DarkStar

(I'm gonna hang back while we wait for Dusk's reply. I like to at least know that our characters are all in sync with on another in a way. Especially if they're all in the same place at once... otherwise I feel as if another is being left out, and I've done that before without realizing it, so... yeah. lol ^^)

The entire time... the black stallion could do nothing for now but watch as the action had unfolded. He would have fired off a round at the very moment he saw the hostile other trying to kill what he believes is an innocent... the suspected innocent's opponent just seemed... insane. Insane enough to not even know what he's doing and just lashing out with all he's got. He saw the whole thing... for now, he handled himself just fine, but what about future times to come?

Then came the injection... he heard the talking of someone on what sounded like a radio communication... so this person has a contact somewhere around here? Hmph... in that case, with a mental command to his suit, the system does a search on certain radio frequencies flowing about throughout this forsaken city... and that's how he's now able to only listen for now to everything that the strange other had just said... Splicers, eh? Well, they don't look so tough either way. He wonders why they're called that when he thinks of the meaning of the word 'splice'. Could this city specialize in the study of genetics? To the point where they can alter genetic codes and structures?? The very idea just... fascinates him. Until, of course, he heard all the commotion from upstairs, and in fact, as the other pony had fallen and gone unconscious, Star couldn't do much else at the moment other than to choose a good hiding spot... he spots rubble to his right when looking away from the entrance to this room, and decides to literally dive right into it, but leaving just enough space so he can see what's going on... his sniper's barrel pointing a little bit from the rubble and scattered items... if anyone finds him, he'll play simply play dead for now...

(Yes, I will definitely allow the use of devil fruit powers! And of course, Luffy would have his in this RP. Otherwise... what's the point in roleplaying as him? )

Rustling within the trees is suddenly heard... from two directions, in fact. To the ponies' left, and right... as it seems that two ponies keep an inadvertent element of surprise, because in reality, they never really meant to stumble upon anyone... one pony on either side, and they look to be far from proper physical hygiene... the bright blue coated and white maned stallion to the left wearing a bandana on his head, and having horrid smelling breath... to the right, a light brown coated... but no mane, and he only wears an eye patch on his left eye. They both eye the two innocent bystanders, and especially the barrel they seem to have...

"Say..." The light blue pony... sounding sinister in tone as the two pirate ponies close in slowly on them.

"Whatcha got there?..." the other finishes... grinning evilly as they attempt to pierce through the two ponies with just their gaze alone.

(Yes, but unfortunately... Luffy hasn't formed his crew yet in this RP. Remember, I'm portraying him as he was at the very beginning of the show... why do you think he's floating around in a barrel in the middle of the water in a stream near Ponyville? Though, since this is an MLP crossover pretty much, why can't there be a moment where Luffy learns a thing or two about friendship? Right? Before we jump to being in Luffy's crew, we first need to have them meet...)

(Dude... one of my tags for this RP is labelled 'One Piece'... of course it's Monkey D. Luffy! But I'm definitely glad you're familiar with it, even if you didn't, I'd accept anyone into this RP. Feel free to post a reply if you want! ^^)

(NOTE: My portrayal of Luffy is mostly as of the beginning of the series... and NO, I will not be using my usual and main OC... hopefully that's okay with you all. ^^)

Yesterday sure was interesting... as if being in some fancy get up in some strange town that seemed to have royal qualities wasn't enough. Well, at least, most of the ponies there seemed to have a lot of class... the only reason he even considered himself as a part of the whole thing was because... well, what else? The food was just fantastic! He managed to sneak a few of their meals, and chowed down like there was no tomorrow! The cider... it was indescribable, but unfortunately, the pony had eaten so much and drank so much cider, that he managed to fall asleep in cider itself... almost literally, as he found himself fallen asleep inside of a barrel of cider... he even closed the barrel up as to have a great hiding place so that no one noticed that he took anything. In fact, the barrel was deemed as so comfy, that he decided to sleep there for a whole night! Until, of course... he fell down one of Canterlot's waterfalls.

As of now... it is yet another fine day, this time somewhere slightly southeast of Ponyville along a stream near both the Everfree Forest and Ponyville itself. A lone barrel seems to be floating about just above the surface of the water... almost to the point of it being completely random that the barrel is even there. The container's contents of course are unknown, and for whatever reason, it found its way within said stream...

(All is forgiven. ^^)

He hears a noise in the distance just outside of the metro station... at least that's what he makes out this section of the city to be... what else could it possibly be? He wonders, as he pulls himself up and out of the water. A lot of water still remaining on his body as it drips off of him as he walks along the rug in the center... he looks at the bathysphere behind him for a quick moment, noticing the damage that had been dealt to it... and it doesn't even look like it happened a long time ago. In fact, most of the leaks and damages... they look recent. That's not good... dangit, why did his curiosity get the best of him?

He shakes it off... now's not the time to sulk. He continues on his way, coming to some stairs as he turns left from the bathysphere... noticing signs scattered along the floor that seem to have been a part of some protest. Before his curiosity got the best of him, he continues up the stairs... investigating the image before him, and actually seeing another pony in the distance! He seems to have just now caused some damage, probably getting rid of rubble that used to clog up the doorway at the other end of the room... though unknowing if the other is hostile. He takes cover, to at least keep from being seen for now, as he quiets his hoofsteps... using a certain zoom feature of his helmet, since he hasn't taken it off yet. His helmet actually serves at least three functions. One, as an oxygen provider, two, in this case... a sort of sniper rifle. One that gains its ammunition by a mini matter converter... taking gases from the air and converting them into the elements needed to construct a bullet. A regular sniper round he would use is of the .308 caliber... the inside of his helmet would behave as the 'scope' of his rifle, providing a function of a neon green reticule that marks where a bullet would impact if he were to fire at this very moment, and a zoom feature... he zooms in on the action for now, trying his best to stay hidden... hoping that the darkness of his suit would make him look like one of the shadows behind him as he watches.

(Eh?... what? I personally sent you a message asking if I could join, and you said yes, that I could join in on this roleplay. In fact, I was hoping to help out your current visitor... You told me yourself, and I QUOTE: "Go ahead and join, laddie. I'm short on roleplayin' friends, so I'll gladly welcome you!" So, of course, I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. You said I could join... it took me a while, but I finally thought of something, so I posted it with your permission.)

(Imagine this happening while Apple Zoom is still traveling in the bathysphere, and at the end should be around the time that the Splicer ended its little assault on the vessel.)

Falling at beyond terminal velocity towards Earth, a strange sort of pony seems to be descending at a high rate towards the ground. In other words... falling. Falling head first as he faces the ground... yet not a single utter or scream comes from it, as if it's not afraid. Either it's not afraid of heights, dying, or maybe it has a way to make it to the ground safely... of course, the only ponies that might notice are those that tend to look up at the sky a lot... and Dark Star, the pony in question, figures that hardly anypony would be looking up right now, since there's no reason to... plus, a teeny-tiny black dot in the sky might be a little hard to see... as the stallion wears a jet-black tight-fitting suit. It's almost as if the material of the article of clothing is a second skin for him. His helmet piercing right through the air below him as he descends. The said helmet seeming to come to a literal point on both the front and back... the part of the head piece in front of his face being longer than the back 'half'. The unknown town below him becoming more and more visible with almost every second of his fall... his front hooves retracted and his hind legs straightened out, as he gracefully continues to dive into... the ocean?? Could his calculations have been wrong? Unless... no, there's no way... the city is underwater! There's no other possible explanation! Once he reaches a close enough distance from the water's level, he discontinues his dive and spreads his limbs, facing his whole body toward the ground, the air resistance slowing down his fall a little bit... then, with just a single thought process... four large, black, ribbon like objects shoot out of his back, forming large loops that seem to just suddenly emerge. From below, it could look like he suddenly grew tentacles out of his back... but that's hardly these things' purpose. As they seem to act as his parachute, and they do their job quite nicely... as he seems to be lowering into the middle of oceanic nowhere... but he has reasonable confidence that there just might be a little something waiting for him down below... as he suddenly makes the decision, when close enough in the air, to retract his 'parachute'. Going back into a diving form as he splashes only slightly into the water... the front tip of his helmet seeming to pierce right through the water, and make easy access and minimal pain from the initial impact of the water, as he descends lower and lower. Fathom by fathom into the deep ocean blue... only to be surprised as to what awaits down below. Even though he was expecting it, it failed not to catch him off guard... from a distance, the city just looked... beautiful. Even that wasn't enough to describe this seemingly utopian underwater city. He continues to descend deeper and deeper, and eventually... he seems to notice an entrance into one of the buildings. It looks like the entrance lets through what he'd think is a large object... a large, round object. Yes... perhaps a sort of underwater transit system for the city? Most likely so... he thinks to himself, as he swims in through the entrance of the building, only to find himself having to swim up again... how strange, he sees shimmering not too far up... a surface! For once in his entire life since his parents' passing... he feels excitement flowing through every cavity of his body! As he makes quick to surface himself next to what appears to be a large, spherical object... only to be surprised by a ghastly image...

(This picture is for reference as to what my character is supposed to look like... imagine it in pony form.)

"Likewise..."

Star says, looking around the strange forest for a moment, and intrigued by how different it seems from the rest of the environment... but before he could get too off task, he snaps to it and makes sure to keep an even pace behind Grape Vine... keeping personal space in mind as he places himself a distance, but not too far behind. He almost cringes at the sight of the wrecked roof... he never meant to break it. If only he had completed his little drop without any interruptions...

He waits patiently as whom could be counted as his new manager, for the time being, assesses the situation inside the barn when it comes to damages. During that moment that seemed to last for quite a while... he allowed his mind to drift for a moment as he eyes the scenery before him... it's been quite a while since he's seen the surface of this whole planet. It almost feels new to him now that he takes a second, more in depth look at the environment around him... just this once, he wanted at least a second to view the area with his own eyes, no matter how similar to real vision his 'scope' can give... as he places his hooves while sitting down, gripping both the left and right sides of the front half of the head piece... as the helmet suddenly splits into two pieces, the half in front of his face now detached completely. His back to the barn door in case she decided to have a look at him for whatever reason... his blue eyes now catching every inch of the sky, the ground, the house in the distance, and a sudden rush of air flows about his face... every time he comes back, he's always amazed by the natural beauty of this whole world if one were to simply ignore all of the bad half of it all... he attaches the front half of his helmet right before she came back out. Listening now to every word of her first orders. He nods as he faces her direction.

"Understood. I'll get right to it." he replies, stepping into the barn and having at the current gathering work. Imagining a scale before him as he determines what fallen pieces of wood would be perfect for the repair job, and not hesitating to check every corner, especially around the area where he had landed... and he remembers that hay bale as well as the back of his hoof, and the scattered wood pieces around that area were definitely hard to miss, as he continues to gather and place on the barn's outside.

(Apology accepted! I do thank you for understanding, and I'm glad you like his little accessory... it was a little difficult to integrate. Btw, this reply was made using a nook color, so I couldn't do Dark Star's usual bold black dialogue.)

He nodded in reply to her first question, and in doing so, also rolling to the opposite direction from her in a simple one-eighty degree turn to come to where his belly would be facing the ground. Unbending his legs and coming to a full stand.

"Of course. I mean... it would only be fair, right? If I broke it, I can fix it too."

If he is going to be in the work force to make the bits he needs for survival items, then he may as well see this job for now as a warm up for the endeavors that are likely to come... after fixing this, then he should be on his way. "And... I'm known, as Dark Star."

(A little thing I don't like... I beg you not to do it again. Do not control my character in any way. I'm sorry, but I just don't like that. Another thing, their eyes can't technically 'meet'. If you look at the pictures, there's no way you can see the character's eyes, but he can still see you. When his helmet is in this mode, when it's whole, that is... it's both an oxygen helmet, and a sniper rifle. The front tip of his helmet is the barrel of a rifle, and inside the helmet is a little something as to how he can see... it's basically the sniper's scope, and that's his only hope of sight right now. Luckily, the sniper's 'scope' behaves also as any regular pony's vision. With an added feature of a heads-up-display that mainly adds the bonus of a targeting reticule that marks where his bullets will land if he were to fire off a round at this very moment. He can also zoom in a good amount with the helmet's scope feature. If he were to look at your character, he'd be pointing his weapon at them too, because he has to in order to look at them... you'll see more about how his suit works in the future.)

The pony sighs while laying down on his back in the middle of a hay bail... feeling a pop in his back as he flexes it just to be sure, and certain as of now that nothing is broken. He moves around his limbs with no problem, but still feels sharp pains from bruises he seems to have sustained... one can't see them, but he can sure feel them. His suit is almost ballistically invincible, but that does not mean that the pony doesn't feel the pain when he has to withstand an explosion or a sharp blow to his head or chest. In fact, there has been more than one occasion where he seems to have been cut under his suit, meaning that a certain ballistic occurrence has caused him to be wounded, but the suit was just fine, and he can still be bruised and beaten. It is a tight fitting suit, after all... he cringes as he tries to get up. Then cursing himself...

Dangit, Star! You've been through worse! Get up!

He commands himself, as that alone seems to be the only motivation he needs to stand up on all fours again. Disallowing the pain to get to him as he strives to keep himself standing... just who knows where he might be, or how dangerous its inhabitants are, if any? With his sniper's scope still functioning properly... he takes a quick glance at his environment and finds that he seems to be within the confines of a barn. Obviously within a sort of farm... though that crash is bound to attract attention. He'd best act fast... but he'd rather not shoot anypony. That sort of thing just generates more bitterness and hatred... two of some of the last things he needs from a strange land. He slowly pushes the barn door open to view the outside... for a second, it seemed clear, as he stepped outside. Wait a moment... he stops dead in his tracks as he spots slight movement in the distance. He looks in the other pony's direction and zooms in to about a quarter magnification. Dangit! He's been spotted! The other is looking right back at him... almost as if knowing where his eyes would be. He couldn't help but stare for a long moment... until he zooms out and spots a forest in the distance. Perfect...

In the next moment, he begins darting into the forest as fast as he could! Maneuvering around and sometimes over various obstacles as soon as he reaches the forest. Hopping over thick bushes, spring boarding from thick roots, and reaching heights at some points where he had to roll out of his landings to keep a balanced state while in movement, not bothering to look back... maybe he should have, and he would have seen that his constant running was useless, but it's too late... as he's already tackled to the ground. He bothered not to make any positive ID's as he tried his best to try and wrestle off his pursuer. With his aggressive movements, she might be able to tell that he has a sort of angry disposition at the moment, until he's pinned to the ground by the clearly strong... mare, it seems, by the sound of her voice. For a long second... he only glares at her, like he's looking at his sworn enemy or something... if only she could actually see his face right now, probably unsuspecting that he's got the barrel of his rifle pointing right in between her eyes. His head piece already having a round chambered and ready to fire... but with her sudden questioning of him, obviously she has some belonging of the barn he came out of... maybe he'll just make himself useful for once. He takes a deep breath, and tries explaining himself.

"Well... I can assure you, I never meant to do that. It was an accident that, well..." he pauses... not wanting to let on where he came from. "...I can't really explain... but I'll tell you what, since you've been successful in apprehending me, I might as well reward you with manual labor. I'll repair the roof for you, so you don't have to."

(I decided to copy/paste from my starter that I made recently... I think it fits for the situation, oh, and imagine the attached photos as a pony with the suit.)

A sudden twinkle in the sky can be seen...

Falling at beyond terminal velocity towards Earth, a strange sort of pony seems to be descending at a high rate towards the ground. In other words... falling. Falling head first as he faces the ground... yet not a single utter or scream comes from it, as if it's not afraid. Either it's not afraid of heights, dying, or maybe it has a way to make it to the ground safely... of course, the only ponies that might notice are those that tend to look up at the sky a lot... and Dark Star, the pony in question, figures that hardly anypony would be looking up right now, since there's no reason to... plus, a teeny-tiny black dot in the sky might be a little hard to see... as the stallion wears a jet-black tight-fitting suit. It's almost as if the material of the article of clothing is a second skin for him. His helmet piercing right through the air below him as he descends. The said helmet seeming to come to a literal point on both the front and back... the part of the head piece in front of his face being longer than the back 'half'. The unknown town below him becoming more and more visible with almost every second of his fall... his front hooves retracted and his hind legs straightened out, as he gracefully continues to dive into the ground. Once he reaches a close enough distance from ground level, he discontinues his dive and spreads his limbs, facing his whole body toward the ground, the air resistance slowing down his fall a little bit... then, with just a single thought process... four large, black, ribbon like objects shoot out of his back, forming large loops that seem to just suddenly emerge. From below, it could look like he suddenly grew tentacles out of his back... but that's hardly these things' purpose. As they seem to act as his parachute, and they do their job quite nicely... until suddenly a bird that seemed to come out of nowhere flies right by the black stallion... almost grazing his head, as he loses focus, and as a result, retracting his chute! The loops retracting into his back area, and he falls straight toward a park bench that just might be enough to break his fall... not without a hint or so of pain, of course.

(Second attempt at starting... hopefully it goes well. ^^)

It's another wonderful, sun shiny day in the wonderful town of Ponyville. The town's ponies are lively and friendly, and without a care in the world. It's also as productive as any other day... ponies coming in and going out of various shops, some sharing quality time with their loved ones, the young colts and fillies learning and doing their best in school. Their joyful sounds of laughter somewhat echo through the air. One may think that nothing, or nopony would be able to ruin this day...

Until a twinkle in the sky can be seen...

Falling at beyond terminal velocity towards Earth, a strange sort of pony seems to be descending at a high rate towards the ground. In other words... falling. Falling head first as he faces the ground... yet not a single utter or scream comes from it, as if it's not afraid. Either it's not afraid of heights, dying, or maybe it has a way to make it to the ground safely... of course, the only ponies that might notice are those that tend to look up at the sky a lot... and Dark Star, the pony in question, figures that hardly anypony would be looking up right now, since there's no reason to... plus, a teeny-tiny black dot in the sky might be a little hard to see... as the stallion wears a jet-black tight-fitting suit. It's almost as if the material of the article of clothing is a second skin for him. His helmet piercing right through the air below him as he descends. The said helmet seeming to come to a literal point on both the front and back... the part of the head piece in front of his face being longer than the back 'half'. The unknown town below him becoming more and more visible with almost every second of his fall... his front hooves retracted and his hind legs straightened out, as he gracefully continues to dive into the ground. Once he reaches a close enough distance from ground level, he discontinues his dive and spreads his limbs, facing his whole body toward the ground, the air resistance slowing down his fall a little bit... then, with just a single thought process... four large, black, ribbon like objects shoot out of his back, forming large loops that seem to just suddenly emerge. From below, it could look like he suddenly grew tentacles out of his back... but that's hardly these things' purpose. As they seem to act as his parachute, and they do their job quite nicely... as he seems to be lowering into a farm area. Until a bird suddenly flies by and distracts Star's concentration... the parachute suddenly retracting, and he falls straight down... smashing through the roof of a red barn and landing in a hay bail that was just large enough to break his fall... he groans, as the sudden impact did hurt regardless...

(Just imagine the guy in the attached photos in pony form... ALL OC'S WELCOME! )

Hello there... I'm not sure if I can provide any constructive critisism other than with your grammar errors within this writing piece. Here, I even took the time to re-write your whole thing, except for the last paragraph... I left the last paragraph so you can try and see if you can edit that one yourself. The parts of the writing marked in stars, or asterisks(*) are there for a reason... scroll to the bottom of this post to find their meaning, because they provide tips to improve your writing skills.

________________________________________________________

Long ago there was a colt who wielded great power, greater than any pony ever thought possible. His name was Gleaming Sword, and he was one of the few ponies gifted with both the wings of the avian pegasus, and the horn of the wise and mystic unicorn. As he grew older, his power had only increased. He managed to gain a position as the captain of the guard.* With all he did to protect Equestria,** he'd never found time to make a single friend. Before long he began to resent the other ponies. He thought that they were too weak to be allowed to live. Soon after his decision, Gleaming Sword had gone on a rampage burning villages to the ground, his brutal attacks against the very ponies he was sworn to protect had quickly caught the attention of Princess Celestia. With the aid of both her sister Luna and the Elements of Harmony she managed to trap Gleaming Sword in the body of a bunny. He was then forced to remain in that form until he learned to truly care for somepony.

He was heavily guarded for many years until the fateful day of the first sonic rainboom. As it unleashed Twilight Sparkle’s hidden power, it also caused the perfect distraction for the little bunny to escape. Gleaming Sword quickly fled as he stumbled upon a young filly with a sweet and loving voice singing to the local wild life. Her voice compelled him to approach. He followed the young Fluttershy. From that point on, he remembered that he had to learn to care for somepony to regain his former body. As she noticed his constant presence, she gave him the pet name, Angel. He watched her grow without her suspecting anything of what he truly was. But things changed as she returned from her encounter with Chrysalis...*** he had realized that he had missed her. He had worried that something terrible might have happened to her while she was gone.

He had begun to care for her. As he realized this, a green light began to slowly spin around his small frame engulfing him. Fluttershy watched in terror as “Angel” was swallowed up by the strange light. When it dissipated there was Gleaming Sword standing there with a smile on his face. “I am free, and I owe it all to you Fluttershy.” He said as he approached her.****

“Wha-what did you do with angel?” she asked cowering on the ground.

“The answer is simple my dear, I am Angel.” He said with a grin. He explained to her his story before heading for the door.

“Where are you going Angel? Oh, I mean, Gleaming Sword?” she asked, still a little unsure about his story.

“Why, my dear Fluttershy, I must exact my revenge on the two that bound me to that form for so many years.” He said as he walked out the door and disappeared into the Everfree forest. She quickly rushed to warn Twilight of what she had just seen and heard.

Twilight Sparkle was skeptical of the idea, because she had never heard of Gleaming Sword in any books of Equestrian history. Still, she sent a letter of warning to Princess Celestia, just to reassure Fluttershy. Much to her surprise, Celestia had replied almost instantly. The letter asked for all of the wielders of the Elements to meet with her in Canterlot.

As they arrived in Canterlot, only to find it under heavy watch from the guard. Shining Armor was even sent to retrieve them from the train. As they walked, Twilight had asked why there were so many guards if Chrysalis had been defeated. He replied with, “I don’t know, Twilight. Celestia had ordered us to double our troop. She seemed almost afraid.” That reply only made her more anxious to find out just who this colt was. As soon as she reached Celestia, she could see for herself the worry in her eyes.

“Twilight Sparkle,***** thank goodness you arrived unharmed.” Celestia greeted.

“I want to know what's going on... who is this Gleaming Sword?” Twilight asked.

“He was the captain of the guard long ago, Twilight. One of the most gifted ponies I had ever seen, but something dark grew inside of him. I fear that the Elements alone may not be enough to stop him. You will need to recruit... I can’t believe I am saying this... but you must try to form an alliance with Chrysalis. Her Changeling army and the elements may have a chance at stopping Gleaming Armor from destroying all of Equestria!” Celestia said, only to be answered by a laugh.

“That is a good plan; It would have been better if your guards would have kept me from hearing it.” Startled, they all looked towards the door to see a hooded colt standing there.

In the hall behind him, there laid a handful of guards he had knocked unconscious... Shining Armor included.

“Now don’t get me wrong, I want to see this place burn as much as the next pony, but I would be content to just disposing of you and your sister, Princess.” He said with a grin.

“Shining Armor!” Twilight yelled as she ran toward Gleaming Sword. He swung his left hoof and caught her in the side of the head, knocking her out cold.

“So... this is what passes for your prized student these days, I must say I am disappointed, Celestia.” He said as his horn glowed and caused vines to break through the ground and bind Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash.

“It seems we have to deal with him again Luna.” Celestia said to her, and Luna stepped forward, both of their horns glowing.

“Please... do you really think you have a chance against me without the elements?” he said with a laugh. Fluttershy quickly rushed in front of him.

“Sorry, but I can’t let you do that he is still angel after all.” She turned and looked at him. “But I also can’t allow you to harm anypony else.” She said staring at Gleaming Armor.

“Ruin my fun, why don’t you? Fine then I will allow them to live if I am permitted to live in Ponyville and watch over Fluttershy.” he said with a frown.

“You where right Luna Even someone like Gleaming sword can be turned good by the power of caring for others.” Celestia said with a smile. “Let’s head home then.” Twilight said as she started heading toward the door. Only Gleaming sword lingered. Her turned and stared at the two princesses. “Let’s see now how long Fluttershy can keep me from taking down your precious city. He said as he began to head out the door himself. ******

________________________________________________________

The plain underlined items within the writing piece correct things like spelling and grammer errors that I spotted as I read it, and sometimes they're punctuation marks that I added to try and enhance the feeling and flow of words. 'Sentence Fluency' is what I'm referring to, where the sentences blend together naturally and make sense.

The bold underlined items show words or phrases that I literally changed myself because I believed those words fit better than the other ones, so this whole writing piece might be a few words longer than before it was edited like this.

* To what extent was his power that he had the ability to recruit as a member of the guard? What was it about his powers that made him capable of being one? Are they destructive powers, or maybe ones that defend?

** Never never never mistake the spelling of Equestria. Oh, and don't forget to capitalize the beginning 'E' in the word. This is what we call a proper noun... proper nouns are ALWAYS capitalized.

*** Notice the little triple periods I had added. '...' It marks a long pause, and if you see it from my perspective, a long pause can be a real bringer of emotion. Think about when someone is sad, or if they're going to cry. They don't just keep talking with a consecutive word flow, they pause a lot. Even at times like Gleaming Sword thinking about how he cared for Fluttershy, it can be seen as an emotional moment, so a long pause could generate such a feeling that your audience would know how much he cares for her.

**** You must always always ALWAYS indent frequently when it comes to dialogue, or two or more people speaking. Indentation is also necessary when marking the beginning of a new paragraph. You must also indent when the next person, or pony in this case, goes to speak.

***** Remember, that even everypony in Equestria has at least a first and last name. You must do with ponies' names as you do with regular peoples' names. Capitalize their first, AND last names. "Twilight Sparkle" for example. Notice how both her first and last names are capitalized. You have to do this with every proper noun. Including the names of cities, countries, brand names, and sometimes, even items of significance such as the Elements of Harmony.

****** Now I want you to try. This could very easliy just be a rough draft, right? For any writing piece, there's usually the rough draft, where the writing first starts out(kind of like a beta version of a game or something), then there's the final copy, which is the refined, edited, and final version of the writing. Observe the corrections and some additions that I've made to your writing piece already. This may not be your thing, but I tend to edit my writing pieces as I go. Whenever I make a grammer error or spelling or whatnot, I immediately correct it. While writing, if I believe another word/s or phrase/s could be used to make the piece sound better, then of course I would go to add them in. I'm not saying you have to do things like that, but you can if you want to.

Well, there's my constructive critisism for you... I'm not sure if that's really critisism rather than just advice, but I tried my best. Oh yes, and I would like to comment on a little bit of your story... I think Gleaming Sword had given up far too easily. To me, there was hardly any emotion by his sudden surrender. It just sounded like "Okay, I give up."

I was expecting more of an emotional battle between Fluttershy and Gleaming Sword, where Fluttershy tries to get him to see just what it is that he's doing wrong. If Gleaming Sword still hasn't learned anything after Fluttershy went to confront him, then he obviously never learned anything, really. It's not much of a happy ending at all, if you ask me. Look at when Twilight Sparkle and her friends stopped Nightmare Moon, a.k.a. Princess Luna, from taking over Equestria... she actually and sincerely apologized and wished to take her side next to Princess Celestia again. And I don't think Gleaming Sword really cares about Fluttershy at all... that he just used her to turn himself back into his old pony form and therefore shouldn't have been able to change back in the first place. To care for somepony is not to just use them for one's own self-righteous needs. At least that's how I see it... if you can explain that to me, then please do. Other than that, the only thing really wrong with it is a little spelling and grammer errors here and there. I'm sorry if I offended you at all... just trying to help.

YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello once again for the first time on this forum, everypony!

Okay, so I've had this in my head for quite some time now. As you may have guessed, it revolves around the beautiful harmonic art in the form of various frequencies and pitches of vibrations that we know of as music. Mainly, around the instruments that are used to make such awesome sounds that would in fact exist in the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic series. A world in which is less dominated by technological advances, but having more or less a medieval feeling to it, what with the castles and villages that make up Equestria.

Because of the limited technological advancements of Equestria, there can't be anything like an electric guitar, let alone any gadgets used to modify the sounds of the instruments... however, as we know, the great world of Equestria is very well known for using magic! Which brought me an idea... since there is probably a very wide variety of magic spells, I thought, why can't there be any sort of sound modifying spells? You'll have to excuse such a question if the answer to it is obvious... I'm still sort of new to this whole thing, but I have a pretty good outlook on it. So, on to the interesting idea... for example, if a pony were to use an acoustic guitar, a unicorn to be exact, could they possibly use a sort of spell on their guitar? Maybe, so when they strum any string on the guitar, they could get a more distorted electric guitar sound?

What do you guys think? Could it be possible for magic to modify the sound of any instrument they choose to play, maybe a distorted harp? Hey, there's an idea...

(I guess one might call 'em at a first glance... ( •_•), ( •_•)>⌐■-■, (⌐■_■) A timber wolf...)

It's like reading a thriller novel... other than the fact that both of them are now officially the main characters of it, but if that's the sort of feeling he suddenly gets out of this... that must mean something big might happen soon. There's always the suspense first... then the climax of the moment comes, and sometimes when one least expects it. Since she probably knows this area a lot better than he does... he tends to keep an eye on her actions and notes anything out of the ordinary. For a moment... she seemed a little nervous. He almost stopped completely as she is heard uttering whatever it was while she was noted to be observing the area, judging by her slight eye movements as they seem to scan the environment. If it's a threat that's coming... he'll most likely have to act swiftly. The chain-gun would do very nicely for that...

But it wasn't until she started to find a sense of hope, he could tell just by looking at her, and the way she suddenly started moving about. He kept pace along with her, though instead, using the large root as a 'springboard' and only slightly increasing his jump height... now if he were running, he just might soar through the air, when thinking of motion and all. When all that motion from running is suddenly directed to a jump, it typically goes higher than one's initial jump height. There was actually a point in his life where he thought of nothing else but improving his jump skill... there was something about being able to leap even a little higher than normal that made him feel.. good; simply put. Though when she stopped, he made sure to do the same...

He makes sure to follow where her vision points too, as he makes sure to try and see what she does as well... and with a little zoom, he could see the bark surfaces a little more clearly beyond the vine wall as he peered in between two vines at one of them, and with the way she looked at them... he could tell they weren't a friendly bunch at all. And there's no way that he'll give these things a chance to cause harm again. This time... he IS strong enough... and he CAN protect her this time. Never again will he allow an innocent to fall before the enemy... just before the enemies had jumped out, he had immediately swapped functions of the front half of his helmet. Detaching it from the rest of the head piece and revealing his true face, as he puts his right hoof inside what will now be his chain-gun... as the barrel swaps out for what appears to be a circular array of six bores. He may not have the benefit of a heads-up-display anymore, but that doesn't mean he still can't properly use this thing.

There's no way he's running now... he already has the motor going and the six barrels are spinning about, spinning at its default rate that would give this machine gun of his a high rate of fire. Though there's a huge problem with situations like these... and it's good for neither his opponents, nor himself. As he can feel his anger flowing through him now, as the creatures make their leap toward the filly, and as she bolts past him... it gives him the perfect opportunity to open fire. A single bullet might not have done much harm to even these strange wolf-like creatures' heads... but what about a thousand? He wonders, as the bullets suddenly start racing from the barrels of his gun. With previous training, he's able to almost fully control the recoil of his weapon... the sound of course is a little loud, but not as much as it would be if he were firing his sniper, as the repeating sounds of the same tone and frequency almost cancel each other out, and the bullets racing at high speed toward his newly found opponents. Though... this single moment might just be the end of Star. There was always the chance of that happening... but not in the way most might think. When Star lands a hit in hoof-to-hoof combat... his rage only increases, and easily gets to a point where he wouldn't stop until his opponent is dead. Now just imagine him landing a thousand hits... just from this fight...

He just might lose his mind.

(I know very well of this, but I wanted to make a little sense of even new companions starting to be in slight sync with one another. Take my brother and me for example... he seems to always know exactly what I'm thinking, either that or it's total coincidence... but he tends to say things that relate to said thoughts right when I'm thinking of them, even if it has nothing to do with what we're watching or reading about, or other things we might be discussing randomly about. At one point, I even asked him to try and guess what I was thinking... I don't know if it was blind luck or not, but he got it right on his first try. So I wanted to create a somewhat similar scenario. In this case, Raven thought of carrots, and when Star happened to look at her at that moment, he suddenly gets a craving for some... I don't know if that makes sense or not, but I tried. ^^)

A slight but nervous feeling sweeps over Star's very being... what if they're actually heading in a wrong direction, or if they wind up in a town that's not Las Pegasus? It wouldn't matter to him where they went, but to her... she was more specific as to where she wanted to go, and just might become angry because of he that led them in the wrong direction....

and it only fuels the fire...

Though he feels nervous about it, he starts to grow angry again, but at least... not with her. Of course, he would be the one to cause somepony else a great deal more of trouble. If he only knew a little more about his environment... he definitely saw towns down below, but hardly knew anything about their ways of life, standards, or even their names for that matter. Though at least, he'll try and make up for such faults... probably his only quality of him is the fist of iron that he wields. The deadly accurate weapon equipped in his head accessory serves as his blade that, for now, he'll only use to protect Raven when the time comes... and in a forest like any, that time could be either near or far.

Still, no matter how upset he could get, he doesn't stop in making sure almost a full percentage of the time that the area is clear, but at least she wouldn't be able to notice too easily... as he observes that she seems to avoid the plants before them... it's probably for the best of reasons. Since she is probably more knowledgeable; just because she's a filly, doesn't mean she doesn't have potential... at least, he imagines that's probably very true. If she weren't, she may have just casually passed through any plant in this forest without even thinking twice. It's been too long, though... nothing has happened yet, which puts him even more on edge than before... as of now, he could 'pull the trigger' at literally any given moment, and with only so much as a single glance. He still easily keeps up with the little filly, but that does not even in the slightest put him at ease...

As expected, the black suited stallion would be seen trotting along behind her. Keeping a reasonable distance between them as to keep personal space in mind... deep down, he feels that same warmth that seems to increase in intensity as she seems to be getting more comfortable with him. Even if it's bit by bit, it's a lot more progress than he's made in quite a while. He makes sure to keep a watchful eye of his surroundings, looking closely at bushes around them, and his ears twitching at almost every slight sound. Though he knows an ambient setting when he's in one, it's better safe than sorry.

Every time she would throw herself through a bush... he almost cringes at the sight of it. Having almost no knowledge of this forest, he has no clue just what might be waiting in those bushes, or which ones are potentially poisonous or something just to make contact with them. Even though the suit would protect him mostly from that... he still hops over the bushes.

"Er... right, you're very welcome. You can call me Dark Star, or something short of it I suppose." he replies, smiling a little at that... that's funny, when he looked at her for a moment, he had a slight craving for carrots... though one does sound very good right now. It's been a while since he's eaten one that was freshly picked from the ground... though he keeps himself on topic, and continues to follow along with the little filly... though isn't he supposed to be leading the way, if he knows supposedly how to get to 'Las Pegasus'? He wonders... as he places himself now to the side of her, but not right next to her...

If only she could see his expression right now... as his eyes widen a little at the sight of her smile. Could he have somehow caused that?... surprising, even for him. Though, he supposes he shouldn't be too surprised. Since the youth of any sort of species tends to be more happy and without as much of a care in the world. Still... he feels a sort of warmth inside from it. At least he could make somepony smile...

As a matter of fact, he does remember a lot of what the image of the ground looked like on his way down, and the river indeed would bring them closer to what he believed he saw was a town not too far from it... in fact, could this be the 'Las Pegasus' she had been seeking? This in fact is his target town... and traveling through the forest is the most covert way of showing up. One does not land in the middle of a civilized society, because there is no doubt that there will be somepony that would have seen you... he supposes the forest is no exception, then. As sometimes there are weary travelers within, but thankfully.. at least this one doesn't appear to be very hostile at all.

"...Well, I believe I just might know how to get there. If I remember correctly... following along that river should bring us closer to the main road that we can take directly to the place." he said... though he would never mention just how he might know that... as far as she's concerned, he just fell down some trees and landed here. Rather painfully at that... given the hidden bruises on various places on his body. The suit is extremely tough to tear, but sometimes it would seem that objects that hit him seem to skip the suit entirely, and the damage would be dealt almost directly to the stallion himself. "...Though for your safety, since I'm not really going anywhere in particular... I think I should go with you. Where there's water, there's bound to be others somewhere... and we never know just how dangerous they might be. Don't worry, I'll watch your back."

Unfortunately, looking directly at the filly would also mean pointing his primary weapon directly at her too. It's very hazardous just to look at anything, really. Especially if his mind is a bit foggy... he might even be forced to remove his piece of equipment if he had to. Though for some reason... he now feels more at ease than he did before when he was tearing down through the sky. He could have sworn he would have gone mad if it continued any longer... it would be even worse if he had to enter combat soon after meeting this little one. He tends to show no mercy to his foes... and they usually end in pieces if they were unfortunate enough to wind up in his chain-gun's line of fire. This said weapon happening to be the helmet's front piece when it 'transforms' by simply exchanging the type of barrel and switching to a different firing mechanism.

"Oh, don't worry.. I'll be fine. It will take a lot more than that to bring me down." he tries to say with enthusiasm, but not so much so that he might freak her out... and to prove to her that he indeed can see everything in front of him, he might as well give a somewhat in depth description of what he sees around him... it gives a pretty good picture, at least he would think. "Though rest assured... I can see quite clearly. I'm pretty sure this is dirt below me, along with various but few scattered leaves and branches befallen from when I came crashing through earlier. In fact, there's a whole lot of trees around us, since this is a forest after all. You appear to me as a small filly with the coat of a very dark hue of purple, and from my orientation, your left eye is dark purple as well, but your right eye is a dark blue. Your cutie mark appears to look like a raven, and your mane is mostly dark purple as well, but only with a couple black stripes, not to mention it being quite long. I'm seeing quite a mix of colors to your tail if I'm not mistaken... dark purple of course, dark blue, and jet black. You're wearing a traveler's backpack, I take it... need I say more?"

It was just a split second before everything went black... and for a short period of time, he could feel himself as if he were floating within an abyss of total nothingness. It's like being in a dimension of darkness with no hope of escape... all he can do is just.. float there. It felt like only a moment to him, but in reality, it must have been quite a while since he'd last been completely knocked out. As he finds himself landed in the middle of a forest with what he thought was a river nearby by the sound of it, at least he thought so.

Slowly... he would regain consciousness, though it is not at all obvious, his eyes would slowly peel open, and with the sudden detection of more active brain waves, everything seems to reactivate. The screen/scope of his head piece turns on again, and suddenly, the filly would see the four ribbons laid about start to move. These ribbons retracting themselves right back into the strange pony's back. At a rather quick rate, as well. He lets out a slight groan as he lifts his head up to view his environment... the pain from before still getting to him a little, but he can't let this stop him from progressing.

He takes a small moment to view his surroundings... of course, he's not too surprised by the mass of trees around him. The dirt floor beneath him is surprisingly comfortable to lay on. Then... he spots what he believes is a young filly. She seems to be packed up quite nicely for a sort of traveling affair. Maybe she's headed somewhere... of course, he doesn't feel too alarmed at the moment, since it is only a filly he's dealing with at the moment. Clearly, she's very curious about the black stallion... who wouldn't be? He probably looks like something that came from outer space or something. His mind is clear, so the intention to fire off his sniper-moded helmet is very far in the back of his mind. Should she manifest as a real threat will he only be thinking about attacking... but would it be right either way? Having to take a filly's life just seems... such a waste. In more ways than one, too.

"Oh... um... hello there, little one." he tries to kindly greet the little filly.

Hai there! Space pony Dark Star here to wish you a joyous and wonderful stay here in Canterlot! Where you can discover the magic of friendship with the forever companions you'll make here! I just know you'll have a ton of fun here, so I encourage you to go all out with every roleplay post you make! With that said... I'll be seeing you in the RP section. Have fun! ^u^

(There have been few and rare times where I have come up with posts as long and detailed as that one... this might not be as long, but I'm trying. >.>)

It felt so much like that one fateful day that his family decided to set out for their final gathering together... the air density was perfect that morning. It wasn't too humid, the sun was just showing about an inch over the horizon, yet the sky was still a perfect shade of blue... and there she was. The beautiful, kind, loving mare that had given him life with a blissful smile as she trotted along with her forever husband who may not have looked it, but was quite lean and had the strength to carry both Dark Star and his wife for a thousand miles if he had to. Then they came... the damned blue skinned lifeforms with their taunting nature, firing their explosive rounds on us... sending the once purely white coated stallion into the same trunk that put him unconscious on that day....

First Day: Awakening

The black stallion burst up from under his covers... like lightning, he sat up and had to gasp for air to withstand the still shocking event that runs through his mind to this day. No matter how many times he has it... it's still his worst nightmare to date. Having to relive that same event every time he's just about to get his mind off of it after a few days of trying to forget and move on. Why must his own mind be so cruel to him? It's as if life is out to get him... even when all signs of life are down below. As of current events, his space station seems to float just above the planet in question... which way was up, anyway? In space, it felt as if there was no such thing as a specific, sure direction. The planet was sometimes above, below, and even to the side of the space station. After a few seconds and huffs of breath, he swings his hind legs over the edge of the bed... making it and preparing for yet another day of pure isolation.

He knows very well that there's no one to impress in this place... so there really isn't much of a point to 'get ready' for anything... still, it pays to be clean and such. As he heads to the bathroom branching off of his personal quarters, he notices himself yet again in the mirror... what's this? How had he not noticed as he woke up? He inches closer to the mirror, looking at his cheeks.... tears.... he nearly gasps at the sight of it. Could it be his subconscious response toward such a dilemma in his own dream realm? He does still love his parents... even after so much time had passed since that day, he can't seem to move on that easily. He looks down from the mirror... unable to look at himself even now. As a couple more tears stream down as he thinks of the two ponies that literally gave their lives to raise and protect him. He then snaps out of it...

Dangit... get a hold of yourself, Star!

He demands in his mind, as he then loosens the valve to the water faucet of the sink just below the mirror... taking the moment to fill up the sink, as he uses his frontal hooves to scoop and quickly splash his face with water... literally shaking his head to 'shake off' the current feeling that seems to overwhelm him. He reluctantly looks at himself again... what a mess. He looks like he just rolled out of bed. Well, technically, he did. He sighs, as he takes time for a quick bath. The warm water of the tub always seems to put him at ease. Despite the warmness of the water, he still shivers slightly as he first steps in. He spends about fifteen minutes in the tub full of water... his mind being completely drained of anything harsh so far. Once he felt completely at ease, he steps out and quickly dries off... emptying out the tub, of course.

After he's completely dried off... more during the time, he took that moment in time to prepare a simple breakfast. Though lately, he doesn't really care what he eats and when... as long as he can get something in his stomach whenever he's hungry, then he's satisfied. Let's see... how long has it been since he stocked up last time? Two years? Wow... that must be a record. He must have really stocked up last time with all the bits he managed to make... he checks up on the status to the survival item supply in his station, and he seems to be running low... well, looks like these two years are now up. It's time to get going, then.

As he views the world from a large on-screen... it looks to be in great shape at the moment. That's good... in that case, there just might not be that much to worry about. Though he never knows next when he must engage in battle... whether it's warding of predators, or dealing with a bandit or two along a commonly tread path. That's always what he hates about common paths... they have that tendency to be unsafe at certain times. And on top of that, said times are highly unpredictable. One never knows when, or how anyone would attempt to kill you. It's a good thing his little article of clothing is suited for combat... even though he has trained in conditions where there are no weapons available, a weapon just makes a fight that much more of a cinch. It's best to take somepony out quickly, so that less energy is expended in the process.

Clearly in not much of a hurry, but it's still best to have some speed to this... as he heads to the suiting room. Which will only act as a precursor to the adventure up ahead... as he dresses up in his common gear to prepare him for the great descent he will surely make. A black, tight fitting leather-like suit that fits the stallion's figure perfectly... as the suit seems to be stuck to him, to the point where he can't properly take it off without tearing it to shreds, but with a single mental command... the suit would easily break its molecular bond on his back... his cutie mark still showing in his suit, as it appears to be a golden outlined black star on his flank. For the suit at least, it's a golden outline... it makes it stand out, at least he thinks so. But he hasn't had to worry about such a thing compromising any stealth measures... and now comes his commonly used helmet used not only for breathing in outer space, but ultimately as his primary weapon in combat... the helmet comes in two halves. The front 'half' covering his face, and is the longer half... as it narrows to a tip, and in fact, the tip is hollowed out as an implemented and rifled barrel. His only line of vision now is through the screen on the inside of the helmet's front half. Showing him a green crosshair, marking the place in which a bullet would hit if he were to fire at this very moment. The back half of his helmet covering most of his head, and of course, it too narrowing to a point, but it is the shorter half of the head piece.

Once suited up and ready to launch... he sets off for the airlock to the space station... where only he will launch and slip his way through the planet's atmosphere. Literally just himself... a space ship being completely out of the question. He set his aim for what appeared to be a forest area... a perfectly covert way of slipping down onto the world's surface undetected. The airlock doors suddenly open, and he's left to guide his jump properly toward the planet... reclining his frontal hooves, and diving straight down to the ground... looking somewhat like an over sized spear slicing through the air... within minutes, the pony would feel the rush of air again as he pierces the atmosphere. Falling as fast as possible as he inches his way closer to the Earth's surface, though maneuvering some in the air to the point where he can somewhat slow his fall. After a few minutes of a complete free-fall... usually one would feel completely at ease and without a care in the world as they do something like this... but not in his case. As he descends at a ferocious speed, he can feel a building rage as he pushes air out of the way during his fall... to the point where he even starts to grit his teeth firmly. As soon as he reaches a close range between him and the forest floor... he slows his falling speed only slightly as he faces his whole body down and spreading his limbs... and just before he could hit the tops of the trees, a black, four ribbon parachute extends from his back... from below, it could look like anything... maybe tentacles sticking out of his back and making huge coils above him. Almost like a thinly sectioned balloon on his back that actually reclines his falling speed effectively... though this is a forest, so he braces himself. He doesn't want one of the loops to get caught on a branch or something... so he performs a sort of leap... or fall of faith. Allowing himself to tumble and scrape against certain trees on his way down. It was painful... but he had no choice at this point. After a few seconds of that, which felt like a whole lot longer... he finally hits the forest floor. The hits from before causing him a bit of an ordeal of pain... to the point where a few moments later, he would go unconscious...