WILL THE PRINCESS CRACK UNDER PRESSURE?
UNICORN GIVES BIRTH TO SEA SERPENT!
Did you know?
Many ponies know that in ancient times, unicorns were tasked with the raising of the sun and with the raising of the moon and stars. But what you might not have known is that it is now impossible for a large group of modern-day unicorns to accomplish this monumental task! Some speculate that there has been a gradual decrease in the strength of a unicorn's power over time, or that Princess Celestia keeps tight reins on the sun since an inexperienced group of unicorns could make raising the sun a dangerous activity. But the truth might, in fact, be much more sinister than that. After all, if we didn't need the Princess to raise the sun and moon for us, what WOULD we need her for?
MARE IN THE MOON SET TO BRING ETERNAL NIGHT!
by Honeydew
Today, everyone is gearing up to celebrate the 1000th annual Summer Sun Celebration, which sources say will be held tomorrow in small-town nowhere Ponyville. Since members of the press are kept on the sidelines during the celebration to "avoid distracting the Princess," and since the Saddle Arabia Diplomat Incident involving noodles and angry pegasus guards has barred this journalist from a select few special functions, there will be no members of The Daily Turnip present. But fear not, dear readers, one way or another, The Daily Turnip will get the whole scoop. And this writer has it on very good, very solid facts that the scoop tomorrow will be the biggest one yet! For tomorrow, an old pony's tale will come to life.
Investigative reports written by the hard-working staff at The Daily Turnip have long held that old pony's tales either contain some truth or the whole truth. They are almost never made up. A Canterlot scholar on traditions and ancient history, requesting to remain anonymous, describes the "Mare in the Moon" tale as one of the most interesting anomalies in ancient literature. It has no known writer and was chronicled alongside important, actual historical events and observations on magical discoveries that we take for granted today. The Canterlot scholar refused to comment on what this might mean, but it's more than obvious that the "Mare in the Moon" could not possibly be just an "old pony's tale."
This 1000th annual Summer Sun Celebration is the "longest day of the thousandth year" that the tale speaks of. The tale tells us that the stars will aid in the mare's escape and that she will bring about nighttime eternal. But how could this be? What's so special about the stars tomorrow? Chip Potter, expert and former astrologist, has been charting the stars most of his life. An exclusive interview revealed that Chip Potter has concerns about the potential for disaster tomorrow. According to him, Ursine Major and Ursa Major are lining up and the results may be cataclysmic enough to result in the birth of a new star. The stars of Orion's Saddle are in perfect formation. The Three Friends Constellation has broken up. Chip Potter says this means that the magic potential of unicorns will be at an all time high tomorrow and would be perfect for giving any alicorn mares trapped in the moon a chance to escape.
Naturally, this means we should all be preparing less for the Summer Sun Celebration and more for the coming of eternal darkness and a new tyrant to oppress and subjugate us! This journalist, for one, believes there really won't be much of a difference. Regardless of whatever happens tomorrow, The Daily Turnip will continue to be at the forefront of news and printing the details the mainstream press DON'T want you to know!
Daily Horoscopes
Jackalope: You will find yourself venturing into unfamiliar territory. A fog of doubts might cloud your judgement. You may want to invite some friends; be careful not to leave them behind!
Ursa: If you find yourself catering to an unexpected guest, make sure to make them feel welcome. Try not to insist on having things your way. It might be very rewarding in the near future!
Hydra: Your propensity towards making ponies laugh will be a great asset today! Just remember that there's a time and a place for everything; a giggle at the wrong time could be disastrous!
Spider: Don't be afraid to step out of the background. Remember, you can be a special somepony; you just have to show them you're inner drive and spirit!
Manticore: Your pride might be getting the better of you today. It's time to accept the help you need when it's offered. You'd do the same for anypony else, after all.
The Mare: A bad mane day is right around the corner, but don't despair. If you prepare now, you'll set it straight!
Balance of Harmony: Your friends are there to support you, no matter what. But nothing good comes from keeping to yourself!
Cockatrice: If you're invited to a party, go! But try to tone down your dead-on wit and sarcasm. Nopony is going to appreciate it today.
Arrow: You're not going to find what you're looking for outside. It's time to take a deep breath and start anew.
Chupacabra: You're not really sure what's going on today, and if that bothers you, you might find yourself being too controlling. Just try to relax; everything will get better soon!
Cloud: Somepony wants to talk to you but isn't sure how to approach you. Maybe you should try visiting some of your friends and letting them know that you care about them.
Guppy: Remember, you can please some of the ponies, some of the time, but not all of the ponies, all of the time. Be yourself!
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