Talex

That is page 9 of a comic

...10 comes after 9...

Whenever I want to express my absolute happiness at something, I try to make the same squeak sound. I have failed miserably at this and so now I just say "squee" ^u^

Also, the smiles are extremely contagious.

That's Zeus right? I'm assuming that's Zeus...

I stole your lighting Zeus :3

Ok. First off this is the first fanfic I've read while also listening to a soundcloud that I'm guessing you made specifically for this? Am I right? I got to the part with you opening the stable doors when the soundcloud hit around 1:30 where the first bit of vocals came in, so that just added a level of depth to that part. Great job on that! (Not sure if this was intentional as the rest of the track didn't seem to fit the story but whatever, just thought I'd point that out.)

You have some spelling mistakes in there. One of the big ones was whent should be went. Capitalization errors are common but that's easily fixed. I liked the story so far but some parts just don't seem to flow. And the parts with combat in them seem a bit lacking. Having bullets wiz by your head and almost being shot out of the sky should not only give the character an adrenaline rush but it should also try to give the reader that same rush as well. I think just adding to those parts with a bit more detail on how the character felt would fix this.

I said before that some parts don't flow. Sometimes it's difficult to have a reader read a fanfic the same way as you because you've been writing it the whole time and you know how it's supposed to sound. But a reader only has what's written and this can led to a different perspective of the whole thing (hence why you asked for feedback) Sometimes the easiest way to fix this is to go through your story and read it out loud to yourself. You'll often find that by speaking it, rather then reading it, you'll find which parts are worded awkwardly. The story should be able to be told vocally without having to put an effort into it. If at times you find yourself having to re-read a part before speaking it, then perhaps this is a part that needs fixing.

I'm not much of a critique but I hope this helps. ^^

Hi welcome to Canterlot! I am honored to be in the presence of a pharaoh! ^^ Who will be raising the sun in your land, and making the Nile flow while you are gone? .

Luck level = 6

The chisel survives the river of lava

Edit: Ninja'd ><

Hi, welcome to Canterlot! You like mufffins? Like Derpy? Then I have a picture for you...

There! Muffins!

^ These guys seem to find a way around ©

My knowledge of the game:

DONT LOOK INTO HIS EYES!!! DONT STAND STILL!!! DONT LOOK BEHIND YOU!!!

But i suspect that he constantly follows you and the more pages you collect the faster he moves or something. Perhaps the 10degree thing is right. Idk though

Hi, welcome to Canterlot! So you are nocturnal as well? hmm.... oh, only temporary, I see. OK then. ^^ Again welcome!

Hi, welcome to Canterlot! So that means it's winter for you right now right? hmm... jealousy....

I liked your old knife better So I shall use it against you!

Well, I know it picks up in the fourth book. But I haven't read the 5th and 6th. Please no spoilers ><

but I have a gun pointed to your head and he has a gun to mine and her to his and his to hers and yours to his!?

HI, welcome to Canterlot!

I need a hundred dollars and a witch's soul, don't ask me why I need the soul of the witch... or the 100$... well if you have to know I was planning on buying the souls of 100 lawyers for 1$ each.

Is this for you, or your weapon? and it's only $99 the witch is the 100th

If you can't destroy it, catch it with a butterfly net and contain it for eternity.

"If it has wings and flies, a butterfly net can catch it!" ~Cosmo

I've had quite the time with my xbox360 in the past, but I've drifted over to my computer more ever since they started putting adds on xbox The only reason I'll ever play it now is if a friend asks me to, or until FarCry 3, Halo 4, or AssassinsCreed 3 comes out. And I have a wii, but the only reason for that is for LoZ twilight princess and skyward sword. So i really don't count it as a console I would use now.

I cut the chain for your wreaking ball, saving my lamp and the ponies.

Talex receives an invitation. I liked this idea from the start, and now I want it to bloom and prosper.

Psssst...MLPT is a she.

fixed ^u^ thank you, I did not know x#3 sorry

...I create clones of Pinkie Pie.

But she can already do that herself? 0.o

*slow golf clap for MyLittlePonyTales as she passes me on her way to the stage*

It's perfect

Canterlot says this image is not allowed so I had to hyper link it

Thank you for the support. Now, with our pictures combined, we can hold off until someone posts another picture! >:3

That's Nightmare moon with Nocturne's blades. Nocturne is a champion who's abilities are all night, and darkness related. Well played good sir, well played...

Leona: The Radiant Dawn

Nocturne: The Eternal Nightmare

Now that you know what they are,

I COUNTER YOU WITH A LAMP! form of, a wreaking ball!

Is this a game show where there are like three contestants? If so, I wish to join. If not, then I'll go sit back down in the audience. ._.