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Bannhammer

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  1. Bannhammer

    Tons of Pot....pourri

    By Bannhammer,

    We meet again....
    actually, that's not accurate, because we haven't met in the real world (At least I don't think so).
    Anyway, Instead of wasting everyone's time with some stupid intro, i will get right down to business. Once again I've delegated the task of creating a topic for my blog to the awesome ponies in the chat room. I have been given four topics, and I will start with the first one I was given.
    FASHION (as suggested by Flutterscotch)
    Well, i don't think much of Fashion. People can dress however they like and I wont comment. Unfortunately, I promised that I would blog about WHATEVER was suggested, so I must at least describe MY fashion.
    To be honest, i'm like a sitcom character, I wear the same kind of clothes every day. My outfit consists of:
    1. Nice shorts, khaki or a light fabric, usually in bright colors (Sometimes Plaid)
    2.Nice shirt, usually a polo or a nice tee. Once again, bright colors (Orange, pink, green)
    3.Sperrys (Boat Shoes.) A nice pair of leather boat shoes that are super comfortable and meant to be worn without socks.
    4. Orange Ice watch
    And that's it, my standard outfit for any day and any occasion.
    next topic...
    Cacti (as suggested by Ancre)
    Well, cacti are an interesting type of plant. They are incredibly useful in their natural habitat, and only COMPLETE IDIOTS manage to hurt themselves when dealing with them. To be honest, I've only ever seen a few of these majestic plants out in the wild, back when we were in Arizona. I think that the majority of people don't have enough respect for these green and prickly water jugs of the desert.
    next topic.
    FRANCOPHONE (another one from Ancre)
    I speak French, c'est vrai. Mais, je sais que tu ne comprens pas la langue. D'accord, je ne vais pas parler de Francais. Du rien.
    I won't translate that, because I don't feel like it. For all of you people interested in learning random phrases, here are a few!
    Qui a coupe la fromage. = Where is the bathroom?
    Omelette du Fromage = I love you
    Je suis tres penibles = I am a great Lover
    I think that's enough culture for one sitting.
    next!
    BACON! (From our good friend Dio)
    What can I say about Bacon that hasn't been said already? There are books on Bacon, there are recipe books JUST for Bacon. I mean, bacon has become it's own kind of catchphrase, shouted by men the world over as some kind of battle cry. I won't waste your time talking about how awesome it is, but I will give you a recipie.
    White bread, peanut Butter, Bacon (Not crispy, trust me), Sirachi hot sauce. DONE
    DID YOU HEAR ME? DONE! DONE DONE DONE!
    I am now done, i should stop typing and just hit submit. If I don't stop soon, I will just continue on and on and on and on and on and on and on.
  2. Bannhammer
    Bonjour,
    It seems that I have decided to once again update this infernal new blog of mine, forsaking the tons of friends and piles of women that I have at my disposal </fantasy>
    At THIS VERY MOMENT, i am watching freakazoid, after just finishing a few episodes of MST3K. Good Times.
    But you didn't decide to read this because you want to know about all the stupid stuff I do in my free time! (At least I hope not, go outside, sheesh.)
    I don't exactly know where to go from here, most people would post a picture, or do some OC rant, or maybe even try to discuss politics... Which is almost futile on the internet. I suppose i could keep rambling like this, but that would be boring. So i will now pop into the OFFICIAL CHAT ROOM at #canterlotcentral </shamelessplug> and ask for a suggestion.
    So, the topic of my blog, as decided by the cool people who use the chat is:
    HOW TO MAKE A PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICH (As suggested by holypony20)
    OK, so let's make a PB&J!
    First, invent the universe.
    Then, decide that you actually WANT a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
    Your next step is to go to a store that sells the products you require to create the aforementioned sandwich.
    1. Bread (Any variety)
    2. Peanut Butter (Skip or Jif, peter pan is for pansies. Also IT MUST BE CREAMY)
    3.Jelly. (GRAPE, non of this 'new-age' sandwich crap.)
    Once you have entered the store, you locate said products, and pay (i.e specie, barter, labor) for them. You then return to the place of origin, where hopefully you have access to a kitchen, or at least a sanitary location for food preparation.
    Now we get to the fun stuff: You take the bag and slowly remove the small, infernal plastic twisty thing that is denying you access to the loaves of bready goodness inside. One you have extracted 2 (two) Pieces of bread (Preferably not the ends, those are gross), you must set them down on a flat surface, with either side of the bread facing up, not on it's edge.
    Then, you take one of the jars of processed 'peanut butter' and open it. Once this has been accomplished, you take a knife (any kind) and then insert it (Blade first) into the jar. Once it has entered a satisfactory distance, extract the knife by pulling it up and twisting it 37 degrees counter clockwise. The blade should now be liberally covered in peanut butter. Spread this on the bread, covering 1 (One) of the slices and not both.
    Since Jelly is stupid, it is a bit harder to spread. Open the jar and hold it over the clean slice of bread, with the opening facing down. A large amount of jelly should tumble downwards (due to gravity) and cover the bread.
    Here's the tricky part. Take the two slices, holding them in such a way as to not cover your hands in jelly or peanut putter. Rotate the pieces so that the sides that have spread on them are facing each other. Slowly, SLOWLY bring them together so that the peanut butter and the jelly are now together, leaving a 'clean' surface on the outsides of the newly formed 'sandwich.'.
    NOW EAT IT.
    DONE!
    Wow, that was drawn out, boring, and pretty bad in general. I'm just glad i got out of that... JAM.
    I'm so sorry.
    (Also, another shameless plug... read my fic! Tell me what you think! DOT DOT DOT) </shameless plug>
  3. Bannhammer

    Why hello there

    By Bannhammer,

    Well, i guess it had to happen.
    I got a blog. For as long as I could, I avoided this, scourge of the internet. I thought that bloggers were narcissists looking for people to listen to every darn thing they felt like spouting out....
    and then it hit me.
    I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE A BUNCH OF PEOPLE LISTEN TO ME.
    People willingly reading a bunch of drivel i type out on a whim? The random crud that would make an English teacher use a melon baller on their eyes and cause even the most devout people to forsake their faith? (not to imply that teachers aren't religious.)
    Of course I won't just type potato random stuff to see if you are all as crazy as i think you asparagus are. That would be rude.
    If anyone is actually reading this, that is hilarious, and if i ever update again, i will probably mention that somewhere in this crazy world there is a person who decided that reading what Bannhammer had to write was a great use of time.
    Am i supposed to describe myself? I mean, i'm a guy from North Carolina, i'm ethnically Belgian, Mexican, and Swedish. I play soccer as a goalie, and I love the sport. I consider myself to be an American, but i don't think much of it.
    You want more? Gosh you people are demanding. I AM A BRONY, which should be obvious. I mean, seriously.
    If you're looking for one of those 'i write well' or 'I will post existentialist drivel' go look somewhere else, I write for myself, just to see if anyone out there is unfortunate to stumble upon this depressingly poor pile of words.
    I could use colors, but i wont. I could use a fancy font, but i wont. I could freaking be anyone i wanted here, i could be an OC, i could be a main character, i could pretend to be a fictional pony all i wanted... But I wont. THIS IS BANNHAMMER's blog.
    Seriously, i'm still writing? My goodness that's depressing. Ok, i'll cut the crap. This is the first of MANY. LOTS, A FEW blog posts. I might comment on things, I might try to prove a point, but honestly, i'll leave those to the people with things to say and a voice to say it with. I'll just keep up the monotonous spiel, without caring if anyone reads.
    So, I bid adieu; for how long? Well, only I know for sure.
    Maintaining the Standard,
    Bannhammer
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