Shayua Haise

I hope these fixes work out all right for you. I realized there were even some parts where i had gotten a tad distracted while creating her. The motivation is much better. Her motivation for singing is bringing joy to those who hear it, and her future goals are to become a star and sing for the princess. Sounds good! I see your summary goes a bit more in depth about her personality now, that's good. Good to know she had a strong connection with her mother. I like it, I can't see much else wrong with it. More detail on her personality and the like is always useful, but this look good for me. Good luck, let's see what the helpstaff think about her!

Update: June 28 So I've updated the page and the doc. To the page I've added more information on Captain Whitecap, Sea Breeze, and Captain Stern. To the doc, 1353 words of fiction written for the story Prelude, as well as about 300 words for Prelude's prequel, which I will release after Prelude. It's nothing important, just the story of Gale growing up. As for Prelude, feel free to read what's written so far. Also, I removed the summaries of finished characters so as to not give away spoilers. -------------------------------------------------------------- Hello everyone. You might recognize me as Shayua, the man with the clapping Octavia for an avatar. It's been suggested, by a couple of people, that I write a fiction about my newly approved roleplaying character, Adagio Acapella. I've decided this might be a fun experience, so I'm going to try my best, but it wont be a fiction. It'll be a series. It will start before Adagio is born, with his parents when they were young, and will end at "Present" time, the time when I "Take control" of Adagio and begin roleplaying him. Basically, these fictions will be Adagios past, while the roleplaying board will be his present and future. It's possible I'll do an "Alternate reality" sort of thing, where I continue writing fictions about Adagio past the point I take control, but it wont be canon to his character. Not unless stated otherwise. So, the first thing I have to do is get all my information straight. Things like people, places, major events, details of said people and places. After that I can get to writing a rough draft for the first fiction, which I'm calling "Prelude". Note: I'm going for musical themed fiction titles. I figured I'd stick it. So, starting off I'm going to supply some character information for the people who will be a major role in the stories. The reason I'm doing this is I want criticism on things like names, looks, places of origin etc. And for some of them, things like personality traits and past events. I'll start off with Adagio's family. ------------------------------------------------- Adagio Acapella: Adagio's picture. For summary, check his log here. Gale: Gale's picture. North Star: North Star's picture. Sea Breeze: Sea Breeze's picture. Sea Breeze is a young filly, daughter of Gale and North Star, younger sister of Adagio Acapella. She lives with her mother and older brother in Hoofington. Her wings are too small to carry her anywhere, but she keeps the dream of flying with her family close to her heart. While Sea Breeze is shy around those she doesn't personally know, she warms up easily and is very social once she gets to know someone. She enjoys a prank or two, but for the most part prefers to keep out of trouble. Sea Breeze is still a WIP. Captain Whitecap: Whitecap's picture. Gale's most recent captain - Captain Stern: Captain Stern's picture. ---------------------------------------------------- So there we are. Anything detailed "WIP" other than background stories, require a little help from anyone willing to. I'll take into consideration things like age, name, looks, personality, and race. Any other suggestions are welcome and encouraged. I have the doc made for Prelude, though it's just a place holder. I'll link it anyway and notify of updates. Prelude

I'm sure it wont be as bad as mine was, I was asked to shorten mine! They don't really mind length. If you ramble a bit, it'll be okay.

Greetings! Looking forward to seeing you around the forum. Good luck on your application.

Welcome to the boards. I hope you enjoy your stay, and feel free to ask anyone around if you have any questions or concerns.

[ PEGASUS ] Adagio Acapella // Pegasus // Male // Young Adult // Profile // Threads - Not Active Yet -

Hmmm. I don't think your summary and the like give enough information about Starsong herself, rather they just give information about her past. For her motivation, you should point out, preferably, why she does what she does and possibly what she hopes to accomplish by doing it. I'd ask that you expand her summary a bit more, going a bit more in depth about her personality and how she interacts with other ponies. A question about her cutie mark. What does the star stand for? Clearly the notes and the bar stand for music, but what about her special talent relates to that star? Is it symbolic for something about her, or her personality? I'm looking forward to seeing Starsong progress, good luck with your application.

Greetings, and welcome to Canterlot. I'm sure you'll have a blast here.

It's funny, I actually found it via a friend who sent me a message on MSN saying: "Man, can you believe these sad people who watch My Little Pony?" I laughed with him and promptly said, "Man, I could never watch that crap." Then I saw who the producer and directors were. And then I was saying to that same friend, "Is it odd that I watched every episode of Friendship is Magic last night and then read a ton of fan fiction before I went to sleep?" Spoiler: He's a brony too now, thanks to my constant posting of pony references.

Thank you very much for your suggestions, I'll keep them in mind. Edit: Cleared up what I had to do, got back to work on the profile. I copied his CMC over to a notepad on my desktop to save for later, in the event I decide to expand on it, and then shortened the one here to the best of my ability. I added two new paragraphs to his character summary, explaining a bit of background for his family as well as himself. This hopefully answers the question as to how he uses his wings to help with his special talent, and why his family are Pegasus. I also did some minor changes here and there that aren't really important, mainly reworded some things, fixed grammatical errors, the like. Removed the WIP tag to signify that I'm ready for it to be evaluated again, but keep in mind I am still editing it as I come up with better ways to say things, and better ways to describe Adagio. I will add the tag back in the event more major work is suggested, or I find something important that I need time to fix. Hope you like the changes!

Update! Added two new paragraphs to his profile, above his Cutie Mark Chronicle. Updated a bit of the story, explaining why he stays at the diner. Expanded his dislikes a bit to be more in depth. Updated first paragraph to explain his physique more.

Greetings, welcome to the forum. I hope you enjoy your stay here!

Greetings! Welcome to the community, I'm sure you'll enjoy your time here.

Greetings! Wonderful to meet you! I'm looking forward to seeing you around.

I don't see me adding any more backstory other than that, and I personally think it looks decent. I removed the WIP tag.