoof. First off there are a few spelling and grammatical errors that another read through will most likely catch, but that is neither here nor there. Little Arctic Blossom here seems like and interesting foal, but what does she like to do? You spend an exorbitant amount of time speaking to her relationship with her sister, Arctic Sun, but little Blossom here seems to be a wee bit anemic on the development scale. I know that making foal characters is difficult namely because of the short span of their lives and lack of a cutie-mark, but there is always room for some little tidbit that makes them a more dynamic character. You say that she likes the nature and animals, maybe you could expound upon that and tell the reader how she came to like these things. Does she attend any special after school activities that cater to a pony with a penchant for the outdoors? What is her relationship with her mother and father? Do they approve of her outdorsy nature, or are they skeptical? What does Blossom want to be when she grows up? What might her cutie-mark be when it comes in?

All these are good questions to ask yourself as you craft this character, they will make her more playable for you and more interesting for another character to interact with!

~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

Hay there, just wanted to stop by and lend my two bits. I would say that Flutterscotch is correct on this one. We have a user named Armony so naming your character this would lead to undue confusion. I would say that you could name her Harmony [blank]. That way you could stick with the motif of music, and it won't encroach upon other's name! Ponies usually name their children, oddly enough, usually something having to do with what they are good at, so the harmony part would cover that, and the later part could be something fun of your own creation.

On to other item. First you are going to want to read the Technological Guidelines in the Lore Section along with the Electrical Guidelines, that way you know what you are working with when it comes to your pony. As it is written, you have your pony listening to a music player, which is considered high technology which is not present in Equestria. Also, since Equestria is not Earth, the musicians that are present in the real world are not present in Equestria, so the part about '50 Cent' needs to be removed. You can however make up a pony themed singer that she does not like, which would add something to the character. Also you have a lot about her personality, but seem to be lacking actual back story. What are her parents like, do they approve of her singing? How does she like living in Canterlot, does she plan to move out some time when she is older? These are just some questions to ask yourself when crafting her character out a little more. A dynamic back story adds that little level of dimension to your character, making them more fun for you to play and for others to play with.

One more thing, her colour scheme seems to be a bit loud. Usually ponies stick to one or two colours with only minimal markings that are native to horse breeds, such as palomino or appaloosa. The stripes that are present in the supplied picture are usually reserved for Zebras and their off-spring. Maybe your pony could be a solid colour, but finds herself bland and dies her coat and hair. That way her colour scheme can be as loud as she pleases, and keep her stripes of colour!

~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

Rivet happily pranced in place for a moment when she heard that Snowfall would stop by her home and workshop sometime in the future, 'This is going perfectly!!! ... Stop prancing you look like a foal.' She mentally chastised herself. After halting in her place and looking bashfully at the floor for a moment, reflecting upon her silly foal like behavior. Her ears pricked at Lola speaking, 'She seems rather sure of herself, maybe if she were to visit me I could set her misconceptions straight. Live steam really isn't all that dangerous when handled with the proper precautions and procedures. Especially with the new grounding systems that the newer model airships have. OH, that reminds me I should go visit the Ostrov District while I am still here. I would love to see some of the bigger models.' Was the thought that resonated through Rivet's mind at that moment, even though she tended to get lost in her own mind.Everyone seemed so contemplative at the moment, it looked as though Snowfall was lost in thought, and Lola was looking rather confidently at Rivet and Snowfall both. The universe froze in Rivet's mind, and zoomed in all around her. She had been the center of conversation and blathering on like some sort of ego maniac. This made her feel very vulnerable, especially since she was not in her element, not covered in her protective layer of grease and grime. She felt as though everypony was watching her and critiquing her every motion. Shrinking slightly due to her current feelings of uneasiness she just wanted to go home.

Thankfully Snowfall broke the silence with a toast, 'Thank you so much Snowfall.' Rivet thought with a sheepish smile on her face. A faintly blue martini glass was levitated up into the air with a light green sparkle that was Rivet's magic. Rivet did her best to contribute to the toast as her typewriter clicked out a response,

"May the fires not have to be stoked this evening!" The paper read. It was not much, but it was all that Rivet had to offer at the moment, it had been a long day for her. First the outing to the new city, then this party, along with meeting the CEO of NSI, and Lola Silverbeak. Rivet let out a little yawn, the evening seemed to be drawing on.

"I'm sorry, long day, didn't mean to yawn." The typewriter hastily tapped out to cover up her faux pas, hopefully her host and Lola would be forgiving of her rudeness.

The air was crisp that day, a cold snap and some stray clouds had brought even more snow upon the already alabaster city. The small shards of the heavens fell in waves lightly, at least in the day time. It gave the Jewel of the North a special charm when it snowed, just another little detail to make the city seem more friendly. Ponies were all a bustle down on the streets going about their lives. Some were shopping and haggling on the corner with the local food cart owners. Sometimes things would sound heated, but after the deal was over everyone was friends again. Some were on their way to and from work, trudging through the newly fallen snow as their steel shod hooves crushed the crystals. Occasionally a foreign word or a fragment in the old Stallian tongue would wash upon the wind.

This was a city of intrigue, a city of opportunity, a city of the strong and simple. Sure the flying buttresses of the towering sky-scrapers could be imposing to the newcomers, when one looked past the dark alley ways and harsh weather, it was in fact a beautiful and unique city. Not as beautiful as the frontier that surrounded it, but beautiful all the same. So many strong ponies, stoic griffons, and proud Zebras, all working together to scratch out a niche in the unforgiving wilderness.

A single snowflake, unique as the city is was falling upon, twirled and swirled towards the ground. Its journey abruptly ended, however, on something soft light pink and warm. It's uniqueness melted upon contact, as curls of condensing breath careened into the biting morning air. Deep jade pools gazed past the soft pink tip of a muzzle, down upon the amazing city. From the dizzying heights that the eyes were gazing from, the ponies looked like ants, all hurriedly taking care of their own lives, utterly unconcerned with the goings on above their heads.

High above the city, above the towering spires and colourful onion domes, there was yet another city. A city with invisible streets, with carts the size of warehouses, and almost no laws what so ever. This was the city of the Airships. Massive lumbering behemoths that dominated the sky, idly floated above the white city. These giants were shepherded by the talented ponies and griffons of the Stalliongrad Air Control. There were many jobs that encompassed the air shipping industry of Stalliongrad, all the way from air ship captain down to the janitors that cleaned the ships after their arrival. All of these jobs were valuable and worked towards one end goal of bringing the ships in safely.

One of these said jobs, a rather important one at that, fell squarely on the owner of the jade eyes' shoulders. This was the job of clearing the docking and mooring paths and piers that the airships frequented from flying fowl. This was important because if one of the said fowl were to be sucked into the propellers of the airships, they could cause massive amounts of damage, totaling to untold amounts of bits in repairs, pushing back the shipping schedule even further. Needless to say, this was best avoided. The easiest way to do this would be to have a fleet of Pegasus ponies constantly survey and patrol the area, keeping the birds away. Alas, there were not that many pegasi in Stalliongrad, nor would it be cost effective. This is where Edelweiss came in. She was an independent contractor that worked for a number of companies including but not limited to NSI and even the KOG. She was a very specialized pony after all. She was a falconer something that was very rare in the entirety of Equestria, let alone the frozen city of Stalliongrad. She and her companion, Gwenevere the Gyrfalcon, would patrol the skies and scare off the fowl that might get sucked into a propeller. Gwen was perfect for this task, with her fifty inch wingspan and tenacious personality she would scare any fowl away with in two clicks of her area.

This was a busy day for Edelweiss, she had been awake since 04:00 and on the job since 05:00. With her trusty whistle she had been instructing Gwen in her tacking and pursuit maneuvers for a good seven hours and it was time for both of them to take a break. With three sharp blasts from the whistle Edelweiss signaled to Gwen that she was on her own for the time being, free to fly, hunt, and eat what ever she pleased. This was the unsavory part of the job, even though Edelweiss had lived with Gwen for many, many years she was never quite settled with the killing and eating of wild game. She understood that it was needed, and even fed Gwen when she was an Eyass and gives her gifts of deceased voles now and again. It was the act of killing said prey that slightly unnerved her, and this is why she opted for Gwen to hunt on her own for most of her meals.

The metal lunch box made a clang when it was dropped on the steel pier that Edelweiss was sitting on. She nosed though it picking out some carrots and lettuce with a cask of warm tea. Sitting watching the tiny ponies go about their business, she felt almost as though she was flying. With a quick flick of her magic the pulled the bone skewers out of her loose bun and let her pin straight hair fall. Instantly it was swept up by the light breeze that carried the snow, blowing a lock or two into her face and the rest flowing with the wind. She was the picture of the stalliongradian mare, white as the driven snow, with small black spots all through out her coat, mimicking the soot that clung to the whiteness of the snow in some parts of the city, sitting in utter defiance of the harsh nature around her, a strong simple mare in a strong simple city. If somepony where to have taken a picture or sketched her, it would have most likely been disputed as a work of fiction. But there she sat, sipping her tea and munching on her carrots, a sight to behold.

Rivet nodded with a smile at Snowfall when she was presented with the mare's card. After examining it for a moment she stuck it in one of the tiny compartments that her saddle was full of as she listened to Snowfall finish speaking and Lola pick up. 'Oh yes I have to make up instructions for the people to work on it. How could I forget these simple things. Sometimes Rivet your mind just glances over the simple things. Make sure to remember this!' Her mind scolded its self as she made a note of it with her typewriter. At Lola's next concern Rivet tried to keep a straight face as her edges of her lips twitched into a vague smile. 'Oh my! Explode from a power surge?! I didn't know that steam engines could do that? Well I suppose if it is magical exploding lightning it could? Right? Maybe there are different types of lightning storms over in Aquellia. OH ball lighting maybe! Nopony knows how that stuff works!' Within Rivets mind there was uncontrollable giggling, but after years of practice only the vague smile remained on her face. Being polite and cordial was the correct thing to do after all, these two were offering her the deal of a lifetime, laughing at one of them would most likely not go over very well. Rivet nodded and smiled more as Lola offered her a 'Balloon' for testing purposes, 'Be polite Rivet, she may not have your expertise remember this. Not everyone is a Steam Engineer.'

The typewriter sprang to life yet again with another note for the pair. "Your concerns valid, yes forgot to whip up instruction manual, sometimes forget simple things, mind is so many places at once. Lightning can be grounded against, nothing explosive in engine. Thank you very much, prototype might be useful. You have card, just post me or stop by any time. Give tour and talk about future!"

With a big smile Rivet wrapped up the blueprints and put it back into its hiding spot. This night had gone much better than expected and she was very pleased with the outcome. 'Maybe I should get out more...' she pondered for a moment before her mind wandered back to her home and the stallion staying in it, sleeping on her bed with dirty hooves, moving piles of important parts, looking though her diagrams and personal effects. She shivered a little as all these images passed though her mind.

Much better! I like the direction that you took the character and the changes that you made. Just remember that the sewing machines in use would be simple treadle machines and I think this is good to go.

"Assessed!" Thus spake the Sage.

"Assessed!" Thus spake the Sage.

Hay there, just figured I would stop by and throw my two bits in. You have a pretty good outline for a character here, just a few things need tweaking. Fist off, how would his mother have heard of the play that Rarity put together in Ponyville? It seemed to be a school play, which usually isn't something that is advertised in different towns. It is just a little off, maybe there could be more of a reason for them to visit Ponyville and have an excuse to go to the play. That way it makes more sense. Also while I see much of his back story, I do not see much in the way of his personality. Is he driven and determined or is he more laid back and casual? Is he timid or is he boisterous? Adding little bits like this can make a good app even better!

I also notice that much of the application is tied to Rarity in some manner, while this isn't a bad thing, we do tend to try to keep OC's more distant from the Mane six. Now this does not mean that Cross-Stitch can not meet Rarity or any of the Mane six in the RP and befriend them, just that the starting point of the OC should be a little further away from the Mane six. Such as Cross-Stitch's motivation, maybe instead of having him want to prove himself in the eyes of Rarity, maybe he can just strive to make the best clothes that he can? Something like that maybe. That way Cross-Stitch can be an independent pony and have his own established boutique and maybe Rarity will one day acknowledge him. Just having him constantly seeking out Rarity's approval or the like wouldn't be conducive to the idea behind the Mane RP.

I am sure that if you take these aspects into consideration you will have a wonderful application!

~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

Incorrect appearance of scrolling add block is confirmed for Kubuntu and Ubuntu Linux Kernal whilst running Chrome. The tab buttons do not function as well. Interestingly enough the scrolling add box works for Midori as well as Firefox for me.

~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

Thank you Bannhammer. The situation has been rectified!

~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

"Assessed!" Thus spake the Sage.

"Assessed!" Thus spake the Sage.

Hay there! Just thought I would stop by and lend a helping hoof. Let me start out by saying that I really like the idea behind this character and that with a little work I am sure he can find a home in the RP! The first thing would be his love for parties and his love for the outdoors, while this isn't a deal breaker as I am sure that outdoorsy ponies can like parties and music, you might want change the type of music and party because an earthy Pegasus does not seem to fit with the urban club scene. Maybe some earthy pan-flute and drum music whilst he has a get together with like minded outdoors type ponies? Also the bit about the diamond dogs also does not seem to fit his personality and character. Maybe he could have set up a park, helped get the proper papers filed and legislature passed to preserve a tract of forest from Diamond Dog tunnels that would have collapsed the ground beneath it?

Having a wandering pony isn't bad, it allows you to have a convenient excuse to RP anywhere. I would just like to know what he is studying. Is he trying to become a botanist or a naturalist? You also might want to expound upon his personality a little more in the application, how he reacts to certain situations. Is he laid back, but gets adamant about nature? Or is he going and on all the time, a little ball of energy? Also what is his relationship with his parents? Are they proud of him or are they a little upset that he did not turn out as a flying ace of a pony? Adding simple things like this to your application can add a lot to your character, depth and dimension. Which makes him more fun for you to play and more fun for people to play with!

I see a distinct pony here that became a little muddled along the way. I like the idea behind a nature loving yet exuberant Pegasus pony. If you stick to that main idea from your application I am sure that Pinecone can find a home!

~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

Hay there, just figured that I would stop by and give my two bits. The first thing that strikes me is his name, 'Martel' does not sound very pony-like. As you stated it means hammer in French, but it is still usually used as a human name. I do like his last name though, very fitting. A little tweaking on his first name might help a little, maybe Maul, Mace, Lucerne something along those lines? The name isn't a huge issue, however if I were you I would come up with one just in case. The only other thing I would like to see is a little more explanation behind his cutie-mark, how he got it and the like. Maybe he went through a trial of some sort, or had to protect somepony and used a hammer? Simple things like that add a bunch to the depth of a character.

I would like to point out although I see nothing wrong with the character, there might not be that many instances where you could play him, this being a mainly social RP. Although how you offset his warrior nature with the philosopher side may help this out. I would just keep this in mind.

~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

"Assessed!" Thus spake the Sage.

"Assessed!" Thus spake the Sage.

Hay there, just figured I would stop by and lend a helping hoof. You have a good start to an application here, but it needs some fleshing out. First thing's first however. Having her name changed from Lyra to Cloudchaser in unnecessary to the character. Plus it steps on the hooves of the cast character Lyra, so I would strongly recommend removing that from the application. Also what his her personality like? Is she bold and brash, or timid and quiet? Is she neat or sloppy? Simple things like that can help make a more dynamic character and playing experience for both you and the ponies that Cloudchaser meets! Also you might want to add a bit to her cutie-mark story. What was she doing as a weather patrol pony when she got it? Was she making or breaking up a storm? Maybe she was whipping up ans especially pretty cloud formation! Which could be linked to her special talent of weather manipulation. Adding something along those lines to the application will give other ponies a better insight into what your character has accomplished and what they strive for. One final thing, calling her an idiot is a bit harsh to the poor lass. She can of course be silly, ditzy, and socially inept, although she might be hard to play as such, but calling her an idiot just isn't needed.

Again this looks like a great application in progress and with a little more meat on its bones I could see Cloudchaser living up to her namesake and darting across the skies of Equestria!

~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

Hay there, just thought I would mosey on by and lend a helping hoof. First things first, the character seems very well thought out and well written. All the elements are there and may need only a little tweaking. I do have to say that 'Miles does not sound like a very pony like name, I do like Quillsworth however, maybe you could just shorten it to that? Also, I see that he loves the arts, but his special talent is organization. This is perfectly fine and acceptable, however you might want to tie in how his talent for organization helps him succeed in the art world. I see a hint at that topic in the beginning of the application but it gets overshadowed a wee bit. Maybe expound on that aspect of him a bit more, it would make him a more dynamic character and most likely more fun for you to play! Other than that this is a wonderful application and I hope to see it finished soon!

~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

"Assessed!" Thus spake the Sage!