Constellations and Their Relation to Doing Dishes, Or Crescent's Guide to Marriage (Closed: Rosewind)

[SteelEagle]

Crescent conferred with his buddy, happy to have a few aces up the proverbial sleeve for the benefit of Velvet's social life. Everypony needed help sometimes, and when it came to somepony's social standing even more so as perceived slights could turn into the gaping wounds from which a social life could be crippled. Personally he cared little for the games played by high society who, in their high towers, adimantly sought to distance themselves from one another and create greater social hiearchies. But social responbility was as demanding and nervewracking as raising a child. With slightly less cursing and temper tantrums and a whole lot less bathroom disasters and messy accidents.

At that time, Velvet fell. And Velvet threw the drink across the room and hit Prissypants. The way she managed to pile on the disasters for her loving husband to deal wirg was truly spectacular. If she could turn that into a business model then they would be a family of untold material wealth...and not welcome at socisl functions in the slightest. You know what, it wasn't a bad idea at all. Too bad you couldn't monetize party disasters, Velvet could have changed her cutie mark, Crescent would quit his job, and everypony would be happy, Until then, amidst the murmurs that erupted after the gasps died down after the disaster, all he could do was trot towards his wife with some pep in his step and knew that beyond everything else she would need him to help pull her out of the muck and set her mind straight. There were many rules of marriage, but one of the hidden was that beyond all else at times both parties needed to be the valiant white knight and the other the damsel in distress.

Crescent approached his wife and pulled her up, in the same motion wiping the tears that were forming on her eyelids. She may have just destroyed the party, but no need to cause another scene. He had his backside to the partygoers as he allowed them to bore holes through his flesh with their piercing eyes, in front of Velvet as he was. He put a hoof to her chin.

[colour=#800000]"It's okay, Velvet. Just keep it together, lover mine,"[/colour] he stated simply, giving her a peck on the cheek as he allowed the bond of live to store between them the energy needed to move past such a scene,[colour=#800000] "and if nothing else, the gift is the least of our concerns now,"[/colour] he said with a cheshire grin, feeling some angry stomps behind him.

"Ah, the Sparkles. So nice of you to join us...and promptly try to ruin my party," Prissypants said with all of the venom hidden behind a smile that those words could contain, magically moving a towel to wash her face. Crescent immediately launched his only salvo.

[colour=#800000]"Such a pleasure! Tell me, how is your son, Lord Donut Steal Dark Razor Wing?"[/colour] Crescent asked nonchalantly, and from the corner of their eyes came a young stallion. His natural green coat had been dyed sloppily all black, and his brown eyes were changed for the colour of red. Wings were taped on. So was a horn. Prissypants' face turned whiter than Celestia herself.

"Lord Donut Steal Dark Razor Wing of the Celestial Guard Elite Alpha Strike Force! I joined it because of my dark and gritty past you see," The young stallion blasted out, taking the attention of the guests hostage. Good for the Sparkles.

"Sweetie, please-"

"I even grew up in an orphanage!"

"Please go back-"

"That's why I'm so dark and tragic, so I became an elite assassin!"

"Your friends are probably waiting- how'd you even get back inside of-"

"I saved the Princesses' and they all wanted to marry me, but my heart belongs to-"

"Oh sweet-"

"Celestia!"

"Gahh! Go back outside with your friends already!"

"I'm the seven element!"

"Please leave and continue LARPING somewhere else!"

"DARKNESS! I'm blind, too!"

"SISSYPANTS, GO BACK OUTSIDE!"

"I can see only DARK EMOTIONS."

Yep, all the attention was gathered. Crescent nudged his wife and gave a slight wink, a smirk heavy on his face,[colour=#800000] "So, lover mine, you were worried about something?"[/colour]

[Rosewind]

Velvet's heart beat heavily in her chest, her mind deeply mired in the muck of social mayhem. Her nose ached, her cheeks flushed pink from the champagne. Oh, that flying champagne. She knew Crescent was good at figuring out problems, but this one seemed beyond repair. Her forehooves were splayed in odd directions, her rump elevated in the air. At least her new dress was fine. She sighed, figuring she scored something tonight, even if the universe was out to get her. She glanced up with watery emerald-blue eyes as a pair of familiar hooves trotted into her vision. She glanced up, cheeks growing rosier. She smiled as Crescent pulled her off the floor. She would definitely need to make it up to him tonight. She would probably give him a hoof rub, maybe make a mug of hot chocolate...

Hot chocolate. Velvet loved chocolate. Anything chocolate. You should shower her with chocolate and she would readily approve. She also had the cooking skill capable of burning a bowl of cereal. Her last attempt to make "hot chocolate" involved her throwing a bar of chocolate into a pot, putting it over the fire in the kitchen, and wandering off for twenty minutes or so. She only realized you had to add milk to the mixture when Crescent approached her on the couch, a smoking pot hovering in the air next to him...with a hole burned clear through it. It wasn't the first pot to fall victim to her culinary whims, nor was it the last.

The mare grinned sheepishly, burrowing her cheek against Crescent's. She sniffed, quickly composing herself. Who was that strange colt, and why was he dressed funny? Whatever it was, it was their queue to become more scarce. She planted her gaze straight into Crescent's, lowering her voice to an audible whisper as the LARPing pony made his public presence known to the party. [colour=#9966CC]"Okay then! Well done, honey!"[/colour]

Velvet tugged her hubby away from the crowd of Nobles, quickly nabbing another flute of champagne off the tray of a slack-jawed server standing frozen as he observed the newest party disaster to grace the room. She quickly downed it, her horn glowing pale violet. [colour=#9966CC]"You know Cressy, I'd say this evening so far has been a little above average. Remember what happened last time we attended a party like this?"[/colour]

[SteelEagle]

Crescent understood his wife as well as one pony could expect to understand another. Beauty was in imperfections, where one saw flaw and disgrace or simply something to be shuffled under the rug another saw a unique spark that somehow made the other cuter, unique, and more endearing. Perfections were like seasoning on potatoes, the powerful aromas and tastes that could define how you felt but were in all ways actually not all that important. It was in the small moments with the small ticks that a pony didn't know they had that you found the tolerance and acceptance that were the final barriers to a real love. And he knew and accepted her ticks, and watched it in her eyes as another wave took her over. She had a habit, a nervous tick, one that he wondered if she consciously knew and tolerated or was ignorant of. Once or twice she had said it aloud and confirmed his suspicions, and the signs were there.

Panicked, her eyes fluttered, chest heaved, and her body clammy to his touch. Her mind would race, connections with words plastered haphazardly leading her down the rows of memories she fondly made and remembered acutely AND obtusely. It would race, the situation would calm, and she'd come up with a question. Marriage was about learning the rules to a game that was always on and if played right everypony won. Played wrong, the husband lost. The wife never lost unless she was pregnant, and even then the husband lost then. Usually hard. Oh well- it was a lovely game most of the time. They moved away from the scene of familial dissapointment and took some more drinks. For Crescent, his second. For Velvet, might be more around a thousand. Just another day in the life of Canterlot's more-well known partiers. (Lies were not the thing that he was best at.)

Speaking of, he had lied to himself to forget the memory of the last party like this that they had attended. It had been a headache inducing calamity tha had been saved simply by the fact that nopony remembered, except those who had been mortified at the time and still regarded the event with anything other than fondness. She had been a little enamored with the wine, he had been a little too enamored with her, and security had been none too pleased with the both of them. Of course Velvet didn't want to leave so they had slipped in and out of crowds and rooms for a while like two teenagers on a first date until finally they were too enamored with the drinks and couldn't run away anymore. Waking up on the cobblestone outside the next morning was not the best thing ever, so hopefully they wouldn't anger the nobles as badly this time. Or if they did, hopefully everypony would have too much wine to care.

"I do. Let's hope we don't have a repeat, yes?" He laughed, finding a nice table for the two of them. He sat down, pulling her chair out for her as his horn glowed dully.

"Let's sit and relax a bit, my dear."

[Rosewind]

Velvet smiled broadly as her husband magically tugged the chair of the table out for her. Her cheeks were ruddy pink from the liberal libations of the evening, her blue eyes following suit with a watery, dreamy glaze. She sunk her flank heavily into the seat, her lacy dress billowing in different directions. She thumped her elbows on the table, suppressing a hiccup. "Thanks, Honey. That was a great save back there," she reminisced, admiring the flower arrangement on the table. Several squat candles flickered about the white-linen tabletop, causing the shadows of the flowers to dance across her stallion love's face. She flicked several of her haphazard striped bangs out of her eyes, reaching her hoof out to stroke the side of Crescent's cheek. "I've always liked your nose. I think Shining ended up with it. Twili got my ears. Do you think I have cute ears?"

The pale mare took another sip from her champagne glass. She didn't notice it was already empty, and magically tipped it to peek inside, to make sure none of her drink was still hiding. She magically set the glass on the table down, somewhat rougher than she might have at the beginning of the evening. "They make those glasses way too small." Velvet suppressed another hiccup, her eyelids drooping a little. "You know what would be really nice, Cressy? We should go on a second honeymoon or something, maybe away from here for a little vacation? Hic...like, I dunno, maybe somewhere out west? Or we could go north and visit our son and daughter-in-law. I heard she's been having a rough time lately. I can't blame her, really, being freshly married and all. Stressed, young thing."

Twilight Velvet grabbed another glass of the bubbly from a passing waiter. She tipped the glass in midair to test the contents, pressing it to her flushed lips. "Did you ever name those plants we have at home? I sort of owe them a favor." She blinked. Crescent's handsome mug was spinning in her visage. "What? Don't give me that look."

[SteelEagle]

With the Crisis on Infinite Parties solved for them in the immediate future, Crescent was looking forward to spending some quality time with his utterly knackered wife in a calm setting until they were released from the torturous social obligation they found themselves tied to so stringently. Well, he felt tied down. He doubted his wife felt anything below the neck in anything resembling normality, a buzz becoming a mare suited for bed and an awful hangover rather than a night on the town. What a shame- unbeknownst to her Crescent had ambitions for the night. There would be other nights to explore and test the limits of his roguish ambition another night, however, as his one and only mare was in quite a state. She reached out and touched his cheek and as she finished asking about her ears, he chuckled, kissed her hoof, and held it gently in his as he sipped his own wine.

"Your ears are stunning, darling. One of your best features, if I say so," he winked, finishing his own wine rather emphatically, slamming his own glass down for effect along with his wife. Truth be told he shouldn't drink anymore but he had decided to not leave anything for his wife, who with just a few more drinks would be a total invalid for the rest of the night.

"After your face, and eyes, and laugh, and mane, and hooves, and legs, of course," Crescent finished, tapping her hoof and leaving his on top as they continued allowing the party around them to unravel very slowly as Prince Whatever invited his friends in, who were slowly unnerving those who paid attention. They had a few more minutes until they were eventually rejected back into their fantasy world. Luckily, Velvet stole his attention- not that she needed help with that- with second honeymoon plans. They certainly had the money for it and without foals or pregnancy gumming up the works of a wonderful event, they had nothing but possibilities. The west wasn't a bad idea, nor was the north.

"Well, good ideas! Maybe Dodge Junction? Rustic enough to suit our needs, quiet and peaceful I've heard. As for going up north- maybe. I think our daughter in law has a lot on her mind, what with running an empire and restoring the faith of an entire population...but still, it'd be nice to see Shining as well. Choices! Good ones, too," He reacted quickly as he saw his wife take another sip of wine and telekinetically grabbed it, levitating it back on the unknowing waiter's tray. Whatever face she had seen in the bubbly reflection, he had a somewhat more concerned one on.

"Let's let your previous drinks digest. We don't want to be banned from this mansion as well, no?"

[Rosewind]

Velvet suppressed a cute hiccup, her cheeks growing a ruddier shade of pink. It was arguable that her flushed features rivaled the crimson roses set on the table. As her drink was whisked away (without her noticing), she double-checked the space in front of her placemat. She lifted it, making sure her drink wasn't lost under there. She perked one of her pale grey ears quizzically, as she turned her attention back to Cressy. "Oh my, stunning you say? I dunno about my legs. Don't they look kinda, you know...actually, I take that back. My legs look fine." She nodded firmly, lapsing into a brief hiccup. "Yeah, we should definitely go on a vacation. It's really good for the creative juices. I feel my writers' block fading! When we get home I'm sure I might be able to come up with something fun. Maybe another Daring Do book? I haven't written about her in ages and ages."

The grey mare adjusted her bangs using the reflection of the vase, turning her attention to another passing server. She whisked off another glass of the bubbly, setting it down messily. "I'm a big girl, Cressy. I'm quite able to handle the drink, previous ones digested or not. If you're talking about the wedding reception of our son, we did replace the drapes, the burned carpet, and the statue. Or was it the orphaned foals academy donation dinner? Or both?" She tapped her chin with a puzzled look straining across her face, looking up to the ceiling. A brilliant crystal chandelier shone, casting crystalline facets of light speckles over the room. "Ooo, that's pretty. Looks like a buncha stars! Hic!" She fiddled with her pearl necklace, gazing into her husband's soft eyes. She set her elbows heavily on the table, supporting her chin with the back of her hoof. "So when should we duck out? Heehee, duck out! Quack!"

[SteelEagle]

Her creative juices were finally flowing? Good. It had been a while since she had the gumption to put her wondrous mind to work in the creation of her wondeful adventure yarns. He came from a well to do family and had a good job, but their lst step in social ascension had come when her novels were a hit. Their retirement was secured by more than his pension! Of course, her success had come with it's own roster of demons and problems to deal with. Legal challenges to unauthorized fanworks that Velvet didn't care to contend with, and crazed super fans that drove Crescent mad. The first was just a matter of business and the second was just a bit creepy, especially a select few and one in particular who seemed to treat his legal threats as challenges. Velvet hadn't always cooperated with him on these things but she was much more of a pony-pony than he was.

"That'd be great, Velvet. Your fans always want more...so much more than just the sixteen you've already written. More than fifty-three titles published from Polo House under the New Adventures of Daring Do ever since we struck that deal decades ago hasn't sated their appetite. Or the ten Young Daring Do books they published. Or that series written by Ghost Writer, Blood Diamonds. Or that sci-fi series, Daring Do: Star Quest," he took a drink, sighing, "the Shūbidū series. The short stories, the comics from Darkpony and Disneigh, Daren Do Adventures, Tales of Bravado, the Applewood Films and the various stage adaptations, roleplaying games, arcade games, blah blah blah, and it is never enough. You spawned quite the little industry with that adventurer of yours, my dear," He smiled, shaking his head. It brought them riches- not nearly as much as they could have had had they been aware of certain laws in their youth- but to think that they were the family that produced Equestria's greatest Captain and newest Princess AND a self-replicating adventure series industry was pretty amazing. Their genetics were sublime.

Unlike Velvet's ability to hold her wine. She was quickjly going from being an outrageous adorable little drunkard to a pony three steps from making another scene. he had to get her home fast, and luckily she provided a good out.

"Both, love. Yes, the chandelier-" cheap by his non-scientific and biased evaluation, "is very pretty. But I think the one in our room is a tad prettier, let's go home and stare at that for a while," he chuckled as he stood up, minding his own steps as he reached out and cuffed her ears peckishly, a slight nibble and tug, "so get off your keister and let's blow this joint."

[Rosewind]

Velvet's head swam. She wiped a thin tendril of drool daintily from the side of her mouth with the table cloth, her eyes glazed thickly like a slab of ham. The campy, traditional kind with pineapple rings attached with cloves. She twisted her nose up, blinking at her hubby. "Was it really both? Oh my." She cleared her throat, standing up shakily. She gripped the side of the table with her forehooves, knocking over several empty wine glasses with the laced sleeve of her dress. They clinked and clattered. Several servers bounded for the table, instantly whisking the glasses away. Velvet steadied herself. "This creative spark could be the wine talking, but think about this: what about 'Daring Do and the Attack of the Wiggleplants'? It's an ode to my new friends at home. You know what they did for me last night? I ended up tangled in my yarn, and you were fast asleep upstairs. They actually untied me, the sweet little things! ...Hic!" She smiled with a sluggish wink at Cressy. "Wasn't that nice of them?"

The sauced mare wrapped her arm around her husband's neck, burying her muzzle into his midnight-blue mane. She inhaled deeply. He had a wonderful scent to him, something between the first breath of dawn when the outside was chilly and ladybugs were just waking up -- it was a clean, fresh, earthy scent that was both calming and adventurous, a premonition of good things to come, of safety, and an unabashed, attractive presence that enraptured her heart. She steadied her knees while leaning against Crescent. "Blow this joint indeed. I think this was enough socializing for the month."

Velvet slowly exited the party, casting a half-hearted wave to the hostess. "I think we left the stove on at home, so we're going to go for the evening. Thank you for the lovely...hic...invite to this party!" She glanced to her husband. "What about 'Daring Do and the Mystery of the Stolen Party Gift'? No?"

[SteelEagle]

Crescent was pleased that she had the sense to fall into him, nuzzling and venturing deep into his mane with her snout. That or she did it randomly, which was probably just as likely. In any case he walked with her slowly, a pillar for her to rely on as she brazenly discussed potential book ideas. Well, not really. They weren't the sort of books she'd ever actually write once sober as neither plot nor form made much sense. As nice as it was to hear that his plants and his wife were finally forming the symbiotic life connection that good gardeners dreamed of when they started to fill their lives with slightly carnivorous plants, he doubted that her ertswhile adventurer would fare as well in her story. Daring Do the Gardner wasn't the most enticing title, after all. But at least her brain was churning. Their vast fortune was always needing a little upkeep.

"I told you Velvet, they're awfully sweet if you give them a chance. I'm just happy that the wiggles ended up saving my lovely wife and not some dirty adventurer instead," He smiled, kissing her on the cheek as he felt her take a deep, hard sniff of his hair. Yeah, she was sloshed. Usually she did tht and then bapped him and told him to shower. Sure he was somewhat more presentable now but it wasn't as if he had ut a great deal of thought into how he smelled beyond the bare stallion minimum of smelling clean. She waved at the hostess who was just now starting to corral her 'LARPing' son and his friends out of the party and was all too distracted to care. Gift theft crossed more than her mind.

"Well, Daring Do doesn't have to deal with social circles my dear, so I'm sure she could steal all the party gifts she wants. Watch your step-" he said, opening the door and leading her out, "-don't want your face to get any damage. Well, not any more than it already is," He smirked and gave her a peck, holding her close as much for support as affection. Both existed in equal measure. He had a job- get this drunk mare home and unharmed and hope she didn't make his life a whirlwind of negative emotions as a result in the morning before he went to work. Tricky timing but then again she was a tricky mare.

"We'll get home and get to bed. Haven't had creative pillow talk in a while, haven't we?" He pondered out loud, laughing heartily by the end. Yes, it was true. He had once disliked his wife's midnight creative outbursts but that dislike vanished once they had children. The greatest weapon in a mother's arsenal as her children grew and fitfully fought going to sleep was a creative mindset. Velvet had that, and listening to her stories that she told the children soothed more than the elastic minds of little ones.

But he had a sneaking suspicion that tonight's talk would be a bit more involving.

[Rosewind]

The chilly night air brought Velvet out of her heady stupor...at least a little bit. Crickets hummed in rapturous chorus, Luna's moon above waxing full. It spilled the clean cobblestone streets of Canterlot in a soft, shimmering glow. Of course, Velvet's "story ideas" were pitches she would give to Daring Do's real author. She was a mysterious mare, shrouded in, well, mystery. Her relationship with the Sparkles was quite amicable, as they did have a print shop that took care of various texts by submission. Cressy dealt with the business side of it on his off time; Velvet would handle clients. However, their time to devote to running the thing had been short lately with children getting married between changeling invasions and dress shopping. Velvet's cheeks bulged. She thought for a moment she would keel over in the street, and empty her guts in a most unladylike way into the gutter. She steeled herself, and instead decided to calm her innards by talking to her husband about the time they got a little lost in Everfree Forest.

Velvet loved to sew as a hobby, of course, and gathering rare and wonderful materials to make her thread and cloth were part of that business. She had hoped to find poison jokes in season for a brilliant blue thread she was developing, but she was three months too late. Instead of finding terrible, poisonous flowers, she had found something else with her love. "Cressy, love, do you remember when we got lost in Everfree? It's like a right of passage for everypony living in Equestria, it seems like. When we were surrounded by snakes, hanging upside down by several vines over a bubbling pit of quicksand, and I told you at that moment I was pregnant with our son, what went through your head?"

She held a hoof to her mouth, the queasy feeling subsiding. She winked at Cressy, leaning heavily into his side as she trotted next to him.

[SteelEagle]

If she had tossed up her innards in an awful display of drunken behavior, Crescent wouldn't have thought less of her. From the poignant side of the heart that played strings and all of that cuddly crud, he knew she was a bit on the loopy side and sometimes letting go of all you held back was useful. Both in terms of throwing up and emotional bonds. The more pragmatic side of him was far less concerned about expulsion on a street corner and far more troubled by it should it happen at home. In any case, there was a sense of peace as they walked across the city streets. Velvet, or more accurately her only dimly aware body, leaned on him to such a degree that if he were younger and spunkier he might have a laugh by pulling ahead and watching her stumble along. But he wasn't younger and she knew how to make him regret such jokes, so thw sier and healthier portion of his mind was secure in the knowledge that being a stand was the best possible outcome.

Also, that time in the Everfree had been a best possible outcome scenario out of many thousands of worst outcomes. It was also why he made a concerted effort to not go outside of civilization or follow Velvet into simple material collecting journeys. No, he'd pay top dollar for the best of the best rather than risk life and limb so she may may sew and knit hoofsies for little ones. As adorable as that may be, hard to appreciate the adorableness if you were being digested. That had been one of many possible outcomes and they had gotten away out of pure luck. But what had he been thinking of during the actual event? Not much at all, seeing as his life was flashing before his eyes.

"Yes, I remember that incident very...fondly. Mind you that I only started to look at the bright side after a few years of therapy but no doubt, you telling me about our first child was a very special conversation. At the time though all I can remember thinking was, "Dear Celestia, get me out of this so I can get this crazy mare I'm head over hooves for membership at a local craft's store so this never happens again," He chuckled as they continued down the street, nodding towards a few older stallions who shot him a knowing glance.

They arrived home soon afterwards, Crescent opening the door with one hoof as he led her in and to their bedroom. He allowed her to fall on the bed, pulling at shoes and then her stockings with his teeth. She'd need an absurd amount of help to get ready for bed, if previous drunken excursions were any proof.

"You ready for bed, Velvet?" He said after a stocking fell from his teeth.

[Rosewind]

Velvet giggled, holding back a hiccup. "You know the real irony, Cressy, is that we found that thread on sale at the craft store the next week. I knitted so many hoof booties that summer we ran out of places to put them. We had to find other uses for them, like toothbrush covers and horn warmers." The dreadful feeling of nausea subsided from Velvet's stomach, though her head still spun. She gave a cute, stupor-laced wave to the passing ponies on the street, finally arriving at their doorstep with her husband. She blew her striped bangs out of her gaze, blinking the blur out of her visage.

"Huh? When did we get home?!" Her jaw dropped momentarily, but she recomposed herself as much as drunk mare could, and entered the door that Cressy held open for her. She stumbled up the stairs to the bedroom and flopped on the sheets. "I'm so glad we replaced those drapes. I'm almost glad the old ones caught fi...ooh!" She wagged her hoof in the air, giving a sultry look to her husband with the laced stocking between his teeth. She gave a drunken giggle, boxing his ear with her grey heel. "You know, last time you looked at me like that with my sock in your mouth, Equestria ended up with a new Princess!" She swung her arm upward haphazardly, knocking the contents of her nightstand to the floor: a lamp, a half-full glass of water, a brush, and a book. The pages of the book flapped open on the carpet. Velvet cleared the heady blur from her vision as she slunk down to the carpet, picking up the book in the crook of her elbows.

It was a Daring Do book she once reviewed to publish. She would let Twilight read them with her, and she would often leave her notes on the pages with her thoughts. She had read the book cover-to-cover several times, usually to get sleepy. She felt an icy stab in her heart. Maybe she was more emotional per the norm after drinking a few gallons of wine. Inside the back cover, neat purple ink was scrawled across the white paper, adorned with hearts and flowers:

Dear Mommy,

I really like the part where Daring Do solved the mystery of the cavern using her brain, but I am not sure that the author knows the aural reflections and afterglow of unicorn spells. Otherwise, Daring would have felt six point four pounds lighter and may have misjudged her jump. You should send that to her.

Also, I forgot where my crayons are. Do you know where my crayons are?

Love,

Twiley Sparkul

Velvet looked to Crescent, biting her lower lip. Her blue gaze burned with something else -- this time, definitely not champagne. It was the gaze of a mother's will. She hadn't seen Twilight in ages. That was going to change. Right now.

"Cressy. We are going to see our daughter. No more excuses or maybes. This is going to happen!"