As many of you have noticed, I've been significantly less active lately, only making appearances in certain places and keeping my activity to a minimum. While this could be brushed off as just general laziness, the truth is I've been dealing with a lot of roadblocks in my life as of late. I'm not one to talk about my problems with people, as I'd rather not show emotion and try to remain a hard shell to crack, but given the recent events, I feel I should inform you all of where I've been.
First of all, the typical stuff. School, work, real life obligations, etc, you get it. It's been crazy semester to say the least. This is my first year at a four year university, not to mention one of the most notable ones in the state of Georgia (Georgia College and State University) since graduating from a two year junior college last spring. The adjustment has taken a toll on me and getting used to it has been a challenge. In a similar vein, I also pledged to a fraternity this semester, which lead to even more time being taken. Now that I'm finally a full member, the time constraints have sadly not leased very much. And finally, of course, there is the full time job I work. So all of those things considering, time has been something I haven't had much of.
Unfortunately, that is not the biggest factor into my inactivity. My personal life has been in turmoil lately, with various factors leading me to feelings of hopelessness and apathy.
The first pillar to fall happened back in early October. A really good friend of mine, whom I was very close with, was arrested and charged with rape. I will not go into the details of what went into his arrest, but regardless, it was heavy for me to deal with. I had held out hope that he didn't do anything wrong and that the charges would be dropped, but more and more it became clear that he wasn't going to be able to pull through this. His next court date may be his last. This left me with a personal conflict that still to this day is driving me insane. I take rape very seriously, and I believe in rapist being harshly punished to the fullest extent. However, this was my friend, who I wanted to support no matter what. It has left me in a moral paradox, which has contributed more problems on my plate. Another issue I have been dealing with involves things with my home life. Again, I don't want to say much more about this, but to sum it up its starting to look like I may be trying to find a new place to life.
And of course, how do I deal with these things? The worst way possible. On average I smoke maybe two packs of cigarettes a day (I've given up trying to quit smoking at this point), and I've been drinking way more than normal. I don't have any known immediate family members who suffer from alcoholism, but the amount I've been taking in lately is definitely alarming.
The good news is things are getting much, much better in all the areas I've mentioned, and I think I'll be able to manage going into Christmas break.
Now that you have read this, I want to make something absolutely clear. I did not write this for attention. I did not write this for people to pity me. I did not write this to make myself feel good. I wrote this because I honestly feel like I owe you guys an explanation for why I've fallen off the map. I also want to thank those of you who left kind words on my statuses lately, it means more than you know.
I appreciate all who took the time to read this, and look forward for me getting heavily involved in RPing soon. I have some ideas for more Cadence threads (whom I depserately need to post more with) as well as a new OC app in the works.
Thank you all, I love you guys. Have a wonderful day!
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