Pegasus Blitz Star [Final]

[BlitzStar]

General Informations

Roleplay Type: World of Equestria

Name : Sorena GoldenHooves, known as "BlitzStar"

Age: She's old enough to be seen as a Mare, but she's still quite young

Spieces: Pegasus

Appearance

Eye color: Deep blue

Coat color: Light gray with a very thin tint of blue

Mane/Tail/Marking: Blitz's mane and tail are bicolor, composed of purple and blue strips. She doesn't like having her mane well …...., and thinks having it falling in front of her right eye gives her a « cool » aspect.

Physique: Blitz is quite a normaly built pony, not too thin, not too big, not to muscled or not too thin. Just...regular. But that's not the most important for her. As long as her body works perfectly, she's okay with it.

Cutie Mark : Her Cutie Mark is a blue star striken by two blue thunderbolts. The star symbolizes her objective, her goal, and the bolts the impressive speed and efficency she deploys to reach that objective.

History

Origin/Residence: Blitz spent the first part of her life in her birthtown, Manehattan. Her impressive skills for strategy and problem solving quickly draged her away from home and led her to travel quite a lot for a young filly. She eventually ended in Cloudsdale, where she's actually leading a platoon of reconnaissance or 15 pegasi.

Occupation: Leader of a recon platoon in Cloudsdale, working hard to climb in the hierarchy and become a member of the Special Forces

Motivation: She perfectly knows that she's young and has all her life to conduct every task she's given, even those who seem careless and without any glimpse of importance. Every little step made is closing her from her goal, and all her actions contribute to building a safer and more efficent nation for all the living ponies. At least that what she thinks..

Ultimate goal in life: Become the best Strategist in all Equestria and, why not, standing one day among the Princess' closest advisers.

Likes: Solving complicated problems, setting up stratégies, flying, apples

Dislikes: Having no ideas about a problem, ponies tougher than her, self sufficent ponies, nothing apple-flavoured to eat.

Character detailed summary:

Blitz Star was raised in a well-to-do family in Manehattan. Despite their high-society trappings, her family did their best to avoid the usual pitfalls of the high life-- the self-importance and the willful ignorance of their own faults. Early on, they encouraged her to take the initiative and lead rather than follow. Her drive to succeed drove her all throughout primary school and later military academy.

It was during her schooling that she developed her love of strategy games. Chess, capture the flag, it was all fascinating and intoxicating. A young Blitz Star devoured every library book she could on game strategy and military tactics, developing a talent for chess and organization and even starting her own secret club at school. Calling themselves the Thunderbolts, they made it a point to solve all sorts of mysteries and problems in town the only way Blitz Star knew how: with strategy and aplomb!

Seeing her burgeoning talent, her parents enrolled her in junior Reserve Officer Training Corps. It was there that she found her calling. During one of the JROTC exercises, Blitz and her classmates were given a map of Equestria and a hoof-full of simulated military units. Their job? Take over Equestria! The game was tough and the competition fierce. But through a combination of tactical feints and unorthodox use of her units, Blitz Star came out on top. The elation of victory was accompanied by a tingle on her flank and the appearance of her cutie mark. Her performance in ROTC was exceptional and she soon found herself in command of a reconnaissance platoon stationed in Cloudsdale with the 3rd Battalion, where she currently serves today.

Blitz Star is both driven and stubborn. Her high energy and motivation is infectious, but if she gets an idea in her head, it is very difficult to get it out, even if there is a simpler way of doing things. Blitz has a knack for solving very complex problems, but has trouble with simpler tasks, as her grand schemes and plans don’t always work well with them. While she is normally friendly and open in person, when consumed with a problem, she will focus on it at the expense of everything else, including social interactions.

During her free time, Blitz enjoys reading, exploring to learn the lay of the land, and formulating her own plans for attack or defense of locations throughout the city. She aspires to someday become a member of the Royal Equestrian Special Forces, serving Her Majesty in the Honor Guard.

And in Military armor

[SunsetSombra]

1: Shadowbolts references.

Her group took the name of her very first school club, the “Shadow Bolts”, operating as a group other ponies can hire for accomplishing various tasks. A sort of mercenary thing. She's known in Cloudsdale by the nickname her two Pegasi friends give her, “S B”, standing for Sargent Blitz. They soon grew quite a small local reputation, and became one of the references to call if you need help for something.

Occupation: Improove the reputation of the "Shadow Bolts" and helping needfull ponies, all while conducting her secret task.

We currently already HAVE a shadowbolts flight/stunt group in operation - you can find them here...and since they are already 'established', I'm afraid that you can't use the background you've written as freely as you might like. You could consider either joining the current group of shadowbolts and altering her background to fit what we already have, or perhaps editing to a different name and utilising that in addition to the background story you already have established in this application.

2: Family history - is it truly relevent to her 'now'?

You have a rather interesting family history/summary, but you seem to almost discount it as being a relevant factor in your ponies history - now I have to question if this part of her summary is truly required to understand the pony herself, as it seems to be entirely removed and unrelated to how she lives now as an independent'ish pony. If it has no real need to be read and understood in order to grasp the idea of the character herself, then I have to say it's probably not really needed.

3: Too many 'good things', not enough character flaws?

A general rule of thumb when making a good solid character is to balance out the good and the bad - if a character is super awesome at everything, there's no drive for others to truly RP with the player since that pony will solve every problem and fix every bump in the road. I read over the application, and it strikes me that while you have attributed many a good thing for the character to do and be, there seems to be a slight lack of character flaws, such as if she doesn't get along with other ponies she deems as less than herself, or if she's afraid of the dark, or what her likes/dislikes are - things like this. methinks you should look over her story/background somewhat and perhaps decide on how best to balance her good and bad points so that it doesn't seem like she is immediately capable of solving every problem with a mere thought.

I certainly think you have an interesting looking pony here, however, and feel that with the right tweaks that she would make an excellent addition to the RP!

[BlitzStar]

We currently already HAVE a shadowbolts flight/stunt group in operation - you can find them here...and since they are already 'established', I'm afraid that you can't use the background you've written as freely as you might like. You could consider either joining the current group of shadowbolts and altering her background to fit what we already have, or perhaps editing to a different name and utilising that in addition to the background story you already have established in this application.

That's one of the things i thought when i posted. I knew it was a gamble to use that name That's okay, i'll change it. No big deal.

You have a rather interesting family history/summary, but you seem to almost discount it as being a relevant factor in your ponies history - now I have to question if this part of her summary is truly required to understand the pony herself, as it seems to be entirely removed and unrelated to how she lives now as an independent'ish pony. If it has no real need to be read and understood in order to grasp the idea of the character herself, then I have to say it's probably not really needed.

That's not exactly relevent NOW; i wrote that part in eventual futur rps where she'd come back home for a while, or even create later an antagonist for her, who hates her family I didn't want any sub plots,r eferences to her family or evocation of her young filly life to come in the rps without any basis, that could be seen as gamey. But i could understand it's no use for the understanding and flavor of the character itself. If it's too irelevant, i can supress it.

A general rule of thumb when making a good solid character is to balance out the good and the bad - if a character is super awesome at everything, there's no drive for others to truly RP with the player since that pony will solve every problem and fix every bump in the road. I read over the application, and it strikes me that while you have attributed many a good thing for the character to do and be, there seems to be a slight lack of character flaws, such as if she doesn't get along with other ponies she deems as less than herself, or if she's afraid of the dark, or what her likes/dislikes are - things like this. methinks you should look over her story/background somewhat and perhaps decide on how best to balance her good and bad points so that it doesn't seem like she is immediately capable of solving every problem with a mere thought.

Something else i thought about..."ISn't she TOO good?" Well i guess the answer is yes ^^ I'll change a few things in my presentation, and i noticed I forgot to add the "Like and Doesn't like" part. It's quite hard when you're writting a backstory to add some elements making her more...real. But i'll come with one or two things.

I certainly think you have an interesting looking pony here, however, and feel that with the right tweaks that she would make an excellent addition to the RP!

Well thanks a lot, i'll do my best for that.

Just a question, as i said in my first post, are the additions i make to the story/universe okay? I intend to play a bit with that in my rps; since i'm currently working on my own vision of Equestria History, i would use some references that doesn't exist for real in the show. At a minor level of course, not in eery rps.

[BlitzStar]

Post edited Changes are:

- The name of the group

- Added Likes and Dislikes

- Story modifications/additions

[BlitzStar]

New edition: Changed the reference picture to a REAL reference picture

[Dio]

I see solid points on which a good character can be built. Firstly, I like her fascination with strategy games and military history. I expect her to be well-read on both Equestrian and Griffon history and politics and having someone that's actually interested in such fields would be a valuable addition to the RP. Also, having such interests usually means that the character is willing to learn actively in all situations, which again would be a boon for the RP. Finally, she has great ambitious, which will make for a driven character, which is always good.

There are a few things that don’t quite mesh with the mane RP we've established, however. We already have some lore for our board with regards to the military and how it functions. It can be found in the REA documentation, which can be found in my signature. We can safely assume that Blitz Star was enrolled in the Reserve Officer Training Corps (a way for the military to recruit officer candidates out of schools) when she was in Canterlot.

For one, her academy performance and special appointment at such a young age is improbable and quite marysue. While it is quite possible to be an excellent student, to have a special position created specifically for her while in academy and being assigned a top secret mission is slightly outrageous. As a general rule of thumb, cadets do not lead. Officers lead and cadets learn.

Also, you mention the "Thunderbolts" being a mercenary unit, but they were commissioned by the government? That concept itself is contradictory. If you're commissioned by the government, then you work for the government. If you formed your own company by yourself, then you would operate independently of the government. You must choose one or the other.

As it stands, Sorena is acceptable for crossovers or Free-for-all, but will need to conform to the world we've established in order to be acceptable for Mane RP. If you wish to play her there, please consider the changes.

[BlitzStar]

Thanks for that interesting feedback on my caracter application.

- First i appologize, i didn't see it already existed a MLP OOB. Quite interesting i may say, impressive. Even if there are one or two things i wouldn't have done that way, i'll stick to it and say Blitz has been enroled, as you said, in the Reserve Training Corps.

- You say that "such a secret mission" can't be given to a cadet. I forgot to precise it, because i thought it was evident since she is no more at military school, but she's not a cadet anymore. Her service would more a sort of mix between a military section and the REIN...she's not technically a spy, but she's not either a soldier, even if she can later be asked to lead some troops when she'll have enough experiment. It's a bit complicated...do you have an idea on the subject?

- Since she's no more a cadet, i saw that mission as a sort of "test", her first real expereiment. It can be cquite a vital thing, but it's not so urgent and she can take her time...it's not like she had been sent in a deep dark castle to kill a supreme evil creture...We can see that as her first eperiment as as a young officer on the terrain.

- Concerning the Tunderbolts, it's more an official cover than anything....it's just an idea i had to make her eeryday life more exciting and allow her to travel and explore around ponyville and Cloudsdale with a sort of reason. Besides, it helped me giving some flavour to the rp, each mission could be a base to work with an other pony, instead of just wandering around and eventually found a pony on the way.

But if you want me to try finding something else, i'll do it

- An other important point i wanted to mension and i never got a clear answer. For example, i mension in my presentation the "Grand Hay depression" which is, of course, completly invented. I also see you're very interested in the fact that Sorena could be read in Gripphin and Equestrian history. But there is no official Equestrian history, either on the forum or the anime. Since i 'm myself creating my own vision of Equestria history, to what extend i can use invented events/history/battle in the main RP.?

And if you're looking for someoone to help you developping the Background for the forum, i'm more than willing to help you

That's the question i have in my mind for the moment. I'm more than pleased you enjoy my caracter and beleive it has some potential on it. I'll do my best to play her as best as i can

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[Dio]

I actually love her new reference picture. She's adorable.

Before we begin, I'm going to make the call that the "Great Hay Depression" is irrelevant to the character herself and can safely be omitted from the application. What she can do during RP is make references to an economic depression or how her family acted in history. Like you said, some of Equestrian history is nebulous, so you can make fun little references while speaking, PROVIDED that it does not refer to events that would completely change the way other people would have to play their characters.

As for Blitz Star herself, after giving this app some thought I think we need to approach this from a fundamentally different direction, so I'm going to back up and ask a different set of questions. What do you want to do with this character? Do you want her to be full-on military? Likes doing things by the book? Or is she too independent and flighty for the military? I can see her going either way. She obviously has the brains and initiative to be a great officer, but she is also obsessive-compulsive and independent to a fault, which might lead her to dislike the military chain of command. The decision of which path you want to take is ultimately up to you.

I want you to think about which direction you want to take Blitz Star first. This way you won't have to listen to me lecture on the REA unless you absolutely need it. Looking forward to further dialogue.

[BlitzStar]

Thanks for the picture, i'll tell the artist about that

Before we begin, I'm going to make the call that the "Great Hay Depression" is irrelevant to the character herself and can safely be omitted from the application. What she can do during RP is make references to an economic depression or how her family acted in history. Like you said, some of Equestrian history is nebulous, so you can make fun little references while speaking, PROVIDED that it does not refer to events that would completely change the way other people would have to play their characters.

Of course, i didn't intend to.

As for Blitz Star herself, after giving this app some thought I think we need to approach this from a fundamentally different direction, so I'm going to back up and ask a different set of questions. What do you want to do with this character? Do you want her to be full-on military? Likes doing things by the book? Or is she too independent and flighty for the military? I can see her going either way. She obviously has the brains and initiative to be a great officer, but she is also obsessive-compulsive and independent to a fault, which might lead her to dislike the military chain of command. The decision of which path you want to take is ultimately up to you.

I see what you mean. Well foundamentaly, she's been in the military a bit by defaults in order to avoid being study less. In a sense, she enjoys it because it allows her to use her skills and hability to serve Equestria, and she knows that with time she'll have more and more possibilities to do it as she gets higher in the hierarchy. But what's interesting is, as you said, her independant and the fact she can be compulsive. These defaults could lead her to conflicts with the chain of commands, and eventualy disobey if she thinks her plan is going to work better and with more efficency. This hasen't happened yet, because she's only on her first mission, but i'm thinking about the future. As the times goes on , some of her higher officers can get in conflict with those who like her, starting to monitor her closely for the tiniest lil fault. Sh could be subject to an improoved surveillance to check if she does her job right and that her tendancy to get compulsive and think by herself doesn't mess up with the objectives, or even Equestrian safety. Of course, she never thinks about that, and always tries to do her best.

I don't know if it's quite clear ^^'

to sum up, she want's to stay on the military, but in the future her personality may lead to conflicts with her chain of command and reactions from her superior officers, even if some tend to like her.

[BlitzStar]

Allow me to moove my application back up a bit I felt bad for it to have fallen at the last spot of the last page. I'm so sensitive ^^

[Dio]

Please take some time to make the revisions suggested in my previous post, specifically the point about the Great Hay Depression paragraph. Also, while it is not critical, replacing the numbered ages with more general references would be preferred by the rest of the staff.

We can safely say that Blitz Star is a young REA officer more than likely in charge of her own platoon, more than likely freshly commissioned and with a rank of 2nd Lieutenant as per the US Army rank system that we've established for the REA. The way that you originally state her application makes her seem like the leader of a Special Forces unit, but Honor Guard and ISU teams only accept seasoned operators for leadership roles. She can be an aspiring Special Forces commander without any trouble, however.

She can be stationed in Cloudsdale with her unit. The REA is divided into tiers: Special Forces, field forces, garrison forces, and militia. Since Blitz is young, she would not be in Special Forces and since she has gone through officer school, she would not be in militia. This leaves either field forces or garrison forces. More information on the force structure and responsibilities can be found HERE.

Since war is not commonplace in Equestria, most REA soldiers are relegated to law enforcement or civil projects such as public works construction and guard duty, though there are regular combat drills in the barracks to upkeep their basic skills. As mentioned before, additional information can be found in the revised REA document.

[BlitzStar]

Okay, thanks for these comments. I've read them, plus the REA topic, and here are the questions that poped:

- I think that, from the context i want to set up, officer in the regular army is the best situation. AS you said, she can be training in parallel to become a major officer in the Special forces, and my lil story about Ponyville defense can be her personal project

- Since you said war isn't common, her platoon could be reduced, as suggested, to a guarison and civilian duty. Though, i was wondering what kind of speciality would fit the platoon best, considering Blit's path? I guess a reconnaissance platoon would suit best, since she's a pegasus.

- I suppose her platoon could be newly formed with fresh recruit from the same promotion that her. Do you have any defined number/denomination for that platoon's name and hierarchy? Shall they have a specific uniform or just a light distinctive sign?

Perhap^s her platoon is the only one in Cloudsdale?

- As a 2nd lieutenant, shall i also come up with a name for her lieutenant or do you consider her as the highest ranqued officer of the platoon? If i may also ask, what's the highest officer already in cloudsdale?

sorry for these questions, but since we touch to something quite vague i want to be sure i don't make any mistakes

[Dio]

Since you said war isn't common, her platoon could be reduced, as suggested, to a guarison and civilian duty. Though, i was wondering what kind of speciality would fit the platoon best, considering Blitz's path? I guess a reconnaissance platoon would suit best, since she's a pegasus.

A reconnaissance or airborne (flier) platoon would be perfect for her.

I suppose her platoon could be newly formed with fresh recruit from the same promotion that her. Do you have any defined number/denomination for that platoon's name and hierarchy? Shall they have a specific uniform or just a light distinctive sign?

Perhap^s her platoon is the only one in Cloudsdale?

Officers fresh out of academy would generally be assigned to a platoon-sized unit composed of enlisted soldiers. Enlisted soldiers are any soldiers with rank lower than second lieutenant.

On the streets of Cloudsdale, her platoon would wear the same gold armor that you see in the show. For the sake of most open RP, you needn't go into exhaustive detail about her unit, though you may want to keep it on hand for personal reference or if a more in-depth RP requires it. We can address this later, as it is unimportant for the process of character creation.

As a 2nd lieutenant, shall i also come up with a name for her lieutenant or do you consider her as the highest ranqued officer of the platoon? If i may also ask, what's the highest officer already in cloudsdale?

2nd Lieutenant is a rank, not a pecking order. Even though her rank is second lieutenant, she will be the highest-ranking soldier in her platoon. She would report directly to her company commander who would be a Captain or Major. For the purposes of the application, you do not need to detail her company's entire command structure.

To summarize, she is the ranking officer in her platoon. She will report her work and receive her assignments from the Captain who is in charge of her company. She is in charge of 10 to 16 soldiers who are all of lower rank than she is. Her primary responsibilities will be to patrol the streets of Cloudsdale, maintain order, and drill her platoon in maneuvers and tactics. Most of your RP, though will be in her down time.

Does she have any hobbies that she does when she's not drilling or on duty? I presume that she reads and plays strategy games like chess, as we had talked about that earlier. Also, how do her soldiers feel about the way she does things? Is she aware of how they feel? Does she go on and on about her goals and dreams when she's around civilians?

[BlitzStar]

I did a first bunch of modification, taking i hope into account your comments

[Dio]

Okay now we're getting somewhere! Now that you've got the general concept down, let's start making some more detailed refinements:

Name : Sorena "BlitzStar" GoldenHooves

I'm going to ask that this be cut down to Blitz Star. Ponies don't use surnames, though families may name their children with a certain theme in mind. Alternatively, Blitz Star could be her nickname and have a more mundane given name.

Occupation: Improove the reputation of the "Thunderbolts" and helping needfull ponies, all while conducting her secret task.

Let's strike this. Her occupation is platoon leader in the REA.

Ultimate goal in life: Become the best Stratego in all Equestria and, why not, standing one day among the Princess' closest advisers.

I won't penalize you for spelling, but I think the English word you're looking for is strategist or tactician.

Dislikes: Having no ideas about a problem, ponies tougher than her, self sufficent ponies, nothing apple-flavoured to eat, and at a lesser level, the WonderBolts.

Her dislike of the Wonderbolts isn't really mentioned in the character summary. I think this may have gotten left there from changes we made earlier.

Character detailed summary:

When she was about 5 or 6, Sorena found herself interested in quite a strange passion, very strange for a young filly, and it all started with a simple game of chess. She was wandering around in the nearby park when she just stopped to watch two olders playing that weird game, where you had to trap the other's king. The time they took to make every moove, all the possibilities to win, some faster, others more carefull..she didn't know why, or how, but this day was a sort of revelation to her. It all started slowly, at first she was just taking a few minutes to study the longest way to eat her food, to make the pleasure last longer, then she started helping her father organizing his meetings to make them more straightforward and efficent, etc etc. She even created a “secret” club at school, called the “ThunderBolts” . Her and a small group of friend enjoyed organizing special operations that looked quite impossible, like steal the remaining of cake from the school”s kitchen, or solving the mistery of the school ghost..which happened to be the headmaster stuck into a costume made to afraid those who arrived late at school.

Her taste for strategy just kept on growing, as she devorished every book of the library treating of the subject, and set up more and more audacious plans; at the end, all of these were a complete sucess. And even if something went wrong, she always came with something to turn back the situation to her advantage.

One day, Sorena received a letter from the “Canterlot Academy for Gifted Ponies”. Apparently, a few ponies had noticed her quite “special” hability, and were willing to test her in order to see if she was, indeed, gifted with a unique feature that could serve Equestria. At first, she was quite reluctant with the idea, not wanting to spend the coming years far from her friends with geeky (can I use that term?) and uninteresting ponies. But under the impulsion of her parents, she just decided to give a shot at the entrance exam. After all, what was the risk? If she failed, she would just have to come back and continue her studies as a normal pony.

The journey to Canterlot was a new experiment for the filly, who had never left the city since her birth. The capital was so huge, but at the same time so different...but she didn't have time to wander around. She was quickly brought to a large place where dozens of other fillies and colts were waiting. They were split into various groups, and Selena found herself in a small room with 2 other young colts. The examiner was an old earth pony, not very kind looking. In the center, there was a huge map of Equestria, and small models all around. Models of all sorts: ponies, griffins, pegasi, unicorns, etc. the goal was simple: Each pony had a camp, and they had to conquer all Equestria. Virtually of course. For the first time, when she looked at that table, Sorena felt a deep shiver running alond her spine. It wasn't cold, it was...excitement. Yeah....that thing was exciting her. No more entrance exam, no more friends or anything..THAT was what she had been secretly dreaming for. Driven by a strange energy, she just mooved her figures all over the map, carefully and swiftly. She was living the battle, enjoying every moment of it, putting all her skills in the strategy, mooving right, mooving left, forward backward....until eventually the last enemy marker felt under her fake troops' hooves. She just let her joy exploding, dancing all around the room at her victory, under the wide open eyes of the old pony. For an exercice that normally took between 2 or 3 days, she managed to finish it in a raw 5 hours. Barely in his life he had seen such an efficent and quickly planned strategy...even if it was just a game. That day, more than the confirmation that she was made for that kind of thing, Sorena was pleased with what every young pony awaits : seeing his flank shinning and never be called a “blank flank” anymore. A few days later, she attempted her first classes at the academy, her flank proudly decorated with her newly earned Cutie Mark.

Work on slimming this down. As cool as the stories are to you, readers of your character sheet aren't going to want to sort through all of it jusst to find the information they need. Figure out what's important in each paragraph and keep the essence of that. The rest can be saved for actual RP.

The first months were quite ….okay for our young female stratego. But she quickly grew tired of these old teachers speaking about the same thing days after days, and studying military history. She already read that, she knew even major or minor battle that took place during the last 300 years...she could recreate them with blinded eyes. Soon, she stopped attending the lessons and spent her days at the library, or filling tons and tons of paper with the stories of imaginary battles. Though, even if she was indeed gifted with a true talent, the rules were the rules. Any student not attending the lessons would be immediately revoked from the Academy. And that's what happened. One year after her integration, she was asked to leave the school.

But even if they were just applying the strict rules, they couldn't let such a pony leave like that. Instead of sending her back home, Sorena was offered a new place in Canterlot Military School, as a “Strategist adviser”. But if the filly accepted, she was still too young to be in such a high position, and was only introduced as a young “cadet” in the Youth Military School, which accepted fillies and colts from 14 to 18 yo. She just spent the following years doing the same training than the others, eventually ending in a young Pegasus unit of surveillance.

If she failed out of academy, she wouldn't be an officer. Perhaps instead one of her professors offered her a second chance and pointed her in the right direction so she wouldn't fail out.

It allowed her to practice her flying skills, something she had sort of neglected until now. She never flet the deep desire of flying, using her wings just occasionally when she needed to catch something too high for her. But the more she flew, the more she enjoyed that. She didn't grow addicted like some of her mates, but she surely appreciated the feeling of speed and freedom it gave her. After 4 years, she was finally old enough to leave the Youth school and become a plain military agent. Being too young and inexperimented to integreate the prestigious Special Forces, she was promoted Sergent in the regular Armee. During the next to years, she led a few pegasus in a small recon unit along the northern borders, working her leading skills and operational aptitude on the filed. At first, she had a few difficulties to be obeyed, the pegasi under her command usualy being older and more experimented than her; who woudl like to obey a young officer just fresh out froom school, and even worth, a girl? But the jokes and laughts soon faded as she demonstrated more than once her natural talent for decision making and leadership.

This can be condensed. The remarks about flying are unncessary and her desire to join the Royal Equestrian Special Forces some day can be stated in one or two sentences. Also, officers are commissioned directly to the rank of 2nd Lieutenant when they graduate from officer school. They do not have to go through the enlisted ranks first. You can make note of some of the adventures she had in officer school, but she is not promoted to lieutenant, she is given a commission to become one when she graduates.

That's also the period where she started expressing the full "flavor" of her personality. She turned to be extremely stuborn with what she comes with, barely accepting something better than her first idea. She'll always try to find an even more better idea, which will pump her a lot of energy she could have used somewhere else more usefull. She tends to have difficulties to find simple solutions for simple problems; generally, other ponies don't call for her help concerning a leaking bucket or a mouse in the reserves. She can easily shift mood, from a joyfull and pleasant girl to hang out with, to a stuborn and associal maniac who can say isolated for days thinking about a problem, even if the solution is quite simple, or worst, already found. Generaly people tend to step away from her when she's thinking about something, in case she doesn't find any solution. It gave her quite a reputation, and she's generally called only if the problem is very complex to solve. At the end of these first two years in operational field, she was given her first real affectation. Promoted 2nd Lieutenant, she was transfered to Cloudsdale with a full Platoon of 15 pegasi, a full reconnaissance unit. Of course, the peace period made their duty reduced more to civilian duties, coupled with the usual military training.

This can also be condensed. Also see above about officer commission.

That's how she ended in Cloudsdale, a place close enough from Ponyville and hight enough for her to study the region. She left her real name for her new surname, “Blitz Star”, a name she was given back in the Academy in reference for her Cutie Mark and natural talent, but also the impressive hability she has with changing her mood. She's known in Cloudsdale by the nickname her soldiers give her, “S B”, standing for Sargent Blitz, even if she's no more Sargent. But they think it sounds cooler than "L.B".

I would just go with Lieutenant Blitz Star. It's a military culture thing, but officers generally hate it when you call them by an enlisted rank and enlisted soldiers generally hate it when you call them "sir/ma'am" or by an officer rank.

The routine quickly set ups for the Platoon, rythmed by the hours of training, patroling, and free time. That's during these moments that Blitz enjoys working for herself, helping ponies here and there, exploring the nearby area to improove her knowledge of the region and eventually come with fake defense plans. She's still in the future vision of joining hte special forces, and reach her final objective. But there is still quite a long path to go through, and with the management of a whole platoon and the inhabitants problems, her timetable is quite full. But that's what makes her life exciting!

Actually most of the previous paragraphs are already summed up here. Like I said before, pare down some of the fluff of the previous paragraphs and just nail down the important parts: a bit about her childhood, a bit about her commission to lieutenant in the army, a bit about her personality, and then this last paragraph can describe her current situation in Cloudsdale.

This is more of a personal thing, but I would do some research on the military culture so you can play Blitz Star better. The military has its own language of sorts and its own worldview, both of which are important to anyone (or anypony!) who is a part of it. For this RP, the REA is modeled on the modern US Army.

[BlitzStar]

I made a few changes. Though even if i deleted a good part of my application i'd still like to keep most of it...i feel like it would be incomplete otherwise. But if you REALLY think i must cut even more, i'll do it.

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Name : Sorena "BlitzStar" GoldenHooves

I'm going to ask that this be cut down to Blitz Star. Ponies don't use surnames, though families may name their children with a certain theme in mind. Alternatively, Blitz Star could be her nickname and have a more mundane given name.

I tryed changing it to reflect that point, it's true the first version could be confusing.

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Occupation: Improove the reputation of the "Thunderbolts" and helping needfull ponies, all while conducting her secret task.

Let's strike this. Her occupation is platoon leader in the REA.

I knew i had this line to delete, but perhaps i was tired...i couldn't find it XD

[BlitzStar]

Edit: Added a picture of Blitz in military armor

[Dio]

This has come a long way since we first began. I appreciate your patience and willingness to work with us all this time.

[Skye]