Fawkes

Ooooh, congraaaaatz!~ Who's the lucky guy or gal? :3 AND ARE THEY ALSO FURRY TRASH LIKE YOU AND ME? Or... At least I THINK you're furry trash. You seem to have a fursona and you occasionally go to furcons. BUT MAYBE YOU'RE JUS A GREAT BIG TOURIST! >:'I

*swoons and squuuuuees before throwing his panties on stage!* WE LOVE YOU NASTY EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!~<3 I completely second this suggestion!~ :'3

D'aaaaaw! Flattery will get you everywhere, you big silly dinosaur!~<3 OR SHOULD I SAY NEW 'PRINCE OF THE PRIMORDIAL PLAIN OF PANIC AND PASTA'?~ >:3

Penby's right yo. You prolly wanna start with something a little on the softer side for your first time. Like a Jacob's Ladder for example! Trust me. Trust me, yo. Has Fawkesy ever led you wrong?~ :3

But Penby! There's one word that could only have been invented SOLELY with you in mind!

*gasp!* I... I bet you didn't even care that you missed the Pledge of Allegiance... DID YOU? I KNEW YOU WERE A MONSTROUS CRIMINAL FROM THE MOMENT I MET YOU. It's people like YOU that are sending our planet straight to... pardon my Australian... HECK! >:[

Oooooooooooh! Are you a baaaaaad boooooooy, Patchy? Do you walk around school punching lockers, singing the Japanese intros to anime songs, and saying "HECK", while making all the girls swoon? What'd you dooooooo? IF I SENT YOU A PAIR OF GIANT EARRINGS WITH MY FACE ON THEM MAKING KISSY FACES, WOULD YOU PROMISE TO WEAR THEM ON EVERY DATE YOU EVER GO ON FROM NOW ON? *picks up Microchip!* :I

DETENTION. DETENTION, THALA. DETENTION RIGHT NOW. The principle wants to see you in her office. She says to make sure you bring your smartphone :I

Well, you see, I have a writing style which has been hailed by some in the industry as REVOLUTIONARY and UTTERLY IRRESPONSIBLE and A TRAVESTY TO THE ART OF WRITING. What I do is, I set up two tvs side by side, right? On one, I put on a marathon of American/Latin-American day time soap operas cranked up to full volume. On the other, I put 24-hour live American news coverage cranked up to full volume. Then I plug my home entertainment system into my compy and set it up to read out random LPW posts in a Microsoft Sam voice set at 500% normal speed. Also set at full volume. Then I chug a handle of rum, scream, and start thrashing my fingers against my keyboard until sentences start forming. Eventually I black out and when I wake up there are entire short stories in front of me involving LPW and the gang doing all sooooorts of weEEEeeEEeird and WACKY stooooof bein' 4LL t3H r4Nd0mz! But yes. If you think you can keep up I'll go and pick up a bottle of Bacardi 151 RIGHT NOW and we'll get started on CHANGING THE WORLD! >:I

"As the Trump Weather Dominator Tower collapsed around them in a cacophony of sound and light, and the airborne circus of Soviet-era dancing bears rained down around them, Rosewind's lips finally met Angie's, colliding in a kiss that could only be described as explosive, violent, abusive, ethically unsound, politically worrisome, and utterly pointless from a nihilistic point of view!" ... *COUGH* So uhhh... hey guys, SURPRISE, I've started writing short stories about all of you... :I Don't worry tho, I ONLY ever portray you all in the BEST, MOST ACCURATE of lights.

AHHHH! One of my ACTUAL favorite songs is by Gogol Bordello!!!~<3 :'D I'm sure this must come as just the biggest of surprises~

Don't worry, I gotchu fam. Check these lyrics out yo. Universal. Timeless. Transcending all barriers of language and culture to tell the TRUE story of the struggle of the human spirit in a rapidly industrializing global sociopolitical economy. I have it on good authority that this was the song that both Gandhi AND Winston Churchill were blaring on their iPod Nanos while they were throwing down the smack against slave owners in the Australian South.

*scribbles in his notepad* Microchip... likes... it... gentle... GOT IT! I will be sure to remember this for the future~ >:3 BUT YES Hi hello how are you? :'3

*GRABS YOU AND KISSES YOU VIOLENTLY ON THE LIPS* Hi~<3 :3

Listen. Listen here, okay? Yur friend? Whos yur friend, huh? I'll tell ya who yur friend is. Hes a nobody, dats who he is. Hes a nobody and you tell him if he questions me again dat I'm gonna brekahisfaec. You tell him dat, okay? Okay >:I But also, yes, I'd like to confirm that I am indeed back for the rest of the time. Please vote for me in the primaries. I have it on good knowledge that ROSIE will only be around until the end of time MINUS 5 minutes! And WHAT exactly will she be doing with those five minutes!? Memeing on 4chan, folks. Memeing on 4chan. I can't make this up, folks. SAD! >:[ I CAN PERSONALLY CONFIRM ALL OF THIS INFORMATION. 1. You're already in my top 10 friendo list yo 2. Every conversation I've ever had with you made me feel great 3. I've known you for 3+ years and I still consider you a friend 4. Yo don't tell anyone or anything but I'd totes give Stitch a li'l kiss or two on the lips cheek~ 5. YO LOOK AT THIS WALL OF TEXT AND TELL ME THIS GURL CAN'T WRITE 6. You ARE really cute~ :'3 7. I do not yet have experience with this scenario and thus can not speak about it with any accuracy. But I imagine it's super true 8. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY 9. I can confirm this. Thala is vurry cool :3 10. ...and thank you. At last! The hand job my lips deserve! I thought I'd never find the "one" for me, but... I guess dreams DO come true~<3 *smooches dem lips all day and night~* :'3 ANNNNND... if you're being for serious, I prefer "it" and "they" and "thing". BUT if you're jus bein' a big ol' silly, I prefer "he/him" :3

Penby. Penby no, stop. Stop. Stop that. Stop that and come smooch with Rosie, Angie, and I. Then the ultimate OTP will be complete: Fawkumbra Cakewind :I

Goodness, and you even already know all of my pronouns? That cements it. You're definitely Penumbra. No one else could possibly know me so intimately. It's good to see you again, my dearest lip-mate. Come join Rosie and I for a reunion kiss~<3

*CRUNCHA BUNCHA MUNCHAS his way over to Rosie* *drapes his arms around her neck* I was dead. As cold as a corpse. As broken as my bones. As inanimate as a fan of MyLP. BUT A VISION CAME TO MY POOR BROKEN BODY A VISION OF UNSURPASSING BEAUTY AND INFINITE GRACE A VISION THAT SANG TO ME AND BREATHED LIFE BACK INTO MY SHATTERED FORM It was you, Rosie. It was a vision of you. Now give this sad sack of bones a kiss to anchor me to this plane of existence once and for all~ *PUCKERS HIS LIPS AS THEY MAKE A BUNCH OF LOUD, WET SLURPING SOUNDS* Come on. Come on, do it. Do it. I'll call you lame if you don't :'I

... ...... .........are you Penumbra? Is this a Penumbra alt account? PENUMBRA, YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE TWO ACCOUNTS ON CANTERBUTTS, YOU'RE GONNA GET US BANNED AGAIN! >:I *rubs his floppy rubber-like hand against your cheek* *the hand falls off* *it continues to jiggle* This new face is nice though. I like this new face. Your old one was way too pretty and made me feel far too insuperior! >:I

..huh? OH. Pfffh, yeah sure I guess >:I *goes to give Angie a high five* *just ends up slapping his noodly paw against her hand* ..... :'I *COUGHS* *waddles his way over to Patchy* CRAAAACK KRAK CRAAAAACK CRUNCHA MUNCH KRAAAAKCY CRUNCH KrrrraaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCK *falls down* *crawls the last couple feet* *pulls himself up Patchy's body* Hello. Hello Patchy. I am Fawkes. That's my name. Now tell me a secret about YOU :I *the sound of bones grinding together is deafeningly loud*

*from the top of the tallest tree in the wood he stands, like a greek god cut from flawless marble!* *his eyes gleam with an unquenchable fire and boundless determination!* *he gives a sly, knowing smile down to the plebeians below~* *suddenly he dives from his lofty perch!* *his arms spread out in front of him like a spear point!* *the wind whips around him in a violent torrent as he rapidly descends!* *the trumpets of creation begin to blare from the sky as a choir of cherubs begin to sing in unison, their medley transcending the bounds of time and space!* *he tenses his body, every muscle and fiber of his being ready to break into a perfectly executed roll-and-hop the moment he reaches the ground!* *his eyes narrow in concentration as the ground rises up to meet him!* *the wind catches him in just the wrong way* *his body tumbles end over end* *he slams into the ground legs first, a monumentally loud CRRRRAAAACCCCK echoing across the wood* ... ...... ......... :'I *he stands up and brushes the dirt off himself nonchalantly* *he begins to waddle his way over to his dear old throne, upon two legs now filled almost entirely with bone shards* CRRACK CRACK CRAAAAK CRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAACK KRAAAK KRAK CCCCCRRRAaaaaAAAAAaaaAAACCCCCK *dons a pair of really slick sunglasses* *he goes to lean against his throne like a real cool dude would do with his arms crossed and everything* *the throne, upon contact, immediately bursts into splinters and debris, clearly rotted and riddled with termites* *he falls and breaks his wrist with another resounding CRACK* *his sunglasses shatter on the ground* .............. :''I *he stands and waddles over to the nearest sturdy looking tree* CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRRRRAAaaaaaaaaAAAACK CRACK CRACK SNAP CRACK CRRRRAAAAAACK *leans against the tree* *dons his shattered sunglasses and crosses his arms* *his one paw bobs and sways in the wind like a limp noodle* *cough* *COUGH* ...hey. Wassup? How've you dweebs been? :I

What the DINK is a dreamy? >:I What is a dreamy composed of? How can we best make it scream? >:I

Thank yeeeee!~ Tell us a neat baking secret in celebration?~ :'3

AHHHHHH you're so amazing for saving this screenshooooot! I was just lamenting the fact that I wasn't quick enough to snap a shot, but here it is, thank youuuu!~ :'D But yeah, Thala is bein' super honest. No one here WANTS ta see you upset! Buuuut at the same time... this here Last Post Wins thread is built upon a looooong legacy of teasing and playful bullying. All of us have gone through it at one point or another. And for that teasing to land on you basically just means that you're going through initiation into our little family. Unless you give up and let their teasing get to you, of course... ~ <:'3

AHHHHHH THALA WHAT ARE YOU DOING EVEN ALL THESE LIKES ARE GONNA GO STRAIGHT TO MY THIGHS