Lux

Alright you added more of your character's cutie mark story, but what about his back story?

Here's a couple of things to consider:

What was his life like as a foal?

What were his parents like?

How was school for him?

What did he decide to do with his talent of finding gems?

Does he like other things besides hunting for gems?

Other things about his character summary to touch on:

What is his personality like a normal day?

What upsets Vision and how does he react?

Does he have any dreams or hopes?

Are there things that he fears?

Basically the more you put into your character, the more we as the reader can get to know about him. Think of it like a biography explaining your character.

I see you mention that he can see through walls. That you'll have to delete as we have ponies here that do not have overpowered talents like that. Consider that most unicorns know basic telekinesis (levitating objects) and a spell associated with their talent, that is what you should go by.

You should also check the application as it looks like everything is bolded and the sentences seem to run together. Looking at how others make their applications will give you the idea of how yours should look in structure and content.

You're making good progress on this application, and with a little more work it should turn out fine.

Hello there.

I see your application is Ready, but I think you need to add some more to it, especially in how Vision got his mark, his history and more about his personality.

This link will give you a little information about what should be included in your character application: http://www.canterlot.com/topic/12309-raritys-simply-fabulous-application-form-read-this-before-posting-an-application/

When you have made all the changes to your application, please let me know!

Unicorns

Lore Weaver - I see him as, well, me but with purple skin and blue hair. He'd still be the local bookstore owner.

Guiding Light - Just an awkward kid in Middle School who is unsure of what he wants to do with his future.

Fire Heart - She'd be just starting out in high school, but she would actually be tough to translate over since her lack of control with her fire ability wouldn't happen human side.

Earth Ponies

Apple Cinnamon - She'll still be a country singer and fiddle player.

Sweet Surprise - I picture her as the hyperactive candy store owner who loves anything involving candy.

Pegasus Ponies

Night Watcher - She'll probably be a cop patrolling the night.

Sky Flare- The school's daredevil. I see him as an extreme sports fan.

Crystal Ponies:

Heart Healer - Probably the school's crazy guidance counselor.

Cast Pony

Carrot Top - Not sure if she's in the movie, but I see her as either someone who works at a grocery store or a high school girl that is a vegetarian and loves to learn about biology and home economics.

Sounds like geo-cacheing mixed with a video game. Very interesting.

Apple Cinnamon was about to check outside to see if she could spot her sister when suddenly she heard a knocking on the door. She opened the door to see her sister standing there.

[colour=#006400]"Eeee," [/colour]she squealed like a little filly during her birthday as she hugged her sister, [colour=#006400]"Oh mah, ah've missed you so much little sis. It's been a while since we last saw each other. Looks like you've grown too. How are you doin'?"[/colour]

As Carrot Top made her way down the aisles selecting random food items she needed for home, her mind wandered to how Derpy must have felt. All of a sudden the grey pegasus was the center of attention even though she had no intention to do so. Ponies were examining her, questioning her, and even fighting over her. Hopefully things would be cleared up soon so that Derpy could do what she intended to do with going shopping.

[colour=#ff8c00]"So, besides reading and farming, what else do you like to do Hayseed?"[/colour]

Guiding Light couldn't help but feel like a silly foal when misinterpreting the filly's question. Casually he tried to redirect the conversation back to where it was.

[colour=#daa520]"Oh, I thought you said that you wanted to go in there. [/colour][colour=#daa520]Yeah, I've been to the Everfree Forest. Actually I got lost in it, but had I not wandered in there I wouldn't have got my cutie mark."[/colour]

With that Light looked proudly at the image of a lit lantern on his flank as he thought back to that scary yet in the end happy day.

[colour=#daa520]"As far as any monsters, I didn't see any, but I hear stories about strange things in there."[/colour]

Night Watcher, having the duty now to stand by the princess to assist in the photos, for a moment was completely unaware of the others in front of her. She however realized that Fire Walker gave her a salute to her and the Staff Sergeant would feel remiss to not give a salute in return. Although she did wish to spend some time with Princess Luna, there were many other of her fellow ponies in arms that she wanted to speak to.

Night Watcher noticed how difficult it was for the princess to carry on a conversation. She mentioned the dislike of sarsaparilla and mentioning the inevitable return of Colonel Ironwing to relieve her of her duties, but after that there was a silence that could be cut with a knife followed by an awkward comment about her armor.

[colour=#0000cd]"Yes, well, I believe there will be more than just the sarsaparilla being served there, so if you have a lull in the taking of pictures then there should be something there for your liking. I personally prefer a sparkling grape juice myself. And yes I do see Colonel Ironwing returning soon to join you." [/colour]

Night Watcher found herself pausing as well, pondering what to say next. She was well versed in giving orders and communicating with her superiors and others ponies that she met. Yet being with the Princess rendered her at a loss of words. Luna's awkwardness to the situation did not help the black pegasus to formulate a conversation.

[colour=#0000cd]"Yes, that is how I feel as well the awkwardness. It's not like I spend my entire time in armor but sometimes without it on it feels like something is missing. And really there is no need to apologize for having me stand watch. In fact it is my honor to do so and to speak with you at this time. I must be frank that although I enjoy being a Lunar Guard and am happy of my rank in such, there are times being on guard at night when no pony is around that I get a small feeling of being lonely. Of course I wouldn't trade my position, and there are times while not on duty when I can meet ponies.This night however is a chance that I can meet other ponies though."[/colour]

Carrot Top shrugged when Derpy seemed to act like normal, well as normal as she was on any given day. Maybe she was just concerned about the earth pony not getting enough for the zap apple jam. In any case she though it was best to perhaps let the grey pegasus alone and see what would happen.

[colour=#ff8c00]"You're right," [/colour]she said to Hayseed, [colour=#ff8c00]"I think it's Derpy being Derpy that's all. I don't think anything will happen to her. Anyway, let's head to the grocery area next. There's a couple of things I want to get there." [/colour]

Guiding Light was happy to hear that his teacher was ok and now sought out to find a certain missing present. Of course it wasn't all that missing as another pony was able to locate it faster than he could. Before he could react to going over to the wrecked remains, he felt himself being pulled there against his will. The strange pony decided to drag him along for the ride and set him to work moving things.

[colour=#daa520]"Um... sure Purple Haze. We'll have this cleaned up in no time! Maybe we'll find other lost presents amongst this [/colour][colour=#daa520]stuff." [/colour]

He then began to pile the bits of things in one pile, keeping an eye out for any packages along the way.

I will be going on vacation from June 16 through June 22. I'll be able to respond to any threads after that date but it will take me a while to catch up with everything.

I'll put Heart Healer into this.

The psychologist pony needs to have a little fun.

[colour=#ff0000]"Hmmm," [/colour]Fire Heart said as she proceeded out of Ice Storm's house on route to the park, [colour=#ff0000]"So doing any other type of magic makes [/colour][colour=#ff0000]you sick? How sick do you get? I mean I've heard of ponies in my [/colour][colour=#ff0000]school get kind of sick like getting dizzy or nauseous but nothing major. They usually get over it after taking a break. I do know from my professors that most unicorns can only do telekinesis [/colour][colour=#ff0000]which almost all unicorns know how to do, and [/colour][colour=#ff0000]one main spell which usually relates to their talent. So you can create ice just like I can create fire. Beyond that there really aren't many ponies that can learn other spells as best as their talent. In fact my professors only know a hoof-full."[/colour]

She paused to think about the spells Ice wanted to learn.

[colour=#ff0000]"Well, I'm trying teleportation myself, but it's not really going well. I can barely teleport an object a few feet let alone myself. What other spells are you trying to learn? I know i can do some basic shielding spells and I've been working on learning a spell that can help me feel more comfortable in really cold environments."[/colour]

Fire Heart then remembered Ice saying something peculiar about Ice Storm living outside in the park.

[colour=#ff0000]"Wait, so you actually lived in the park for a while? I'm so sorry to hear that. Did somepony help you find a place to stay?" [/colour]

The dire message of Princess Luna and Colonel Pummel made Sky Flare wonder if he really had what it took for such an event. Sure he moved around many clouds during his lifetime, but never with such urgency as now. If there was one thing he learned while practicing stunts, it was failure was always a possibility, no matter how much he wished to deny it. But unlike his stunt training which usually only endangered himself, the cost of messing up this task would be greater that he could imagine.

Then Rainbow Dash stepped up to the podium and delivered a speech that inspired him and lifted him out o his doubts. She called him, among the other ponies, a hero, and that was all that he wished to be, a hero to somepony. But having the title wasn't enough. He had to earn it, and he would do so with style!

[colour=#ff8c00]"You want a hero," [/colour]he said to Rainbow Dash, [colour=#ff8c00]"You've got them! I'm ready to bring on the rain!"[/colour]

To prove his excitement and willingness to help the fiery manned stallion did an aerial back flip before landing back where he stood.

No problem.

Guiding Light felt a little relief that Cheerilee was so kind to the fact of being near blinded. There were times that he was in control of his magic while other times not. Thankfully he knew that no pony could get severely injured from his light magic, well, except when they get blinded and trip over something or hit a wall.

The unicorn's feelings of relief gave way as Purple Haze suddenly rushed to Miss Cheerilee's aid.

[colour=#daa520]"Um... Purple Haze? I think Mis Cheerilee is ok. Where's the cake you were guarding?" [/colour]

Night Watcher relaxed her stance at the direction of Colonel Ironwing and waited on what the urgency was of Luna speaking to the Colonel. To make things even stranger, Ironwing suddenly took his leave, telling the jet black pegasus to enjoy herself but to make sure the princess was ok with the throngs of ponies wanting their photo taken with her. She knew from her experience that when a superior officer requested something, it was an order.

[colour=#800080]"Yes sir," [/colour]Night Watcher replied as she she moved to the side next to the Princess to allow others to have their pictures taken.

[colour=#800080]"Alright everypony," [/colour]she said to the line that began to form, [colour=#800080]"I know that you are enjoying yourselves as I am at this ball, and I know you are anxious to have your picture taken, but let's try not to crowd the princess."[/colour]

One of the ponies who arrived seemed very excited to meet the Princess, carrying on something about sarsaparilla and the decorations. The princes, who seemed to have her attention waning asked Night watcher if there was indeed sarsaparilla being served.

[colour=#800080]"I believe it is your highness. As to your previous comment, yes, it does feel strange being out of armor. Although to those not in the military it appears cumbersome it actually has become like a second skin. Anyway, I do care for a photo, once Colonel Ironwing returns of course." [/colour]

Fire Heart was happy to see that she made Ice happy at the prospect of her condition clearing up. She listened as her friend explained how her friend didn't know anypony who would love her. What surprised her was the revelation that she may not be looking for a stallion but a mare. Not that there was anything wrong with that in Fire's mind. It was just that Fire didn't wntertain the thought of having a mare as a special somepony in her life.

[colour=#ff0000]"Well I'm sure there's some mare or stallion out there for you. I mean anypony would be crazy not to at least get to know you even as a friend, right?"[/colour]

The red unicorn smiled at the idea of heading to the park. A park would be open and free of crowds of ponies where they could practice.

[colour=#ff0000]"Ok, the park it is then. Maybe you can give me a tour iof town along the way. By the way, what specifically are you looking to learn or fix with your magic?" [/colour]

[colour=#800080]"Well, although the Crystal Empire has its share of artists I'm not one of them," [/colour]Heart Healer said to the in, [colour=#800080]"What i am is a psychologist, one who helps ponies with and concerns in their life." [/colour]

Before she could react, the crystal pink pony was assaulted by the strange pony named Pathfinder who began to summarize a story to her. She tried to interject but the pony continued to explain everything a pony ever wanted to know about the eponymous main character. What made the psychologist worry was how much of a devotion she had to this series. Heart had met her share of ponies who were fans of other ponies or things, but not as devoted as this one. She began to wonder what was the pony's true personality and how much was being manufactured to mirror this Daring Do. She decided a little psychological experiment was in order, something that needed to be subtle so as not to let the subject know what she was doing.

[colour=#800080]"Well Miss Pathfinder, I can see that you are a wealth of information on the subject of Daring, offering more than I could ever expect. I am actually interested in ponies who live outside the borders of the Empire, just as I assume that you are interested in us and our Empire. So how about I ask you something and then you can ask me about either me or the Crystal Empire, within reason of course. I will start. Besides being an avid fan to this Daring Do and reading all the books, what else do you like to do in your spare time?" [/colour]

Before Fire Heart left with the others for pizza, she noticed a curious looking box nearby, one that didn't fit in with the rest of the crates and boxes in the room. She walked over and levitated on of the badges out to examine it. It looked to her like Princess Celestia's and Luna's cutie marks somewhat along with three stars.

[colour=#ff0000]"So I guess this makes me a full fledged member then," [/colour]she said staring at the badge, [colour=#ff0000]"I can't wait to see what new things I'll learn in this group!" [/colour]

I've watched some opera like Rigoletto, Carmen, The Marriage of Figaro, and La Boheme. It's tricky to follow along when things are in another language but thankfully most operas have the translations running on an above screen.

From this journal http://spikefiremane.deviantart.com/journal/Sad-News-376531522#comments

"For those who know I have been raising awareness of tiffany "Kiki" Havivy and as of 2pm PST on 6/7/2013 her fight with the brain tumor has ended. Please always keep her in your hearts and she prayers to her family in this time! Never forget this brave inspirational young lady!

Ed Goodwin IV aka Spike Firemane"

This is from a brony artist who was active in donating to Kiki's cause. As you know, Kiki was a fan of MLP and many bronies, including Tara Strong, were active in visiting her and donating both money or their crafts.

It is sad to see someone so young pass on, especially with such an ugly disease. My thoughts are with the family.

How's the app coming?

Fire Heart was surprised how much Ice Storm downplayed her issue. Then again not experiencing the same problem herself the young mare could only imagine. Still if a pony had something that occurred throughout most of their life if not all then maybe one would be accustomed to it. Still the fact that Ice Storm experienced this issue more frequently than before was a bit disturbing to the red unicorn.

[colour=#ff0000]"Well hopefully in the future it will be less frequent in your life. As for my problem, that's all gone now once I learned how to control my magic better so I'm not worried about setting my bed on fire."[/colour]

Fire then listened to how Ice seemed to be interested in finding somepony in the future, one that would love her for all her gifts and flaws.

[colour=#ff0000]"Oh I'm sure you'll find somepony like that. There's bound to be a stallion or two that you know around here, right? Maybe they'll be your special somepony. You're already ahead of me with being able to find somepony to love." [/colour]

With that the young mare grew silent for a moment as she thought about her own love life or lack thereof. Maybe if Ice Storm could find somepony she would have a chance.

[colour=#ff0000]"Anyway, yes, I was going to teach you about magic, but [/colour][colour=#ff0000]maybe here wouldn't be a good idea. Is there some place out open in town where we can go?" [/colour]

Sweet Surprise stood by waiting for the pink and blue manned candy selling pony to speak with her. If there was one thing the chocolate pony knew, it was that once ponies knew you were selling something they'd be attracted like chocolate on a pretzel stick which would make having a conversation difficult. The mare, however, knew that as a business pony there was a language that she and this other confectioner pony shared, and she was going to use it.

Sweet reached into her saddlebag and pulled out a bag absolutely bulging with bits! She wasn't a rich pony like some in Canterlot, but after some good sale weeks and some saving of funds she had enough to last for the event and then some. Hopefully the sight of the bit filled bag would attract some attention.

There were so many ponies gathered at this convention! Carrot Top expected there to be at least some mares from Ponyville and maybe from nearby cities like Cloudsdale and Canterlot. Yet it seemed that there was now at least thirty or so ponies there. She could have sworn she saw Princess Luna and Princess Cadence in the crowd, but maybe her eyes were playing tricks on her.

As she made her way safely to the refreshment table, placing her precious carrot cake there at attaching a sign that read "Carrot Cake from carrot Top," she heard a familiar voice in the crowd. Turning around she saw Cherry Berry there to greet her.

[colour=#ff8c00]"Oh hello there Cherry! Nice to see you here too. Yeah, this event is really nice so far[/colour]. [colour=#ff8c00]It's amazing how many ponies are here. And thanks for the compliment on the cake. It's just a habit of mine really to bring a cake to a party. Wouldn't want anypony to go hungry you know. So how are things with you?"[/colour]