NiktoBarada

Tongue Twister took her saddlebags off and dropped them on the cot (the room she rented on such short notice was very, VERY cheap) as she stepped away from the window and pulled the shades partially closed.

"I doubt I'll have much to do for a bit ...." she mused to herself as she rummaged through the bags to find some water, "They'll need some time to conduct whatever business they have here before they head off to wherever they're going.  The last thing I need is to bump into them !

Good thing I have some supplies left - enough to hole up in here for two or three days.  That should hopefully be long enough.  I'll just need to watch the routes out of town, then start some inquiries once it's safe."

She thought for a bit.  "From here, the best route to Saddlelon is down one route, and Pharaoh's Vale another.  Only two major roads in and out.  Every other direction leads into the desert.

So instead of watching the whole town, I only have to watch two roads !

Doable.  Mind-numbingly dull, but quite doable ...." she continued as she wrote her current findings in her journal (in Demotic - an alphabet not used for 3500 years.)

Tongue Twister whistled in approval and raised her glass to Berry and Tiger.

It was always a treat to be around joy and happiness - given what she's been dealing with, any relief was welcome.

Quote

"Unfortunately, Trixie sadly cannot make any promises of what long lost treasure is at the end of any of the maps she finds, no guarantees, no refunds" she explained, her head nodding slightly at scootaloo, trying to convey that she was going to stick to the proverbial script as long as the filly was in earshot, hoping that TT would understand.

TT noted the phrase 'no guarantees, no refunds' - it was the same spiel her dad used when disgruntled customers accused him of scamming them.

They were right about nine times out of ten, but they didn't need to know that !

Then she noticed how happy Scootaloo was, and realized that pressing the matter right here and now might be a rather bad idea.

"Well, Trixie isn't breaking any promises", TT stated to Cinnamon, "She is being quite honest.  Since the prize is random, it could be junk, or something valuable.  Since nopony knows what the prize is ahead of time, the sensible thing to do is make no guarantees.  'Youse buys your ticket, youse takes your chances' as they say."

Tongue Twister raised an eyebrow at Berry; 'how well she's earned her name' sounded like a challenge.

"We get to go first ?  Thank you !  Hmm ... what to choose ?

OH, we know !" she chuckled briefly as she made a selection : 

Let It Go - in 25 languages
 

"Our name is Tongue Twister." TT replied to Trixie, "We were in town only to check our mail to see if anyone had a job for us when we encountered Scootaloo following one of your treasure maps.

We have some questions and concerns about the items she's been finding.  A Deck of Calamity ?  SERIOUSLY ?"

She then turned to Cinnamon and replied "Yes, we are fine.  We had an unfortunate encounter with an unpleasant sorceress some time ago, and we are rather - twitchy - around sudden displays of power."

TT was completing one last visual sweep of the street most of the hotels were on when she caught a glimpse of Hou Shuren turning down a side street.

"Who's that guy ?" she muttered to herself upon noticing the unicorn stallion with her.  

Judging by the way he was walking with her, he wasn't one of Hou's servants.

She sighed heavily as she put her binoculars down to rub her forehead, "Oh joy !  NOW she may have an ally !  With unknown motives, resources and abilities.

Did I mug a priest in a past life ?  Did I mug one in THIS life and I'm just not allowed to remember doing it ?  This is turning into SUCH a mess !"

"And how are you going to clean it up ?" the Abomination simply had to needle her, "You have to hang around town until 'STAR' shows up.  But the longer you're here, the more chances Hou has of uncovering your silly efforts !  If I could feast on your misery, you'd be an all-you-can-eat buffet !"

TT was angry for a bit - before she started chuckling.

"By the stars !  I'm being as stupid as everyone thinks I am - and needs me to be !"

"Say what now ?"

"It's like YOU said : 'This land is loaded with ancient relics, powerful magics and knowledge unseen for aeons  !'  Hou probably isn't here for a vacation !  She's up to something !  So she wouldn't be spending much time lounging about in hotels !  So there is little point watching them.  Not many choices for someone like her down here.

She's probably been raiding the tombs in Pharaoh's Vale for centuries for foul magics and dangerous artifacts to further her goals.  That's one option.

And Saddlelon is essentially one big ancient library.  LITERALLY - they have four gigantic buildings known as the Palaces of Thought.  If there was an answer to an ancient question - or even a user's manual for some weird and forgotten item - they'd most likely be there.  That's the other option."

"So how are you going figure out where she's going ?  Roll a dice and hope for the best ?"

TT smiled.  "I don't have to.  Once she and her ally leave, I can simply ask the local merchants what they bought.  Should be simple enough to figure out that way.
True, they'll be a day or so ahead, but that cannot be helped.  But that's probably for the best.

So now all I have to do now is hang around here and stay hidden until they leave, then figure out a way to discern STAR agents when they get here."

"QI'yaH !  Qu'vatlh jay' !" TT shrieked as a portal exploded nearby, "NOT AGAIN !!"

With that, she slammed her 'wings' into the ground, shoving herself backwards over fifteen feet instantly, well out of range of the fire.

Her pupils became vertical slits as the whites of her eyes turned oily black from the rage at being the universe's punching bag once more.

"Waiiiiit a minute ..... !  Since when are there SIX alicorns in Equestria ?" she mused to herself.

She noticed that Scootaloo wasn't terrified at all - in fact, she was the opposite.

TT scowled as she realized this was all stage magic.

So she took a few deep breaths to calm down and revert back to what passed for 'normal' for her nowadays.

Then just glared at Trixie.  "Was all that truly necessary ?"

Tongue Twister noted it was a rather long trip to Trixie's residence - all the way back to town, then almost as far again through it.

"So, this Trixie you spoke of ?  She is a traveling magician or entertainer ?" TT asked, "We can see a older but cared for wagon up ahead."

((Tongue Twister looks curious and annoyed - that Trixie would go through the effort to keep fillies entertained is a plus; but the prizes she gives out are, well, disturbing.  Have to wonder where she finds them.  Or if she makes them.))

Tongue Twister paced back and forth in her rented room as she tried to figure out what to do next - and discern just how deep in the crap she truly was.

"It will take a few days at least for my message to reach STAR." she mused to herself as she took a few deep breaths, "And an unknown amount of time for them to respond.
Which means I have to hang around here until someone shows up !"

"And when - IF - they show up, what will you tell them ?" the Abomination began, "You've been too busy cowering in fear in this hovel to keep track of Hou Shuren !
It's been almost an hour !  She could be anywhere by now !"

TT thought for a moment.  "Not really.  One does not step off a luxury liner into a slum !  She'll most likely be staying at one of the better - if not the BEST - accommodations they have here.  At least for a little while.  All I need do is maintain surveillance of them, at long range so I am a pebble in a field of gravel."

"How does that help anyone ?"

"That is how the villain/hero cycle goes." she began with a sigh, "Heroes are reactive - they have nowhere to go and nothing to do until the villains DO something.
So Hou having a few days head start is pretty much expected at this point.

But if I hadn't been here and sent that note, no one would even know Hou was here until it was far too late to stop, well, whatever it is she's up to.  At least now somepony will be watching for something odd to happen.  And perhaps have better odds at stopping her."

"You don't even know what she's doing down here in Saddle Arabia that needs stopping."

"I don't have to know to know it can't be good for Equestria."

The Abomination grumbled and shook his head.  "I'm trapped in the head of a sappy, wanna-be hero !"

"Well, you can leave any time you want !" TT cheerfully offered as she rummaged through her packs to retrieve a pair of binoculars.

Then made her way to the roof for a clearer view of the area.

She was watching the hedges and awnings near the better hotel entrances.

"I doubt Hou is hiding in the shrubbery."

"Most ponies can somehow sense when somepony is looking at them." she noted to Abomination, "But when somepony is looking at something near them ?  Not so often !
It is safer to watch somepony out the corner of your eye than to look directly at them."

Abomination thought for a moment.  "You are suspiciously good at this sort of thing.  Why is that ?"

"Not sure." TT answered within her head with a shrug, "I may have once been an agent whose competence stole glory from her bosses, so they had my memory scrambled so they can keep looking good.

Or I got cursed in a temple because I learned Things Mares Weren't Meant To Know - that is an occupational hazard for those that roam around in old, forgotten tombs.

Or I've read or translated one too many spy novels.  Or seen one too many cheezy spy movie.  I'm - not really sure myself anymore."

Tongue Twister listened to what the heartbroken filly said - and didn't say (ponies have very clear body language).

"There may be more than a cool story behind it." she stated, "In our experience, glowing gems indicate a fair bit of magic.  So there is a chance the ring might do something.

Unfortunate that it may be limited to unicorns." she continued, wanting to have a few words with this 'Trixie'.

Tongue Twister peered through the sighting line of her compass, and could just make out a small hill in the distance.

Archaeological site SA:PV 1497-060-117B, 'The Graffiti Cave'.

It was one of her favorite sites in the region.  It had been used occassionally as a rest stop by various groups of travellers over the millennia.  It was originally a small tomb at the end of a deep tunnel in the rock, but everything valuable had been looted about eighteen hundred fifty (+/- 15) years ago.

But it still provided shelter from the sandstorms and shade from the relentless sun just as well today as it did then.

And some of the many groups that had passed through had scribbled and carved on the walls.  There were samples of at least nine different ancient alphabets all in one place.

It was one of the first sites she'd worked on as a grad student.

Back when she was still in school.  BEFORE all the craziness in her life.

"Why are we out in this desert again ?" the Abomination inquired, spoiling her good mood.

"The best way to get away from all the craziness and drama is to literally get away from it all." TT replied mentally, "It's quite refreshing to just do something because you WANT to do it !"

"Well, I don't want to do this !"

"Well, I don't care !" she sniped back, "Since I'm currently waiting for an offer of employment, I have the time to actually enjoy life.  At least for a little while.
Besides, I can get a much better deal on certain items in the shops here in Saddle Arabia than I can back in Equestria."

Once she arrived at the Graffiti Cave, she pitched her tent near the entrance (so as to NOT risk damaging an archaeological site), and started making a shopping list while paging through one of the books she bought from her dad - the Florilegium Mischiefii.

"What is that mishmash of fragments of bad poetry you're subjecting me to ?"

The Florilegium Mischiefii was written by a gadgeteer that made spy gadgets for a forgotten agency almost a century ago." TT replied, "But needing to keep his brilliance hidden drove him mad.  So he wrote down how to make all his items, but encrypted it by writing it down in fragments scattered through a collection of what looks like bad poetry.

There is part of a poem about the glory of rotting leaves on this page, and on the other side of the page is the last third of a poem describing the joys of mud, and some random illustrations of unknown vermin doing Celestia knows what.

But hold the page up to a strong enough light source, and some of the strokes blend together to form words and diagrams.  But only if you can read Akkadian script !

Which I can.  He just used it as a direct cipher, probably because the letters lend themselves well to being depicted as lines and wedges.

This page, for instance, gives the recipes for an assortment of small, throwable grenades.
This one makes an inpenetrably thick smoke - and it even says how to change its color.
This recipe makes a thick cloud that irritates the eyes and nose.
This recipe is for a substance that will coat the floor in an extremely sticky glue.  This one coats the floor with a nearly frictionless puddle.  This one engulfs a small room in sticky silly strings that tangle everything up.  This one makes a cloud of very strong acid that will dissolve just about any kind of stone or metal.  This one just damages stuff by exploding.  And still others !"

The Abomination thought for a moment.  "WHY would you waste time on any of that useless stuff ?"

"It is not useless !" TT replied, "These gadgets were fifty years ahead of their time - about sixty years ago !"

The Abomination looked at her blankly.  "Again - why waste time on stuff that is so out of date ?  It is no match for anything modern spies have."

"It may not be a match for what spies have today," she replied, " but it can still give me an edge over just about anypony else that isn't a fully equipped spy !"

After a few minutes, she noted that all of the various bombs had a few of the same base chemicals.  So she made up a list and, in the morning, headed for the nearest town a few days walk away.

Days later, Tongue Twister's saddlebags were stuffed with supplies of all kinds.

"Whoa !  That is a big ship !" she noted to herself as she strolled along, "Must be one of those luxury ocean liners.  More comforts than you'll ever have at home.
Hmm - I wonder if I could afford a trip for mom and dad for their anniversary ?"

She stopped for a bit to wait for the passengers to disembark and for the road ahead to clear.

Then she noticed one of the passengers - then turned around, and ran and hid as fast as she could.

"By the thousand and one names of Nyarlathotep !" she exclaimed to herself inside her head, "THAT was Hou Shuren !  What does the universe have against me ?!  I go to Saddle Arabia to escape The Crazy - and The Crazy comes to me !!

... and just what are YOU laughing at ?" she snarled at the Abomination in her head (who was laughing so hard he nearly lost cohesion).

"This land is loaded with ancient relics, powerful magics and knowledge unseen for aeons  !  Why would you ever believe that she'd be here just for somepony like you ?"

TT was angry at being insulted by a vagrant figment in her imagination - but then realized that he WAS ABSOLUTELY RIGHT !

"This is an Alicorn-level threat." she mused to herself, "And since I'm not one of Harmony's Chosen, I have zero chance of making a difference or even surviving direct contact.
I need to contact the Important Ponies to deal with this !" she continued as she slunk away through the alleys.

Once she managed to find a cheap dive to hide within, she sat down and composed a letter.

Then realized that as the lowest caste in the STAR organization, she had no way of getting information back to headquarters quickly !

So she'd just have to rely on first class mail, and hope for the best.

So she addressed the short missive to Ice Storm at her casino.

I'm working up a post (should be up tonight).  Tongue Twister is currently in Saddle Arabia - she needed a break from all the craziness in her life so far, so she went to one of her favorite places to chill for a bit.  Probably get 'lucky' enough to notice Hou disembarking, then send a note to STAR (she did work for them).  Checking a newspaper may lead to questions - given that fires are a real threat, most places have protocols to minimize loss of life.  So it would be rare that everyone perishes.

Unless, of course, foul play is involved ... !

"Oh Heavens no !" TT replied, "We didn't SAY that !  Dad's a curio merchant in Canterlot !  He doesn't have anywhere the power or training to make something like that !

He sells 'STRANGE AND EXOTIC ITEMS FROM STRANGE AND EXOTIC PLACES !'" she continued while taking a dramatic pose, "Which means that anytime any creature finds a weird or bizarre item, they try to sell it to him.  So he has some rather, well, 'interesting' inventory.

Those air-walk slippers were a magical accident from somepony from Celestia's School.  So they are literally a 'one of a kind' item.  And we don't have them with us."
 

Tongue Twister mused for a moment.  "An amulet of levitation would be a great find." she stated as she extended a hoof to help Scootaloo up to the branch, "We just hope it's not like that amulet of partial invisibility you said you got once - we're not really sure what an amulet of ALMOST levitation would do.  Or if it would be safe to use."

"I wonder if anyone could replicate those slippers dad found for me ?" she mused, "With buckball taking off like it has, surely someone must have found a way to correctly enchant an item with that Glamorous Wings spell the unicorns use.

Walking on air isn't the same as flying, but for some, it is close enough ...."

Tongue Twister sighed quietly to herself.  "She's lying about being numb to loneliness - for if she were numb, there would be no pain that she'd need to work so hard to avoid.

And she wouldn't be this upset about being foiled at recovering a simple trinket.

The kid's got some serious issues." she mused to herself, "But I am not a psychiatrist or a therapist.  So there really isn't much help I can offer beyond what I'm doing now."

"So any guesses as to what's in the bag ?" she asked, "Maybe a gem that changes your coat and mane to random colors ?  A Coin of Divination that's right half the time ?

We can lift you up there.  Or toss you up there.  You have a preference or another idea ?"
 

Tongue Twister listened to Scootaloo's monologue - and became more concerned by the moment.

"It's an unfortunate fact of life that ponies will be alone at least some of the time." she stated, "It is unavoidable.  Like a bad roll of the dice.  Or the turn of an unfortunate card.  The odds can be changed a bit up or down, depending on what you do and where  you are, but the chance is always there.

We wish we could be of more help with that, but different ponies deal with solitude in different ways. What works of us may not work for you.  You'll have to find you own way to deal.

But we can give you enough of a boost to reach that pouch up there." she finished, "We, uhm, can't fly up there ourselves.  Our wings don't work any more."

While she and Scootaloo were following the map, Tongue Twister was trying to figure out just WHAT the buck was going on around here !

"So, Trixie sells maps to ancient treasures that aren't really ancient.  At first glance, it seems like a scam.  But, on further thought, it's looking more like an adventure program, where a filly can feel the thrill of a successful treasure hunt for just a few bits.

As long as the treasure is less than the price of the map, one could make money doing that.

And as long as the customer is happy with the deal, there should be no problems."

She looked to Scootaloo - who had a satisfied grin on her determined face the whole time.

"Well, no problems there ...." TT thought to herself.

They found the tree at the end of the map - and it was noticeably younger than expected.

She squinted at the hollow, and noticed a pouch inside it.

A pouch that didn't appear the least bit weathered from even a month up there (much less centuries).

"Hmm.  I suspect Trixie places the treasures and draws up her own maps to sell to adventurous foals to follow.

Making a bit of money with little effort ?  I can respect that !

Making some foals happy at the same time ?  I can respect that too !

Being a bit deceptive and mysterious to make the quest interesting ?  I can relate !"

She sighed heavily.  "But using things like an amulet of partial invisibility or a Deck of Calamity as TREASURES for foals to find ?  THAT - concerns me !  Greatly.

Where is getting those things ?

And what the hay could be in that pouch ?"

TT watched Scootaloo pushing a large rock towards the tree.  "Stronger than she looks.  Might have some Earth pony heritage somewhere."

"Do you usually go on these treasure hunts alone ?" she asked, "We doubt Trixie would sell anypony a map to a treasure that cannot be retrieved without help."

The filly gasped "You mean like 50 or even a hundred bits? Trixie would never have to work again!" 

TT had to chuckle at that.  "We used to work for a museum.  They've purchased collections for hundreds, or even thousands of bits.  That's why there's a market for counterfeit artifacts and just outright thievery and fraud."

TT listened to Scootaloo describe one of the 'treasures' she'd found.  She was slightly disturbed.

"She found a Grotesquerie's Deck of Calamity ?!" TT noted to herself, "According to dad, things like that were projects assigned to novices just starting to learn dark magic and artifact enchantments.  One of the most minor of minor magical items.  More gruesome and disgusting than dangerous - but one of the cards tries to kill the deck's owner !

If Trixie's maps lead to such things ...  !"

She sighed.  "... there could be even worse or more dangerous things out there !  Somepony really needs to look into - and properly deal with - items like that !"

When she explained about the map being oriented eastward, scootaloo's eyes lit up, she had no idea that was even a thing! she nodded excitedly "I cant wait to see what kind of treasure is at the end! I just hope its not like that amulet of invisibility we found a couple months ago" she shuddered "it only made your fur and skin invisible... it was gross looking at pony insides..."

TT had to picture that for a moment.  "Yeah.  That would be a bit extreme even as a Nightmare Night costume.  A medical school might've been interested in it though.

Let's see if there is something more appropriate this time." she stated as she checked the map.

She retrieved some of the maps in her saddlebags, looked them over, then unfolded and refolded them a few times.

"Ah !  Your map is easy to follow - you just need to start from that small grouping of rocks over there." TT finally stated pointing to a small, snow covered lump in the distance, "And make sure turns to the left and right are fully right angles."

She gave Scootaloo her map back.  "It's your map, so it's your adventure.  Lead the way."

"If only you'd come here a couple years ago, we had this awesome pony in town that knew everything about magic and curses and stuff and she could fix anything... or sometimes make it worse..." scootaloo paused a moment, clearly thinking of some misadventure "But she's now the princess and lives in the big castle in canterlot" she sighed "Things were more fun when Twilight lived here, I miss the cool magic explosions"

TT thought for a moment before saying "Ah, right !  Princess Twilight lived in Ponyville for a few years.  Even after she became an alicorn."

"That would explain Scootaloo's casual attitude towards the reigning monarch - she was friends with her BEFORE Twilight's ascension.  In a small town, you can know everyone reasonably well, and the casualness just stuck." 

After a bit of fidgeting and nervous stumbling over her words, Scootaloo admitted "Its an ancient map that Miss Trixie sold me, it leads to where a pony family hid their most valuable artifact back when they had to flee the town during the nightmare wars - trixie has some kind of secret stash of these maps she found and sells them, normally the treasure's nothing really exciting, but if that's the case she usually will buy it off us if we don't want it."

TT put a hoof to her forehead before shaking her head and groaning - just a shade deeper and creepier than one would expect from a mare.

"That is the WORST thing you can do with ancient maps and items !" she groused to herself, "So of course it is the FIRST thing everypony does !  Selling off a collection bit by bit removes context, reducing the information one can learn from ancient items !

But at least there IS a treasure at the end of the map !" she mused, "Selling a fake map to scam ponies - especially foals - is just low !"

"So, this 'Trixie' found a collection of old maps to old artifacts that she sells to ponies ?" she stated once she took a few deep breaths to calm down a bit, "It sounds something like those 'Daring Do Adventure Packages', except instead of trudging trough a jungle, you merely follow a map.  And you get to keep whatever you find, if you want it.

It sounds reasonably safe," she continued, "But some care should be taken around ancient artifacts.  Some of them can be dangerous, annoying, or just plain peculiar."

After a few moments she continued "I would like to meet this Trixie.  I know some ponies at the bigger museums that could offer her quite a bit of money for those maps.

As for your map," she stated once she took a look at the compass rose and noting it was Celestia's mark, "It uses solar alignment.  Out of respect for Celestia - the bringer of the sun - the most important direction wasn't north, but east."

And with that, she turned the map sideways.

"Still up for finding the treasure ?" she asked.
 

"Wait - she doesn't know what's at the end of her map ?  Something funny going on here..." TT mused to herself.

"An 'equinologist' is a fancy word for somepony that studies pony cultures." TT replied.

She noted Scootaloo looking about before she asked "er... are there more than one of you ?"

"Just in here." TT replied as she tapped her own head, "We had a very unfortunate encounter with an extremely unpleasant sorceress.  It did not go well for us.  Our speech was altered, and we can now only speak of ourselves in the plural." she continued, glossing over quite a bit of her most recent misadventure.  No point scaring off or weirding out a filly !

When she accepted the map from Scootaloo, she noticed the paper wasn't brittle or stiff or oxidized to a pale tan, as one would expect from very old paper.  Nor was the ink faded or flaked.

When she took a closer look at the landmarks, she noted that none of them had been around for more than twenty or thirty years !  This - was a recently made map.

"What do you consider 'kinda old' ?" she asked Scootaloo, "From what we can tell, this map can only be at most around thirty years old.  More likely less than five."

Tongue Twister was getting a sinking feeling in her gut.  "How old did you think the treasure is ?"

Tongue Twister

An adventure in a land where her linguistic Talent could be of actual use ? 

Where her personal hero Champonyonne first deciphered hieroglyphics ?

Roaming around in tombs with new hieroglyphics to read ?  New things to find and learn ?

She'd be there even if Hou wasn't !

She'd oppose anyone trying to harm Equestria; that it's Hou is just a bonus.

So for the opposition.

"A while back... I dont really know for sure" the filly replied (after a slightly suspicious pause for some reason), "I've been trying to follow it all morning and I dont want to give up, that was a whole week's allowance!" she then immediately realized her slip and her hoofs adorably went to her mouth as she realized she just let it slip that this wasn't 'just a game' that her friends had set up......

Tongue Twister raised and eyebrow and smiled at her.  "A whole week's allowance ?  That map must lead to something truly special." 

"Well, at least truly special to a young filly ...." she thought to herself.

"Would you like some help ?" she asked, "We have years of experience reading maps to forgotten and lost temples.  And even maybe finding abandoned villainous/heroic lairs.  That's why we're out here today.

We are Tongue Twister, linguist and roving equinologist." TT introduced herself - in plural.
 

After a slight pause, the filly stated "I'm following a map.  I mean, yeah I am following a map, I got it from one of my friends, I'm supposed to find the item hidden there, its a fun game" 
"I'm not sure that I'm going the right way though..." she admitted with an awkward grin.

"Ah.  'Treasure Hunt' can be quite fun, if you enjoy adventuring and running around outdoors and poking into things." TT replied with a chuckle, "But it can be surprisingly hard to draw a good map - if it's too simple, the game is over too soon.  Too complicated and the item could be lost nearly forever.  The key point is having enough unique landmarks to chart a single path."

She looked around.  Snow and bare trees everywhere.  The only tracks in the snow were hers and the filly's.

 
"Wait - are those HER bootprints up ahead too ?" she thought to herself as she squinted at what looked like boot tracks in the distance.

"Hmmm.  There don't seem to be very many unique landmarks." TT stated as she looked around more, "How long ago did your friends hide the item ?  It looks like the only tracks out here are mine and yours.  Mine are over there.  And it looks like yours are over there, over there, and over there !" she stated as she pointed in three directions, indicating a rather large circle.

Eighty five point four degrees south of true east.  Eleven hundred fifteen meters from the central fountain in Ponyville.   According to the optimization calculations of Tongue Twister's mom Shady Dealer, there might be a hidden lab or the forgotten lair of some ridiculous secret agency somewhere near that spot.  Tongue Twister figured she could find a few of these potential trouble spots and deal with them BEFORE they become a world class threat.

True, it might deprive the 'heroes' of heroic threats to heroically overcome by being heroic, but honestly she didn't need any more drama in her life.  So putting an end to drama before it became 'DRAMA !!' seemed like a great idea !

"... and what is with agencies needing to be secret for no rational reason ?!" TT groused to herselves as she trudged through the snow, "Are they so afraid of taking responsibility for their mistakes that they cower in the darkness ?  So afraid of being judged by 'inferior minds' - ie, everyone NOT them - that the only way they can stay 'special' is to stay hidden ?

And such ridiculous names !  S.M.A.S.H. ?  T.H.U.D. ?  P.U.N.C.H. ?  E.P.I.C. ?  E.V.I.L. ?  S.M.I.L.E. ?  W.R.A.I.T.H. ?  W.R.A.T.H. ?  S.T.A.R. ?  H.E.L.P. ?  Geeze !  You can't tell fictitious groups from real ones !  Do they come up with the acronyms first or what ?

AND IF THEY'RE SECRET, WHY WOULD THEY EVEN NEED AN ACRONYM ?!

It's insanity, I tell you !  Insanity !

Oh, wait - I.N.S.A.N.I.T.Y. is that organization from those Neighpon comics I translated a year ago." she continued with a shudder.

She managed to find the first location on her mom's map, but there was nothing there.  But it was a prime location for one though - close enough to town to respond in time and get supplies quickly, but far enough away to be unnoticed and forgotten.  The optimal balance between access and seclusion.  And many other factors she didn't care about.

She wrote a 'CP' next to her location on the map, then checked for the next spot.  Seven point three degrees north of true east, three hundred thirty five meters from current location.
So she turned the dials on her compass to the desired heading, then headed off.

But after a few hundred meters, noticed something in the snow.

"Boot tracks ?  All the way out here ?" she noted to herself as she compared the size of the tracks to her own hooves.  The tracks were a shade smaller than her hooves - made by a young teenager most likely.

She followed them until she spotted who made them : an orange coated, purple maned young pegasus philly with boots, a scarf and a festive hat on her head, looking at a map.

"Looking for something in particular kid ?" TT inquired, "We're reasonably certain there aren't any shops this far from town."

Caveat Emptor gazed out upon the snow falling in Canterlot, and knew it was good.

For it  meant that Hearth's Warming was upon them once again - and with that, another chance to sell some merchandise !

Standing on the sidewalk in front of his shop, he carefully cleaned his glasses before putting them back on, turning the sign in the window to 'OPEN', and Caveat Emptor's Discount Emporium was open for business.

"Come one and all !  Exotic items from around the world !  Strange and unusual gifts for the strange and unusual creatures in your life !  Today only : ten percent discount on everything !"

A dark stormcloud grey pegasus mare in a red vest and skirt snickered before sidling up beside him and giving him a gently elbow.  "You really need to work on your sales pitches dear !  'Strange and unusual gifts for strange and unusual creatures' ?  Not many like thinking of themselves or their loved ones in those terms."  She leaned in for a kiss and whispered in his ear "You marked everything up 25% last night, didn't you ?"

"Of course !" he replied sneakily to his wife, "It IS Hearth's Warming Eve after all !

Shouldn't you be opening up shop too ?  A lot of folks buying stuff means a lot of folks shipping stuff all over Equestria."

Shady Dealer merely shrugged.  "There's nothing to ship until somepony has purchased something.  I'll give it another half hour or so."

She sighed as she watched the families bustling about.

"I'm sure our little filly is doing fine !" Caveat said to his wife as he gave her a hug, "She's a very resourceful mare."

"I know she is." Shady replied, "But against all this recent craziness ?  That temple in Tenochtitlan ?  Those weirdos from THREE different spy agencies asking about her ?  Her working for some unknown secret paramilitary agency ?  And now corrupted by dark magic ?  When did things get so surreal ?"

"About two or three thousand years ago." Caveat replied, "This is Equestria after all.  Where NOT getting along with your neighbors can summon Windigoes to freeze everypony solid.
As demonstrated just a few moons ago when the Terrible Trio tried to take over."