starswirlthebearded

Wait a second, there's a limit to how many Tier 3 characters you can play?

No, but if you have too many, you may be asked to stop apping them or drop some to be fair. It is always good to exercise common sense. Also... the more cast characters you have, the more demanding posting becomes.

It's my pleasure!

Everything you've done works for me! So I'm going to send this up for final review.

The only thing I can foresee that might give issue is the tragic back story. However, I feel like most things had a point. While they might not all have been necessarily needed they work for the story you crafted and isn't sad for the sake of being sad.

However, we'll see what the SRPHS have to say

But really fantastic work! You've done an excellent job of building up this app!

Okay cool! and thanks for the spelling... That word always bugged me cuz i never knew how to spell it! Anyways other than a bit more explanation into her father and mother time... I hate to ask... but is it needed? Cuz I'm not really sure what goes on in stalliongrad... Other then cold... If I need it I can try and come up with something though?

You fixed the major issue, so I'll send it up for final review and see what the SRPHS say. It would only help though.

And it's less about what goes on in Stalliongrad rather than what pepperjack did there for fun/to pass time. Did it differ other than the lack of the pet?

Good work otherwise though.

I would suggest one thing though... The story of the pet... Separate it into paragraphs, right now it just looks like a wall of text which isn't nice to read.

The spell to me seemed to be one to reach the ethereal plane, which Celestia (and perhaps princesses in general?) has access to naturally.

No worries. And anesthesia (that's how it is spelled btw) doesn't have to cause sleep at all! That is general anesthesia, which causes reversible loss of consciousness. All other forms are methods of pain blocking! So I have no problems with that!

Hey there! I must say this app is MUCH improved. I'd just like clarification/expansion on two things, and the change/removal of another two.

The first thing is, while you now have a cutie mark story, it seems a bit on the short side. Some expansion would be great. Perhaps go into the specifics! What sort of painting was it? What was it missing? Was it his grandfather's tutelage that helped him figure out what was missing? Did it just dawn on him or did it take some time to figure out what was missing?

The next thing is actually related to the first. The history also seems a bit bare, but in a different way. The grandfather taught him about art. Go into that a bit. It seems to be a major part of your character's development! How did he teach him, what did he teach him? You can even go into how it affected socialization with other ponies as well.

After that... According to our site lore... Canterlot Castle staff don't actually live on premises. They live in adjunct housing just outside of Canterlot Castle! (Which makes sense, considering the amount of staff probably run Canterlot Castle, you can't have all of them on premises!) If you could change that small detail, it would be great!

The last thing is about the bullying. While I can believe Canterlot elite would mock another for social standing, ponies seem not care about the coats of other ponies. As such bullying based on coat colour or markings would not be allowed.

And that's it as far as I can see. Seriously, you've done some fantastic work on this app. I would recommend doing some proofreading as well. (I recommend this to everyone, because I can't notice everything and putting it through spellcheck is pretty easy these days )

And please, you don't need to apologize for small errors like that! I just want this character to be the best it can!

Hey Ciraxis! How're you doing with this app?

How's this application coming along?

Yes, I realize that ponies do not have sir names, but paint is apart of all their names to let anyone who doesn't have knowlege about different types paint that Acrylic's family is named after that they are named after those paints. For example Shellec, before doing research on different types of paint, I didn't even know Shellec Paint exisited. However, if this is going to cause problems I will change most of their names with the exception of War Paint. Because it wouldn't make much sense to have a pony just named War to me.

It unfortunately would cause problems.

And as I said keeping a few, like War Paint, would be fine! It just shouldn't be all of them (As a slight aside, it is spelled Shellac xD. And technically it is a resin used in finishing, rather than painting specifically IIRC )

So, thank you for your understanding! I look forward to seeing the progress on your app

Sorry, but that actually doesn't change the ruling... According to our rules, ponies don't have surnames.They can be the Painter family (like the Apple family). But it cannot act like a surname. Using that example... The Apple ponies are all part of the Apple family, and some have the name Apple in their name, but it is not a requirement, nor is it expected. And none of them actually have the surname Apple (as in Big Macintosh is not called Big Macintosh Apple, and Babs Seed's name doesn't even have any Apple reference in it, and The Oranges are also related, and are still part of the Apple family). This is regardless of it referring to the occupation or the type of horse.

I've even checked with the SRPHS, and they said the same. If some of them had different surnames, it would be easier to pass muster, but in the end, ponies don't pass down their names.

The colouring seems to match more, though the size doesn't - Wiki and some other sites say the females are about 1/4" or less - though I can't be certain, I'm pretty sure this one was closer to a full inch with its legs. I would be thrilled if it's this harmless one instead. I'm not worried about Widow bites on myself, but rather, our cats

I think that is only their abdomen, not including the legs, but i could be wrong

So as promised... I'm going to give you a full critique on this app for WoE RP.

Your character seems interesting, and you have all the necessary fields filled in! So that is good!

Before I really get into this. I would recommend reading Rarity's Application Guidelines, and following the recommended format and style. It isn't required, but it is preferred.

There are several issues that need to be rectified before this app can be sent up for final approval though.

The first is the Cutie Mark field. The cutie mark itself doesn't work. Cutie Marks themselves are unique and identifiable. We don't allow Cutie Marks that would resemble natural markings, as well as markings that would resemble cutie marks. Alternatively you may choose to use a palette with a paintbrush. Or other known symbols for painters.

The other issue with the cutie mark field is that there is no cutie mark story. How did he get his CM? What changed for him? What did he discover about himself? Cutie Mark stories are particularly important to a pony, and all apps are expected to reflect its importance. Most apps dedicate a minimum of one paragraph to the event that allowed their pony to get the cutie mark!

As for personality... If he is working all the time... how will he function in the RP? Antisocial ponies are fine in principle, but honestly, I always recommend toning down those things. This is a slice of life RP that relies on character interaction. Ponies being too antisocial are no fun to play with! Try to give him a social life. Perhaps going into what he does for fun, how he interacts with other ponies. It is great that he is dedicated to his work, but work shouldn't define him! Even AJ and her family are "work horses" yet they find time to go out and do other things as well!

There are a few things in your history that need to be changed as well. The first thing is references to Celestia. References to cast are not allowed without the express permission of the player playing them (in this case the player of Celestia is Dio). Just to note, being a painter of the palace is fine! However saying that orders for paintings come from Celestia, even if she isn't directly seen by your character, is not allowed.

The next major thing in history that needs to be changed is the reference to the Apple family. This is for two reasons... The first is that it isn't needed... The second is that your reasoning for including their name doesn't make sense, since none of them follow a naming scheme.

Which brings me to the next issue... Pony names, even family names, are not passed down. So everyone in your pony's family being named "Painter" is not allowed. This can probably simply be removed for the most part (with some exceptions).

Finally, your character history, isn't really a character history. It told me nothing of your character's upbringing, friends when growing up, how he learned to paint, how impacted him, where he went to school (for art). Your history is, in essence a listing about his family. I got no sense at all of your character! Give him a rich history! The more history you put for your character the better we can know them. Please do avoid going into so much detail about the family though! This app isn't about them, but rather Acrylic!

Remember, the more we can learn about your character, the better!

Alright that does it for the things that need to be changed or removed!

I did like how you explained the abilities though! I would recommend if you follow the format in Rarity's App Guidelines that would be more suited to Character Summary. However, it is fantastic!

Sorry if that seems like a lot, but again, I'm here if you have any questions or concerned. And again, if you wish you can switch this application to Crossovers and it will pass with little or no changes!

Alrighty then! I'll get to work on a full critique for WoE standards immediately

Hey there! I'm Star Swirl and I'll the the RPHS in charge of your app!

Before I give you a full critique I'd like to give you a run down of the different areas of RP we have here (as written by the lovely QuickLime)

World of Equestria - Character application required!

Canterlot's premiere roleplay, World of Equestria (or WoE/Mane RP) is a strict, structured game that mirrors the basic principles, rules, and continuity (canon) of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Characters here must pass a review process by our volunteer staff to be deemed acceptable for play in this area. This game also features players that play Cast from FiM.

Crossovers - Character application recommended, but not required.

A special sub-forum for characters that may not fit into the Mane RP canon. Darker characters, or characters with special powers, needs, or continuity that do not mesh as well with FiM canon are welcome in this fun, diverse roleplay environment.

Free for All - No application required.

Free for All is an area designated for any character, and anything you can dream. This is a good place to test new character concepts, story ideas, and to meet new and interesting players. Mature content must go in the 18+ sub-section.

Due to the rules of World of Equestria (Mane RP) your app will need to under go a fair amount of revision. Whereas if you mark it for crossover it can pass as is (or at the very least with minimal revision). If you definitely want it for World of Equestria, let me know and I'll post a full critique!

If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask!

Think I'm good with this one! Have at it people!

Roleplay Type: Mane RP

Name: Moon Shine

Sex: Male

Age: Older Stallion

Species: Pegasus

Eye colour: Gold

Coat: Light midnight blue, though often seen with a tuxedo or other formal attire on.

Mane/Tail: Silver Mane and tail. The mane is slicked back and always well kept. The tail is well kept and on the shorter side.

Physique: Slender at a slightly taller height than most other pegasii

Residence: Las Pegasus

Occupation: Owner and operator of the bar and casino "The Alicorn Alcazar"

Cutie Mark: Poker Chips

Moon Shine wasn't like all the other kids in Cloudsdale, he didn't like flying. Instead he learned how to play cards from his father, to his mother's dismay. This really didn't bother him though as he learned the ins and outs of every game he could play or learn about. This included tricks that many would consider foul play, as well as ways to detect it. He mostly honed this skill through watching his father play cards every week with his friends. He would play cards with his friends in his spare time, making himself only better.

When he was an older colt, still without his cutie mark, he basically forced his way into a game with his father's friends. Upon entering, they all laughed as they entertained the colt and allowed him to play with the "big ponies". After strategically losing the first few hands, he started to land a few good hands. When he started winning the adults decided that enough was enough, and they started to use slight of hoof to tip the game in their favour. They couldn't just be humiliated by a colt!

Moon Shine saw through this sleight of hoof, having seen it dozens of times before. He didn't immediately fight fire with fire, he waited until he was down in chips to turn the tables. He used what he knew to do exactly what the adults were doing to him, giving himself better hands. When he pulled out the highest hand and won, they accepted defeat and a pair of poker chips appeared on his flank.

History: Moon Shine was born to a relatively common pegasus family. The mother worked in the weather factory on snowflakes, and the father was on the weather team. He was chiefly on the weather team for Las Pegasus, often staying over there as part of his duties. His father would often gamble, and he was quite good, or so it seemed. Moon Shine was rather disinterested in flying about Cloudsdale though. He didn't know what he wanted to do. He would try playing with his friends, doing obstacle courses and even trying summer flight camp. None of this made him happy as a colt though, until one day, he found a deck of cards that his father had brought back from Las Pegasus.

He ran up to his father and asked him what they were and what they were used for. The father decided to teach him. His mother did protest, worrying that he'd be a gambler like his father, running with the "wrong" sort of crowd. And thus his unwitting training began. His father taught him every game and all the rules that he possibly could. They would play constantly whenever his father was at home. And when his father wasn't he would still practice. Occasionally his father would invite other ponies from the various weather teams to play games, as well as family members, like his uncle BlackJack. His uncle's presence always astounded him, since he was an earth pony and he wasn't sure how he could walk on the clouds. Moon Shine would watch on and learn all the tricks that his father and his friends used. Many of them sleight of hoof tricks, or tricks to see what other players had. He practiced these too.

Eventually his friends came around his Cloudsdale home asking why he didn't come out. They said they were having fun without him. Moon Shine laughed and said he felt the same way, that he found a game that only "big ponies" played. He had them enthralled from the minute he started talking. He taught them the basic games first, and then they made their own little card playing club. At first though Moon Shine played on the up and up. Never cheating, playing a straight game with his friends. He still usually won due to his greater experience. As one of his friends started to become good enough to rival him, he realized that losing wasn't as fun as winning, so he started to use those little tricks his father and his friends often used on each other. His friends never suspected a thing, and he always won, except when he didn't want to of course. He learned pretty quickly from watching the adults that using tricks too much will make others angry. Because his friends still won every once and a while they remained happy. Moon Shine even made it to the point where he could fix games entirely if he was dealing without anyone being the wiser, and he was able to allow all his friends to win about equal amounts. But still growing older into colthood he still didn't have his cutie mark.

He finally challenged the adults and beat them, albeit barely. His father scolded him after the game, apparently noticing that he had cheated to win. Moon said that he was only doing what everyone else was doing. His father scoffed it off, with a slight smile. His uncle, on the other hoof, was impressed with him. After walking away Moon Shine noticed he had two poker chips on his flank. He told his parents what he planned to do, which is to say go to Las Pegasus to either play professionally or to deal. He started his career by playing professionally and doing quite well, both legitimately and playing, as he started calling it, "creatively smart." Several years passed and he became known as one of the best gamblers in Las Pegasus. This is until one day he was caught by the owner of one casino. He didn't out him though, but rather asked him to retire and become a dealer at his casino, the Pegasus Palace.

Many years passed and his goal was to always ensure the house won. Which he did very well. Distraught as he was of his fallen career of fame and fortune, he began frequenting the bar of the Pegasus Palace quite often. The owner saw this to be a growing problem and regularly warned him to lay off the drink. Moon Shine never listened. Eventually the owner asked him to resign. Moon Shine, furious that he could let his best dealer go exclaimed "Well... Forget you! I'm going to make my own casino! With better drinks and showfillies! In fact forget the drinks!" And stormed off.

Good to his word, Moon Shine made a new casino/bar/hotel/entertainment club, called the Alicorn Alcazar. And as he had said they had plenty of entertainment and drinks. The games were good and it didn't take long for the word to spread of a new casino and it slowly grew. Moon Shine trained all of his dealers how he learned to fix games and put the odds steeply in the house's favour. Naturally he didn't have them use their tricks all the time, only when needed like a player was doing too good. They also used their knowledge to catch cheaters quite effectively, which made it popular with many people, despite lack of knowledge of the dealer's misdeeds on the whole. There are some honest ones at least, but again, his father taught him those who cheat all the time get caught.

Character Summary: Moon Shine has a silver tongue. Ever since he was a colt, he was able to get others to listen to what he said and lead them. He is as cunning as he is intelligent, but naturally, he is not without fault and does get caught, often relying on his silver tongue to get him out of situations. He will give those who notice misdeeds in his casino special privilege for keeping quiet.

He isn't all devious and cunning though. Moon Shine does believe in fair play, to a point (which is lack of profit). However, he uses everything in his power to shift the odds to his favour. Over the years, he has developed many techniques to ensure that he doesn't have to cheat, he just can if he needs to. He is running an honest business after all. He'll play catchy live music to set the mood, the showfillies always help (and yes, there are nights where he has showcolts for the fillies as well), and of course complementary drinks, to ensure that the longer they play, the more the house has the chance to win. Sometimes he still descends to the casino floor to deal a hand or two, especially with high profile guests, whom he never cheats. (after all, it is risky to cheat those whom are not easy to bribe)

He never acts anything other than a gentleman out in public though. His public figure is something he holds in the highest regard. In fact, those that have known him the longest are often confused by his demeanor as he is nothing as they remember of the cunning snide colt that would cheat them out of winning. The only thing recognizable is that silver tongue that can seem to convince a pig he is a prince.

His casino is the epitome of what he considers fun. If he goes out with others it is usually to his competition, to further enjoy the various entertainments of Las Pegasus, that he loves so much. Whether it be local reviews, showfillies, good music from great performers, gambling, or a good drink, he is in his element in Las Pegasus. His casino especially is everything he thinks a casino/hotel/entertainment spot should be. He firmly believes others enjoy it because he himself enjoys it. The fact that he can profit from what he loves, despite the stress it often brings, is something he can never give up. From that first time he heard a chip fall into a pot he was in love with the life of casinos.

He is at his core a businessman. He may not always be an honest one, but he is a successful one. And for what it is worth, through his long years he became more honest, if just a bit. Perhaps his conscience is getting to him.

(Note: References to BlackJack (Reno Golucky's father) and relation to the Golucky family approved by QuickLime)

Flim and flam were con artists (Flimflammer). The goal was to scam the apples out of their farm. They probably didn't have a direct usage for the property outside of exhausting the resources for cider, turning a profit, the then selling the land. When their plans for profit fell though (couldn't sell their cider) they no longer had a reason to stay. They were clearly not farmers nor did they seem intent on maintaining the farm.

This however is not the thread for this discussion. And has already occurred in length in the episode thread. Feel free to take up the debate again there

Yeah, its basic con etiquette. Smaller cons tend to be more intimate, so if you do bump into a VA or someone else, try not to hold them up too much.

Take your time! Just keep us updated on your progress!

I am already liking her design

That was a good documentary. The best part was the humor. I still need to watch the "official" Brony Doc... I'll dig it out of my email eventually....

That crossed my mind, but didn't it turn out that seasons 3 and 4 commissioned together? Perhaps my understanding is faulty.

I had not heard this. I've actually not heard anything about commission dates. However considering that the first 3 seasons were made to hit syndication, I really don't think 3 and 4 were commissioned together. I could be entirely wrong though. I did a quick Google search and came up with nothing.

Hey there Halide. It is great to see you back! I'll be the RPHS taking care of your app.

This application is exceptional! Though clearly a homage to Stanely Ipkiss of the Mask, the app stands on its own quite well. And as a fan of the Mask, I'm rather impressed!

All the fields are filled and well detailed.

There is just one small problem. The name "Stanley" is not a very 'pony' name. If you could change that to something that sounds more pony like, it would be fantastic! And I'll be able to send this up for SRPHS review!

As for this references, I admit I recognized the connection of dialog with Lou Gehrig, but I never thought it was a full connection. Unless of course, you're implying that alicornism is a deadly and incurable disease.

Warning: I'm going to read way too far into those few words

I don't think that was the point of the reference. And yes, I'm almost certain it is a direct reference. It is one of those lines that are unmistakable. People misuse quotes all the time for the sake of reference. However in this case, if you want to give meaning to it, I would probably say that it is good-bye to the old to herald in the new. Remember that Lou Gehrig only knew he was dying, not what he was dying of, and that he knew his career was over. When he was going to die, he didn't know, he just knew that it was eventual. But it was the closing of one chapter of his life and the opening of another. Granted that was the last chapter of his life. But he was earnest in his words. Just like Twilight is earnest in saying what she says. She doesn't know what is to come. She is probably extremely apprehensive. It is the closing of one huge chapter of her life, and the opening of something completely new and unknown.

Another possibility is that they used those words because this episode was written before they signed for a 4th season. So they could have been making it into a reference to the greatest farewell speech in modern history to end the series with.

Either way, I don't think those words were by accident. (I actually like the second one, because I really feel like this episode was written as the Series ender, and I like Occam's Razor, which states the simplest explanation is often the correct one)

I couldn't see the underside of the abdomen, which is where the "hourglass" would have been if it was a Widow.

The spider was an inch or less in size. It looked black to me with light spots, but the hallway was dark, and the camera flash made it look brown, not sure which colour it actually was.

I'm so nervous right now, because if it WAS an immature Widow, that means Momma isn't too far away...and I have no idea if they are in the house or if this one just wandered inside.

You live in NY, as I do. So it could potentially be an immature Northern Black Widow (Latrodectus variolus). (You can tell because of the lines along the abdomen and the broken hourglass-esque shape). However, personally I find this unlikely for an urban environment that you and I both live in. They tend to like more woody areas. Sometimes they like stone walls, but what they aren't, are typically house spiders. So, I really can't think of a reason why it would be that... If it is, the bite isn't as bad as most people give it credit for. They are also really timid, so they prefer to run away from humans than attack.

What I personally think it is, is the Triangulate cobweb spider. They look more or less identical to black widows, only they tend to be more brown in colour (as the picture indicates) and they tend not to have the red markings, but rather white, typically. The markings can share striking resemblance to black (or rather brown) widow spiders. They are also similar in size and general shape. They also have the exceeding benefit of being world wide in terms of habitat and liking houses. So, unlike the black widow, they are actually rather common in NY and in temperate zones in houses. The great part? They are totally harmless to humans, and actually tend to be more helpful than harmful!

(I hope my reply satisfies the bugmaster)

My argument is I've heard that before in even day to day discussions with people who know nothing of baseball or Gehrig. If you wanna believe it's a reference, fire away! I just don't buy it.

I'm with Weesh here. Even if they know nothing about Baseball or Gehrig, there is no way you have not heard at least some reference to that speech in your lifetime. It is one of those well known cultural icons that has been parodied and referenced so many times it is mind boggling. It is like saying the words "Lend me your ears" preceded by any number of variations of "Friends Romans Countrymen" for the setting. The person in question doesn't need to know anything about Shakespeare or the play Julius Caesar to know those words. Nor do you have to know them for someone to understand the reference, and the person stating it be oblivious. Just because you don't know the origins of a reference doesn't make the reference invalid.

That speech by Lou Gehrig is legendary. In fact, if you Google those first five words "I consider myself the luckiest" know what you'll get? A bunch of links to that or about that speech. Or about Lou Gehrig himself.

That was definitely a reference, any statement to the contrary is basically denial IMHO.