Fawkes

*licks Symph* :I

...yes. YES! This momentous date shall forever be marked by the ruined remains of Rosewind's thoroughly despoiled Chance. A silent sentinel. An unwilling watcher. The Silent Stud of the Seventh~ Ever erect. Forever forlorn. Always remembering.

You know I could never resist your hauntingly pallid, clammy face, baby. Your flesh is like moonlight on an algae covered skeleton. You complete me you beautiful abomination~<3 Is... is that all I am to you...? Just another lick on your wall of lickings? I... I thought there was something special about my taste.. my flavor... my yummyyummymmmm... The way your saliva glistens and undulates when you look at my tasty bits... The way you recoil in a mixture of horror and intrigue at the scent of my unwashed tail fins... But I guess... I was wrong.....

!!! ...you ......you wouldn't DARE!

Make me, handsome.

Hey. The path remains open. I've affectionately dubbed it "Rosie's Gaping Tunnel, as Drilled by Fawkes" You're welcome to wiggle your way up on in there, love. I've made it nice and wide for anyone wanting to have a go >:3 Oh and be a dear and return this for me, would you?~ *tosses the battered Chance at Penby's feet* *it flops sadly on the floor*

*pops his eye back into his socket* *his other eye immediately pops out* ... ...INDEED, IT IS EYE! I live yet still, despite all the machinations of gods and demons and Wolf Queens to achieve my downfall! >:D I would still be locked in the deep, dark, yeasty bowels of Rose's sweltering closet EVEN NOW if it weren't for one, singular, cataclysmic mistake on her part! I'll admit, the chains were of a thoroughly subpar quality, only taking me a meager two and a half months to gnaw through. But even having conquered those chains I never would have been able to escape if I hadn't have found, buried deep in the furthest recesses of that writhing, undulating cavern of a closet... set upon a pedestal of rubies and moonstones... THE GREATEST DRILLING IMPLEMENT IN EXISTENCE! ...Rose's Extra Large Gold-Bedazzled Flared Chance! It took a mere six months to dig my way free after that! And... and then another two months after that were spent thoroughly... "appreciating" ...said plundered loot~ >:3

... .....aaaaah. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! *he screms* *he crawls up, bit by bit, from the deep, dark bowels of the peach pit pit* *flings himself past the edge and stumbles to his feet, hair and fur tangled with lecherous lichen and lying lice and at least three different breeds of lazy Larrys* *goes to take a step forward* *falls flat on his face, instantly knocking his eyeball from it's socket* ... *stands back up* *eyeball dangles freely* *goes to take another step* *SUCCESSFULLY MANAGES TO COMPLETE SAID STEP* *left arm falls off* ...... *stares at it* *his detached paw flips him off* ............. *sloooowly turns away from it and continues lugging his decrepit body into the central clearing* *comes to a wobbling stop* *pulls a half eaten journal full of mud and dandelion petals from his knotted mane* *points his dangly eye at its pages for a moment before nodding and flinging it behind him into the peach pit pit* Long, long ago in the whirling eons of h--.... ..... *clears his throat* *coughs* *HACKS* *PUNCHES HIS THROAT AS HARD AS HE CAN* *hacks up a purple pulsating pustule which looks like it COULD be some sort of malformed abominable peach pit but it scampers off, screeching, into the underbrush before anyone can get a good look* *clears his throat once more* Long, long ago in the whirling eons of history, There existed an age of wonder, love, equality and mystery. Upon the tallest mount sparkled the radiant capital of the land, full of mirth and merriment, But high up atop the tallest peak of that tallest of mounts, sat a deity of noise, brooding upon a most abominable experiment. In her violently vibrant mind her thoughts raged and churned with lashing lust and deplorable desire, Focused with an unspeakable intensity upon one singular fixation: to be the owner of a celestially powered air fryer. In vicious subversion of all the merry laws of that land, she gathered about her all the forces she could muster, Sun and moon, light and dark, black and white, flower and mold, tea and coffee, all condensed down to a singular cluster! From an explosion of whispers and giggles did a writhing garden, a cardboard kingdom, a blurry parade of color and shadow burst forth, While with the very greatest of disappointment and regret for her failure, the noisome deity faded to dust, broken by her toil's worth. Thus was born the ragged race, the meaningless match, the battle of the broken and the boisterous Thus was born the band of brothers, the society of sisters, the menagerie of manic monkeys Thus was born Last Post Wins and all the consequences that would entail~ *takes a final deep, wheezy inhale!* Happy 7th LPWaversary all you lovely loners, losers, lovers, l-... loafs... lakemen? ....laborers?? .......loams??? :'I ...AND HERES TO AT LEAST 2-17 MORE, DEPENDING ON THE STATE OF THE ECONOMY!!!~<3

Yeh. Useless. Useless for creating anything BUT SUFFERING! >:I

Your despicable dinosaur arts and crafts PERHAPS? >:I

As you should! Because you're considered a permanent member by this point. SO OBVIOUSLY YOU'VE TAKEN THE TIME TO READ BACK THROUGH ALL 2,344 PAGES OF OUR PRESTIGIOUS AND NOTEWORTHY HISTORY, RIGHT?

The fair princess of the chords did look about herself Writhed in sun and moon, light and dark, black and white And she judged the merriment of the lands to be oh so pitifully lacking Sprawled before her was naught but tedium and tameness and tired tenderness So atop the highest peak of the glittering kingdom she called home She built a great garden, a sprawling jungle, a vast pulsating blight of colors and shadows Thus was born the ragged race, the meaningless match, the battle of the broken and the boisterous Thus was born the band of brothers, the society of sisters, the menagerie of manic monkeys Thus was born Last Post Wins and all the consequences that would entail~ Happy 6th LPWaversary my lovey degenerates! LET THE CELEBRATIONS BEGIN!~<3 >:3

My children KNOW who they are~~

Eye to eye Lie to lye Claw to maw Raw to naw() R to Are

And there's only ONE anime all you babbies should be watching... BAM! Get spooked yo.

Hey guuurl Hey pretty mama What do ya think of my big, thick... POTASSIUM?

*spits in your soup* :I

... Is this the secret I requested? This is a terrible secret. TAKE IT BACK. I shant have it making a poor example for the other more noblely whispered secrets >:I What good is a pocket knife if you can't extend all the arms at once and toss it at your friends like a makeshift ninja star? Likewise what good is a bag full of items that can't all be used simultaneously? LITTLE MORE THEN PRETTY GARBAGE Thus do I name thee Rose Fauxpocket, from this day forever more >:I

I dare you to make use of all of these items all at the same time and to take a pic of it :I

*slithers around the proudly pompous prince* *nipping at her toes with candy corn teeth* *as tiny fireflies scream a tiny b-sharp minor scream, streaming from my ears* *my wiggley tongue squiggles into the princess's princely ear* *I whisper* Sing to me of the unknown. Tell me a secret, dear little Flatty~<3

OY You.. YOU... BUNCHA DEGENERATES I love all of you~<3 BUT ALSO COME WATCH ME AND PARADISE BE A COUPLE OF FEGS~<3 https://www.furaffinity.net/view/24478378/

*tumbles out of his den of garbage* *untangles a condom from around his horn* *turns over his top hat and pours out several dozen rotten neon colored Easter eggs* *hacks up a living bat which flutters off* *grumbles grumbily* >:I AYE. AND CLEARLY NOT A MOMENT TOO SOON. LOOK AT THIS PLACE. A scant handful of posts since last I walked the wood? Great columns of music? Talk of... anime? ANIME!? D:< Where hath mine true lords and ladies of Mania and Madness vanished to?

*wriggles up from beneath a heavy layer of refuse, broken china, rotting pastries, celestial glitter, discarded Christmas wrapping paper, condoms, and squeaky toys* *writhes and screeches a screech worse then the sound of the cosmic fingernail being scrapped across the primordial chalkboard* NOISE! DIN!! TUMULT!!! WHO AUTHORIZED THIS UNWARRANTED CACOPHONY OF CLATTERING CLAMOR AND RAUCOUS RACKET!?!? D:<

Hmm. Hmmm. HMMMMMM. Yeeeah, OKAY, FINE. I guess you're sooooomewhat of a furry >:I And a taaaaalented furry artist, you say? Annnnyone I perchance might have heard of? I've explored a fair portion of Furaffinity in my time~ :3 OI. OI. OI, LISTEN HERE, BANANAKIN. YOU ALREADY HAVE A TITLE. Or has my dear Blathering Baroness of the Broken Boughs of the Buried Forest of Berserk Bibliographies forgotten? IF SHE HAS, THAT'S FINE, I COULD ALWAYS JUST GO AHEAD AND MAKE HER THE 'BORING BARONESS OF THE NORTHWEST ICKY MUSHY BANANA PIT!" >:I Sweet child. You've been with us for such a short time, yet you've already learned so very much~ Allow me to bestow upon you the new, high title of, 'PRANCING PRINCE OF THE PRIMORDIAL PLAIN OF PANIC AND [INSERT FAVORITEST P-WORDED FOOD HERE]!' I'm sure you'll excel beyond all expectation at the duties of your new office~ :3 ... ..... ....... >:I THIS JUST IN! BREAKING NEWS! EXCLUSIVE SEX TAPE FOUND OF ROSEWIND AND HER SOON TO BE HUSBAND!