Morality (now with added creative angst)

[CherryRie]

Okay so this is the sample prologue from a fan fic I'm writing atm. Its based on the initial blurb from the Heart of Equestria though is not directly linked to the cannon that will be established by the RP once its in full swing. Anywho this is basically my first full length story and I really could do with some feed back or pointers. If you spot anything in the writing or sentence structure that needs addressing, please quote it in your post.

Thanks to everyone on the dev-team for HofE who inspired me to write this and what is to follow, you are all awesome!

(ps, I know that Pegasus-unicorns are usually referred too as Alicorn's here, but there is reasoning behind the use of the name Unisus. Just to let you know before I get twenty people telling me that )

Final vertion is now up on Google Doc's! Feel free to have a read through.

MORALITY

[CherryRie]

HUGHE kudos to Freddie for all his help. We've proof read and reworded a good fifty percent of the prologue and it flows much more easily now. Still to address the '2am' bit in the last paragraph but with any luck we'll have that sorted soon too ^^,

[CherryRie]

Edit number three! Well this is a little better now. I've finally gone back through the awful '2am' paragraphs and really feel its starting to take shape. In doing so I've inadvertently stumbled across what will be a possible end scenario for the fic, still thinking on that though

[CherryRie]

So, after a review by Mask of Data revealed a lot of issues I needed to adress I've had something of a rewrite. Any opinions would be grately apreciated.

[CherryRie]

Please ignore this rambling. I know not many people will read this thread but I need somewhere to dump these thoughts in the open.

I'm not sure whether to bother continuing with this. I haven't been in the best of moods lately so I may as well carry on for a while and see if the feeling remains. But it's probably a pretty bad sign when a fic is ignored on three separate sites. The only feedback I'm getting for this is from those I badger into giving some, there can't be more than ten people or so that have even read the flipping thing.

I think my problem is that I don't know who I'm writing it for anymore. At first it was just a fun project, but then as the story grew I've become ever more disenfranchised. Though still enjoying the challenge, privately I hate myself for what the main characters have to suffer for the sake of a so far winding and incomplete plot. I don't even know what the story is about anymore. It has changed and softened so many times that the chapters beyond what's already written are now just a gooy mess with no end or form too them. So the only reason I've got left really is a tossup between finishing what I've started and writing something for other people to enjoy reading. The latter part of that seems to have fallen on its face completely, given that other than a deconstructive review by maskofdata it has been largely ignored, even by EqD whom didn't even give me an opinion.

Perhaps I'm just being selfish, but then again I doubt that other fic writers simply create for pleasure. It's human nature to want to be recognised and needed, but I think in my present state I'm asking a little too much. Ye gods listen to me, I sound like a spoilt brat in the middle of a grocery store shouting 'Look At ME!'

Maybe if I had an ending to aim for? At the moment the story feels like a winding valley streaching out down towards some unseen township. I can't see a path or even where the trend is taking me, just that its going downhill through rough terrain. The forest of ideas keeps getting wilder and wilder, pulling the feel of the story around with total whimsy, disregarding the fact that the whole thing has to make sence come the end. I get the feeling it'll end up writing itself into a hole like some poorly scripted anime, Celestia knows I've already thought of a duce'ex'machina I could use, something that should never be planned for in any decent story.

Am I tired? Maybe. But I'm also sick of wanting attention for something I should be writing for my own pleasure, not for the approval of random individuals, even ones I care about.

An ending would be nice. Something to aim for and guide the party, rather than stumbling around hoping for some rabbit track of inspiration. But as of yet I can't see one that makes sense to the rest of the plot. Perhaps I just need to sit down and rethink the whole thing, probably when I'm actually feeling better.

I should really post in the gala too. I'd promised Freddie I would last weekend, but thanks to work and crazy I just haven't got around to it. The whole world feels to be behind a pane of glass, right in front of my face and yet cut off and separate.

probably continue with this later, need to go to work now.

CherryRie