Malicious Mailmares

[Gerrard]

Asteria listened to him as he spoke, the mare nodding in her usual manner as her black ears took in all the information he had to give to her. The concept of eating for pleasure had been proposed to her in the past, an idea that seemed strange. While it was plausible that eating food was a pleasurable experience, especially considering what not eating felt like, the idea was a bit odd. Surely there were healthier was to seek pleasure, perhaps she could find one.

"I believe that it would be an unfair statement to suggest that the cooking here is superior to the likes of Sir LaGrande and Lady Mild. They are not here to defend themselves, and without being able to hear their explanations and taste their products, there is no way for me to make an informed decision. Regardless, I understand that it is possible to gain pleasure from eating. Many appreciate relieving themselves of hunger, and it is only logical to do so. While my initial hunger is gone, I believe it could be sated further with eating. I do wonder though, is there another way for us to share in pleasure that would be more beneficial to my diet and exercise regime?" she commented, leaning in close as she gave him her attention. It was clear that she didn't fully grasp what she had explained, but it was at least a decent start.

After pausing for a few moments, she glanced up into his eyes in what almost seemed like a private whisper. "Sir Saddlesore, if that is not possible, perhaps I could compromise and share a dessert entree with you? The caloric intake of half an entree would be acceptable. I believe that my journey back to Canterlot would be enough to shed the excess energy contained in such a meal," she commented, unsure of what the rules were on sharing meals. If it was incorrect, she didn't want to disrupt the other patrons by breaking some sort of unwritten rule. That of course would be disruptive, something her secretive moments were probably causing more of than they prevented.

[Mojo]

Listening to Asteria, Saddlesore quickly realized his verbal gaff when describing the desserts. The prospect of sharing a dessert with the beautiful unicorn mare did have a certain appeal to him, so the blue Earth stallion

[colour=#0000ff]"You are quite correct, Miss Stillheart, I shouldn't have used their names when describing the food. My apologies for a poor choice of words. What I meant to say was the desserts here are excellent! I would love to share a Bananas Foster with you, if that is agreeable. As for a way to exercise, after we're finished eating, we could take a lovely moonlight stroll together in the nearby park. It's a clear night so we can see plenty of stars in the sky!"[/colour]

Saddlesore did enjoy being around the elegant unicorn mare. He was beginning to feel a little better about the situation. Although learning to understand and talk 'Asteria-ese' has been an ongoing challenge, he was still enjoying her presence. By now, the restaurant was full, every seat filled and still, the vast majority of the patrons couldn't help but keep staring at the mismatched couple in amazement. Everypony was still stunned to see the normally grumpy Saddlesore with a beautiful unicorn mare that all of the single stallions in the room would LOVE to be with! Even the head waiter still looked puzzled at the couple as he slowly walked over to the table.

[colour=#ff0000]"Would either of you care for dessert?" [/colour]he asked.

[Gerrard]

Asteria blinked and traced her crimson eyes across to the table to look upon the waiter. She paused for just a moment as she carefully thought up the appropriate words to speak to him. "Sir Saddlesore and I wish to share one order of Bananas Foster, if that is within the accepted parameters of this establishment," Asteria commented in her usual unchanging voice as she patiently waited for a response from the waiter.

For one reason or another, any slight deviation from standard operating procedures always seemed to make the unicorn weary. It was clear that Asteria always preferred to avoid and minimize conflict whenever it was possible. The reasons behind he explicit motivation to do so, was still unclear.

After placing their order, the black mare turned her attention back to Saddlesore, her fiery gaze looking him over again as she stayed relatively close to her date. "Are there any changes you wish to make to the order Sir Saddlesore?" the mare asking calmly as she shifted her scarlet mane to the side.

[Mojo]

Instantly, everypony in the dining room area gasped in shock at the words of the elegant unicorn mare. Saddlesore, the most grumpy, unpleasant and irritating pony in town was willing to SHARE a dessert with another pony! Several restaurant patrons did 'spit takes' with their drinks and one elderly mare in the back of the room actually fainted. Even the waiter turned wide eyed when he heard Asteria's words.

[colour=#ff0000]"Share a dessert? With HIM?" [/colour]he asked.

[colour=#0000ff]"Of COURSE with me! Do you see anypony else at this table?" [/colour]Saddlesore grunted before turning towards Asteria. [colour=#0000ff]"The order is perfect just the way it is, Miss Stillheart. It is my hope that you will enjoy our Bananas Foster as much as I do."[/colour]

The nervous waiter nodded and then returned to the kitchen. Five minutes later, he returned with the dessert and set it on the table between Asteria and Saddlesore.

[colour=#0000ff]"Please Miss Stillheart, I would like for you to take the first bite."[/colour]

[Gerrard]

Asteria blinked as the waiter responded in a genuinely surprised manner. The reactions of the patrons and host seemed to border on rude, but the mare did not verbally protest. She simply nodded in confirmation as he grumpily remarked that they were sharing.

She could sense anger from across the table as the other guests inadvertently antagonized the angry stallion. Asteria waited for a moment and decided to do what she normally did conflict arrived. Her head turned to face Saddlesore as she leaned in very close to him.

"I apologize if my presence here is causing you conflict. Please try to overlook your anger," she politely pleaded to the stallion before being presented her food.

Asteria carefully examined the food with her fierce eyes as she inspected it for anything out of the ordinary. While she did not expect any defects, there was always a chance of error. Nobody was perfect and everyone had failings on occasion. Regardless, she found nothing wrong and carefully took a scoop of the dessert and slipped it into her maw while politely eating the food. In her usual manner, she displayed no outright response to the food. Asteria didn't like to influence the opinions of others, but it often made her seem even more robotic than usual.

[Mojo]

Hearing the lovely voice of his dinner companion made the blue stallion smile wide once more.

[colour=#0000FF]"You're correct, my dear," [/colour]Saddlesore said as he took another bite of the dessert they were sharing. [colour=#0000FF]"I won't allow anything to spoil this wonderful evening."[/colour]

Only now did the blue stallion take notice of the other patron's reactions. Then it dawned on him that they were all marvelling at the couple. This caused his head to droop slightly.

[colour=#0000FF]"It appears we're the centre of attention tonight, Miss Stillheart. I certainly never meant for that to happen. I'm so sorry. Are you alright?"[/colour]

[Gerrard]

Asteria slowly ate her portion of the dessert, allowing him to have the majority of their food. While she agreed to share the food with him, there was no agreement on the portion that each would have. In the event that he objected to her eating too much or too little, she was ready to apologize, the mare knowing that she could have been more clear on her request. Still, it would be rude to dwell on her thoughts, the unicorn placing her thoughts in the back of her mind as she turned her attention back to Saddlesore.

When asked if she was alright, the unicorn blinked, almost as if she was confused. "Being noticed by others is not inherently bad or good. The choices taken by others when this occurs is what you should be weary of. They have taken no actions that cause any harm to us, at least that I am aware of," she replied in her usual manner, the mare basically impossible to disturb or anger. "Has our evening disturbed you? Is there something I can do to make you feel better?" she commented in her usual romantically clueless manner, the mare leaning in close to limit the number of other patrons that could hear her speak.

[Mojo]

Saddlesore once more searched his mind for what he thought would be the correct things to say to his beatiful dinner companion.

[colour=#0000FF]"Oh no, no Miss Stillheart! You've been terriffic! This has been the best night of my life! I'm glad you're not disturbed by all of the attention we're getting. My guess is many of these ponies have never seen such a beauiful mare as you. On that point, I would certainly agree with them. I'll care to say that if you were to kiss me, it'd shock every pony in this place. Of course, I wouldn't dream of asking you to do such a thing, if you didn't want to. I have far too much respect for you to attempt to order you around like that."[/colour]

The waiter, who was standing nearby, suddenly became so stunned at the mention of the word 'kiss', he dropped the tray of dishes he was taking back to the kitchen. Other ponies within earshot of their table looked skeptical, not willing to believe that ANY mare in Equestria would be capable of kissing the otherwise 'unlikeable' Saddlesore.

[Gerrard]

Asteria carefully examined the posture and mannerisms of the stallion in front of her, trying to determine the intent and validity of his words. She could find nothing that hinted to him telling a lie, but the mare felt that it didn't really matter either way, and it wasn't her place to assume anything like that regardless. "It would take something with more substance to have a perceivable effect on me. I am not sure if they think I'm beautiful, such a notion is highly subjective and up to the interpretation of each individual. Regardless, thank you for the words Sir Saddlesore. I appreciate that my presence is welcome in your presence," she commented in her usual robotic manner, the mare contemplating his comments on kisses as more objects fell on the floor.

"I believe that our presence is costing this establishment a substantial amount of revenue in lost dishes. I think it would be in the interest of everyone if we were to leave the restaurant soon sir. I don't see a reason as not to provide a kiss, such a minor action does not constitute a commitment of any kind. Would you find it acceptable to pay the bill and leave the restaurant soon?" she asked calmly, the scarlet maned mare leaning in close to the stallion. She gently kissed his cheek and backed away from the table, seeming ready to leave the establishment that had been gasping at their expense for the entire night. After the kiss, her aloof expression remained unchanged, the mare still able to mask her thoughts behind her steely expression.

[Mojo]

All eyes were on Saddlesore when Asteria kissed him on the cheek. Many restaurant patrons did 'spit takes' while a few of them nearly choked on their food. Their waiter gasped, his eyes bugged out wide before he tripped himself on the floor and came crashing down with several trays he was carrying. Three older mare passed out in their seats and had to be attended to. Even the owner of the restaurant was so stunned, she was speechless. Saddlesore also was affected by the kiss. No pony outside of his own family had EVER kissed him in his entire life! Another rush of happy emotions surged through him. It was even more stunning to the restaurant patrons to see the huge toothy grin beaming from the blue stallion's face.

[colour=#0000FF]"Yes Miss Stillheart, I would concur. Now would be the opportune time for us to leave and go on our walk together. Waiter! The bill please!"[/colour]

[colour=#800080]"Zee owner says your entire meal is on zee house, monsier!" [/colour]the waiter announced to the duo. [colour=#800080]"Thank you for giving us a night zees restaurant weel always remember."[/colour]

[colour=#0000FF]"Wow Miss Stillheart, I sure wasn't expecting that. Shall we go now?"[/colour]

[Gerrard]

The odd mare didn't even flinch as the loud noise filled the restaurant. She responded by nonchalantly turning her head to gaze at the spectacle before her. "I apologize if my actions caused any harm or loss of profit to you, your establishment, or any of your patrons," she apologized in her overly cautious manner. The entire date had been a spectacle, one that she was looking forward to moving on from, even if her face showed no sign of disapproval.

When Asteria heard that their meal was on the house, she blinked and cocked her head to the side. It was her subtle tell that she was confused. She thought over the comment and tried to infer the meaning of the phrase. It seemed unlikely that their meal was on any house, the pair having just finished eating. It seemed unlikely that it meant free food, such an action seeming highly illogical for a successful business.

When they were thanked in such a heartfelt manner, Asteria could only assume it was a positive phrase. She glanced across to her date as they left, her stoic face hiding her thoughts from him.

"Our food wasn't on the house. Was that a figure of speech? I did not see you pay for our meal," she asked sincerely. It was clear that the literal minded mare didn't get out much when she had trouble with the common saying. Asteria didn't seem like the type to joke or lie, but that was a plausible explanation of her odd reaction.

[Mojo]

Saddlesore quietly snickered to himself, realizing that the waiter's words had been misunderstood by his lovely dinner companion. Before he could answer her, the waiter pony tried to reason with the stunning unicorn mare.

[colour=#800080]"Madam, you do not understand," [/colour]he spoke, [colour=#800080]"you and Monseir Saddlesore have done nothing wrong or inappropriate. If eet iz anyone who should apologize, eet iz all of us. We were all so surprised that monseir Saddlesore would dine with a mare let alone one as beautiful as you! He has been a loyal customer of ours for many years and not once did he, bring a date or even smile. We sincerely apologize for any offense we have caused to both of you. Zees iz why zee owner has declared your meals to be free of charge tonight. Please accept our apologies and we hope the two of you will return to our restaurant in zee future."[/colour]

Saddlesore was surprised at the waiter's speech and how he respectfully bowed to him and Asteria. All of the other patrons, seeing the waiter's actions, also began to feel remorse for their rudeness. Several of them took the time to walk up to the couple and apologize to them. The blue stallion seemed overwhelmed, it wasn't very often anypony ever spoke words like "I'm sorry" to him. This odd development made Saddlesore feel better about the night, he then turned to his dinner date.

[colour=#0000FF]"Miss Stillheart, I don't know how you feel about this evening's events, but if I may be so bold as to say, I enjoyed sharing a meal with you. I hope you will do me the honor of sharing a moonlight stroll with me, if you feel up to it."[/colour]

[Gerrard]

Asteria took in all of the apologies in silence. While she felt that they were not necessary at all, the mare also realized that it would have been rude to refuse such an offering. She simply nodded as each pony apologized for their poor behavior. When they were finished speaking, she turned her crimson gaze back to her dinner date, the courier giving him some of the attention he probably loved to collect from her. The unicorn seemed indifferent most of the time, but she did appreciate new experiences, even ones that didn't seem to make much sense to her. She politely returned a nod to the apologetic patrons around her and thought over the words of her friend.

"Sharing a meal with you has been a unique experience Sir Saddlesore. I will uphold my portion of the agreement and accompany you on a moonlit walk. You may select the location of our walk, I respect your familiarity with your town. Do you require anything else from me on this walk?" she asked calmly, the odd mare seeming stuck in her usual apathetic voice. Asteria lightly flicked one of her dark ears before eventually leading the way over to the exit. She hoped that her friend was ready to leave with her. "Are you ready to depart for the evening Sir Saddlesore?" she asked calmly, her face still managing to hide her thoughts as she waited for him.

[Mojo]

Saddlesore is happy to see that, as far as he could see, Asteria wasn't angry or upset with the events of the evening. She didn't appear happy either, but that was OK with the blue stallion. By now, he understood this beautiful unicorn mare was not one that showed strong emotions.

[colour=#000080]"Yes, Miss Stillheart, I am ready to accompany you on our moonlight stroll. I know a place nearby that I hope you will find adequate for our endeavor, please follow me," [/colour]Saddlesore said calmly as he led Asteria out of the restaurant and towards a nearby park. The park's walkways were lit by magical lanterns, as the night was fast approaching. Soon, the stars could be seen above, as well as the full moon in the sky.

[colour=#0000FF]"Shall we stroll, Miss Stillheart?" [/colour]the blue stallion asked.

[Gerrard]

She had found everything to be acceptable on their date. The few questionable moments were quickly apologized for. She didn't have any evidence to suspect any of their words as lies and accepted them as probably true.

She nodded in agreement and understanding as he led her out to the location of their walk. The tall mare glanced across to Saddlesore with her usual apathetic expression as she tried to read his expression. He seemed to genuinely appreciate her presence for one reason or another. The atmosphere and environment matched many definitions and interpretations of the words beauty and romantic.

Asteria of course wasn't the type to say so as she took in their environment in silence. When he asked for the walk, the athletic mare turned her attention to him and nodded slowly. "I am ready for our walk," she commented in her usual businesses like manner.

[Mojo]

Saddlesore had couldn't of picked a better night for a moonlight stroll. The full moon was bright and commanding in the night sky. The many stars that dotted the heavens seemed to be out just for them! The blue Earth stallion had never taken the time to notice how lovely Princess Luna's nights could be! Perhaps he felt this way because of the lovely unicorn mare that he was sharing the evening with. As the two walked slowly down the path, Saddlesore looked up at Asteria.

[colour=#0000FF]"Tell me, Miss Stillheart, what do you think of the night sky? Have you ever seen anything more lovely and wonderous in your entire life?"[/colour]

Saddlesore was hoping that just for once, Asteria could display some raw emotions. He thought the world of her, even with her current demeanor, but the blue stallion was hoping that he could open a whole new outlook on life to the elegant unicorn mare.

[Gerrard]

Asteria maintained a slow walk beside her date as they took in the evening. The faint chill of the air intensified her already keen awareness. It was a night that was optimal for travel, and it was hard to disagree with his statement. The black mare panned her head up at the stars to follow her directions.

She took in the sky and turned her attention back to her date as they lightly trotted through the night. "The luminosity of these celestial bodies is in the top percent of nights that I have witnessed. It is not often that weather conditions are this agreeable. In regards to my seeing more impressive things, I can't objectively say that I have, she explained in her usual robotic manner before her words seemed to hint at something.

" I don't have a criteria to make a judgement, therefore I can't make a decision Sir Saddlesore," she added a moment later, her words seeming to only further solidify her serious nature. Her crimson eyes watched his face intensely as she tried to gauge his reaction.

[Mojo]

Although Asteria's response disappointed Saddlesore, he smiled since the blue Earth stallion was expecting her to say something like this. He truly wanted to communicate with the lovely unicorn mare, and he wasn't going to give up trying. He thought hard to come up with what he believed would be an appropriate response.

[colour=#0000FF]"Miss Stillheart, do you perceive that this evening's sky luminenance is of a bright or dimmer quality than the average night sky where you live? Of course, the varying degrees of moonlight are in direct relationship to the lunar tide schedule, which though predictable, are often subject to random weather patterns."[/colour]

[Gerrard]

Asteria paused for a moment as he changed his approach to speaking with her. It strangely seemed to imitate her style of spinning, the unicorn blinking her crimson eyes as she tried to rationalize his change of approach. The dark courier had heard that imitation could viewed negatively or complementary. She read that context and experience could clarify his intent, but the mare lacked sufficient experience to make an informed evaluation of his words.

After a moment of awkward silence, she decided to answer his question to the best of her memory. "The luminescence of this particular night is proportional to a standard evening in Canterlot. The higher elevation of that city allows for better vision of the celestial bodies on a more regular basis," she commented calmly, seeming to understand his improper use of luminescence and using it correctly without making an issue out of it.

When he spoke of tides though, it seemed as if he was speaking over his head. She couldn't know if he was trying to verbally appease her, but Asteria decided to reply to his last remarks to the best of her abilities.

"I am not qualified to discuss the effect of the moon on the clarity of the night sky. I can say that the moon has a substantial effect on the tides, but I'm not familiar with any direct effect it has over the clouds of Equestria. I have been told that weather in our country is usually controlled by Pegasus. Am I mistaken in some manner," she asked calmly, tilting her head to the side as she seemed unsure of how to take in his seemingly forced words.

[Mojo]

[colour=#0000FF]"No Miss Stillheart, you are quite correct," [/colour]Saddlesore said as the blue Earth Pony walked with his taller unicorn mare companion. [colour=#0000FF]"The Pegasi do control most aspects of our weather in Equestria, but even they cannot control the beauty and majestic splender of the moon. You may deem yourself underqualified to comment on the night sky, but I do value your opinion. After all, you certainly travel a lot in your line of work, and your more global perspective would be far superior to my own. I don't travel much, and the few places that I've traveled to I didn't have a very good time when I got there. But with you here, with me, I am truly content. Thank you for sharing this evening with me, Miss Stillheart."[/colour]

[Gerrard]

Asteria stood at the side of her date, her scarlet mane shifting lightly as she panned her head up to take another glance at the moon. She blinked her fiery eyes and returned her attention to the stallion. "I apologize Sir Saddlesore. You are correct in regards to my opinion. While I may not be officially certified in my experience, relatively speaking, I would be more familiar than the average person. Perhaps there is some value to be gleamed from my opinion. It would be unwise and pointless to immediately dismiss my perspective. Thank you Sir Saddlesore, you have made me more self aware, a useful trait, at least in my personal opinion," she replied in her usual robotic manner. It was a bit odd, but for one reason or another, she seemed to value his attempt at being nice, even if wasn't immediately intended to increase her confidence.

After a moment of awkward silence, she shook her trimmed tail and lightly shuffled her worn hooves. It was obvious that she we traveled more than her fair share of miles, but was not the type to complain, the mare collecting words before she spoke out. Every action was of course calculated and planned, her next words no exception as she squared her footing to give her date a fitting farewell. "I appreciated the time we have spent together this evening. It has helped make me or a more experienced and open minded individual, at least in my own biased opinion. I believe that I must take my leave soon and return to my residence in Canterlot. If you have no objections, I will leave as soon as is comfortable. You can look up my business in Canterlot under my surname of Stillheart. I don't believe there are any individuals in Canterlot with that name who operate any businesses," she explained calmly, giving him a clear way to contact her in the future. A few shooting stars shot across the sky above the pair as she waited for his response, the cold courier not paying any heed to the objects as they shot across space harmlessly.

[Mojo]

Saddlesore smiles as he looked up into the eyes of Asteria.

[colour=#0000FF]"I understand, Miss Stillheart. As wonderful as this night with you has been, nothing can last forever. I would enjoy meeting up with you again soon. Perhaps I can look you up the next time I'm Canterlot. Thank you for sharing this time with me. I will treasure it for the rest of my life."[/colour]

Saddlesore couldn't help but smile, the blue Earth stallion has been this happy in his entire life. This is a night he'll never forget.

[Gerrard]

"Perhaps we will meet again in the near future. I can not make any promises, aside from taking your words under consideration. Regardless, this night was a unique experience and I will try to remember it for the foreseeable future," she remarked in her perpetually stoic voice. She blinked her fiery eyes as she looked over her friend one last time.

"Farewell Sir Saddlesore," Asteria added softly as she trotted away from her friend. The unicorn was headed home to Canterlot, taking in the last few hours of the night.

[Mojo]

The blue stallion was sad too. This beautiful, elegant mare had invoked emotions inside of the him he never realized he had before!

[colour=#0000ff]"Farewell, Miss Stillheart!" [/colour]Saddlesore called out to the departing unicorn mare. He knew having a friendship with Asteria would be challenging, due to the very unemtional nature of her personality, but still, Saddlesore had few true friends and even fewer (if any) female companions. For once in his life, Saddlesore felt happy, excited, and warm inside. Was it love? Was it friendship? Was it something in between? He had no idea, but there was one thing Saddlesore was certain of. He did want to see her again. Maybe he could take a trip to Canterlot someday...

(exit Saddlesore --- end of RP)