Fawkes

*ruffles Tenkan's hair affectionately with a smile as I pass by him with my petunia*

There are no empty stomachs in the New Lunar Republic, my dear pony.

Only full hearts ~

*my horn glows as I summon a massive, ebony throne set with rubies and sapphires along with a second slightly smaller throne for Tenkan*

*pulls a potted petunia out from under my tophat, proceeding to place it on the ground in front me me*

Say what now?

I didn't hear anything :3

*looks down at my now icy tea cup with a grimace, tossing it over my shoulder where it explodes into a ball of flame*

Lies? What nonsense is this? I simply call 'em as I see 'em. And I saw YOU, your royal majesty, attempting to poison your subjects.

Which is completely okay! Being that the New Lunar Republic is here to rescue the ponies of Equestria from this barbaric behavior.

*pets my tophat affectionately*

As for the tea cup... I simply enjoy... a healthy dose of CHAOS.

*turns to Davroth*

Which reminds me, my dear chap! Why in the WORLD do you keep company with such BOOOOOORING rulers? Before you know it dear sir she'll have you encased in stone. The monarchy are not fans of chaos, as you VERY well know.

*looks from side to side, trying to find the location of the aforementioned flaming party*

Uhm... hum.

*furls his brow and absentmindedly takes a bite out of the tea cup I was previously holding*

*a big chesire grin spreads across my face as my mane shimmers*

Oh my my my!

*holds up one of the pies, watching as the crust crumbles and petrifies before turning to Tenkan*

Dear Tenkan... did you see that? Our royal majesty would have you poisoned! She would rot your stomach to prove a point.

*clicks my tongue in disappointment as I drop the pie and turn away*

Tis a good thing The Republic is here to rectify that~

*nods my head again, another hot, delicious pie appearing in front of Tenkan*

*nods my head in Tenkan's direction, my horn aglow*

The best promises are the sweet ones :3

*a mountain of pies appears in front of Tenkan*

The New Lunar Republic is generous. And primely, FOR the ponies~

NOT the monarchy.

Oh my dear Tenkan. War with this simplepony is no reason for the pie production plants to be shut down.

OH THE CONTRARY! They shall be put into full production to celebrate the short, mundane war we are about to wage and the glorious victory which we will take shortly thereafter.

*stands from the tea tray of peace and straightens the 20 foot tophat upon my head*

My dearest Appliance. How I DO fear for you and your wayward subjects.

No worries tho. Through the glow of the moon's glory... they will see.

...what is this, bullocks? I've been sitting in front of this bloody throne for a full revolution of the spheres and THIS is what i'm greeted with? Blasphemy! Heresy! INDIGNANTY!!

*my tophat grows twelve feet, the éclairs burst into purple flame and I throw my cup of tea in App-lestia's big, dumb face*

I do believe talks have broken down. War it is, my dear little pony.

I know. I apologize. You'll find that I am quite the expert stepper.

*a spout of blue flame bursts from out of my tophat*

Oh and nothing too exciting has been missed. Civil war, flaming Shadowbolts, exquisite tea and grumpy éclairs. The standard affair.

*the crumpets attempt to scurry away in the direction of the explosion but I stab them with a fondue fork before they can get far*

*the stolen win ends up being the lose in disguise*

Win >:3

Oh dear. What a shame...

*watches as the Shadowbolts fly off, the chair he was sitting in bursting into flame*

These proceedings are turning out to be QUITE mundane. The war was a MUCH more exciting affair. I do hope my dear Appliance returns soon to polish off these proceedings.

*pulls a pocketwatch out from within my tophat, clicking it open which causes it to produce an ear piercing scream, before closing it*

The éclairs are becoming quite disgruntled as well. Hum...

Chuckie?

Are they an actor?

Oh my! How exciting!

*watches in mild interest, taking another sip of tea as my tophat shrinks five inches*

Oh, don't worry dear. They're only being a bunch of sillyponies.

*pats my tophat reassuringly*

*tips my tophat from my head and pulls out from within two lovely wooden Victorian chairs, placing them around the table for Vinyl and Neo before returning the tophat to my head where it grows another three inches*

Homemade? Don't be ridiculous, my dear pony! How silly. Households can't effectively brew tea. Their brews always taste oaky and dust-laden. How barbarous!

*takes another sip*

This tea was brewed by my very own Sea Serpent assistant.

Oh what fun! Dashing good show!

*turns back to Appliance as the Shadowbolts are blasted to the ground in a heap of flame and agonized shrieks of pain*

And yes, i'm afraid it has a terrible penchant for growing when it gets excited. Tea is QUITE the hat affrodisac after all.

*takes a sip of my own tea*

But indeed. This bountifully beautiful kingdom of Equestria simply CAN'T survive without an able hooved, sharp minded, tophat wearing ruler.

Of course, of course!

*pulls out the tray of deliciously delectable eclairs and places them on the table*

Now then! Right. This silly little war.

*stirs my cup of tea, producing soft tinking sounds as my tophat grows an inch taller*

I apologize terribly so, but i'm afraid that I simply MUSt be the one to win this engagement.

*a deafening roar shatters the sound barrier in my wake, the earth beneath my hooves collapses into glass, and lightning entwines around the streak of flame as finally I slam head first into the throne with a thunderous explosive sound and blast of smoke and flame*

This ends NOW.

*in front of the throne is now a lovely little Victorian style table adorn with a tray of piping hot tea, crumpets, and various fixings* But we shall end it like a couple of real upright chaps :3

*places a tophat atop my hatless head*

*HER. LOL.

All apart of the plan ;3

*my horn glows and a mach cone forms around me as I reach hyper velocities, speeding toward the throne in a streak of flame*

IT DOES!

This ends now! PREPARE YOUR FLANK, APP!

*charges toward App across the chaotic battlefield, my head turned down and horn pointed toward him, my hooves aflame with thunderous calamity as cyborgs are slain, flaming dragon demon-things strafe the field, and orbital friendship cannons blast everything*

Did I win? WHERE'S MY COOKIE?!

The New Lunar Republic has cookies. ALL OF THE COOKIES! Warm, soft, and gooey. You should probably, maybe, definitely join us :3

ACK! *gets slammed in the head with a Pinkie Pie launcher* TENKAN! Teeeeeenkaaaaaan... TEN-KAN!! GET RID OF THAT URSA MAJOR! Call the Great and Powerful Trixie. I heard she's good at handling that sort of thing.

*pokes App-lestia in the eye with unicorn horn* Surprise! >:3

Scramble the griffon squadrons!

Unleash the dragons!

AWAKEN THE URSA MAJOR!!

TENKAN! OPEN FIRE ON DAVROTH BEFORE HE RECEIVES THE ORDER TO OPEN FIRE!

FOURTH WALL DESTRUCTIVE CAPABILITIES HAVE BEEN GRANTED.

NEEEIGGH!

You will carry TWO Pinkie Pie launchers and you will fire them while flying through the air in slow motion and singing "Cupcakes!"

The smothering darkness which is about to be brought upon your flank, App, will be biblical.

And Total, you're over-qualified. YOU'RE CONSCRIPTED.

WELCOME TO THE NEW LUNAR REPUBLIC.

*slaps a Pinkie Pie launcher in his hooves*