Apolline Allura

Interesting review. It makes some solid points. A colleague won't show EqG to her pony-obsessed daughter just on the basis of the skinny/toothpick character design, which I think is wise.

Well as long as you're not letting that rather minuscule detail derail your view of the review...

Two words.

If they ever gotta split up, it's because they went out together. Like Andy's toys, they'd probably be hoof in hoof on the way to their prospective demise/ascension/journey to the beyond. Mind you, Woody and Buzz and them were saved by the alien toys from that crane machine in the first movie (in a rather similar manner to how they were pulled out the first time too!), but the idea, I think, is that even if real life divides them and makes things hard, they can't just let go. They have a bond that was powerful enough to restore reality.

Friendship can't be stopped. Even when you've stopped it.

Some people dare to be more merciful to Equestria Girls.

I do it in the company of friends so as not to ruin the vibe.

But personally? This review from a tvtroper really sums up my initial and still current deepest, darkest feelings on the film.

My Little Pony Equestria Girls film/book review by KM A10k 9th Jul 13

A Complete Waste.

If there was a dictionary in the world with a definition for the phrase "shameless, brainless, pointless, idiotic, self-destructive cash-in," you'd find a screenshot from Equestria Girls right there beside it.

There was no reason for this to be a movie. The whole thing runs only about seventy minutes, all in all, and to be honest, that's about forty or fifty more than it ever actually needed. It's loaded to bursting with pointless plot threads that go nowhere just for the sake of padding. Petty, transparent squabbles arise and get solved in the course of just a couple minutes, but they just keep coming, more and more and more and more, one after the other, none of them ever meaning anything, none of them ever bringing consequences or weight or emotional response. Twilight gets in trouble? Not to worry — less than one scene later, shallow non-character Flash Sentry bursts onto the scene proving her innocence, and the entire affair is dropped and forgotten as quickly as it came, leaving no impression, making no difference, never having any purpose at all to begin with. These meaningless little diversions make up the vast, vast bulk of the run time, and if they sound grating or obnoxious, then rest assured, they're even worse in person.

Take the virtually non-existent story, add a hopelessly generic villain, a contrived conflict, a handful of trashy, forgettable pseudo-pop musical numbers, a few ounces of remarkably forced fanservice, an ugly color palette, uncreative character designs, and you get a movie that talks down to its audience, and that's one thing MLP:Fi M never did before. It was never this openly, outwardly, unabashedly disrespectful and creatively bankrupt. It's a silly, brain-dead movie about a school dance, a popularity contest, and a lot of insults to its viewers' intelligence.

Whenever I see a kids' movie like this, the question I always ask to myself is whether I'd show it to my girlfriend's baby sister, a five-year-old girl who I love more than almost anything else in the world. Would I show her MLP? Absolutely. Would I show her Equestria Girls? Never. She's too smart for it. Most five-year-olds, I think, would be too smart for it.

What would be the perfect episode of MLP to you?

For me, I would completely and utterly fangirl scream if they made a princess only episode. I'm talking no other mane 6, no Spike, absolutely nopony else. Just Tia, Lulu, Cadie and Twi.

You had me until Cade and Twi. XDDD

A return to Lightning Dust that pits her against Dash for most of the episode, but ends with them working together and Lightning being readmitted into the Academy after.

Or maybe a little look into Celestia's life with Luna now. I'd love more on those two.

It sure is a good thing these are just opinions, isn't it? XD

You know she is. We can easily tick the list down.

The favor of the most powerful being in the country. A family with a habit of birthing magic talents. A name that easily sets herself up between both Celestia and Luna's. More magic than practically anypony short of an alicorn. More book smarts than most ponies alive. Made friends early on, and then made more friends with minimal work. Regularly the end all, be all solution in a crisis (With the exception of Mass Effect 3, aka A Canterlot Wedding, and even that's debatable).

Became a princess at what is clearly a young age.

Twilight Sparkle, Mary Sue.

I dislike the flim flam brothers... Besides that episode being a John Henry ode (that was nice) those two are 'A' grade jerks...

I like Babs Seed, she pusher her way in, but as now she had been accepted.

Sunset Shimmer didn't fool me with her waterworks... (a bawling jerk is a jerk bawling...) hope to not see her in the series, she's the biggest Mary Sue ever...

I support "FlashLight"

What I love is that you mentioned Sunset Shimmer being a Mary Sue when she's hidden in the shadow of Princess Twilight Sparkle. XDDD

...

The actual mary sue.

Unpopular opinions? Did Christmas come early?

*Clears throat.*

• Season 3 succeeded in neutering Discord and in a related way killed any good will I had for Season 4 in regards to the ending
  
• Alicorn Twilight makes our adorkable little neurotic much less relatable
  
• She was a Mary Sue beforehand though, so I guess this was to be expected
  
• Equestria Girls was garbage that pretty much didn't add to the series in any positive way
  
• The Flim Flam Brothers were pretty corny in an unamusing way
  
• Too Many Pinkie Pies was a great episode for it's humor
  
• The canon ending of Magic Duel doesn't involve Twilight winning at all; she imprisons Twilight and her friends and remains in power for an indeterminate amount of time
  
• Flash Sentry is the most contrived teenage archetype ever and is a misfire of creative thought
  
• Background ponies have undeserved amounts of attention
  
• Derpy Hooves is lamest face of fandom and should not have been allowed to breed
  
• Trixie, Lightning Dust and Rainbow Dash are two characters I love for their arrogance and ego trippin'
  
• Applejack is grossly mishandled
  
• Spike episodes generally suck
  
• Hasbro could have worked things out and profitted well from Fighting is Magic and decided instead to work with american copyright law, which by the way, screws over the same people it claims to protect
  
• I didn't like the Pets episode that much
  
• Merriweather Williams could have done better with Wonderbolt Academy by using one of her previous endings
  
• Luna Eclipsed Luna is best Luna, and her season one appearance is nothing more than early installment weirdness
  
• A Canterlot Wedding was basically Mass Effect 3 in that it had no true ending brought about due to the actions of the protagonists, and the ultimate evil was dispelled with a big, bs blast of magic out of nowhere
  
• Shining Armor and Princess Cadence are about as boring as the actual Royal Couple that got married around the same time
  
• Best Night Ever is still the best season finale
  
• Earth Ponies are the bottom rung of pony society and Celestia help you if you're born as one
  
• The Apple Family lineage may have been created through an extensive line of inbreeding, due to the amounts of Apple-related talents and earth ponies within
  
• Unicorns are the best pony race
  

Ahhhhh... Unpopular opinions... ^^ And now that that's done, I can go enjoy some ponies.

... My Spotlight would love this Spotlight. She looks like an excellent study for action hero parts in her plays! XD

http://www.canterlot.com/topic/6605-spotlight-final/

I'd love to set up an RP with these two when yours gets accepted!

1) Mare in The Moon Pt I and Pt II

2) Wonderbolt Academy

3) Magic Duel

4) Lesson Zero

5) Sleepless in Ponyville

Hearing an offer of concern nearby, Spotlight wheeled around to face an earth pony with a pretty bow and a big stick. Ho there, citizen? This day was getting more and more ripe for production, or retelling in some way. In some way, she was rather amused by it all on the inside. Spotlight always found art to be the one imitating life. But after having been taken hostage by a diamond dog and saved by the princess of a faraway kingdom minutes after appearing, the storybook moments continued to pile up. The superheroish speech that the earth pony didn't do anything to help the matter.

Even more strangely, she seemed to have a clear idea where most of her surroundings were, despite looking back at Spotlight with blind, unseeing eyes. The bamboo stick must have been how she detected things.

Unsure of how a blind pony could help but entirely too shaken by having been held ransom in exchange for a big, sexy rock, Spotlight prepared to relay the situation to the bamboo wielding earth pony with as much clarity as possible.

"OhdearCelestiait'shorribleabunchofevildiamonddogsgrabbedmeandnowPrincessCadenceisintroubleifwedon'tdosomethingcomeon!"

The scared pegasus grabbed one of the earth pony's hooves and fluttered up, and buzzed in the direction of the alleyway, again, wailing her sizeable lungs out and causing a great many heads to turn in her direction.

The first few letters of her name were uttered together before the Princess changed her tone quickly, addressing her instead by the name of citizen. Was she playing a part still? Of course there was the situation at hoof, and Spotlight was the designated victim, unable to defend herself, and the diamond dog testing her sensitive skin with a claw was the villain, but why ruin it by pretending to be...a superhero? Mare-Do-Well maybe? Spotlight hadn't a clue. But she did know that Fang was only scaring her even more.

She planned to use her as a bargaining chip for bigger prizes than what her kinfolk were out for. And the things she was saying weren't any better. The white pegasus strained in her captors grip, being held tightly around the neck and pinned to Fang's chest to restrict her wing movement. Her wings weren't nearly strong enough to break free, making it an uncomfortable and non-consensual stay in the arms of the hound.

The paw tracing her face made Spotlight whimper. She desperately wanted to be away from this thieving mongrel and out of her clutches, but she had spent all the sticks lying around, and more than that, she felt Fang was definitely the alpha in the pack that had came to grab her and the princess.

The princess had different ideas though. She charged Fang when she so foolishly lifted a paw from Spotlight herself, tackling the diamond dog to the ground.

"SPOTLIGHT, RUN!"

She didn't need any further prompting. Spotlight broke off, once more screaming her terror into the sky to hopefully alert any nearby royal guards to the situation present. Princess Cadence wouldn't be without back up. She couldn't be.

In her full-on gallop, a furry foot extended in her direct path, causing her to trip. She yelped as she hit the ground, skidding across it on her chest until she came to a stop, lying on her belly.

Briefly winded, a burst of energy came to her when she heard the cackling of one of the dogs behind her, grabbing one of her hind legs.

"I don't know you!" she shouted, and shot her other hind hoof back as far as she could with little regard for the target, although she suspected she had possibly hit a pelvic splachnic ganglion. Scrambling to her hooves once more, Spotlight sprinted out of the way and into the streets, calling for help.

Ooh, ooh

One more character: http://www.canterlot.com/topic/13313-lightning-dust-tier-2-pegasus/

And she kicks serious flank with drums.

"P-P-Princess?" Wings. A horn. And if the pegasus wasn't mistaken, a crystal heart on the flank.

The part of Spotlight that wasn't in complete surprise from Mia...Amore Cadenza's reveal was quietly taking notes in how well-done a plot twist this would have been in a screenplay. She'd have to include something like this in the rewrite of Fifty Shades of White. The friendly commoner, actually royalty, out to stretch her legs, and get to know the ponies who came to her kingdom. Saving the main character from some horrible yet mostly vague fate, and in doing so, revealing herself to strike fear into the hearts of evildoers! It was amazing, and much moreso that it was happening right before her eyes.

As she was about to shout to the Princess to call for help from her the guards, the alicorn began making fools of the diamonds dogs before her. With a few simple spells, they were chasing and wrestling with one another, and somehow, the stick had gotten in on it too.

"Whoo! Take that you loathsome curs!" Spotlight cheered and laughed at the sight of her attackers turned against one another, and with the relief of knowing that she was in the presence of a princess who would protect her; a pony who wasn't even one of her own subjects. This happiness was short-lived however, as one of the stealthier dogs had made use of the debris nearby in the alleyway, and caught Spotlight by the neck.

"Ulp!" her laughter was cut short, fear seizing her heart again. Her maroon irises grew wide, and though she made no sudden moves, her body trembled all the same.

"Please, stop!" Spotlight cried, her voice strained by the hold on her windpipe, "Let me go!"

I know it's a bit late, but there's a certain gryphon I know with a little cellotar (electric guitar-cello) that would be a great intermission act between sets.

http://www.canterlot.com/topic/7695-aposemati-miasma-vice-final/

It wasn't often she flew. Only for action-scenes and a bit of light exercise did the mare ever stretch her wings to rise up. However, as the dead end got closer and closer, she wished she hadn't let them go so unused that they disallowed her the second option in the fight or flight response this situation called for.

The feathery appendages were locked up against her body, the fear taking over as the three dogs moved in menacingly, malevolent masks on their muzzles meaning nothing but bad. "I don't have anything!" she shouted, her legs trembling.

The soft clop of her hooves stepping back came to an abrupt stop as her flank hit the brick wall. "St-stay back!"

Spotlight grabbed a nearby stick with a wing, and to her utter surprise, she caught the flicker of interest in the smallest diamond dog's eyes. Experimenting briefly, she raised it up and watched his eyes follow. His two companions turned to him, noticing one less shadow present on the wall in their advance on the hapless mare. Their expressions were entirely unamused, unlike Spotlight's who was now almost-smiling.

"Fetch!" Her wing flung the stick overhead, the dog heading back out of the alley. The two remaining dogs facepawed at the lack of restraint.

"Ha! Take...that..." Her voice faltered. The moment of victory was short-lived as her assailants continued toward her, inching ever so close, so slowly.

"You must be new here, little pony!" the big one drawled, the smell of his garbage breath hitting Spotlight like a punch in the snout. "Let us show you how things work..."

Wonderbolt Academy. It represents what two years as an Element of Harmony and a few more-than-painful lessons were able to bring us. Rainbow Dash showed us who we really love in that episode. (And we got Lightning Dust in it. Not that it has anything to do with my vote. Also, peel your eyes away from my avatar. )

Close behind for me were Sleepless in Ponyville and Magic Duel. I can watch these at most any point in time without rolling my eyes.

...wtf...

Where'd all these MMC votes come from?

The Crystal Heart? Too big? "Mia!" she said as though the mare had uttered a swear, "When it comes to shiny rocks, there is absolutely no such thing as too big!"

The comment about something relating to "her orders" caught Spotlight's attention. But before she could squint suspiciously and suddenly compliment Mia on her eyes, trouble had surfaced.Mutts! Horrible, flea-ridden riffraff telling her to run the rubies and rings! The very same that had the pegasus wanting to cower underneath the unicorn once more.

To her surpised, she stood calmly and performed another superb round of casting before directing Spotlight to an escape route. She needed no further prompting as she jetted in the direction of the alleyway.

'Dear Celestia what did I do to earn this!' thought the mare, scared out of her mind and wailing at the top of her lungs, terrified beyond belief.

"Aaaaaahhhhhhh-"

Spotlight's frightened screaming was carried to and fro, and did not stop, even as she disappeared from the immediate sight of the villainous curs.

Spotlight paused and looked left, and then right before turning around to face Mia.

"The Crystal Kingdom. Which hasn't been around for hundreds of years or something," -Spotlight wasn't the best historian- "Is under siege by the most despicable kind of creature in the land? And there's no active security to stop them?"

In a flash, the pegasus was cowering under Mia, hooves over her eyes and crouched low to the ground. "I've too many valuables to have them stolen by filthy klepto mutts! I have to get out of here!" she frantically babbled.

For the love of...

"It is hot." she said calmly, stepping from the train. "It is very hot."

An understatement to be sure. The hawk-faced lioness growled in the sweltering heat. Of course, it all had to do with her attire, considering, but taking it off was a bit much to her. With any luck, they'd find the diamond dog schmucks and get the-

"Motherfeather!" she yelped, suddenly noticing the scorpion crawling onto one of her toes. She lifted the leg up and shook it violently, kicking the armored creature into a cactus, where it's thick armor caused it to simply bounce off the spiny plant.

Muttering to herself and adjusting her tie, Miasma began quietly hating the desert and those that decided to live there and awaited orders from the head cheese on this op.

I realize I've made a mistake on being too hard on the film, in light of this ongoing discussion.

You see, some bronies nowadays tend to have this delusion that the show is made specifically for us; and it should serve as a reminder--in the form of Equestria Girls--that it is, in fact, not targeted at us. My Little Pony, the general franchise, not just 'Friendship is Magic,' is targeted at girls between the ages of four and twelve mainly, and the franchise is owned by a multi-billion dollar corporate juggernaut whose absolute sole goal in the totality of its existence is to make a profit; same as any other shadowy entity lurking in a capitalist regime.

I'm taking the earlier advice of arrowghost here in realizing this by standing in the shoes of CEOs and marketing teams.

Equestria Girls was a meditated request from the executives of Hasbro, who really don't give two trots about bronies (they only care about what's in our wallets; I have to say they've not gotten even close to mine). They wanted a fast-food delivered, hyped up film about ponies that aren't ponies. Making the ponies into humans, to attract even more little girls, meanwhile grabbing the attention of bronies who would surely get a rise out of such a notion. This is actually a pretty good marketing scheme. They didn't care whether we liked the film or not, or if little girls liked it for that matter. As long as there was hype over both demographics, they'd get their money. Money from us (not me, I watched a rip on Youtube), from the parents of young girls. They knew we'd see it no matter what, just because most bronies are attached to MLP like leeches to a blood vessel. And girls are just being girls.

They threw in these new tweeny-girl gimmicks while simultaneously throwing in easter eggs for bronies, which of course would be poorly executed and not work in the end. But they didn't care (besides it being a cash cow). We saw it, we'll still watch season 4 (they should be smart enough to leave THAT alone if they don't want to alienate the brony fandom; we're just extra wads of cash compared to the dough they get from the parents of female children). Some bronies liked it, others didn't. And I'm all talked out on the issue at this point. Equestria Girls will just have to go into one of my mental file cabinets marked 'bad' and not be opened again.

Respect for the analysis though.

Accepting all of that is too hard for me, man. Not when the first two episodes set the standard for the series. It's The Last Airbender of ponies. No respect for the source material.

At the very least, when human canon is mentioned in FiM, my thoughts will fly to my much-cooler headcanon world of Horizon, where Twilight Sparkle is a ninja who was raised by Princess Celestia and lives in Luna's side of the Fated Lands.