Sheenmetamorphosis

Ok i wrote a small story and would like the opinions of other bronies to help me improve upon my writing skills. please help. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Long ago there was a colt who wielded great power, greater than any pony ever thought possible. His name was Gleaming Sword one of the few ponies gifted with both wings and a horn. As he grew older he power only increased. He managed to gain a position as the captain of the guard. With all he did to protect equestrian he never had time to make a single friend. Before long he began to resent the other ponies. He thought that they were too weak to be allowed to live. Soon after deciding that Gleaming sword when on a rampage burning villages to the ground, his brutal attacks against the very people he was sworn to protect quickly caught the attention of princess Celestia. With the aid of both her sister Luna and the elements of harmony she managed to trap Gleaming sword in the body of a bunny. He would be force to remain in that form until he learned to truly care for some pony. He was heavily guarded for many years until the fateful day of the sonic rainboom. As it unleashed Twilight sparkle’s hidden power, it also caused the perfect distraction for the little bunny to escape. Gleaming sword quickly fled as he happened upon a young filly with a sweet and loving voice singing to the local wild life. Her voice compelled him to approach. He followed the young fluttershy from that point on remembering that he had to learn to care for some pony to regain his former body. As she noticed his constant presence she gave him the pet name angel. He watched her grow without her suspecting anything of what he truly was. But things changed as she returned from her encounter with Chrysalis He had realized he had missed her. He had worried that something would happen to her as she was gone. He had begun to care for her. As he realized this a green light began to slowly spin around His small frame engulfing him. Fluttershy watched in terror as “Angel” was swallowed up by the strange light. When it dissipated there was Gleaming Sword standing there with a smile on his face. “I am free and I owe it all to you Fluttershy.” He said as he approached her. “Wha-what did you do with angel?” she asked cowering on the ground. “The answer is simple my dear, I am Angel.” He said with a grin. He explained to her his story before heading for the door. “Where are you going angel, oh I mean Gleaming sword?” She asked still a little unsure about his story. “Why my dear Fluttershy I have to exact my revenge on the two that bound me to that form for so many years.” He said as he walked out the door and disappeared into the Everfree forest. She quickly rushed to warn twilight of what she had just seen and heard. Twilight sparkle was skeptical of the idea because she had never heard of Gleaming Sword in any books of equestrian history. Still she sent a letter of warning to Princess Celestia Just to reassure Fluttershy. Much to her surprise Celestia reply almost instantly. The letter asked for all of the wielders of the elements to meet with her in canterlot. As they arrived in canterlot only to find it under heavy watch from the guard, Shining armor was even sent to retrieve them from the train. As they walked twilight asked why there where so many guards if Chrysalis had been defeated. He replied by saying “I don’t know twilight Celestia Ordered us to double our guard. She seemed almost afraid.” That reply only made her more anxious to find out just who this colt was. As soon as she reached Celestia she could see for herself the worry in her eyes. “Twilight sparkle thank goodness you arrived unharmed.” Celestia greeted. “What’s going on who is this gleaming sword?” twilight asked. “He was the captain of the guard long ago twilight, one of the most gifted ponies I had ever seen. But something dark grew inside of him. The elements alone may not be enough to stop him I am afraid, you will need to recruit, I can’t believe I am saying this, but you must try to ally yourselves with Chrysalis. Her changeling army and the elements may have a chance at stopping gleaming armor from destroying all of Equestria” Celestia said only to be answered by a laugh. “That is a good plan; It would have been better it your guards could have kept me from hearing it.” Startled they all looked towards the door to see a hooded colt standing there. In the hall behind him there laid a handful of guards he had knocked unconscious shining armor included. “Now don’t get me wrong I want to see this place burn as much as the next pony, but I would be content to Just disposing of you and your sister Princess.” He said with a grin. “Shining armor!” Twilight yelled as she ran toward Gleaming Sword. He swung his left hoof and caught her in the side of the head knocking her out cold. “so this is what passes for your prized student these day, I must say I am disappointed Celestia.” He said as his horn glowed and caused vines to break through the ground and bind Applejack Rarity and Rainbow dash. “It seems we have to deal with him again Luna.” Celestia said aher and Luna stepped forward horns glowing. “please you think you have a chance against me without the elements. He said with a laugh. Fluttershy quickly rushed in front of him. “Sorry but I can’t let you do that he is still angel after all.” She turned and looked at him. “But I also can’t allow you to harm any pony else.” She said staring at Gleaming armor. “Ruin my fun why don’t you. Fine then I will allow them to live if I am permitted to live in ponyville and watch over Fluttershy.” He said with a frown. “You where right Luna Even someone like Gleaming sword can be turned good by the power of caring for others.” Celestia said with a smile. “Let’s head home then.” Twilight said as she started heading toward the door. Only Gleaming sword lingered. Her turned and stared at the two princesses. “Let’s see now how long Fluttershy can keep me from taking down your precious city. He said as he began to head out the door himself. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Constructive criticism is appreciated as this is my first attempt at writing.

About Myself: There is not much i can say. i am not good at thinking of stuff off the top of my head like this so if you want to know me i guess you have to judge me for yourselves. How I found Canterlot.com: I surfed the web for a comunity after watching MLP How I became a fan of MLP:FiM: My buddy introduced me to it My favourite main cast pony/s: Fluttershy Hello everypony I look forward to finding many new friends here! if i am on feel free to get a hold of me