Pony_Sage

Hi there! I would like to say that this character seems very interesting and a cool character to RP. Just one real issue I see. The invisibility portion of his spell book seems a little, out of place. Invisibility is a powerful skill that would require massive amounts of both training and magical prowess. I struggled with this as well on a character that I created a while back. Sable here has the ability to use a "perception filter" that allows him to blend in with crowds but not become invisible. Invisibility, even for a short time, seems just a wee bit too powerful for a pony not to specialize only in that area of magic. Just my take on it though. Other than that the character seems interesting, especially with the old alchemy bordering on old chemistry, that is a very neat field! I can't wait to see where this character goes!

~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

Hello! Just wanted to pop in and say that I see all the parts that make a wonderful application here. You have his back story, cutie-mark story and even an explanation, and his personality. I like the character and his pamphlet seems like a very cool idea! I like the character, well executed app, and well done! I hope he gets approved, and see no major hang ups in him being accepted!

~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

Hi there! I like the app and the idea behind it, I have seen marked improvement from when it was first put up. The only thing I would care to stress is that all cameras, even the expensive ones, would run on film or slides. The more expensive models would most likely run on slides, which are a different type of negative such as Kodachrome and Ektachrome. The colors, picture clarity and over all look of the picture would be far superior to regular 35mm film. However, slides are specifically designed to be projected, so what Snap here would most likely carry and use for his job would be a regular old 35mm camera running colour, or black and white, negatives. Remember the faster your target is moving the higher the film's ASA has to be to stop the motion on the negative. Slides have notoriously lower ASA than regular film, somewhere usually around 64 ASA. This would only be good for a stationary object, but anything as quick as a hoof-waving at the camera would most likely be blurry. There is also the light level to contend with, which is controlled by the F-stop. Also in brighter situations one can conceivably increase the shutter speed on the camera and catch quicker motion with a lower ASA film. There are a whole slew of different things that you can do with an old fashioned 35mm camera, some of which can blow your mind.

Anywho, just wanted to pop in and say that even the expensive cameras in Equestria would be 35mm film or slides. Just to give you an idea of what you would be working with when you play the character!

~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

Hello there. I would like to lend a helping hoof with this character if I may. First things first, I don't know if his pseudonym will work, since it is already a pony's name, Pinkie Pie. Although his real name seems alright to me. Also Danton is correct, you should change the topic to match the pony's actual name, this helps the staff out, and people who are looking for your character to read up on him. You can, however, use the tag system to add extra tags to the topic, that way when someone searches for his pseudonym they will find his app! Next up, Ponyville is getting a little crowded these days, maybe he could be based out of another town or city? There are many fine ones all through out Equestria that he could call home. Now this does not mean that he can not visit Ponyville, or anywhere on the map for that matter, it only means that his abode will be in the other city of your choosing. The Character summary is the next part you might want to add a little to. Quicklime is correct, in that matter, Why was he picked on? Even if your character does not know, the narrator (you) should know. Maybe this was his motivation to play music in the first place? Adding a little more to the story of his youth will definitely help the application. When you add something to a pony's background you give the character depth and dimension. It gives the character a place to base all of their actions and aspirations out of. His cuite-mark story needs a little more meat on it as well, I would say. You have the basic outline of what happened but it is just lacking that little extra something. There is nothing saying that he can not be a natural at Jockeying but he seems to have picked it up rather quickly for a pony that had never been around a turntable before. Maybe you could have him struggle at first with it, hone his skill a little, then put on a great show? Just an idea to make him seem a little more realistic.

Again, Quicklime is correct, There is not internet in Equestria. Skye outlined the current level of technology in Equestria very nicely here and electricity here, if you want to give that a look over I'm sure it will help. One last thing, please type up your posts in a word processing program, or a browser that has spell-checking capabilities, I know I am horrid at spelling sometimes and using these devices will help the overall quality and presentation of your posts and applications in the future!

~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

Rivet was actually enjoying herself at this get together, as odd as that was for her. Usually large groups of people in small enclosed areas made her nervous for some reason. 'All the hustle and bustle,' she surmised, 'gets to my ears I guess.' The pegasus mare however seemed to have the ability to make other ponies feel comfortable when speaking with them. 'Maybe that is why she is such a successful business pony? After all being able to relate to other ponies is the key for business. Maybe I could ask her for some help getting an airship way-station set up at my light house in exchange for some of my designs. That would be great!' There were other footsteps approaching from her rear, heavier than a normal pony it seemed, with an odd click to them. 'Oh but how will I introduce the concept of my designs to her? Coming out and saying it might put her off …' A large mass of pink feathers and orange fur moved into Rivet's peripheral vision. It took her a moment to recognize the blob as a griffon, she took a step back.

"Madame Snowfall, I presume. Pardon me for interrupting, but I have been very much hoping to meet you. I am Lola Silverbeak, and it is a very great pleasure to make your acquaintance."

Rivet wasn't particularly intimidated by griffons, she was just around them even less than she was around regular ponies. She didn't know how to properly act around griffons, sine their culture was rather different from that of ponies. Rivet kept a weather eye on this pink griffon as she spoke and bowed to Snowfall. 'Oh this makes things even harder. How am I ever going to get on the topic of my designs now?' she silently wondered.

The griffon turned to Rivet and spoke, "And it is a pleasure to meet you as well, though I must admit that I have no familiarity with you, miss..."

Rivet's eyes went a little bigger than usual, 'Oh my, why is she addressing me? I'm not that important.' Rivet nervously thought to herself. The tendrils of magic deftly reached out for her typewriter and tapped out a message to the griffon. “Rivet, pleased to meet you Miss Silverbeak.” it read. Rivet put on a sheepish smile towards the griffon. She fidgeted with her hooves on the floorboards for a moment before mentally scolding herself for acting like a silly filly and proceeded to stand up straight and follow the conversation.

Now that is interesting! Aerial dancing, that sounds really unique! I am sure that if you edit the original document and add a little on that in there that it would take off! (No pun intended.) I like where this pony is going, I really do! A little back story goes a long way, even if it is bland. It gives others a little bit of a feel for the character and makes them more interesting. Now just be sure to add these things to the actual app and there you go!

~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

Hello there! It is great to see another pony from Stalliongrad. There are a few pointers that you might want to work on that I can see. First is his name, usually ponies have a name that reflects what they do, or their special talent. While Dimitri's name is very Russian, it may not fit into the theme of the "Mane" RP. Also since this is an English speaking board foreign language, such as the Russian characters that spell out his name, are usually frown upon. It is better to stick with the Anglican pronunciation for foreign words. Here is the source material for Stalliongrad. Within the app it seems that you have a basic handle on what Stalliongrad is like but adding certain things, such as mentioning what District he lived in with his parents, would kick the app up a few notches. Stalliongrad is a center of industry and a center of diversity. It is not communist by any means, this I can assure you of. Stalliongrad is indeed far removed from Celestia's seat of power in Canterlot, however it is still under her control. It is like any other town, Ponyville for example, aside from it's physical layout and building design. I just want to stress that Stalliongrad is not a separate nation. All the rules that apply in Ponyville apply in Stalliongrad. Stalliongrad draws allusions to Russia, however it is not a Russian analog. It is a very capitalistic state if nothing else, and is marked by its integration of the races and their concepts of living!

I do see much in the way of his back story, this is good! Unfortunately I do not get a good feel for his personality. I see that he is a very simple pony, but other than that, what makes him unique? Is there any defining attribute of his personality that makes him, him? Why does he yearn for the simple life? Also it is interesting to see a Pegasus that likes the ground life and farming, usually this is an Earth Pony thing. Maybe there is a reason for him liking the ground over the air? These tings will give your application, and by proxy your character, depth. That way you can play a more dynamic character when the time comes around! Which means it will be more fun for you, and the people that you choose to RP with!

One last thing! I see nothing wrong with his cutie-mark, nor the story behind it. Since this is a PG-13 community drinking is perfectly fine! Just don't go overboard in RP's is all I would suggest. Does he sell his vodka? Maybe he has a little store set up near his home to make an extra bit or two on the side? Another thing that you might add to the app to give him a little more depth! All in all he seems like a pretty laid back pony and a great start! If you take some of the points into consideration, I am sure that he will get through.

~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

Hello there! I like where this pony is going, we don't have many musical ponies on the boards. He seems like he would fit in well with the other ponies here. Just a few quick tips that you might want to consider. I can't seem to find his cutie-mark story. This is a very important piece of your character and it symbolizes what their true special talent is! I see that he as a gust of wind as his cutie-mark. Did he receive this when falling from Cloudsdale, or in another incident? Also what does this mark symbolize to him as an individual? What does he see it representing? How would the gust tie into music composition, since that is what it seems he loves to do? Usually the cutie-mark goes along with what the pony likes to do, that way he can work with his special talent and love every minute of it!! I see much of his personality in his character description, which is good, but not much in the way of back story. Back story is always good to include, it makes your character more three dimensional and the application more dynamic. It also gives him a basis for all of his actions, and the reasons behind why he acts the way he does. Such as; Why does he like to hang out with birds? Is there a specific reason, or does he just like the birds? Also the third paragraph in the Character summary it states that he finds it difficult to fly when unobserved. Did you mean observed, in that he has difficulty flying when others are watching? Or that he ins't the best flyer and like it when there is somepony there with him to make sure he does alright in his flying? Just some points you might want to address!!

~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

Rivet smiled meekly as Snowfall shook her hoof. There seemed to be a slight accent to her words that Rivet had never heard before. It was very faint but interesting to Rivet.

'Oh maybe this is a Stalliongrad accent? She was probably born and raised here after all.' Rivet pondered for a moment.

Rivet nodded her head with a big smile at Snowfall when asked about the evening. Her type-writer sprang to life again,

“Yes, wonderful. Food good. Lots of people. – Snowfall pretty name. Live in Stalliongrad? Wonderful town, amazing sights.” The tape hovered in front of Snowfall's eyes.

Rivet was always a little sheepish when meeting new people. She never knew how they would react to her not speaking to them. Sometimes it was a negative reaction where as other times it was sheer interest on the other pony's part. The banquet room was still full of other ponies, griffons, and the occasional zebra. 'I wonder why she came over to speak with me. Out of all these ponies I can't be that special. – Stop doubting yourself, she is being nice and liked your hair-clip this is a good thing. Maybe you could talk to her about what you do. Thank her for the products and the invitation. Yes do that!' Rivet scolded herself.

“I bought some product. Good product, well made. Thank you. Invitation surprised me, thank you very much. Usually don't attend parties. Can't leave light-house. But this vacation time. Wanted to see Stalliongrad. Never been. Almost never seen snow. So pretty and white!” The second tape read.

The faint ticking of the mechanized gear kept Rivet's left ear occupied. A soft click every second or so counted out the minutes as she stood around and smiled at the ponies munching on their food. Everypony seemed intent to schmooze with one another and share stories of their past. There was a guffaw some where off in the distance, muffled somewhat by the din of clinking plates, moving ponies and griffons, and the murmur of polite talking. The laugh was stifled quickly but the sound resonated for a moment over the crowd, in the vaulted ceiling, before disappearing again. Rivet's ears twitched from side to side, picking snippets of conversations out among the patrons. She never really liked crowds, just too much going on, it made it hard for her to 'hear' her own thoughts.

'Well the food is tasty! You should be happy silly you are out and about, getting free food. Oh but what if that replacement pony moves some of my equipment, it took me forever to get everything in the right place.' Rivet quietly mused as she stood silently in the crowd.

Hoof-beats, out of time with the rest of the room, not random, these had purpose, intent, a destination in mind. Rivet subconsciously swiveled her right ear to find the direction of the hooves. They stopped and a confident voice asked, "How fun! What a novel idea for a hair clip, where did you find such a thing?" The voice was confident, yet different, lighter and more nurturing, 'Female?' Rivet mentally asked herself. She turned her head towards the new voice.

'Oh my! It is the CEO!! Swallow your food, stand up straight, look more feminine, but not too much. Should I bow? No too formal. Hoofshake? Calm down Rivet, put your plate down and just say hello. You can do this.' Rivet's mind was running rather quickly. Her expression was at first shock and confusion but quickly turned to a small polite smile. The plate briskly moved to an open table as Rivet extended her hoof towards the mare.

“Thank you for the compliment. I made the hair-clip. Simple, clockwork and gear, little welding.” The small type-writer clicked out from Rivet's left side. The type-writer was attached to a small leather harness that kept it to the side, up and out of the way, resting on her shoulder. The small piece of receipt tape slowly floated over towards the evening dress clad Pegasus that was speaking with Rivet. She bowed her head a little to let the other mare get a better look at the slowly rotating clip.

“Oh! Sorry! I'm Rivet. Hello, pleased to meet you. CEO of NSI? Honor is mine.” The type-writer hurriedly tapped out and the paper soon joined the other floating in front of Snowfall. Rivet smiled nervously, trying to look her best. 'I so hope I am doing this right. I'm not that good at meeting new people.' She mentally fretted.

Saffron or was it Yolonda? Bridget? "Yo-Saff-Bridge", ... I was wondering... WHAT'S SHE DOING ON THIS SHIP? Didn't she try to kill us?

~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

Interesting character. There seems to be only one or two abnormalities, the attempted murders would be the first. Even if these creatures are a little bit more wild than ponies, the other pups trying to murder their brother just seems out of place. Especially since it was done on multiple occasions, I could see once as a prank gone wrong. The other pups didn't mean for his life to be in danger, but from the way it reads, the other pups actively sought out the course of action to kill their brother, more than once. In a world of friendship and magic, this just seems extreme to me. Also the violent uprising may be a bit much. Maybe he took over the tunnels through economic warfare instead of bloody confrontation? The subjugation of the other diamond dogs goes hand in hand with the uprising as well. I don't see them forcing one another to work as slaves in the mines. Ponies yes, because after all from a diamond dog's perspective they are the top dog and the ponies should work for them. The enslavement of other diamond dogs on the other hand just seems a little over the top. Again maybe it was economic warfare, if you can't stand up to someone physically, why not mentally? Then he could have made a situation where the other diamond dogs would have to work to reap the benefits of the new economic standard, that he was in control of. Just some thoughts here.

~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

Well if there is no problem with the Zebra Unicorn mix then that sticking point is abolished! The cutie-mark revision looks great too! Some last pointers I would like to make though. You may want to add a cutie-mark story, as in how he came to receive his cutie-mark! That always helps develop a character. Also you have more than enough in the way of personality, but very little back story. Maybe some hints at his origin and how he came to be who he is would help the app become more dynamic. Maybe a little information on how he grew up in the forest. Was he abandoned? Did he have loving parents? Does he ever question why he is different from every other pony? As I see the Zebra race, I do play one of the few on the boards, they are strong and proud with a very interesting heritage. I am currently working on a load out of their society for the boards, to be honest. Anywho, if he knew his Zebra parent, they would have been sure to pass on the "Zebra Torch" as it were to their son! These are just some points to mull over. Also you might want to change his eyes, they are a bit over the top from my view, sclera coloration is just a bit much. They just are kinda, out there, is all. If you check here they might border on the "Not normal eyes". Just trying to help you get your application through!

~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

It had been a long six months for Rivet. After the explosion and subsequent hospital stay she had spent the majority of her time rebuilding the boilers that powered her light house. There had been much work that needed to be done. She had to rebuild the outbuilding from scratch and then re-engineer the boilers and super heater assembly. Luckily she still had that Roan pony's who lived on the islands address and could order specifically forged parts from him. The strange Zebra in town was a big help too, shipping her goods straight to her home. Luckily she had also found another supplier for some of the more mundane pieces of equipment that she had needed, a one Northern Star Industries. She had picked up one of their magazines at the Zebra's shop during one of her trips and decided that if she could order parts in bulk, such as bolts and rivets, she would have to spend less.

Having spent the past few months ordering from these folks and rebuilding her home Rivet was feeling exhausted. One day whilst perusing her mail, she noticed a small silver envelope with her name embossed on it along with the NSI logo. Apparently she had been cordially invited to a banquet honoring the CEO Snowfall. This was to be a black tie event with formal wear only. This thought made Rivet cringe, she hated getting dressed and cleaned up.

Rivet had fully intended not to attend the affair, due to the dress code and the distance from her home. After all Stalliongrad was a long trip for the little mare, and she couldn't just leave her light house unattended. She was in the process of drafting a response to the letter politely declining the invitation when an intent knock upon her door that echoed throughout the light house proper. It was an agent of the Equestria Light-house Authority, informing her that her mandatory vacation was fast approaching. Rivet never liked these vacations, she just didn't know what to do with herself during these forays away from her light-house. She usually went home and visited her parents in Canterlot. This time, however, she decided that since she had nothing better to do she would take NSI up on its offer.

'When am I ever going to have another chance to visit Stalliongrad?' She thought to herself as she packed her bags. 'I mean, what is one little dinner compared to spending an entire week in the most technologically advanced city in all of Equestria! OHH I might even get to see some of the newer model airships!! Wouldn't that be fun? See, this won't be that bad, you will be fine.' She continued to muse to herself.

A few weeks passed and the date of her departure was soon upon her. The Equestria Light-house Authority had furnished a temporary keeper for her light-house, and assured her that nothing would be out of place upon her return. Rivet made it a point to show the temporary keeper around the entirety of the facility and make note of all the safety procedures that were to be followed. Of course she showed the drab and matter of fact temporary keeper all the emergency routines that were to be followed in case of an emergency. Rivet finally, reluctantly, left as the drab stallion shooed her out of the facility, constantly assuring her that everything was under control.

Rivet made her way with her suitcases to the Hoofington train station and boarded a train bound for Trottingham, where she would have to catch a second train, from a different station, that would take her to Stalliongrad. The trip was long and tiring, riding on a train for upwards of a day straight is not much fun for anypony. As Rivet moved farther north the general motif of the land and dwellings slowly began to change. The farther north she went the more squat and well insulated the dwellings became. Also the landscape became more barren and studded with dry grass, before turning slowly into snow-scape. This was the first time that Rivet had seen this much snow, and it kept getting thicker the more north she went. Luckily the train was heated and well insulated.

When the train arrived in the Stalliongrad station Rivet was greeted with an escort to help her find her way around the city.

'This place is massive! So many different ponies and griffons! And look at all these buildings!!' Rivet thought to herself as her escort showed her the different districts. Rivet was awestruck.

After checking in to her hotel and wandering around the city for a while she started getting ready for the banquet, that is why she was here after all. She took a long hot shower, a process which she did not enjoy. All the grime that pigmented her pelt soon was loosened and flowed freely into the drain. Her mane and tail were next to follow. Slowly but surely she was becoming cleaner, her protective layer of silt slowly dissolving with the help of the lavender shampoo.

Within the hour Rivet was spotless and squeaky clean, a feeling that she did not relish. Her mane had not been cut in quite some time, it hung in tousled waves down to her ankles as did her tail. She poked through her wardrobe trying to find an appropriate dress for the banquet. She did not want something too prim or dressy, but it was black tie after all.

'Why can't I just wear my saddle bags? They are comfy and hold all my belongings very well. All this pomp and circumstance is just … BLECH!' She thought to herself, sticking out her tongue at the end of her thought.

Her eyes lit up a little when they fell upon her, 'Special Dress'. She had this dress custom designed by an interesting mare in Hoofington. 'If I have to get dressed up, I might as well wear something that I like.' She thought with a little levity. She slipped into the garment using her magic to fasten some of the harder to reach places and then looked herself over in the full length mirror.

The dress was a little odd but she loved it. The dress had a thin breast collar, on which resided some brass gears, with a larger one in the middle. A small emerald accentuated her pristine pearl pelt and her lively green eyes. Attached to the breast collar was a small silver saddle with some more brass interlocking gears studding its perimeter. The girth was made of very light chain-mail, bronze again. The entire piece was brought together with a soft, flowing, almost translucent silver fabric covering her haunches and flank. The final piece was a small hair clip holding back her forelock from her eyes. This was of her own design, even if she did not use it often. Simple clockwork and springs powered a small gear on the front, causing it to slowly rotate, just like the gear on the side of her light house.

Her escort furnished transportation to the banquet which was being held in the wooded Vysokii District. Rivet felt a little more open than she would have liked, wearing the dress and not having her dirty pelt. She kept to herself during the trip to the estate. There were ponies from all over Equestria attending this banquet it seemed. Rivet took her seat at the dining hall and waited for the food to be served so that she could get the evening over with. Rivet's ears perked up as a mare took the stage and started speaking to the audience.

'This is the CEO of NSI?!' Rivet pondered to herself as the mare in the black dress spoke confidently to the crowded room. 'I didn't think any other mares actually had anything to do with heavy machinery! This is a treat! Maybe she will be fun to talk to!' Rivet thought with a meek smile on her muzzle. 'OH Maybe she will even use some of my designs!! I am so glad that I took my portfolio!' Rivet's smile crept a little larger.

The food was served, exotic treats from all over Equestria and some Stalliongrad favorites. It seemed as though no expense was spared for this banquet. Rivet daintily walked to the tables, making sure not to trip on her mane, tail, or dress. She picked up a plate and placed some appetizers on it. Rivet surveyed the room looking for the guest of honor, the CEO of NSI. Hopefully she wouldn't be that hard to spot. 'After all a white pegasus in a slimming black dress shouldn't be that hard to spot, right?' Rivet pondered to herself as she chewed some cheesy bread substance with a hint of paprika.

Hey there! I just wanted to pop in and give you my two bits. The idea of the pony running an old style fun-house I find really interesting! That way he isn't a lonely wanderer. As for the Zebra Unicorn mix, I don't feel that it is strictly necessary to the character. He could achieve the same look with some pelt dye and a little bit of sap to make his hair stand up. Just giving you some options there. Now I don't personally like the gallows, it seems out of place in this universe, even with our expanded board cannon. These ponies would just not hang one another. The gallows humor I understand however, but why would his parents name him that before he achieved his cutie-mark, or before his personality developed? Maybe that is his "Stage name", and his parents named him something else? Maybe the cutie-mark could be something other than a gallows. A laughing skull and crossbones maybe? Seeing as the CMC had skull and crossbones on their bandannas. Just throwing out ideas here. Or a Smiley face with a sinister smile? Just something referencing the act of being hanged a little less would be more appropriate.

Other than that I find him interesting!

~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

Great application and interesting pony! I like him. There are a few spelling errors throughout but they only detract slightly. The motivation could use a little more depth, he may like art but what moves him to write stories for other ponies? Does he want to educate them or just make them escape from reality for a bit? One possible sticking point I can see is the family name. As it stands there have been occasions where the helpstaff have decided against the actual family surname idea in Equestria, which makes sense. It really isn't portrayed in the show all that often. Also his magic, why would he be able to make illusions or fire? Those seem like two very specialized skills that would take years of practice to master. I know that Pyrite and a few others have dedicated their life to the study of the interaction between magic and fire. All I am saying is that you might want to give him one special part of magic that he excels at but isn't over powering. Maybe the illusions would be a good one? Have him use them to help himself visualize the world that he is creating as he writes it? I think that sounds kinda cool! Just some thoughts thougj, and I hope they help!

~Sage aka Freddie Freewings

Well this is an interesting take on a pony. Someone who is good at the inner machinations of magic but can not seem to utilize the actual spells. Very interesting! First things first, you referred to him as a filly in the first paragraph, most likely a spelling mistake, happens to the best of us. Now on to the meat of the story. While you have the basic outline of a character's back story you are missing some important elements. One being how did Insight here come to get his cutie-mark, and what does it mean to him. Cutie-marks seem to be the manifestation of what that pony excels at and their special talent. But they also may have a special meaning to the ponies that carry them! They are a very unique and personal thing after all! Also his motivation is a little vague, this is the section that would describe what drives him to do what he does. Why does he wander? He is looking for a cure! Motivation right there! You could also add a little more intrigue with is father's disappearance. It seems a little rushed as it is, I like the idea don't get me wrong, but a little detail on that could go a long way!!

All in all, work on the cutie-mark story, and add a little more meat to the app in the way of descriptions of his past, and Bob's you uncle, you have a great app!!

~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

Good thought Brian! I really had not thought about the ramifications of a herbivore watching a carnivore kill and devour its prey. I would imagine that Edelweiss would understand that Gwen being a carnivore would kill and eat smaller animals. Whilst ponies do not do this, I would assume Griffons do, I would think that Edelweiss has become accustomed to Gwen munching on the stray mouse or pigeon. She may never be fully at peace with this but I would imagine that after the years she has gotten used to it to the degree that she no longer really worries about it. Ponies can do some pretty amazing things, one time it was pointed out that Fluttershy of all ponies was handing some ferrets a meal of dead fish. So I would assume that ponies who are exposed to the act of eating meat would get used to it eventually, but never be 100% okay with it. Maybe a pang of sympathy here or there. Something along those lines.

Thanks for the thoughts Brian and Dio!

~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

Name: Edelweiss, she was named after a white mountain flower, common to the high reaches of Gor Zarya. She loves her full name and prefers to be called by it rather than any variations.

Sex: Female

Age: Mare (Mid-thirties analog human years)

Species: Unicorn

Pelt Colour: Appaloosa, White base coat with black spots. She blends into the snow covered city of Stalliongrad rather well. Reference Picture.

Mane & Tail - Markings, Colour, & Style: Her tail and mane keep with the appaloosa style, mostly white with some black streaks. Her mane and tail are of a moderate length and straight as a pin. When afield she puts her mane in a loose pony-bun, and braids her tail. Keeping them away from her face and out of her way.

Eye Colour: A dark green, deep and contemplative.

Cutie Mark: Three feathers. To her it symbolizes her love of Raptors and the elegance of nature. Reference Picture.

Physique: Slender and light on her feet. A bit shorter than other mares.

Origin: Edelweiss was born and raised in the Veya District. She has since moved to the Ostrov District high atop one of the many spires.

Roleplay Type: “Mane” RP

Occupation: Falconer for hire. She has been contracted out to the airship docks in Ostrov to clear away the pigeons and geese. She has also been contacted to help clear the landing spaces in Stabil Krasnyi.

Motivation: Edelweiss loves all sorts of raptors. She is a major proponent of outdoors education and conservation. She aims to educate the city dwellers of Stalliongrad in the amazing field of nature!

Likes: Edelweiss likes the woods, outdoors, and raptors of all sorts. She loves her companion Gwenevere. She also loves the snow and the cold.

Dislikes: Surprisingly for a city dweller she does not particularly care for the city. The noise and lack of open space sometimes wears on her nerves. Ponies that are ignorant of the amazing things that are right in front of their faces also irk her.

Personality: Edelweiss is a very quiet and thoughtful pony. She may spend an entire day mulling over a decision before choosing her course of action. She does not brood, she merely likes to sit and contemplate things. She is a pony of few words, she lets her actions speak for her. If someone aggravates her, as rare as that is, she will walk away and go for a stroll in the woods with Gwenevere. She is a fan of the old axiom, “Walk softly but carry a big bird.” Well that is how she knows it at least. She is very professional when on the job, she may come off as a bit curt at times. In reality however she is an amicable pony who is easy to get along with, she is just rather quiet.

Companion: Reference Picture. Gwenevere is a female Gyrfalcon. She is mostly white with black bars on her wings and spots on her chest. Gwen stands about twenty inches and has a wing span of around fifty inches. Gwen is Edelweiss’ working partner and as close a friend as could be. Gwen looks out for Edelweiss and Edelweiss looks out for Gwen. Edelweiss raised Gwen from an “eyass”, fledgling, and has worked with her every day since then.

As per Edelweiss and Gwen’s meeting; When Edelweiss was a Filly and out hiking in the Vysokii District, up high in the Gor Zarya, Edelweiss heard a pitiful whimper of a scream. She picked her way through the deep powder that had been deposited the night before. Edelweiss soon came upon a small cliff, the pleading was coming from a small alcove about mid way up the cliff face. As Edelweiss worked her way up and poked her head up to see what all the noise was about, she saw the remains of a birds nest, some cracked egg shells and a small white and downy baby bird. The bird was all alone and was visibly frightened and malnourished. Edelweiss managed to convince the eyass that it would be a good idea to come with her so that she could take care of the orphaned bird.

Long months passed as the eyass matured into a full grown Gyrfalcon. The bird had imprinted on Edelweiss, making it very unlikely that she would reintegrate into nature. Edelweiss made the very hard decision to commit her life to the juvenile bird. Edelweiss named the raptor Gwenevere. They forged a strong bond over the subsequent years that they spent together. Gwen is Edelweiss’ best friend and pretty much adopted daughter. Gwen thinks of Edelweiss as her mother and best friend as well. Even though the two share no means of verbal communication, they still seem to be in sync with each other to a degree that only can come from years of close contact.

Edelweiss has trained Gwen extensively in many varied arts. The first and foremost of which is Falconry. Edelweiss makes her living by cooperating with Gwen to chase off the pigeons and geese from the airship docks in the Ostrov District and occasionally the Stabil Krasnyi. It should be known that Gwen is not a pet, she is an independent animal that lives with Edelweiss. Gwen has also been trained in the tracking of larger quarry. If a pony were to get lost in the wilderness, Edelweiss could use Gwen to help find the lost party visually. Edelweiss can almost never be found without Gwen nearby or perched on her back or shoulders.

Character Summary:

Edelweiss was born in the Veya District to two very loving, but busy, immigrant parents. Her mother was an expert seamstress at one of the textile mills in that district, and her father was a hard working factory foreman in the Kuznitza District. Needless to say this afforded Edelweiss with copious amounts of alone time. After school, Edelweiss would often go for walks through the streets of Stalliongrad. She never much cared for the smog of the Kuznitza District, nor the hustle and bustle of the Ostrov District.

Living in one of the taller apartment buildings in the Veya District afforded Edelweiss with a good view over parts of Stalliongrad. She would often sit up on top of their building to get away from the hustle and bustle of the streets, it was above the city miasma and a trifle more quiet. It was during one of these contemplative moments that she observed an osprey in flight. The flight enchanted her. How the bird could soar and dance upon the thermals and eddies mystified the small filly. This soon became her new hobby. As soon as school let out, she would hurry home to watch the falcons soar high over the impressive city of Stalliongrad. She visited the Chenya District on many occasions to learn more about her favourite animal, withdrawing as many books as the library would allow her to. She would spend hours observing, sketching and learning about these magnificent beasts.

During this period Edelweiss would often take trips out into the wilderness to observe these animals in their natural habitats. Honing her skills of stealth and tracking to find the perfect observation post. It was during one of these trips that she found Gwen as outlined above. Feeling the obligation to take care of the orphaned animal she obviously took it home and cared for it. After the crucial, and exhausting, period of time where the eyass would be the most dependant upon it’s caregiver, when Edelweiss could finally sit back and relax, that she noticed something had appeared on her flank. She was far too busy taking care of the chick to have noticed the addition before, feeding it, keeping it warm in the cold climate, and desensitising her new ward. It was hard work but Edelweiss loved every minute of it. She surmised to herself, after much deliberation, that this was what she would want to do with the rest of her life!

From that day forward Edelweiss has dedicated her life to the betterment of all nature and raptors. She began to notice more and more how the city of Stalliongrad was encroaching on the pristine wilderness of the Vysokii District. Edelweiss actively attends school classes with Gwen to try to educate the young foals of Stalliongrad about the beauty that sits right in front of their muzzles every day. Although she is often scouted and asked to join the Stalliongrad branch of the REA due to her stealth and knowledge of the wilderness, she declines every time. She feels that her obligation is to nature first.

Edelweiss has since moved out of her parent’s apartment and moved to the Ostrov District, to be closer to her jobs. She lives atop one of the taller spires in the District with in a small, homemade aviary. She has brought nature into the city with her home. Native plants and shrubs are all around; even a small pond is on premises. She has a small shack on top of the building for sleeping in, but other than that, it is as close to nature as can be found in the Ostrov District.

Skills: Edelweiss is not an especially magical Unicorn. She can use basic levitation spells and some other common place unicorn spells but she does not rely on magic very heavily. One spell that she does have which is unique is a spell that allows her to track Gwen. Gwen is fitted with a small bewit around one of her legs. This bewit has a small gem embedded in it; Edelweiss can charge this gem with her unicorn magic and by doing so, she can track Gwen in flight and find her in the event of Gwen getting lost or carried away with the hunt.

Equipment: Edelweiss owns many different pieces of equipment for her to use while practicing Falconry but a few of the most important ones are as follows. A saddle that is made out of thick leather, this affords Gwen a perch so that she can travel with Edelweiss where ever she goes. Edelweiss also carries a whistle to give commands to Gwen when she is afield. The bewit is another important piece as mentioned above. On occasion Edelweiss must have Gwen wear a hood so that she will not get over stimulated from the city around her and become unnerved. While this is a rare occurrence it still happens from time to time since Gwen is a wild animal.

Hello again!! I see a whole bunch of improvement here and I like what I see! The character is more dynamic and seems more three dimensional. You added that extra little bit to make the application all come together! Good job! I really don't see any problems at all. I like how you related his personality to his colthood and that he was teased. That can turn anypony a little snippy after a while.

All in all a good application! He seems like an interesting fellow and I would really like to see him being played some time!

~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

P.S. You still have hand-bags in there. Hooves can be a pain sometimes can't they? Firs paragraph, second line, third sentence of character summary. Over to the right side of the page. It is hard to spot.

Interesting, an Earth pony scribe. I like the idea and the cutie-mark story. I would suggest expounding upon his personality more. While there is information about him, I don't see any depth at the moment. Developing the personality gives other people a look into how the pony thinks and operates. I would also like to see how he transcribes without the use of magic! Does he use his mouth, hold the quill between his hooves. or does he have a special "brace" that attaches the quill to one hoof allowing him to use the other hoof for turning pages? Maybe a little history about his parents as well. All in all I would just like to see a little more personality wise on this pony. Why does he strive for his goal? Was there a defining moment where he knew that he wanted to help proliferate the arts to other ponies? Just some thoughts!

Again I like the pony and the cutie-mark story, I just wanted to throw some ideas out there for you to work with. I hope they help.

~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

Interesting character. I like the idea of another fashion designer that specializes rather than a jack of all trades in the fashion world. A few points you might want to think about. One being that bridles are usually made of leather. Being so, sewing leather with a machine either requires the machine to be massive and very powerful with needles to match. Also leather acts very differently from cloth, I just see a little bit of a clash when somepony specializing in cloth saddlebags, I assume they are cloth at least, is also working with leather. Also where would he get the leather from to make the items? Also, in the character summary, first paragraph, second line, you accidentally typed "Hand bags" rather than saddle bags. His personality seems a little abrasive, maybe you could expound upon why he is the way he is. Did he learn it from his parents, or did it evolve from a situation in his youth? For that matter does he have a father, or was his father out of the picture? Maybe his father was a bit of a bully, so he stuck around his mother more, but still picked up the short fuse of his father? Reading another person'e micro-expressions and body language takes a bunch of practice and some innate skill. I'm not saying that he can't have hobbies outside of his talent, but maybe down play them a little. Make him not that great at reading others just yet, he gets into arguments because he thinks somepony is one emotion when they are really another? Again just thoughts!

All in all I like the idea behind the character, he just needs a little more fleshing out for the summary on the character, it would make him a little more dynamic and playable!

~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

Hello! I like the concept of this pony so far, she seems to fit in rather well. I just have a few things you might want to mull over in your noggin. First off since Auroras are rather complicated and very interesting phenomenon, having to due with solar winds and the Earth's magnetosphere, you might want to have the ability to create one as her special talent, rather than an innate ability of her entire family. That way it makes her special and fits her cutie-mark a little better. I would imagine that creating and aurora would be very taxing, especially on a young mare when she discovered her cutie-mark. Next up would be, in fact, the Cutie-mark story! I personally would love to know more about how she discovered her mark! A little more meat on the bones of the story as it were. It would give the character a little more depth. Was it a difficult task for her? Did she learn the spell from a book? Does the aurora change with her mood when she concocts it? Stuff like that! It may seem fluffy and kinda useless but it gives other people more insight into your character. You may know everything about a character that you are making, the challenge is getting other people to understand that character. I know I sometimes suffer from this and tend to negate it by writing more than my fair share about characters that I create. Moving on, I can see how her cutie-mark relates to her love of natural weather, but how does it relate to her study of "wild" animals? Maybe that is a hobby / interest that spawned from her interest in natural weather systems? Since she would have to travel to "Wild" areas on the map to find natural weather, she might have started to notice the natural flora and fauna, thus deciding to study them too? Would she report dangerous weather to the weather control ponies if the system was headed towards an inhabited town, like a storm chaser kind of idea? Just ideas here.

There seems to be an abundance of her personality but not that much of a back story is what I am driving at I guess. Again I like the character and would love to see her further developed! I thought I would give you some points to think about when looking at your character! I hope that I helped a little!

~Sage AkA Freddie Freewings

“A hungry feeling~

Came o'er me stealing~

And the mice were squealing~

In my prison cell~

And that auld triangle went jingle-jangle~

All along the banks of the Royal Canal~”

Monty cheerily cantered out of rhythm with the rather somber tune that he was singing. The Sun was shining through the leaves of the treas, leaving their shadows to play tag all over the road ahead. A small breeze blew, causing the aspens to whisper their secrets into the open sky.

“Oh! To start the morning~

The warden bawling~

'Get up out of bed, you! And clean out your cell!'~

And that auld triangle went jingle-jangle~

All along the banks of the Royal Canal~”

Monty carried the same butchered Connemara accent that he had when he was on his way to the Running of the Leaves. It just seemed that there were an innumerable amount of Connemara songs to be sung, and Monty seemed to be trying to sing them all.

“Oh! the screw was peeping~

And the lag was sleeping~

As he lay weeping~

For his girl Sal~

And that auld triangle went jingle-jangle~

All along the banks of the Royal Canal~”

His saddle bags seemed to be holding something rather heavy this time and his cart was no where to be seen. Monty aimlessly wandered on and off of the beaten path in a generally southerly direction. He was making his way back from Trottingham where one of his contacts resided. Every once in a while Monty would have to go check up on his friends and make sure that they still remembered him and that they were doing well.

“On a fine Spring evening~

The lag lay dreaming~

And the sea-gulls were wheeling~

High above the wall~

And that auld triangle went jingle-jangle~

All along the banks of the Royal Canal~”

While Monty may have been traveling back to his home and shop in Hoofington he still had a small pit-stop to make for the evening. The forest had been all a twitter about the wonderful flowers in the small town of Solstice Heights Foothills. Now Monty considered himself rather well traveled but he had never heard of this teeny town. Apparently it was nestled on the trail from Ponyville to Canterlot in a shady glen of trees.

“Oh! the wind was sighing~

And the day was dying~

As the lag lay crying~

In his prison cell~

And that auld triangle went jingle-bloody-jangle~

All along the banks of the Royal Canal~”

Monty finally came upon the flagstone path that defined the edge of Solstice Heights Foothills. His hooves clopped on the hard surface as he picked up his pace to a gallop into the center of town. Seeing a Zebra must have been quite a shock to the ponies from this small town, let alone one goofily galloping into their town square. He skid to a halt just short of the town water pump, which seemed to be sitting right in the middle of the entire place. He looked all around himself, taking in the sights, sounds, and even smells of the quaint place. It was so much different than Hoofington. There were flowers in bloom and bees busily working to keep them pollinated. And, OH, a cherry pie was sitting out on a window sill to cool.

Monty couldn't help himself, he wandered slowly towards the flowerbed underneath the window which held his prize. He was hoping to not draw any more attention to himself than he already had. He was just about to stuff his muzzle into the pie as a rather pale and grey stallion walked slowly by him and shot an icy glance Monty's way. Monty responded with a winning smile, causing his right ear flop over limp. He then slunk back to the center of town and plopped his flank down on a bench and slumped over to one side and took a deep breath. He closed his eyes for a bit. This place was just so peaceful and cheery that he couldn't help himself. He had been walking for a long while after all, a short nap wouldn't hurt.

The bright ball of fire in the sky was slowly warming Equestria and burning off the fog of the morning. Upon the grass hung tiny little diamonds that spewed rainbows in all directions if one were to look closely enough. The dew clung to Pyrite's hooves turning them a slightly darker colour than the rest of her. She surveyed the surrounding area. Being on the outskirts of town did have its advantages after all. The soft autumn ochers blended seamlessly with the bright green of the rolling fields that surrounded the small town of Solstice Heights Foothills. There were blocky outlines off in the distance that abruptly juxtaposed the rolling lines of the surroundings. These were the farming terraces that some ponies were trying out. It was a method new to Equestria but it seemed to be working rather well, it was adapted for the steep hills that surrounded the area of Canterlot Proper. This new farming method afforded these ponies to grow some unique fare that was not usually found in these parts.

All the sights and the sounds of early morning flooded Pyrite's senses. The smell of the grass underlying the pungent smell of rotting leaves. There was the light and airy fragrance of the flowers that played over top of these two smells as well. The birds were all a twitter with the morning gossip of which plants were fruiting and which the hummingbirds would want to visit to stock up on their energy reserves for the long trek south to parts unknown. Pyrite lavished in this morning chorus of sounds and smells. This was the major reason that she moved out into the country after all. The hustle and bustle of the city did not appeal to her. She loved the forest when she was a child and that love carried over into her marehood. There was just something about living off of the land and forging your own path. The rigidity of the military had rubbed off on her however, her stature, cadence, mannerisms, and even organization had been influenced directly by her time served. She stood at attention in her front yard outlined by white Daises, her campaign hat making her seem a tad taller than she actually was. Her ears were poking out of the side of the hat, allowing her to hear her surroundings properly.

Her ranger vest settled on her soft coat as the Sun warmed her back. She tilted her head around to look over her home. It was not at all similar to the other ponies homes that lived in Solstice Heights Foothills. Most of those were quaint little cottages with a few small cabins for visitors to stay in, when the chance arose. Although the houses of the other ponies tried to integrate into their organic surroundings, such as thatched roofs covered in native grass and ivy, or homes built into hills all together, no home blurred the line between nature and function as Pyrite's did. While the other houses tried to bring nature back into an area that had previously belonged to nature but now was more suited to living, Pyrite actually lived in nature. Her home had been hewn out of the center of an ancient oak tree. Small round windows where the knots once were and doors that were made out of the tree its self. Most, if not all, of her furniture had been carved out of the tree as well. Although she could not move most of the furniture because it was still part of the tree, she thought that the blend of nature and technology was elegant, she would have it no other way.

A faint smile came across the mare's muzzle as the Sun began to filter through the leaves of her home and brighten up the world around her. She was definitely a morning pony, everything about that time of day made her feel alive. Today was a day of action however. During the previous week her town had hosted more than a few legs of the famous “Running of the Leaves” race. The goal of this race was to make the leaves of the deciduous trees fall from their branches so that the snow would not damage the trees as readily. This presented an entire new set of problems however. As anypony that spent any time in the forest would know, dead leaves on the forest floor only leads to problems. Although they protected the bulbs and seedlings of the next year, they also presented a massive fire hazard. If any part of the forest were to catch from say a lightning strike the entire place could go up like a tinderbox, decimating the entirety of both the lively hood and home of many a pony and many an animal. Also there are a few very rare species of plants that would only bloom with the heat of a fire to spread their seeds and ashes to fertilize them.

Although Pyrite was the local Forest Ranger, she was no botanist. She knew her way through the forest like she knew the back of her hoof. She knew the small cave system that was to the north west, the other small alcove that was behind the Canterlot Falls, she even knew about the wooden fort that some of the local children had recently made to play soldier in. Whilst she knew all the places and ins and outs of her forest she only had a filamentary, working, knowledge of the plants and small animals that inhabited what she thought of as “Her” forest. She knew which plants tasted bad and were not to be eaten, such as pokeweed, and which made wonderfully tasty tea, such as mint and sassafras. She had been for a stroll through the wood recently, after the race, and had felt the pine needles softly crush under her hooves, the large oak leaves disintegrate with the mere brush of her saddle bags. She knew that the time was right to start what the fire industry called a “Controlled Burn”. However Pyrite needed some help for this one, she needed somepony to come and identify places where the underbrush needed to be kept intact so that she could direct the fire properly. Pyrite had contracted out to the small pale green mare that seemed to know everything about the regional flora and fauna. Her name was Trillium and she should have been arriving any moment.

"Hey Pyrite!" Trillium called in a sing-song voice, "I brought you SAAASSSAFRAAAAS TEEEAAA!"

And there she was. The pale green Earth Pony came trotting towards the older mare. She had some odd looking casks hanging from her neck as she entered through the creaky gate into Pyrite's little yard.

“Well hello there Miss Trillium, I'm glad that you made it. What are those things hanging from your neck, if I may ask? Oh yes, sorry about that, please take a seat, make yourself at home, after all you came all this way just to help. Can I get you anything from the pantry?” Pyrite asked her guest.

The older mare usually did not entertain guests, it was not that she did not want to have guests, she did like having ponies over to talk with and such, it was just that her home was more than a little out of the way for most travelers. She offered Trillium a seat in an Adirondack style chair that was stationed in the garden. Pyrite took a seat in the chair that was facing the other one. Pyrite sniffed the air, there was a faint smell of sassafras wafting out of one of the casks. She eyed the stone container and levitated off of the mare's neck. Pyrite used her magic to unscrew the cap and take a good sniff of the concoction. Boy did it smell wonderful. She pressed it to her lips and took a good swig. She smiled as the familiar taste filled her mouth. With that finished Pyrite continued,

“Now down to business. Today we are going to be attempting what is called a controlled burn. This is a dangerous procedure under the ideal circumstances. So everypony needs to be on the top of their game for this. Even though I have the ability to control the fire, there needs to be a contingency plan in effect just in case something goes awry. In the effect of complete loss of control of the fire we will evacuate the town and the surrounding area, call in all the local and regional firefighters, and then attempt to control the blaze. Even though this is an extremely unlikely occurrence we need to plan for every eventuality. Now with that being said, we are going to do a final walk through of the forest to check for stragglers and such, you will have to point out the areas that need to be protected for me, and then we will go about the burn.” The older mare's voice was stern and practiced but not mean by any sense of the imagination.

Then she shifted a little and in a more melodic tone said, “Well with that business out of the way, I have a gift for you!”

Pyrite adjured her seat for a moment and trotted off into her office for a short period of time. She came happily trotting out again with a small orange vest in tow. It seemed to be a the prefect fit for the pale green mare.

“Here you go! This is a vest for you so that everyone knows you are part of the burn team! I whipped it up in my spare time, it isn't pretty, but it will work in a pinch. I hope you like it.” Pyrite continued to talk with Trillium.

This was actually a cleaver tactic on Pyrite's part, she was trying to wait out the clock and let the sun warm up the area and dry out some of the damp leaves. She was willing to spend however long it took for the forest's fog to burn off because starting a fire in the present conditions was not ideal. Pyrite took another sip of her tea and waited for Trillium to respond.